Zero Apologies

by Autumn Jones Lake

  That snaps my head up and I stare at Z. “What?”

  He pinches the bridge of his nose and laughs. “His patch is a rooster.”

  “Oh, duh.” I laugh and rest my head against his chest. “Can I see it again?”

  “Yeah, I need you to wear it tonight.”

  “Z,” I reach up and kiss his cheek. “I might never take it off.”

  As the afternoon fades, the party kicks into full gear. If anything, the atmosphere pulses and vibrates with even more energy than last night.

  “How were your meetings?” I ask Z as we leave our room.

  He doesn’t look happy. “We had a lot to discuss.”

  I’m not touching that vague answer with a ten-foot pole. “Isn’t Sway supposed to be coming tonight?”

  He takes my hand. Affection for him squeezes my chest. I love this man so much. What happens when the “real” president returns? Will he thank Z or at least be grateful for all Z’s done?

  “He should be here soon.”

  “There you are.” Priest holds out his hand to Z and they shake. He runs his gaze over me and back to Z. “I see you gave it to her right away.”

  “Hell yeah, I did. Thank you again, Prez.”

  “No problem.” He nods at me. “Welcome to the family, Lilly.”

  “Thank you.”

  After Priest leaves, I do a quick check to make sure my boobs haven’t fallen out.

  “What are you doing, Siren?” Z asks.

  “You have no idea what I had to do to coax the girls to stay put in this thing,” I mutter.

  He laughs and tugs at the zipper of my vest, pulling it into place. “Problem solved. For you and me.”

  Rumbles of more than a few bikes entering the parking lot momentarily drown out the music.

  “Sounds like Demons are here!” Rooster shouts.

  Priest returns with a meaningful look at Z. He leans over and asks me, “Have you met them before?”

  I glance at Z. “Yes, I think so. At Rock and Hope’s wedding.”

  “Good, good. You can show Mallory around.”

  I take it that’s a hint to get lost so the men can talk business.

  We wind our way through the clubhouse to meet the new guests as they come in the front door.

  “Chaser!” Z holds his hand. The man with “president” stitched on his vest reaches out to shake it.

  “Good to see you, brother.”

  Z lifts his chin. “Got some new flash?”

  Chaser pats the president patch. “Pop finally gave up the gavel. I was sure I’d be burying him with it.”

  “He okay?”

  “Fuck yeah, he’s raising hell down in Florida. You know, when we were down there for the rally, he didn’t want to leave. Couple months ago, he calls everyone in for church, announces he’s done, hands over the patch and gavel, and rides out.”

  “May we all be so lucky.”

  “No kidding.” He nods at Z. “Still running things here, I see?”

  “Yeah, man. Sway’s getting out of the hospital today. Should be here soon.”

  My gaze strays to Priest and Valentina. One of the many “sit-downs” Z’s had with the national president should have included instructions for when Z will be allowed to go home, right?

  “That was a good time, riding out with you guys,” Chaser says. “We need to do it again.”

  “Hell, we didn’t to go too far together.” Z glances around. “We’re talking about a big club run down to San Antonio in a few weeks. Meeting up with Iron Bulls and Savage Dragons. Demons should join us.”

  “Texas, huh?” Chaser runs his hand over his chest.

  “You’re good if you’re riding with us, right?”

  I assume this is some sort of biker code about territory. Or maybe it’s not even code and I’m just out of my depth.

  “Couple of the Bulls might show up this weekend,” Z says. “I’ll let them know you’re considering it.”

  Chaser nods. “I’ll bring it to the club but sounds like a good ride. We should get out on the road together more often.” He glances over at Rock. “Upstate coming too?”

  “Fuck yeah.”

  “It’d be nice to chill with everyone without always talking business, you know?”

  Z places his hand at the small of my back and pushes me forward. “Chaser, this is my wife, Lilly. We’re celebrating our wedding this weekend too.”

  “Congratulations, Z. That’s great.”

