by K. G. Reuss
“Get him here. I’ll take a look at him. Tell him to get in touch with his doctor and have his records forwarded to me. I want them on my desk before he gets here. Understand?”
“Yes.” I nod gratefully, even though he can’t see me. “What do you think it is?”
“I can’t say without a proper exam and records. What do you think it is?”
His question slams into me, reminding me of a game we played when I was growing up. He’d give me a list of symptoms, and I’d guess the illness. Seems weird, but it was one of my favorite things in the world to do.
“I-I think it’s MS or-or a brain tumor. A cancer of some sort. Maybe new onset of grand mal seizures, but that’s a strange thing to happen at his age. If they aren’t from cancer, then idiopathic, perhaps… No head trauma as of late. It just doesn’t make sense.” I tick off the possibilities, wishing I’d gone to medical school longer.
“I think you’re on the right track. Let’s just hope not.”
I sink down onto one of the camping chairs and run my fingers through my hair, thinking about all the things Carter has said to me.
“Dad?”
“Yes?”
“I-I’m sorry for disappointing you. I know I’m not like Ethan and Naomi,” I say, speaking of my older brother and younger sister. “But if you can fix this, I swear I’ll do anything you ask me to do. I’ll go back to college and finish my medical degree—”
“Teddy,” he sighs. “I’m not disappointed in you. I only ever wanted the best for you. And maybe my idea of the best didn’t coincide with your idea. It doesn’t mean your idea is wrong, though. So, let’s not worry about it, OK? The only thing in the world that matters is that you’re happy. Are you? Happy?”
“So much, Dad,” I sniffle. “He’s my whole world.”
“Then we’ll figure the rest out later. Let’s get that young man feeling better first.”
My heart soars at his words. While we spent the last few years not getting along, this feels like something good is about to happen.
“Thank you, Dad.”
“You’re welcome, Teddy.”
“I’m so happy!” Mom’s blubbering voice comes on the line.
“Mom?”
“I’m sorry. I was listening in. I know that’s rude, but I’ve been so worried about you two. Your dad is right. Let’s get your special someone fixed up. You guys can come to dinner after the appointment. I’ll make sure Ethan and Naomi are here. It’ll be a reunion! My family together again! Oh, I’ll make lasagna!”
I share a chuckle with my dad over her enthusiasm.
“I’ll be there.”
“I love you, sweetheart. You take care. We’ll see you next week.”
“Love you too, Mom,” I say. Her sniffles of happiness fill my ear before the click of her hanging up leaves silence.
“Teddy, keep a log of everything. Bring it to me at his appointment. OK?”
“I will.”
“I wish I could talk longer, but I’m working on this breakthrough experimental surgery. We just got the paperwork in from a patient who I think will be an excellent candidate, and I need to finish reviewing his charts.”
“I understand, Dad. I’ll call you when we get to the city.”
“I look forward to it.”
I smile. “Night, Dad.”
“Night, Teddy.”
Later, I curl up next to Carter. He’s been out for hours now, and it’s starting to worry me.
“Why are you crying, Teddy Bear?” Carter’s soft voice pulls me out of a fit of silent tears. He reaches out with shaking fingers and brushes my tears away.
“I’m worried about you—”
“No, baby, no. No worries. I’m f-fine. I’m here.”
“You’re not fine, Carter. I know you’re not.”
He presses a tender kiss to my lips to silence me. “I missed you,” he says, his lips tickling against mine.
I cradle his face in my hand, the rough two-day stubble scratchy on my palm.
“My dad wants to help you.”
“You talked to your family?” His lips quirk up into a small smile.
“I did. My dad says he’ll see you early next week if we can get there. Please, Carter. Please agree to see him. My dad is one of the best doctors in the world. I know he can help you—”
“Is that what you want, Teddy Bear?” His eyes sweep over me in our dimly lit tent. “You want me to meet your parents, so you arranged for me to have an appointment with your dad?”
