Zero Apologies

by Autumn Jones Lake

  “I know his son-in-law better. We have more in common.”

  “Harley enthusiasts.” The one against the wall rolls his eyes. “Yeah, we know.”

  “I don’t tend to hang out with a lot of suit-wearing motherfuckers.” I cast a contemptuous look over their cheap, ill-fitting suits.

  “So, you’ve never met DeLova?” the one in front of me prods.

  “I didn’t say that. I’ve met him more than a few times over the years.”

  “Take on some side jobs for him?”

  “No,” I growl.

  “Malone was in debt to DeLova. For a lot. You know anything about that?”

  “No.” Last I knew, his debt had been paid.

  “You and your club are just a bunch of poor, innocent motorcycle lovers, aren’t you?”

  I’m not going to dignify his mocking comment with an answer.

  He leans in closer. “Except somehow the evidence proves wherever there is a strong MC presence, violence will eventually follow.”

  “Bullshit. Not every MC. Don’t lump us all in together.” I lean in, meeting him almost halfway across the table. “You can call anyone in Empire PD and they’ll tell you we help keep the city safe and the trash out.”

  “Sure. I’ll get right on that.” He slaps the folders in front of him closed. “I think we’re done.”

  “Good, can I go home now?”

  He laughs. “Not any time soon.”

  Finally, they release me from the interview room. “When am I getting my phone call?” I ask the guard on the way back. Sure, I should’ve had one yesterday. Or before I got questioned today.

  Who the fuck knows when it’ll actually happen. I’m sure they’ll make up some bullshit excuse. It doesn’t honestly matter. There’s no fucking way I’m calling Lilly. And I don’t need to call a lawyer, because I know Rock has already taken care of that by now.

  “Phone’s broken.” The guard walking me back to my cell smirks, like he’s a fuckin’ comedian.

  Murphy stands up when he sees me coming. The guard hesitates and looks at the cell next to ours. Yeah, I’d been shocked they put us together too, but we both figured they were probably listening in on our conversations. If that’s the case, I hope they enjoy the royal fucking around we plan to give them.

  Chapter Two

  LILLY

  I thought agony and I were already good friends. Apparently, I had no idea. Watching the man I plan to marry shoved to the ground, handcuffed, thrown into the back of a cop car…Each moment gutted me. Stole a piece of me.

  Every second keeps replaying on a constant horrifying loop.

  Chance’s screams—more violent than any tantrum he’d ever let loose before—lodged permanently in my soul.

  It took forever to calm Chance down. This was not an experience I ever wanted. For myself or for my son.

  Or for Z.

  A voice in the back of my head keeps trying to warn me that this is only the beginning of the life I’m in for if Z and I stay together.

  Heidi had been stoic all night. As if it was totally normal to see her fiancé handcuffed and thrown in the back of a police car.

  Maybe I’m not cut out for this?

  Rock had helped me carry a hysterical Chance into the house last night, so he knows everything. From what I could tell, he’d been on the phone with one person or another most of the night.

  The next morning, Hope and I are up early. Sitting together at the kitchen table, sipping tea. Not really talking. I think we’re both still numb from shock.

  Rock joins us without a word, gently setting his hands on Hope’s shoulders. She tips her head back and they share some sort of unspoken communication I’m too exhausted to decipher.

  “I’m going to go up and check on Grace.” Hope stands and reaches over to squeeze my hand. “I’ll look in on Chance too.”

  “Thank you.”

  Rock gives her a quick embrace and kisses her forehead before releasing her. Once she’s gone, his steady gray eyes drill into me. “We need to talk.”

  Saw that coming.

  Without saying anything, I take my tea and head toward the living room. I’m too tired to play hostess and ask if he’d like some coffee before grilling me.

  He sits down in the chair across from me and doesn’t waste time getting to the point. “I don’t think this has anything to do with your situation.”

  My situation.