  He gives me a quick handshake and calls his wife over to meet me. Something about her is so damn familiar…but I can’t place it.

  “We met at Rock and Hope’s wedding, right?” Mallory asks.

  “Yes. It’s good to see you again.” While it’s true we’ve met. I still can’t shake the feeling I know her from somewhere else.

  It’s not until much later that I figure it out. Or rather, she lets it slip.

  “I’m dying that all these stories are coming out of Hollywood now. I could’ve told people this twenty or thirty years ago. I had more dirty shit happen to me in the short time I was out there—”

  “You were in that show Ocean Ave. I knew you looked familiar!”

  She buries her face in her hand, her long honey hair falling forward, further obscuring her features. “My god, no one’s recognized me from that in years.”

  “You were the best thing about that show. I was devastated you weren’t on longer.”

  She gives me a soft smile and continues sharing more stories. “That’s how Chaser and I met.”

  “And you’re still together.”

  “Thirty years this spring.”

  “That’s…encouraging. It doesn’t seem like a lot of biker couples last so long.”

  “There aren’t. If you won’t be offended, let me give you some advice since you’re newlyweds and all.”

  Newlywed. Wow. I guess I am. Somehow, I feel fifty years older than a newlywed should be.

  “Love him without fear.” She places her hand over mine. “Fear has no place in this world. Trust him. Need him. Accept who and what he is. Have his back, because this world can be really ugly at times and he’ll need to know you’re there for him and for the club without question.”

  Powerful stuff, considering what’s already happened. Of course, I can’t share any of that, but her words penetrate into my soul.

  “Thank you, Mallory. That’s beautiful.” I know we’re from different clubs, but I can’t help feeling a connection to her.

  There’s more noise at the door. Brothers start chanting “welcome home.”

  “That must be Sway.” She cranes her neck, trying to see over the crowd. “I wonder if Tawny actually showed up with him,” she mutters.

  “I’m a little nervous about how she’ll feel with me…”

  She turns and faces me like a fierce lioness about to school a cub. “Do not let her intimidate you. Your man’s been holding this club together. She should appreciate that.” Mallory taps my shoulder. “You’re patched, so you’re her equal. She needs to respect you.” Mama bear lecture over with, her expression softens. “Go on, Lilly. I’m sure Z needs you. We’ll talk more, later.”

  Her words give me the slap in the ass I need to march right up to Z and take his hand and place by his side. Front and center.

  Sway—I barely recognize him as the same brash biker from Hope’s wedding. The one complaining about how faithful she was to Rock while he spent the summer in jail and how protective Murphy and the others were over her. He’s thinner and much quieter. Hardly says anything at all. But he gives Z a big, brotherly embrace and thanks him quietly.

  The woman with him only bares a faint resemblance to the one I remember. Except she seems to have aged backwards.

  “Thank you for everything you’ve done, Z,” Sway says low enough for only Z and me to hear. “The place looks great.” His words come out slow and deliberate, as if he’s concentrating to get each syllable right. His foggy expression has me questioning whether he should be out of th
e hospital already.

  “No problem, brother.” Z squeezes my hand. “Sway, this is my wife, Lilly.”

  A bit of the degenerate biker I recognize lights up his face. “No wonder you never brought her to see me. Fine looking lady you’ve got.”

  Gross.

  I mean, I’m sure he means it as a compliment. But still.

  Z’s jaw tightens. “Happy to have you back, brother.”

  “I’m so glad you’re home,” I say.

  Sway sweeps his gaze over me again and the fogginess in his expression retreats. “See you already patched her.” His eyes linger and at first I think he’s staring at my crotch. Then I realize he’s studying the patches on the bottom. “Got Priest and Rock to give her our seal of approval.” He levels a challenging stare at Z. “Don’t see that often.”

  “It’s been an unusual couple of months, Sway,” Z answers smoothly.

  “Sure has.” The weirdness seems to evaporate and Sway slaps Z’s shoulder. “Glad to be out of the hospital. Be even happier when I can get back on my bike.”

