Love Notes (Equilibrium Book 1)

by Christina C Jones

  I’d been off probation for a few years, but Will had been cool enough to keep in touch, reaching out a few times a year, which I appreciated. When he saw me that day at the studio, he’d wanted to catch up, and was excited for me when I explained about Marshall, wanted to hear all the details.

  That had made something click for me.

  Just like Jules, I had parents who, for whatever reason, had decided not to take care of me. And just like Jules, I had people who, even though they shouldn’t have had to fill such big roles – and in my case, weren’t even actually family – had stepped up, offering what was missing.

  Was it the same as having “real” family? … It was too soon for me to tell. But what I did know was that I hadn’t been as alone in the world as I thought – it was just a matter of perception, honestly. Carter, Viv, Bell, Rod, Russ, Monty, Will, Darcy with those plates, and now Jules… even if I’d never found a blood relative, when it came to people that held me down, made sure I was good… I wasn’t lacking.

  Not in the least.

  From the way Jules spoke about her family, I knew she felt the same – knew Anika and her aunt and uncle meant the world to her. She credited them with saving her life. But I also knew her love for them didn’t take away the deep feeling of loss surrounding her relationship with her parents.

  “Will,” I started, with my eyes on Jules as she stood between Anika and Darcy, her arms around their necks as they grinned for a picture. “If I tell you something… can you give me your word you won’t bring it up to Jules unless she brings it up to you?”

  He didn’t answer immediately, and when I glanced over, he was staring at me with a frown on his face. “Son… that’s going to depend on what it is – if she might be in danger… somebody threatening her…”

  “That’s why I feel like I should say something. I had a bad feeling and didn’t say anything before, and I don’t want to repeat that mistake.”

  Will nodded. “Say what you’ve gotta say.”

  I pushed out a sigh. “Jules went to see her stepfather. He’d called a few weeks ago, saying he had some letters that her mother wrote for her. She didn’t bring it up again, so I figured she’d decided not to play into it, but earlier this week… she went out there.”

  “By herself?!” Will growled, and I nodded.

  “Yeah. If I’d known, there’s no way I would’ve let that ride, but it was the day Marshall was up here, so I was honestly distracted. I don’t know exactly what happened, because she doesn’t want to talk about it. But she didn’t get any letters, and her Jeep is pretty smashed up at the back, like she hit something. Him, hopefully.”

  “His precious goddamned car,” Will told me, filling in that blank. “Good for her. I drove past there the other day, saw it looked like somebody had taken a sledgehammer to the front fender. I’m gonna go have a little talk with him – remind him that the only reason I haven’t killed his ass is because of them,” – he pointed to Jules, Anika, and Darcy. “My girls. But since he wants to play games, I can introduce him to some friends.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think that would be a bad idea. Cause if you don’t…”

  “Nope.” He clapped me on the shoulder again. “You stay your ass outta trouble. I can take care of this – you worry about taking care of my niece.”

  “I think I can handle that.”

  “I’m holding you to that now,” he told me, chuckling. “Can’t say you didn’t know what to expect…”

  “He’s not over here harassing you too badly is he?” Jules asked, slipping an arm around my waist. She and the other ladies had snuck up while Will and I were distracted, so I was glad the conversation had shifted to something they didn’t need to overhear.

  “Nah,” I shook my head. “You must not have been filled in yet – Will was my probation officer. Always willing to snatch me back on the right track.”

  Jules' eyes went wide. “So what you’re saying is, I should be making sure you aren’t giving him any trouble,” she laughed.

  “Troy is a good kid,” Will chuckled. “As a matter of fact, why don’t all of you come on out to the house for dinner Sunday? I can fire up the grill.”

  “I’m definitely not turning down an invitation like that. Especially if your lovely wife is going to make one of those sweet potato pies you brought me that time…”

  In front of me, Darcy grinned wide. “Oh baby of course. You ain’t said nothing but a word. I’ll even send one home with you.”