  All at once it hits me. The club. Why didn’t that occur to me? Z didn’t blow up Senator Kelly on his own. My fearful gaze lands on Rock. Well, technically I’m staring at his arms. I spend a lot of time studying the ink covering his hands and thick forearms. The wedding band encircling his ring finger. I remember the excitement in Hope’s voice when she told me she’d picked out Rock’s wedding band. He’d been in jail at the time too.

  Things worked out for them.

  What kind of wedding band does Z want?

  “Lilly.” While Rock’s voice is gentle, it doesn’t lack authority. It brings me right back to my present situation.

  I’m too ashamed to look Rock in the eyes.

  Did he help Z with the car bomb? Is Rock in danger too? Because of me. Worse, how much did Z have to tell Rock to—

  “Lilly.” His firm voice pulls me out of the shame tunnel I’m spiraling down. “I don’t know how much Z explained—”

  “He said not to ask questions I didn’t want the answers to,” I whisper. “So I didn’t.” God, I sound like a coward.

  “Good. It’s better that way.”

  “What did he tell you?”

  “Enough to know Kelly had it coming.” He reaches over and taps the arm of my chair. “Look at me, Lilly.”

  Slowly, I raise my eyes to meet his stare.

  “Are you with him? I need to know now if you’re going to bail.”

  My heart’s thudding so loud, I can’t make sense of anything. “I can get money for bail.”

  He shakes his head. “Club will take care of that. Are you staying? This shit isn’t easy. I understand. We all do. The club will do everything to help you through this. If you’re with him.” He glances at the staircase. “I’ll do what I can for you two no matter what you decide.”

  The fear that seized my heart last night finally shatters. “I’m not going anywhere, Rock.”

  I probably should. It’s not just about me. I have to worry about Chance. The kind of damage this lifestyle might inflict.

  But is it worse than the damage of being away from his father?

  I don’t know.

  God help me, I can’t leave Z again.

  “I’m here.” This time, there’s more conviction in my tone.

  Rock nods, apparently satisfied for now.

  The soft jingle of the dogs’ collars calls my attention to them. Ziggy throws himself down on the carpet in front of me while Zipper jumps on the couch and curls into a ball, placing his head in my lap, seeking a few scratches behind the ears.

  “Z’s not going to be thrilled I let them on the furniture,” I mutter.

  Rock huffs out a tired laugh. “He’ll understand.”

  Apparently, we’re not done with our conversation. “Did you give your name to the officers last night?”

  I have to stop and think about it. They’d mostly been focused on Z and then Murphy. One of them tried to speak to me, but I never answered. As soon as possible, I slipped out of the parking lot and came home, just as Z wanted me to do.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Good. Whose car were you driving?”

  “M-mine,” I stammer out.

  “Murphy switch over your plates yet?”

  “I don’t know.” How can I not pay attention to something as simple as my license plates?

  “I’ll check.”

  “The plates were in my brother’s name before. It wouldn’t get traced to me right away.”

  “Okay, that’s good.”

  Someone knocks on the door, stirring the dogs up. Rock leaves me to answ
er it and Ziggy trots along next to him.

  “Pop-pop!” Alexa yells.

  By her happy squeals, I assume Rock picked her up.

  Zipper jumps down to check out the commotion.

  The dogs follow behind Rock. He’s carrying Alexa in one arm and has his other curled around Heidi’s shoulders. Today, she looks less tough biker’s old lady and more twenty-something college student in crisis.

  To my surprise, she drops down next to me and gives me a big hug. “Are you doing okay, Lilly?”

  “So far.” My answer’s lame. But I don’t have a better one. “You?”

  “Just worried.”

  Rock shakes his head and forces a hint of a smile. “If I expected anyone to get carted away for running their mouth, it’s your brother. Not Murphy.”

  “Right?” Heidi snorts a sad laugh. “Charlotte said the same thing.”

  “It’s going to be fine, Heidi-girl.” Rock says. “Murphy was protecting a brother. Like he’s supposed to.”

  Heidi sniffles. “I know.”

  He was?

  Murphy risked jail just to stay by Z’s side?

  Rock shifts Alexa in his lap and plucks a book off the coffee table, handing it to her.