I know he’s teasing me, but I’m too worked up.
“No, Carter, I want you to be OK. I’m so worried about you. Please, I’m begging you to see my dad. If you won’t tell me what’s wrong, tell him. My dad will fix you—”
“Sweetheart, I love you so fucking much,” he says fiercely, his brown eyes shimmering. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I’ve thought about my issues for a long time. In fact, my own doctor is recommending me to someone for an experimental treatment. I told him no.”
“No, Carter,” I sob, my chest tight. “No, please! Tell him you’ll see whoever it is! You can send everything to my dad too. Just, please—”
“Shh, baby.”
He places his warm fingers to my lips. I can feel the slight trembling in them, and my heart breaks just a little more.
“I told him no. But my love for you knows no limits. And truth be told, I’d do anything for you, even die. I’ll call my doctor tomorrow and tell him yes. I’ll also have him send everything to your father’s office, but only after I speak to the doctor he wants me to see. OK?”
I nod vigorously, relief flooding through me. “Thank you.”
“I’ll tell you everything soon. I’ll meet with the other doctor first, though, OK?”
“OK,” I say, knowing it’s probably the best I’m going to get, but it’s better than nothing. We’re quiet for a moment, holding one another, before Carter speaks again.
“What about your music? I set Luke up. I can do that for you.”
“Not yet. My music will still be here. I want to make sure you’re fine first. Besides, I want to make it on my own. It was never about the money or being famous for me. I just love singing. It makes me feel alive. Even if I’m bussing tables and playing music in the park, I’ll still be happy.”
“Oh, my incredible, stubborn girl.” Carter chuckles, kissing the tip of my nose. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Love me and never leave me,” I whisper.
A tiny, sad smile flits across his handsome face.
“I’ll love you forever and beyond, Teddy Bear. That much I can promise you.”
Thirty
Carter
“Hello?” I answer my phone as it buzzes by my head, Teddy’s naked body in my arms. I’m feeling better since my ordeal earlier. Almost as if it never happened. In fact, I wouldn’t know it happened if my damn body wasn’t so sore. Other than feeling like I hit the gym hard, I feel almost normal.
“Hey, Carter! It’s Luke!”
“How are you?” I grin.
“Incredible. My song is getting some airtime, and it’s in the Billboard Top 100.”
“That’s fucking awesome. I knew you could do it.”
“Ah, well, it wouldn’t have happened without you. I just wanted to thank you. I’ll be finishing my record here in the next few weeks, and they’re talking about touring. Can you believe that?”
“I sure can, man. I’m happy for-for y-you.” I wince at the stutter.
“I’ll have tickets for you to come see me in New York. I know I’ll be heading there.”
“I hope I’m still around. I’ll definitely be there if I am.”
Luke grows silent for a moment before talking again, “Is it getting worse?”
“Yeah,” I say hoarsely.
“I’m sorry, Carter. Truly. You’re a good man, and you don’t deserve an ounce of pain.”
My eyes burn at his words, and I blow out a shaky breath. “I have Derek, Teddy, and Molly here
for me. I expect it won’t be long now.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Just follow your heart. Always, man. No matter what. Live your dreams and don’t let anything ever hold you back.”
“I can do that,” he vows solemnly.
“Good,” I rasp, wiping at my eyes and giving Teddy a tender squeeze with my other arm. She smiles in her sleep and snuggles closer before her lips part again, and her breathing deepens.
“How’s Molly?”
“Good. Great. She looks out for us. But I think she misses you.”
“I miss her too. How’s Derek?”
“He’s doing good. I think I’m wearing him out. He’s not looking forward to our r-rafting trip coming up.”
Luke lets out a laugh. I imagine he’s sitting in his lavish hotel room with his guitar at his side and a mess of papers on his bed as he tries to write more music.
“And Teddy? Last I heard from you, you said you had a thing for her. How’d that turn out?”
