Love Notes (Equilibrium Book 1)

by Christina C Jones

  I wrinkled my nose. “He did, didn’t he?”

  “See there?” Anika laughed as she returned the mop to the pail full of soapy water – old school to the core when it came to things like this. “You’re beaming about it. And I still can’t believe you hit that. Troy Baldwin… just when I thought you couldn’t get any swaggier.”

  Forgetting all about my plans with the bathroom, I plopped onto the couch to watch Anika… and pump her for information.

  “Wait, what does that mean?” I asked, eyes wide. “Is everybody after him or something?”

  “Obviously. I mean, Troy is handsome, single, has a good job, and doesn’t seem to be a creep. He has his little history here and there with people, casual flings, blah blah—”

  “None of anybody’s business, except everybody knows because someone is always running their mouth?”

  Anika nodded. “Precisely. But, my point is, he just abruptly stopped. He was kicking it regularly with one particular girl, but then he just dropped her, and started keeping to himself. We never see him out as much as he used to be, not even rumors about him dating anybody, and now here you come, bagging him on your first night in town. Like I said. Swaggy.”

  Hoe rehab…

  “Why? Like, what made him change? Did he have like a near-death experience or something? Almost get hit by a car? Get threatened by somebody’s husband?”

  Nik shrugged. “Not that I know of. It really seemed like an all-of-a-sudden kinda thing. He didn’t wanna be a player no more. I mean, until—”

  “Don’t say it!”

  “Say what?”

  “Don’t say “until you” again, as if he and I… have a thing.”

  Her eyebrow shot up. “You don’t have a thing?”

  “I told you what I’m on, Nik! And in case you need a reminder, it’s not that man’s dick, because that’s not why I came here.”

  “Unexpected perks, cousin.” She bent to wring the extra water from the mop before she slapped it to the floor again. “You could do a lot worse. I mean, it’s not like he’s one of those who was out there, like his homey Russ is. He never had like a bad reputation, he was just… a bachelor. Normal stuff.”

  I shook my head. “Why does it sound like you’re trying to talk me into him?”

  “Uh, duh, because I am,” she said. “I mean you obviously like him. Your whole face lights up when you talk about him.”

  “I do not talk about him.”

  “We’re literally having a whole ass conversation about him right now.”

  “Only because you brought him up.”

  “And I only brought him up because you so clearly want him.”

  Sucking my teeth, I sat up a little straighter, giving way more attitude than needed when I asked, “Based on what exactly?”

  “Based on you coming home the other night gushing about his opinion on your pictures, how his hair felt, how good he smelled, need I go on?”

  “I don’t understand why you’re attacking me.”

  “Oh hush,” Anika laughed, finishing up the last of the floor. “The truth is the truth – nobody is attacking you.”

  “Then why does it feel that way?”

  “I’m going to take a wild guess and say that it’s because you like him.”

  “I don’t know him to like him,” I argued, following her down the hall to the bathroom to empty the mop bucket. Even as the words left my lips, they felt like a lie, as much as I didn’t want them to be.

  The truth was that after being around him a whole three times, I liked him more than I should. Liked the back and forth, liked the flirtation, liked the… danger… of knowing that I shouldn’t be around him, but playing with that fire anyway.

  I knew better.

  For someone who claimed to not be interested in a “thing”, I found myself way too comfortable in his presence, talking and touching and if I was honest… seducing. I knew the effect I had on him – would have to be blind not to. But our vibe was so natural, so easy, that it felt impossible to pretend I didn’t want him.

  So I didn’t.

  He didn’t pretend either.

  And something about the fact that we both knew what it was, what it could be, and still managed to play it cool made the whole thing more appealing to me. Like smelling the frosting on a cake you knew you couldn’t eat.

  “Okay, so get to know him,” Nik suggested, coming to stand beside me in the mirror as I prepped my toothbrush, then went to work scrubbing my teeth. “When is the last time you did that? Have you ever done that? Let yourself get to know someone long enough to really like them?”

  “What would I do that for?” I asked, around a mouthful of toothpaste, before I spit.

