by K. G. Reuss
“I’m going to do it,” I say, tearing my gaze from Teddy as she gives Molly a good scratching. “When do I need to meet with the team?”
“I’m so glad to hear it,” Phil exclaims, his voice filled with relief. “I’m going to email you the paperwork. All you need to do is give your digital signature, and we can get things rolling immediately. The lead doctor thinks we need to get on this sooner rather than later. And I gotta tell you, Carter. I’m with him.”
I nod. “I understand. Did h-he say the l-l-likelihood of success?” I grind my teeth at the pain in my head and the stutter.
“Well,” Phil sighs. “It’s experimental, Carter. You understand that. It’s not a one hundred percent know-all win.”
“I know,” I murmur. “I just want to know if I should be saying my last goodbyes anytime soon.”
“That’s up to you, Son. I think at this point, it might not hurt,” Phil’s voice is gentle, but I get it.
There are no guarantees. I might be dead this time next week. I peek at Teddy again. She’s smiling at Derek as he tries to juggle some jumbo marshmallows.
“I have to try. Even if it can’t save me, it might save someone else. It’ll be my magnum opus.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you have a fair shot. If nothing else, it could buy you some time if—”
“If it doesn’t kill me first. I get it. It’s fucking scary, but I get it. And I’m all in. Send the paperwork over.”
“I’m doing it as we speak,” Phil confirms. The tippy-type of his computer keyboard fills the background. He pauses. “Carter?”
“Yes?”
“What made you change your mind?”
I chuckle softly and lock eyes on Teddy who gives me a sweet smile which warms every facet of my being.
“I’m in love. I want to get married.”
Phil is silent for a moment before answering, his voice shaking, “Then let’s get to work, shall we?”
“Let’s fucking do it.”
Thirty-Two
Teddy
“We don’t need to do this, Carter,” I say as Carter brushes his soft lips against mine. His body shakes, his eyes unfocused as we break apart. Even with the extra few days of rest he looks rough. “Let’s just get you home. You can see your new doctor.”
Knowing he has it set up has given me a few moments of relief. The way he’s looking today though has my heart in a vice. He’s pale and quivering with dark circles under his brown eyes.
“We came here to raft, baby doll. And we aren’t leaving until I conquer that water.” He gives me a sad, sweet, tired smile. If there’s one thing I’m learning about Carter George, it’s that he’s stubborn as hell.
“Stop w-worrying, sweetheart. I’ve already promised Derek that the moment my feet touch solid ground, we’ll head back to New York. Besides, I can fly back if I need to. No worries. Promise.”
“OK,” I pout with a sigh.
He grins, the dullness in his eyes fading away. My heart flutters. God, this man…
“You ready?” Derek shouts. “Our ride is here to take us down to the launch site.”
I reluctantly pull away from Carter and grab the last of our bags. Carter snatches them from me before I can protest and loads them into the Beastmaster.
I give Molly a kiss on her head as we depart. Carter, the sweetheart that he is, looked up dog sitters and managed to find someone on short notice to come sit in the air-conditioned Beastmaster with Molly while we’re gone for a few hours. Waving goodbye to Greta, the college-aged dog sitter, we climb into the waiting SUV, Carter and Derek sandwiching me in the backseat.
“Are you excited?” Derek asks me was we bump along the road to the launch site.
I cast a glance at Carter who seems even paler than before.
“No. I just want this over with. I’m worried.”
Carter squeezes my hand and gives me a tired smile. “Don’t worry. Everything is OK. I’m just a little tired. That’s all.”
Derek catches my eyes. Our eyes mirror one another’s. We’re both worried. Carter has never looked like this before.
The rest of the ride is silent. When we arrive at the launch site, we’re greeted by a well-built guy around my age.
“I’m Bo. I’ll be the guide on your adventure today,” he introduces himself and shakes each of our hands.
“I’m Carter. This here is Derek, and this beauty is Teddy.”
Bo gives us a smile before launching into the dos and don’ts of boating safety. Carter becomes paler as the minutes pass by, his body trembling.