  “You don’t ever send pies home with me!” Anika pouted, crossing her arms. Beside me, Jules reacted to that too, her mouth dropping open in surprise.

  “Me either,” she added, then frowned. “Auntie, you already treating him better than us?”

  I chuckled. “Hey, the game is the game.”

  “You’re gonna share that pie with me, you know that right?” Jules asked, and I kissed my teeth.

  “Nah, I don’t know shit about that. She said she’ll send one home with me.”

  Jules rolled her eyes. “Whatever,” she said, and then her voice got lower, just for me to hear. “You want some pie, you’re gonna share some pie.”

  “You ain’t gonna do shit,” I told her, wrapping my arms around her waist and leaning in to tell her, “How long you think you can hold out without this dick, huh?”

  “Ahem,” Anika grunted, getting our attention to remind us we had an audience. For a second, I thought they’d overheard, but I had a feeling that Will and Darcy’s faces would look a lot less amused if they had.

  “My bad,” I told them, putting a little space between me and Jules – space she immediately closed again, with her arms tight around me.

  “No, you two are adorable,” Darcy grinned. “We’re going to step away and give you two some time.” She hooked her arms through Will and Anika’s and hauled them off, leaving Jules and I in relative privacy.

  “I actually have to go give this little speech,” she told me, before I could speak. “Before I do that… I’ve already said this to the others, but… thank you, so much for this. The only reason I tried to cancel it was because I didn’t want to face what I’d done in here, and I didn’t know where to begin with trying to fix it. You have no idea how much I appreciate that you stepped in to help Anika pull this off.”

  I shook my head. “Seeing how happy you are is thanks enough. Everything is good?”

  “Everything is great. I’ve already booked three shoots, just tonight, with five or six more tentative ones. It’s been a really good night, and… I’m hoping that later you’re going to make it even better.”

  I smirked at the implication of her words, dipping my head to brush my lips against hers. “I’m definitely planning on it.”

  “What you doin’ girl with all that?!” I called after Anika as she rushed past me without noticing that I was there, since she had her nose buried in a clipboard. Still, when she heard me speak she stopped, propping a hand on her hip as she looked over her shoulder.

  “Oooh, nothing!” she shot back, and a big grin spread across my face. This was one of the things I loved about Anika, that she was always good for catching a throwback song reference, and playing right along.

  Even when I suspected she might be a little mad at me.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, tucking the clipboard against her side as she backtracked to where I was, joining me at the table at UG. It was quiet in here for a Saturday, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t busy.

  “Well, I am drinking a cup of chai, and… hoping that my cousin doesn’t hate me for being a bitch?”

  Anika frowned, shaking her head. “Girl, what are you talking about?”

  “Earlier this week, when I called you about canceling the launch… I wasn’t exactly a pocket full of sunshine. And I hung up on you.”

  “Oh girl please,” she said, waving me off. “I deserved that. I was pushing, when you clearly weren’t trying to be bothered. And once I saw the studio, I realized why. You were going thro
ugh it, and trust – Nik understands, even if nobody else does. Why you think I ain’t got no hair right now?” she laughed.

  My shoulders sank in relief at hearing her say that – the last thing I needed was my best friend in the world thinking I didn’t appreciate her. “Thank you for understanding, boo.”

  “You are very welcome,” she smiled. “Now… if you want to tell me why you busted up the studio, I am dying to hear it, but… if you’re not into it right now, I’m chilling.”

  I pushed out a sigh, sinking back into the soft padding of the high-backed chair I’d chosen. “Well, actually… I got an email from my therapist this morning… some things she wants me to consider before our session. One of them is… being honest.”

  Anika frowned. “Uh… bitch you have never had an honesty problem.”

  “Well… not exactly. It’s not just about lying, it’s about omitting truths, or something she said. In any case… I’m just going to tell you flat out – I went to see Greg, because he claimed to have letters from my mother. It didn’t go well… to the point that I stabbed him in the dick with my keys, and damn near wrecked my Jeep getting the hell out of there – with no letters. I went to my studio, and seeing the pictures of the families set me off. And then I…”

  “Set it off?” Anika offered, and I laughed a little as I nodded.