  “Because you’re human, and humans crave companionship?”

  I looked up from rinsing my mouth to shoot her a wink in the mirror. “Oh I get plenty of companionship. No worries there.”

  “I don’t mean by-appointment dick.”

  “There’s another kind?”

  “Jules…”

  “What?” I shrugged. “Seriously Nik, I’m not interested in making anything any more than what it already is. I’m happy. Okay?”

  She poked out her lip. “So you’re saying you’re not going to let me live vicariously through you while he sweeps you away in a fairytale love story?”

  “Sorry cuz,” I told her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Maybe one day, but for now, I’m trying to keep these legs closed. I don’t need anybody making me all emotional and shit. Starting a business is emotional enough.”

  Anika groaned, then gave me a squeeze back before she moved to the door. “Okay. I guess I’ll accept that. But you’re paying at the coffee house.”

  I laughed. “Fine, crazy ass. I should be ready in a few minutes.”

  So it took several minutes instead of “a few”, but we were still well within breakfast hours when we headed out the door of the apartment. My back was turned to lock it behind us, so I didn’t realize Anika had stopped cold until I walked right into her, trying to get to the stairs.

  “Uh, what’s wrong with you?” I asked, stepping around her to see the wide-eyed expression on her face.

  She blinked, then shook her head, nervously adjusting the purse on her shoulder. “Uh… nothing. It’s just… our neighbors are back.”

  “Neighbors?” I asked, and then as if I’d conjured them up, the door to the stairs opened, and two men came through. It was then that I noticed the open door across the hall from ours, which had to be what they were headed for.

  Both were dressed casually – for moving, apparently, based on the boxes in their hands – but even with fitted caps pulled over their heads, one forward, one backward, I could tell they were fine. Like this neighborhood just spawned fine ass Black men.

  And then I did a double-take at the one with his cap pulled forward, and my eyes went wide. “Josiah?”

  He must’ve noticed me at the same time I noticed him, because his mouth spread into a wide grin as he approached. “Juliet Nichols. Damn it has been too long. How the hell did you get finer?”

  I tried not to smile too hard as he dropped the boxes he was carrying to pull me into the kind of hug you only gave someone you used to sex and still wanted to. I hugged him back, because… accurate.

  “Anika, you been holding down the fort?” his friend asked behind us. I pulled away from Josiah in time to see him step right up to Anika and kiss her temple, while she stood there grinning and blushing like a fool.

  “Everything should be safe and sound,” she assured him, nodding eagerly. “But I thought you weren’t coming back until this Summer? How did the tour go?”

  “It was lit, as expected,” Josiah told her, sauntering away from me to approach her as his friend stepped back. “But uh… Noble didn’t mention that the neighbors were baddies. Whassup man, why you holding out?”

  “Uh… thanks I guess?” Anika responded, with a completely different energy than she’d given “Noble”. She was clearly
not as impressed by caramel-skinned, hazel-eyed Josiah as I’d been… however many years ago. Noble, on the other hand, with his rich, pecan tone and high cheekbones was exactly her type. He was also vaguely familiar.

  “So, can somebody fill me in on what’s happening right now?” I asked, stepping into the little circle they’d formed, now that Noble had put down his boxes inside the other apartment. “What is this?”

  “Oh, sorry Jules,” Anika said, moving to stand beside me. “This is Noble. He is an amazing neo-soul singer, who happens to live across the hall from us now. He’s been away on tour. Small venues, cool cities.”

  “You sure know how to make “hustling our way across the country trying to get noticed by the right people” sound good, Nik,” he told her, giving her another of those smiles that were like kryptonite for… well, everybody. I wanted him to stop smiling at her like that, especially with the way she grinned back.

  “Just calling it like I see it. And this… his guitarist?” Anika asked, a question that I could answer myself.

  “Yes, Josiah plays the guitar, among… other things,” I said, trying not to meet his eyes. If memory served, he was very good with his fingers. “We’ve actually met… back in Cali. A long time ago.”