“Carter, we should wait—”
“I don’t have time to w-wait,” he says, his voice a low hiss.
He’s never spoken to me like that before, and I flinch away from him, his words creating a whirlwind of fear in my guts.
“Baby, I’m s-sorry,” Carter says, reaching for my hand and clutching it. “I just really n-need to do this. Please. M-my headaches are getting worse. I may be laid up for a while. With work and all after this, I don’t know when I’ll get back here.”
He’s lying. I know he is. This isn’t about work and stress. There’s so much more he isn’t telling me. I know arguing with his stubborn ass won’t change anything, so I let it go. Again. Getting him to my dad can’t happen quickly enough.
“Fine. But if you get sick on this, I’m going to be so mad at you,” I huff.
His eyes soften as he leans in and plants a tender kiss on my lips.
Before he can say anything, Bo is directing us to get into the raft. We do so quickly. Carter stumbles. Derek catches him before he falls.
“You OK?” Bo asks, looking from Carter to me. “You look sick. No offense, but we haven’t even started.”
“Just had a late night,” Carter mumbles, situating himself in the raft. He gives me a tired smile and pats the spot next to him. I sit in it, immediately reaching out to clasp his hand. He takes it and gives it a trembling squeeze. Within the half-hour, we’re settled into the raft and ready to begin our journey from the western edge of the canyon into Hualapai tribal lands.
“The river is faster than I thought it was going to be,” Derek shouts.
I nod, my stomach twisting into tighter knots. Carter is smiling, laughter bubbling from his lips.
We quickly get wet, rounding the first bend where the winds whip the water. We glide over smooth rock, dipping and swaying with the swirling eddies, first left then right in semi-circles. Bo keeps a watchful eye on the river and our faces, giving us maximum adventure.
“Holy shit.” Derek bursts out laughing, reaching over and gripping the rope railing of the soft cataraft. “Now, that’s exactly what I expected.”
“Well good, since we’ve got nine more miles of it until we hit Lake Mead,” I holler out over the rushing torrent of the river, my heart pounding in my chest from that initial rush.
I’m not sure what I’m more worried about at this point—this damn wild ride or the fact that Carter’s hand is shaking in my grasp.
Cold water continually splashes and drenches us as Bo maneuvers us through the harrowing turns.
“Are you all ready?” Bo yells out. We all look up, but before I can ask, he points to a small waterfall we’re about to go over.
And down we go. Sideways.
“Holy shit!” we all scream, the momentum lifting us from our seats.
Bo revs the engine on impact and uses an oar to push against a rock, forcing us out of the cascading water. The water smooths out as we drift away from the faster currents.
“Whew,” I say, taking my seat again after being bounced. I lean forward to catch my breath. I press my hand to my chest and look to check on Carter.
“Y-y-y-you all right, Ted-d-d-d-dy Bear-r-r-r?” his lips quiver and voice shakes from the ice-cold water soaking his clothes. At least that’s what I tell myself it’s from.
“Damnation, I’m fantastic. Jesus, what a ride. Now I know why my parents didn’t take me rafting all those years ago. I don
’t think they would’ve survived that.” I laugh, trying to lighten my mood. Carter shoots me a grin that actually reaches his eyes.
At mile five, we drift onto the shoreline for a brief hike, where we can snack and rest.
“My damn hands and feet are numb from that icy water,” Carter says as we walk behind Bo.
I don’t waste any time and rush up between him and Derek and hug him, rubbing my warmth into his fingers. “I’ll warm you up, babe.”
Carter winks at me, still playful, even though he looks like the walking dead.
“Yeah,” Bo agrees. He pulls back on the rim of cloth around his ankles to show two pairs of socks. “In the early part of the season like this, the water temps and weather are unpredictable. It’s definitely a shock when that first frigid splash hits your skin.” He guides us to a ladder built into a hidden alcove in the rock. It leads to a summit of outcroppings where a small waterfall washes over purple and grey granite.
I gasp as I step off the ladder. “Good God, just look at that view.”