  “Glassman’s coming down this morning. I’m hoping he can get Murphy out.” His gaze shifts my way. “We’re going to hire someone else for Z.”

  Isn’t that the first thing I should’ve done when I came home last night? Call a damn lawyer?

  “I can—”

  “It’s covered, Lilly.”

  I try again. “I can give you money for a retainer.”

  He cuts me off with a quick head shake. “Taken care of.” He pins me with a sterner look. “What I need you to do is stay here.”

  “I wasn’t planning to go anywhere. Except to visit—”

  “Heidi, can you go upstairs and check on Hope?” Rock asks, cutting me off. “She went up to look in on Grace.”

  “Sure.” She picks Alexa up and disappears without further questions.

  As soon as Rock seems satisfied, we’re alone again, the steely-eyed biker president returns. “You can not under any circumstances go visit Z.”

  “But—”

  “Lilly, you ever visit someone in jail?”

  “I’m sure it’s not pleasant—”

  “It’s not the surroundings I’m worried about.” He leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees, inviting me to do the same. “The first thing they’re going to do is take your identification and run a check on you if you go see him.”

  All at once it hits me. “Oh my God.”

  “We can’t afford to have the slightest connection between Z and Kelly right now. I know that shitbag wasn’t prosecuted or even arrested for what he did to you, but—”

  “No, I get it.” Thank God Rock’s here. Last night, I had all sorts of fantasies of running down to post bail for Z as soon as things opened this morning. “Will Z—”

  “Trust me, you show up there, he’ll kick my ass when he gets out.” There’s no laughter in his voice. He cocks his head toward the stairs. “It’s nothing personal. Heidi came to visit me once when she was younger, but I don’t want her going now as Murphy’s old lady. Actually, I need her to go to class today. Are you all right with Alexa staying here? Hope will be with you. And I think Trinity is coming down to help out.”

  I’d talked to Trinity only briefly last night and while she’d said to call if I needed anything, I took it as one of those generic offers of help people blurt out in times of crisis. “Of course. Uh, the kids are supposed to have their swim lessons. I’ll call and cancel—”

  “No.” Rock seems to weigh the options for a few seconds. “Keep things normal for Chance and Alexa. Especially after what Chance witnessed.”

  The reminder has me ready to burst into tears all over again.

  Chapter Three

  Lilly

  “It’s otay.” Alexa holds out her hand to Chance. “Come on.”

  Hesitantly, Chance takes her hand and we finally lead the kids to the pool.

  The knot that formed in my throat the minute Chance adamantly refused to go outside for swim lessons finally loosens.

  Hope touches my arm. “It’s going to be okay, Lilly,” she says softly.

  Still not sure I can form any words, I just nod.

  “Look at you, hot mama.” Trinity wolf-whistles at Hope, who throws a beach towel at her.

  I elbow Hope in the side. “I told you it looked fine.”

  “The miracle of spandex,” she mutters.

  Trinity had indeed come to help. A grumpier-than-usual Wrath joined her, which means the girl who gives Chance and Alexa their swim lessons has no fewer than five adults supervising today. Kendall doesn’t seem bothered by the extra scrutiny. For a high school senior, she’s always extremely professional. One of the reasons Heidi and I trust her with our kids.

  Hope’s standing in for Heidi today. Earlier, she’d grumbled about her pre-baby bathing suit not fitting until I wanted to wrap the damn thing around her neck.

  Rock’s over in the shade with Grace, watching every move Hope makes. At the moment, that mostly involves avoiding the splashes from Alexa’s kicks.

  “Good job,” Kendall encourages.

  Chance kicks his little feet even harder and finally smiles.

  Rock’s phone clatters over the table, drawing our attention. Trinity jumps up and grabs Grace from him as he answers.

  “Hello, Mr. Sanders.” He motions to us that he’s going inside.

  My heart skips.

  Is that the attorney for Z? Is he getting out? Should I be the one handling those calls?

  It’s almost impossible to concentrate on the rest of the lesson, but somehow none of us drown.