  I’m not sure if that’s his way of saying he doesn’t want to run the club any time soon or what.

  Either way. Tawny and Sway move on to Priest and Valentina next.

  “Was that a breach of some biker code that he stopped to see you first?” I whisper to Z.

  He chuckles. “No. It’s fine.”

  I trace the patches at the bottom of my vest. “Will this cause problems?”

  “If anyone has an issue send them to me,” he answers in his no-bullshit way.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Z

  Sway’s welcome home party rages on into the night. Bastard’s gonna end up right back in the hospital.

  Stella returned. Put on a show for the whole club. Priest seemed less than impressed by the spectacle. Lilly and I snuck off in the chapel again.

  Somehow after that, I lost track of Sway.

  I’m eager to go over a few things with him so I can go to bed.

  “Hey.” I tug Lilly closer. “I’m gonna go look for Sway. Want to make sure he’s all right and set up a time for us to sit down tomorrow. You okay here?”

  She’s in the lounge away from the loudest part of the party, surrounded by Hope, Trinity, Charlotte, Heidi, Valentina, Mallory, and a few other women whose names I can’t remember.

  “I’ll be fine. Do what you need to do. I’ll be here.”

  Normally, I wouldn’t go anywhere near the upstairs suite he considers his private quarters. It’s too personal and hell only knows what the fuck I might walk in on.

  Even with that in my head, I’m not prepared for the sight in front of me when I push open the door to Sway’s private lounge. A couple couches and chairs normally face a big screen television bolted to the wall.

  It’s where I always assumed he had his “private screenings” of Stella’s films.

  Or, apparently, makes his own films.

  A wave of sweat and musk scented heat blasts me in the face as I open the door.

  My gaze shoots to the couch to my right.

  Sway, shirt off, leather cut on, jeans around his ankles with a bare-assed Stella bucking her way to happiness in his lap.

  At least she’s finally making the biker porn she’s been itching to do since I met her. It had really pissed her off that I kept saying no to filming us.

  Watching the two of them together, I feel absolutely nothing.

  Well, maybe some mild disgust and great relief.

  I’m not terribly shocked to find them fucking. I always assumed they had some sort of relationship that crossed the boundaries of purely business.

  A gasp of pleasure from my left calls my attention to a scene I absolutely never expected to see.

  The couch directly across from Sway and Stella is also occupied.

  A naked and looking-damn-fine-for-her-age Tawny spread out. Stella’s porn star friend, Garrett, with his head buried between Tawny’s thighs.

  Well, how about that?

  Nothing like a bullet to the head to help a couple reunite. Love and near death really can unite a couple doing their favorite hobbies—fucking other people—together.

  Sadly, Tawny and Garrett seem to be enjoying themselves a heck of a lot more than Stella and Sway. Maybe the bullet to the head has thrown Sway off his game.

  Don’t care. Not my business. Don’t wanna know. Wish I’d never intruded on this special moment.

  Unfortunately, I don’t move fast enough. Stella turns and rakes her gaze over me. Her lips curl into a seductive smirk as she slips on her porn star game face. She closes her eyes and tosses her head back, really getting into the role.

  If she’s trying to make me jealous, it’s not working. Still don’t feel a damn thing, except the urge to flee. Maybe bleach my eyes.

  Slowly, I back out the door and quietly close it behind me.

  Their lusty moans filter through the door and I hurry downstairs.

  “What’s wrong, brother?” Murphy asks.

  “Whatever you do, don’t go upstairs.”

  He cocks his head and crosses his arms over his chest. “Wasn’t planning to. Why? What’s going on?”

  “Nothing your tender mind should be exposed to.”

  He scowls.

  Do I want to blurt it all out to Murphy? Kinda.

  But it’s private. Sway and Tawny got so much shit to work out. If that’s how they decided to hold their marriage together, gossiping about it feels wrong.