  “Yeah. Pretty much.”

  Anika took a deep breath and then let it out, not looking at me for a moment before she considered her words. “So… you know I’m pissed about you going over there, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Glad you know. Do I even need to ask your reasoning?”

  I snorted. “No. It’s the same question I’ve always had – why?”

  She nodded, then let out another sigh. “Well… I know it’s not something you like to talk about, but… I think you should talk to mama about it. Right after Aunt Doreen died – when you didn’t come to the service – I asked her about it. And apparently, they’d had that conversation. I don’t think it went that well, and mama didn’t give me as much detail as she would probably give you, but… I got the impression that your father’s death really messed Aunt Doreen up. And you look a lot like Uncle Robert, so that probably played into it too, like she resented him for “leaving” her, and since you looked like him… it kinda manifested onto you.”

  “That is completely fucked up,” I said, shaking my head.

  Anika agreed, “Yeah, it is. And I could be wrong, but… that’s the impression I had. I also had the impression that Aunt Doreen was really hurt about it. Like… it never got easy for her, that your relationship was gone. That means it bothered her, which means she knows she was wrong. Right?”

  “Maybe,” I shrugged. “But it doesn’t matter. I can’t let myself hold on to that hurt forever, not when there are so many other good things in my life. I mean, I don’t know that it will ever go away, but I don’t want it to have control over me, not anymore.”

  “Good.” Anika sat forward, grabbing my hands. “That’s what I want to hear. One of us has to have our shit together, alright?”

  Shaking my head, I laughed. “Don’t say that, Nik. You’ve been great since I got here!”

  “Wow, not even three months, crack open the bubbly!”

  “Oh hush,” I insisted, squeezing her hands back. “Everybody has to start somewhere. Don’t downplay it. You keep on focusing on being and loving you, and being happy. That’s all that matters.”

  Anika smirked. “See? This is why you’re my number one, Jules. Why I wasn’t tripping on you getting a little short with me when I wasn’t taking no for an answer about that party. You have always been down for me, listened to me cry over fuckboys, made me love myself, even when I couldn’t see a reason to. I love you boo.”

  “I love you too,” I told her immediately, pulling her into a hug before my impending tears had a chance to escape my eyes.

  “This some kinda coffeehouse edition of Girls Gone Wild?”

  I looked up to see Royal standing near us, smirking as we pulled away from the hug. Anika gave him a look that would’ve been a bullet between the eyes if she had that kind of power, and then stood.

  “I gotta go, cousin. See you at dinner tomorrow?”

  I nodded. “Of course.”

  “Dinner? I like dinner?” Royal said, giving Anika a grin that made her blink hard as hell, trying not to appear flustered.

  “Can you wait for me in the back please?” she snapped, and he raised his hands in defense.

  “Fine,” he shrugged. “My bad.”

  “Yeah, your bad.”

  I snickered as he walked off, clearly aware of how much he’d gotten under Anika’s skin. “You should’ve invited him. Maybe it would ease some of the tension?”

  “So would pushing him off a cliff,” she said, then tipped her head to the side. “Although, a date probably wouldn’t be a bad idea, considering that you’re bringing Troy, and you two are disgustingly adorable.”

  “How does that work?”

  “Just go with it,” she laughed. “I’m surprised you’re not with him today.”

  I shook my head. “Nah, he’s up in the city, kicking it with his brother. So I’m getting some me-time. And maybe some me-and-you time, when you get off later? I’m making a lasagna.”

  “Well girl, you can count on it. I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye Nik,” I called after her, waving as she picked up her clipboard and went to find Royal.

  I sat back in my chair with my tea, taking a long slow sip as I closed my eyes, savoring both the flavor and the fact that I was as good as ever with my best friend.

  “You’re so adorable when you’re nervous.”