I grin like a lunatic. My last exchange with Luke was a message that I was going to get the girl and his reply telling me he didn’t doubt me one bit.
“I got the girl.”
“Hell yeah, brother,” Luke whoops. “Did you tell her about everything?”
The happiness subsides as I look down at her. She looks so beautiful lying in my arms, her milky white skin pressed against mine.
“I haven’t told her yet. She knows I’m sick but not with what. I’m going to go see a doctor if he accepts me as his patient. It might prolong my life. Maybe cure it if the procedure they’re trying doesn’t kill me first.”
“You’ll never know if you don’t try. I’ll pray for you.”
“Thanks, Luke,” I murmur, choking on emotion. “I mean that. You’re a good friend.”
“You call me if you need anything. Doesn’t matter when. I’m here for you.”
“That means a lot to me. It really, truly does.”
“You keep fighting the good fight, Carter. You’re going to beat this thing. I know it.”
“I hope you’re right.” The thought of failing makes my chest clench.
“I am. My knee has been killing me lately. Whenever that old football injury acts up and something bad is going on, I know whatever troubles are a’coming, everything will be all right.”
“Your knee is psychic?” I muse.
“Ain’t never been wrong yet. You’ll see.”
“Well, Luke Boyd, let’s hope you and your psychic knee are right. If they aren’t, make sure my gravestone says Luke was wrong.”
Luke laughs loudly, causing me to grin.
For a moment, hope swells inside me at Luke’s words. I have to believe it. The alternative is way too fucking painful.
“What are you doing awake?” I ask Derek, sinking down into a seat around the coals of a fire that’s long gone out.
“Nothing. Molly and I are looking at the stars,” he answers, his eyes focusing on me. Molly whines and comes to sit beside me, her head on my lap. I give her a good scratching that has her eyes closing, a deep, contented breath leaving her.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah. That was fucking brutal.”
Derek gets to his feet and spears a hot dog then brings it over to me.
“Eat. Those coals should still be warm enough.”
I take the speared hot dog from him and roast it over the fire for a few minutes before placing it in a bun. Derek hands me some toppings, and I place them on top. Then I take a bite. It’s delicious. I’m suddenly starving.
“You need to tell Teddy. This is killing her,” his voice is low and urgent.
I swallow my bite and look to the ground.
“I know.”
“When are you going to do it? You said you were going to. You’re getting worse, Carter.”
“I’m calling Doctor Aarons tomorrow. I’m agreeing to see the doctor he heard about if he’ll take me as a patient. I’m going to do the procedure. Teddy called her dad tonight, and he says he’ll see me too. After I see where the hell I stand, I’ll tell her. I just want to do it with maybe some good news to follow up the shitty news with.”
Derek nods, looking satisfied. “Good. I’m glad you’re going to tell her soon. She scares me sometimes. She threatened to bury me out here if I didn’t tell her. I believe her, too! Girl is fierce.”
“Yeah, she is,” I say fondly. “Derek?”
“Yeah?”
“If none of this works out, will you take care of her? Make sure she’s safe and happy.”
“Carter—”
“No other words. Just your promise. I’m so fucking in love with that woman. I need to know that if shit goes below ground, she’ll have people around her to take care of her. Promise me.”
“I promise,” Derek sighs. “But you better promise me that you’ll fight as long and as hard as you can. No pussying out.”
He holds his hand out to me, and I grin at him.
“Deal.”
Diary
Day one million ten (Or that’s what it feels like.)
My body hurts. My muscles scream at me as something as simple as breathing begins to cause me tremendous pain. I’m tired. But I’m happy. The happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. Funny, it took dying to learn how to live.
We’re holding off on the rafting trip for another day. Two tops. I’m calling Phil later to tell him I’ll do the procedure if chosen. I’m fucking scared.
Scared of death. Scared of living like this. Scared of telling Teddy that I’m dying. Scared of losing her forever.
It’s too much to write today. I can’t.
I really only came here to say one thing anyway.