  Instead, I find Lilly. Will we get tired of each other? Will our love turn to hate and then twist back into something else? Will one of us have to almost die before we fix things?

  I really fucking hope not.

  She laughs at something Hope says and turns to find me watching her. She holds out her hand and beckons me closer.

  “Hey.” Her voice is raw and jagged from talking so much with so many people this weekend. From being the perfect old lady. I know not all of this makes sense to her yet, but I couldn’t have asked for a better woman by my side.

  “Did you find him?” she asks, standing and putting her arms around me.

  A flash of disgust must cross my face because she tilts her head. “Everything okay?”

  “No, I’m disturbed as fuck.” If there’s one person I can share this with, it’s Lilly. “I found Sway and Stella—”

  She gasps and slaps her hand over her mouth. “Tawny came with him.”

  “Oh, she and Garrett are up there too.”

  “Really?” Her eyes widen in disbelief. “Are Sway and Garrett—”

  “No, fuck no.” Christ, it never occurred to me I could’ve walked in on that. “They’ve swapped partners. Not lost their minds.”

  She snickers, then laughs uncontrollably. “Aw, that’s kind of sweet at their age. Trying new things.”

  I grab her around the waist. “Don’t. Get. Any. Ideas.”

  She cups my cock. “I won’t and I already told you what will happen if you ever cheat on me.”

  “Technically, I don’t think it’s cheating if they’re doing it right in front of each other.”

  She squeezes me a little harder. “I’m serious.”

  I close my eyes and thrust against her hand. “Keep going, Siren. It gets me really hard when you threaten me for some reason.”

  “Everything gets you hard.”

  Grinning at her, I take her hand off my dick and kiss the back of it. “I’d rather have a bad day with you than a good day with someone else. I’d rather sleep outside in a fucking blizzard than sleep in a warm bed next to anyone else. I’d rather make it through hard times together than live the good life by myself.”

  “Angus Frazier, are you trying to make me cry?”

  “Never.”

  “Thank you,” she whispers. “For seeing all my flaws, forgiving me, knowing my mistakes, and still loving me anyway.”

  “Nothing flawed about you.”

  Chapter Fifty

  Z

  “How’s it
going with Sway back?” Rock asks over the phone.

  “Haven’t seen him since the party, honestly.” I expected Sway to want to take over immediately, but I don’t think he’s back to half the energy he had before the shooting. Plus, I think Priest made it clear Sway shouldn’t expect to lead the club any time soon.

  “I know you must have a million things to do, but would you mind coming up and talking to Jasper? His crew is working on the new clubhouse.”

  “Yeah, I can definitely do that. When?”

  “This afternoon.”

  Fuck that’s short notice, but after all the shit Rock’s done for me, I’d never say no. “All right. I’ll stop into Crystal Ball and see if Dex needs anything while I’m there.”

  “Appreciate it.”

  Since it’s upstate’s business, I don’t bother asking if anyone wants to ride up with me. It feels good to take a solo trip. With all the new responsibilities, it’s been a while.

  “Z! How’ve you been?” Jasper calls when he sees me. “When are you finishing your house?”

  “Don’t know, brother. Things are up in the air.”

  “Bummer. We just finished Murphy’s place. Figured you were next. He’s planning to do the finish stuff himself.”

  Shit, I promised I’d help Murphy with some of the finish work.

  “So, what’s going on?”

  “I need another permit. They’re busting my balls downtown and I’m afraid they won’t give it to me.”

  Christ, the last thing I feel like doing is dealing with downtown traffic. But I’ve handled this shit before for our different business ventures. He gives me the information and I call Rock to let him know.

  “Fuck. I thought that was all sorted. You can leave it. I’ll handle it another day.”

  “No, sounds like Jasper needs it now, brother. I’m already halfway there.”

  “Thanks, Z.”

  Even with my bike, which I can usually fit anywhere, I end up parking far from the County office building. I don’t mind the walk. I’ve missed Empire. Not much, but I did have some good times here when I was younger.