  Rock returns after swim time is over and Kendall’s gone home. The kids are always ready for a nap after swim lessons and today’s no different.

  “Come on, let’s get you rinsed off and ready for nap time,” Trinity sing-songs to the kids, holding out both hands.

  “No nap!” Chance yells.

  “Yeah!” Alexa shouts.

  Trinity laughs. “Sure. No nap. But let’s at least rinse off.” She winks at me and I laugh. They’ll be asleep in no time.

  “Was that the lawyer?” I ask Rock after Trinity disappears inside.

  “Yes. He’s going to meet with Z tomorrow morning. Guess he let them have it about Z not getting a phone call…or anything else.”

  I open my mouth to say…something. I’m not sure what. “I feel so bad I can’t be there.”

  Hope looks up from Grace, her green eyes lasering in on her husband. “I can go in with the attorney.”

  “No,” Rock says.

  Behind me, Wrath echoes the sentiment. “Not a good idea, Hope.”

  “I’ll be safe,” Hope insists, ignoring Wrath. “At least let me tell him Lilly and Chance are okay. I don’t want him worried about them on top of everything else he’s dealing with.”

  Rock rubs the back of his neck and stares over Hope’s head at Wrath.

  I’m not sure if Hope knows why I can’t go see Z or if she just thinks it’s dangerous for me to go in general, but God, I love her for offering. I don’t want it to cause an argument between her and Rock, but I really need to know Z’s okay. She’ll know better than some attorney who’s never even met Z before.

  Rock drills her with a look. “Are you sure? You don’t have to. I’d rather you didn’t. I should be able to visit him in a couple days.”

  “I want to. He’s probably worried sick after how the police upset Chance and…everything. The lawyer won’t know what to say…or how to say it.”

  Rock flicks his gaze at me.

  Wrath blows out an irritated breath, but places one big hand on Hope’s shoulder. “I’ll go with you guys.”

  Rock motions for Wrath to follow him into the kitchen.

  Hope and I run upstairs, stopping at Chance’s room. “Are they out?” I whisper.

  Trini
ty’s tucking a blanket around Alexa who’s in the extra bed in Chance’s room.

  “Oh, yeah,” she answers in the same hushed tone.

  “I need to dry off and change,” Hope says. “Meet you downstairs?”

  “I’ll take Grace for you,” Trinity offers, holding out her arms. “The guys downstairs?”

  We nod and she carries Grace down the hall. Outside the room Hope and Rock have been using since they came down here, I stop her. “Thank you for offering to go see him.”

  “Tell me the truth. Are you okay? I know this is awful.”

  “I don’t know, Hope. I’m all over the place.”

  “Lilly, it’s fine. Remember, I’ve been there.”

  I remember Trinity explaining that she, Heidi, and Charlotte had grown up around MCs. They’ve been prepared for this situation from the second they got involved with their men. Hope knew nothing about any of this and yet now look how composed she is. Will I ever get to that point?

  “I really do understand.” Hope casts a guilty look over her shoulder. “Maybe better than any of the girls do.”

  “I hate asking but I would feel better if you saw him. I understand visiting him there will probably be unpleasant…I don’t know what Rock told you, about why I can’t go—”

  She dismisses that concern with a flick of her wrist. “If Rock doesn’t want you to go, it’s for a good reason.”

  Is it ever.

  She bites her lip before continuing. “Everything they do is to protect us or to protect the club, Lilly. I’m not just saying that because Rock’s my husband and I want you to fall in line or something. I really believe that. I’ve seen it.”

  If I didn’t already know the lengths Z was willing to go to protect me, I might laugh. It seems like such a convenient excuse from the outside.

  “You’re not laughing at me? Or telling me how naive I am?” Hope tilts her head, the corners of her mouth slightly twitching.

  “No, you’re right.” I can’t meet her eyes. “Z’s shown me how far he’ll go several times already.”

  “You love, Z, yes?”

  “With all my heart,” I admit easier than I’ve ever admitted anything in my life.

  “Then…” Her voice trails off and she shrugs. “What else is there? Love, family, loyalty. What else matters?”