Teddy Bear, if I’m gone when you wake up, I love you.
Thirty-One
Carter
My lips work their way up her bare leg, scattering tender kisses on her warm skin. I’m feeling better and know that Teddy is stressed because of me. If there’s one thing I need to do, it’s make my girl feel good.
She lets out a soft moan as I reach the apex of her thighs. I place a tender kiss in the place I long to taste.
“Carter,” she whispers, her voice filled with sleep.
Her fingers thread through my hair, nails raking against my scalp, making me want to full on purr beneath her loving touch.
“Teddy Bear,” I growl before spreading her legs apart.
A sigh of contentment falls from her lips as I dip my tongue into her sweet center and feast on her. It doesn’t take long for her back to arch. She tugs fiercely on my hair, pulling my face into her warm, wet core. She’s a savage beauty so close to treating me to what I’m so desperate to see. To hear. To taste.
One final flick of my tongue sends her spiraling over the edge, her breathing shallow, her moans of pleasure making my hard cock ache with want.
I kiss my way up to her breasts, taking care to lick and suckle on each of them. She whimpers as I nibble, her body writhing beneath mine. My mouth finds hers, kissing her deeply. I swallow her moan as my cock slides against her slick folds.
“Are you sure?” she manages breathlessly as I tease her.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything before,” I murmur against her lips as I push my throbbing cock into her.
Her breath hitches as I drill deeper in until I’m buried to the hilt, her tight heat making my dick ache even more with want. I move in and out, pushing the niggling ache in my head away. I close my eyes, my forehead against hers, as I make love to her.
It doesn’t take my girl long to explode in a magnitude of gasps and moans around me, milking me for all I’m worth. I spiral with her, both of us breathless by the end.
I don’t withdraw. Instead, I stay nestled within her warm confines. My own personal heaven.
“You’re shaking,” she whispers. “We shouldn’t have—”
“Shh, baby,” I say in a hoarse voice. “I needed this. I needed to feel you. I needed to be inside of y
ou. You’re my happy place.”
“Oh, Carter,” her voice trembles, a tear slipping from her eye. “I love you so much. I’m so worried about you.”
I kiss her tears away. “I’m going to be OK. I promise.” My words are fierce. “I’d do anything for you, Teddy Bear. And that includes being OK. Do you believe me?”
Her lips meet mine in a tender kiss, her hand cradling my face.
“Yes, I believe you.”
That’s all I need to hear. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I am going to beat this thing. I have to. I can’t be without her. Not now. Not ever. I said it before. This girl is my heaven. There’s no need to die when I’m already where I’m supposed to be.
“Phil, it’s Carter,” I say into the phone the following morning.
“Carter, how are you feeling?” Doctor Aarons greets me, his voice painted with relief.
“Like hell,” I admit, fidgeting with the drawstring on my basketball shorts. “Coordination is going to shit. I’m dizzy. Tired. Weak. My speech is slurred sometimes. I’ve probably lost twenty pounds. My head is killing me most of the time,” I rattle off a list of my current ailments, leaving off my heartbreak and the anxiety over the possibility of not making it out of my current predicament alive.
“Unfortunately, those are things we expect,” Phil says. “But I have good news. You’ve been accepted as a candidate for the procedure. The team has already secured a room in a hospital in the city for when you return. You’ll meet with the lead doctor beforehand to sort out any concerns. It’s sounds like they want to start immediately. The doctors on this team think you have a shot. That is, if you’re willing to take it.”
I bite my bottom lip and look at Teddy across the campsite. While still beautiful, she looks tired. Stricken. Sad. I hate that I’m putting her through it. I need to find an end to this shit. Either I die and leave her with some semblance of a future, or I kick this disease and spend my life with her. Even though I’ve promised myself that I’m going to beat this, I still made the plans with my attorneys to set her up, along with Derek. Even if I’m gone, Teddy will be taken care of. I’ve made sure of it.