Carter squeezes my hand and moves to wrap his arms around me from behind. We stare out into the wide expanse of the canyon and take in how tiny we are in this big world. He plants a sweet kiss on my cheek.
“It’s almost as beautiful as you,” he whispers in my ear.
Goosebumps erupt on my skin at his words. I snuggle into his arms and let out a deep breath, hoping to let my worries go for just a moment.
Derek pulls his camera from his bag and starts taking shots. “C’mon, you two. Let’s get a selfie with the canyon behind us.”
We get into position and smile like lunatics having the time of our lives. Bo takes a few pics for us before we finish our snack and head back down to the raft.
My socks are still sopping wet, and my shoes squish when I stomp them on the rocks.
“Damn, I hate wet feet,” Carter grumbles as he joins me on a boulder jutting up from the shore as I tug my life vest back on. He sits and takes his socks off, wringing the water out of them. “Look, my feet are all pruny.”
I giggle and turn my head away quickly as he tries to touch me with his toes. “No, please don’t ask me to look at your feet. Feet are just ugly.”
“Well, I know a certain someone who has the sexiest feet in the world. They’re perfectly petite and beautifully arched. Mmmm, sensual as fuck, especially with that gold toe ring and gorgeous plum polish on them. I just might have to suck on those toes later.”
I arch a high eyebrow and twist my lips in uncertainty. “I don’t think so. That’s kind of gross.”
“You won’t think it’s so gross when I make you writhe with pleasure.”
“You make me writhe with pleasure no matter what you do, but you will not stick my toes in your mouth.” I grin at him, which only causes him to wink.
“We’ll see about that,” he says, reaching to swat my ass.
I dance out of his reach and head toward the boat, my ass swaying for him. His chuckle sounds off behind me, which only makes me wiggle my ass just a bit more for him. He seems to be feeling better, which is a relief.
At least, maybe I can breathe for a moment and enjoy the rest of this trip.
Thirty-Three
Carter
I shove my socks and shoes on quickly in an effort to chase after her and her sexy swaying ass, but my fucking toes are tingling, and my hands are stiff. My head swoons with dizziness from the quick motion of getting to my feet, and I fall off the rock, landing hard on my hip. Not wanting her to know I’ve fallen, I push myself up to run but end up hobbling like an eighty-year-old man all the way to the raft.
Fucking pathetic.
I know she’s worrying herself sick about me. I wish she wouldn’t. It makes everything that much more painful.
Gingerly, I climb into the raft and sit beside her. She immediately winds her fingers through mine and smiles at me.
She’s so beautiful I could cry. I’m luckier than I should be. If nothing else, if this procedure kills me later in the week, at least I can go out knowing I know what it means to love and be loved.
Who am I kidding? That only makes it worse.
“Ready?” Bo calls out as Derek settles in. He looks as sick as I feel.
“Ready,” Derek says with a shaky smile.
God bless him for doing this for me. I give Bo a nod, my hand twitching in Teddy’s. She slides closer to me.
“How are you feeling?”
“Baby, just enjoy this for me, OK? I’m fine.” I’m a damn liar. I’m not fine. I’m dizzy. Sick. My vision is blurry, and there’s this strange buzzing inside of me.
I say a silent prayer that the rafting trip ends quickly. Teddy was right. We shouldn’t have gone.
We shove off the bank, and in moments, we’re speeding across the water, our bodies bouncing all over. Teddy clings to me as much as I’m clinging to her. The buzzing grows louder. It’s like there are a million angry bees inside my head. Cold water splashes me in the face. It doesn’t do a bit of good. I blink rapidly, trying to clear my vision.
I let out a whimper as my body weakens, the twitching growing to uncontrollable levels.
“T-t-t-t-t-ed-d-dy,” I choke out.
God no. Not like this! Not in the middle of no-fucking-where!
My gaze is locked on her as she smiles and whoops with excitement. If I’m going to die, I want her to be the last thing I see.
Thirty-Four
Teddy
“Hell fire and damnation,” I holler to Carter. “Woo! That run was awesome!”