  Troy stopped moving the brush to meet my eyes in the mirror, then looked at it and frowned. “Brushing the same spot again?”

  “Yeah,” I nodded, and laughed. “You look good, barber man. Amazing, actually.”

  That was no exaggeration – Troy looked downright delicious in his navy suit.

  Beside him, I was matching, even though I wasn’t part of the wedding party like he was. Call me corny, but I wanted to match my date, even though he wasn’t actually my date.

  I had a job to do.

  “We gotta head out of here, before we’re late,” he fussed, suddenly in a big hurry. We’d gotten a hotel room together in the city, at the same hotel where the wedding was being held, so there wouldn’t be a concern about traffic or anything holding us up.

  The wedding wasn’t for another two hours though. Troy was just anxious, and he had every right to be.

  I vividly remembered the night two weeks ago – just a month after they’d officially met – when Marshall had shot Troy a text while we were together, asking Troy to be his best man. Obviously, the answer was an unequivocal yes.

  Since then, Troy had been consumed with taking the reins from Marshall’s friend, who had held the title at first. One of the other groomsmen had a death in his family, forcing him to need to step out. Somehow, instead of Troy simply replacing the missing groomsmen, Marshall had convinced his best friend to relinquish his place, so Troy could have it.

  Because of that, Troy was taking it beyond seriously, and it was adorable.

  He was so excited to have a role in his brother’s wedding – especially that one.

  I wasn’t quite sure how I’d gotten looped into it, in the role of photographer. But Marshall had called with Ariel, his fiancé, crying in the background, saying something about stolen deposits and a fraud lawsuit, so I was staying as far away from the details as possible.

  All I needed to know was when to show up.

  I was excited to do it, honestly, because I knew how much these pictures would mean to Troy. This was his family – he’d met Marshall’s parents, and a few cousins and such already – and as the years went on, and he got to know them more and more, they would be something to treasure.

  “Maybe you wouldn’t feel so pressed for time if you hadn’t been out all ni
ght looking at ass? Maybe?” I teased, as I hooked my camera bag over my shoulder, waiting for him to grab whatever else he needed to grab before we made our way downstairs. I wasn’t even going to mess him up by telling him he wasn’t supposed to be dressed yet – the couple wanted pictures of them getting ready, with their wedding parties.

  I’d just have him take off his jacket and tie once we were down there.

  “We didn’t even do the strip club thing, for your information. Marshall wasn’t into it. Said it seemed weird as fuck to spend the night before he got married to the woman of his dreams looking at another woman’s naked ass, and… I gotta say, I get it. That shit is weird. Like… why?”

  I shrugged. “Never made sense to me either, but that’s the type of stuff y’all like. Hey, is my hair okay? I forgot to pack any moisturizer.”

  He looked up from his bag, studying me for a second before he tossed me a spray bottle from his toiletry kit. “Hit it with a little Found Heritage, you’ll be alright.”

  My eyes got big as I caught the bottle. “You picked a name!? That’s it? Found Heritage? I love it!” I gushed as he smiled.

  “Yeah, last night. Marshall and his homeboys helped me figure it out. And, you remember he’s a barber too right, works with celebrity clients, on video shoots and stuff sometimes? He’s a master barber at his shop, StudioCuts. He’s going to see about getting them to carry my products in his shop, and he’s going to be using it on his celebrity clients.”

  “Ahhhh!” I shrieked. “Troy, oh my God!” I dropped my bag onto the bed to rush over to him, throwing my arms around his neck. “That’s so amazing,” I said, sinking into him as his arms surrounded me. “So amazing. Congratulations. This is a really big deal.”

  He grinned. “You’re a really big deal. I love you.”

  I froze there in his arms, eyes wide as I processed what had just left his lips. Those brown-black marbles were fixed on me, waiting for a response. No pressure, just… waiting.

  But not for long.

  “I love you too,” I blurted, happy to have finally gotten it out, to finally verbalize what I’d been certain of for weeks, but afraid to say out loud. Words I’d never told anyone outside of my family.