  “Too long ago,” he insisted, running his tongue over his lips. “And we did a lot more than meet, you—”

  “So, you play for Noble, huh?” I asked, talking over him, not interested in the trip down memory lane. “Or are you like… a duo?”

  Noble answered that. “A duo. Call ourselves “The Cure”… for whatever ails you. Problems with your man… an itch you need scratched… loneliness… a headache you need to go away.”

  What kinda corny bullshit…

  “Oh that’s cute,” I lied, then grabbed Nik’s hand. “Well, anyway, it was nice to meet you.”

  Noble frowned. “We haven’t actually…”

  “Oh! Sorry,” Nik chimed. “Guys, this is my cousin Jules. She is a photographer, and she just opened up across from Fresh Cuts.”

  “So you finally went for it?” Josiah asked, nodding. “Nice.”

  “Thanks. So, Nik and I are going to head out. Have a good day!”

  “Jules, what the hell is your malfunction?!” Nik asked, pulling away from me as soon as I got us safely down the stairs, and through the bike shop door. On the street, the first thing I noticed was the sleek black SUV, doors open, speakers blasting a voice that sounded suspiciously like Josiah, sing-rapping lyrics about sex on a rooftop. “Oooh, that must’ve been what I heard this morning,” she mused, temporarily distracted. “But back to you – what is going on?”

  I swallowed hard, glancing back at the bike shop before I grabbed her wrist, pulling her down the street before one of the guys came outside. “Okay… do you remember some years ago… maybe like five or six… me telling you about this guy who had me doing all kinds of craziness? Public sex, wearing nipple clamps to class, etc, etc?”

  Nik stopped walking, her eyes going wide. “Ma’am. Are you serious? That guy is the reason you have an arrest for public nudity on your record? The one who barely let you out of bed enough to get all your graduation credits?”

  “Yes,” I frowned. “And why are you saying “that guy” like that, as if Josiah West is not fine as hell?”

  Her face pulled into a grimace. “I guess he’s aiight, but nothing like Noble. I don’t even understand why he’s with him – Noble is clearly the better artist.”

  “Of course you’d say that, you have a crush on him. Or… have you already hit that?”

  Nik waved me off immediately – too fast – as her face flushed. “No. I have not slept with Noble. We’re neighbors, can you imagine how awkward it would be? Especially if like things went bad. It’s best to just be neighbors, like we are. And besides, have you seen him? Or better yet, heard him? He can get anybody he wants – does get anybody he wants.”

  “Okay but why are you acting as if you’re not good enough for him to want you?”

  “I’m not acting like anything,” she argued, not meeting my eyes before she suddenly started walking again. “I mean, you saw that exchange. He didn’t even notice that I’d chopped all my hair off. Just… “Hey Anika, nobody broke in while I was gone, did they?” Because he’s not checking for me like that – which is fine.”

  I sucked my teeth. “You’re damn right it’s fine! His loss,” I told her, weaving my arm through hers as we continued toward Urban Grind, side by side. “But hey… why does he look so familiar? And do not tell me it’s because of that wack-ass wannabe Bryson Tiller ass music, because that’s not it.”

  “That’s so mean,” Anika scolded, but at least she laughed too. “But no, he uhh… he’s Royal’s little brother.”

  My eyebrow went up. “Little? There was nothing little about him.”

  “Younger,” she corrected. “Royal is like 34, Noble just turned 30. And then there’s the older cousin, Roman.”

  “Ahh, the one who owns the coffee shop?”

  “Right. Just a fine ass family.”

  I grinned. “No argument from me there. Hey… you think people say that about us? Like damn, Jules and Anika look good, that must be a fine ass family.”

  “Maybe so,” Anika giggled. “You just make sure you have that fine ass wallet out to pay for this coffee.”

  I knew there would be tears.

  That was why I’d avoided this for as long as I could, waiting nearly three weeks after I’d moved in with Nik to make this happen. But, I’d done the avoidance thing long enough, had worn out the little grace period I had, to the point that I had to just swallow it, and deal.

  Aunt Darcy’s amazing fried chicken wings had certainly helped.