The river smooths out for a bit, and I shift so I can hug Carter. He’s stiff as a board. “Carter. Carter? What’s wrong?” I shake him, bile rising in my throat.
Carter’s body begins to tremble, his eyes rolling back in his head. He slumps over, and I catch him, my screams for help echoing around us.
Derek turns and looks at us, his eyes wide with fright. “Bo, help!”
Bo springs into action, powering down the engine so we drift over the water. “Lie him down, slowly. I think he’s having a seizure.”
Derek and I flatten Carter out on the mesh floor of the cataraft. His body is cold. It violently shakes. Ugly white foam tinged with bright red blood seeps from his mouth.
“Pull a blanket out of that bin in the far corner,” Bo instructs one of us. “And grab something soft to protect his head.” Derek jumps up to do what he asks.
“Carter!” I beg over and over, tears streaming down my face. “Please, Carter, come back, baby.”
Carter’s breathing is labored, as his body continues to tremble.
Bo and Derek roll him onto his side to help him breathe easier.
“Is he an epileptic?” Bo asks.
“No,” I choke out through my sobs. “He’s not. Right, Derek?” I look to Derek for confirmation as we cover Carter’s shuddering body.
“No, he’s not an epileptic. He’s got—" Derek swallows the words. “He’s stressed out.”
“Derek, please. Please. You have to tell us. He could die. Carter could die!”
Derek’s eyes shoot to Carter, who’s rasping on the floor of the raft, his head in my lap.
“Derek, I like you. I really do, but please, you have to tell us.”
Derek’s shoulders slump in defeat. “I swore I wouldn’t. I can’t tell you.”
I let out a frustrated growl, ready to come across the raft and beat the answers from my friend.
“I need to know so I can treat him properly or call for help,” Bo says, looking directly into Derek’s eyes.
Derek hesitates, looking down at Carter. Carter’s pale face makes him almost unrecognizable.
Derek’s eyes volley back and forth from Bo to mine.
“Please, Derek. Please?” I beg once more. “This secret could kill him. I love him, Derek. Please.”
“He’s got stage four IDH-wildtype glioblastomas,” he blurts out.
I open and close my mouth several times in shock. I would’ve never guessed that. My heart
sinks. It’s worse than I thought. So much worse. Tears fall from my eyes and land on Carter’s face. His brown eyes are fixed on my face, but he’s not there. His breathing is labored and shallowed. An ugly sob rips through my body as I clutch Carter’s trembling form.
“Huh? In layman’s terms please,” Bo says, feeling for Carter’s pulse.
“He has brain cancer,” I choke out at the same time Derek answers.
Bo is grim and looks at his watch. “When was the last time he gave any signs of awareness?”
“Uh, umm.” I temple my fingers to my forehead trying to think.
I peer at Derek, and he shrugs his shoulders, not knowing. “He turned and smiled at me before we went down that last run,” I say.
“OK, good to know.” Bo glances around on both sides of the shoreline and finally sees a sign for Separation Canyon. He grabs the two-way radio, holding the button and speaks, “Mayday, Mayday, Mayday. This is Grandview Tours boat 9. Repeat. This is Grandview Tours boat 9. Again. This is Grandview Tours boat 9. Echo. Charlie. Echo. Niner. Zero. Niner. Mayday.” He releases the button to listen.
“Go ahead, Grandview Tours Boat 9,” a voice crackles back.
I dry the water from Carter’s face. He’s still shaking, just not as harshly.
“Carter, please. Come on, baby. Please,” I whisper hoarsely, clinging to him.
Derek’s warm hand is on my shoulder as he tries to offer me comfort. I can’t believe this is happening.
Take me instead!
It’s a silent plea that’s on repeat in my head.
“This is Bo Ashwood requesting immediate assistance for a medical emergency.”
“State your emergency,” the voice requests.
“Patron is experiencing a grand mal seizure. Status is unresponsive. Current location is Separation Canyon. Request 9-1-1 call and a MediVac at Pearce Ferry. Time out is approximately seven minutes.”