  But I still just hated the tears.

  As soon as I came through the door, they’d been waiting for me, with shy smiles that made guilt tug at my chest. I knew I was wrong, knew I should’ve come as soon as I got back to town, but that knowledge hadn’t been enough to overcome my aversion to the emotional display.

  Aunt Darcy’s tight, tearful hug had just made my throat hurt from trying to hold back my own feelings, my own hurt that she was the one to have this reaction to my presence. The pride in Uncle Will’s eyes just reminded me that the person who should’ve looked at me that way, chose to view me in a vastly less appropriate light. Don’t get me wrong – I loved them, so much. But the fact that there was a reason to even have the relationship I did with my aunt and uncle made it hard to face them – to face most members of my family, honestly.

  But Will, Darcy, and Anika were the ones who mattered.

  So I swallowed nausea and the urge to run, and sat my ass down at their table for a meal. Because despite everything else, they’d been good to me – better to me than anyone else – and they deserved for me to act like it. I wasn’t an overly-emotional teenager anymore, running away to avoid difficult feelings. I was a grown woman now.

  I could handle this.

  “You’ve gotta let us know your schedule baby,” Aunt Darcy said, reaching across the table to put two more wings and a fat, flaky biscuit on my plate. “Me and your uncle want us some of those naked pictures to hang up in the bedroom.”

  I almost choked on a mouthful of greens, hurriedly reaching for the big glass of lemonade she’d put down beside me to clear my throat. “Like boudoir? And you want me to take them?”

  “Why not?” she shrugged, really not seeing the problem, as my Uncle kept his head down, tucking into his plate. “Will doesn’t have to be in them. Just me.”

  That got his attention to look up enough, with a frown. “Wait a minute now! You’re cutting me out?”

  “We both know I’m the fine one baby, hush,” Aunt Darcy said, reaching to pat her husband’s face.

  “You lucky you got that wagon behind you woman,” he teased, making her blush a bit as she leaned, giving him room to say something in her ear that made her blush even harder.

  “Mom, Dad, please,” Anika whined, stopping with a fo
rkful of potato salad hovering just in front of her mouth. “I’m trying to eat.”

  Aunt Darcy sucked her teeth. “Who stopping you baby? I know you’re not grossed out, how you think you got here? Your daddy been knowing how to get my—”

  “O-kay!” I chimed. “If you guys really want that, I know another photographer I can recommend you to.”

  As much as I’d been around their open displays of affection – and lust – for each other, I wasn’t sure I was the right fit to do those types of shots for them. Anika and I were both used to their lovey-dovey, handsy nature – hell, they were one of the reasons I had the teensy, tiny bit of faith I did in fidelity and marriage – but couple’s boudoir was a whole different ballgame. One I wasn’t playing with them.

  “Oh fine then,” Aunt Darcy agreed, finally pulling away from what had nearly turned into an impromptu make-out session. “But I’m serious though, you get me that number.”

  I nodded. “I will. But, any time you guys want some fully-clothed, look how much we love each other kinda pictures, you just let me know. And you guys have to come see the studio now that I’m nearly finished setting it up.”

  “You tell us when, and we’re there baby girl,” Uncle Will said, grinning across the table. “We didn’t want to just pop up on you, but your Auntie was ready to bust up in there last week.”

  “I sure was. Mmmhmm,” she nodded. “I’m glad you came around on your own, cause I would’ve had you mad at me.”

  Putting down my fork, I smiled. “You know I can’t stay mad at you about anything Auntie.”

  “Sure could’ve fooled me. That was the only good reason I could think of for you to not be there for my sister’s memorial service.”

  “Darcy…” Uncle Will grunted, giving her a warning look that she ignored.

  “Oh, I’m not saying anything wrong, Will. I understand she had a difficult relationship with Doreen, but I would think she would come to be there for me.”

  I swallowed the food in my mouth as the table went quiet. “She’s right,” I told my Uncle, then shifted to my Aunt. “You’re right. I’m sorry. It was selfish of me, to not be there when you were hurting. I’m sorry. Really.”