Best Man

by Katy Evans

  They all start to file out as Eva fingers my veil. She should’ve been in the army, with how well she can order people around. Even the photographers finally grant me some breathing room, thank goodness.

  “So, what’s the deal?” she asks, scrutinizing my dress to make sure there aren’t any smudges on it.

  “I think I’m making a mistake.”

  Her eyes flip up to mine. She stares at me for almost ten seconds before she laughs. “Funny.”

  “I’m not joking.”

  Her face falls. “Holy shit. You’re not joking.” She fluffs my veil on my shoulders. “But don’t worry. It’s not a mistake. You’re fine. It’s cold feet, a perfectly normal part of being a bride. You’ll be—”

  “I fucked Miles this morning. Is that normal?”

  She drops my veil and nearly stumbles backwards. “You didn’t.”

  “I did.”

  Her mouth takes some time to form the O it eventually settles at. I can almost see her mind cycling through potential questions.

  Eventually, it lands on: “How was it?” She cringes. “No, don’t answer that. I mean…how did that happen?”

  I throw up my hands. “I don’t know! I mean, obviously I know. We were snowbound, and at first I detested him, and then I started liking him, and then he confessed to me that he’s been into me all this time. Ever since the first time we slept together. That’s why he’s never been with anyone else. Isn’t that kind of…sweet?”

  “Wait…back up.” She’s leaning against the vanity for support because I think I could knock her over with a feather. “The first time?”

  I nod. “Yeah. Actually, it was before I met Aaron. I slept with Miles first.”

  Her jaw drops. “You little frat ho!” she screams.

  I motion at her frantically to keep it down. My mom and all my family are right nearby.

  She covers her mouth with her hands. “Whoops. And he told you he’s into you? What, like, in love with you? So he’s just be pining away for you for…what? Six years?”

  I’m almost hyperventilating now, my heart a squished little thing in my chest. “Pretty much.”

  She shakes her head. “Pardon me, but does he know what a fucking asshole move that is? He couldn’t have told you that six years ago? His time is up. You’re marrying his best friend today!”

  “I’m pretty sure Aaron’s been cheating on me. All this time.”

  She winces. “Really?”

  “Yeah. At his bachelor party. A month ago. Every time I was out of town…”

  She claps both hands over her mouth again, breathing hard. “Oh, fuck.”

  This is the part where she’d offer me some stellar best-friend advice. I wait. And wait.

  “Eva. A little advice, please?”

  “Advice?” she repeats. “I can’t even…holy fuck.”

  My shoulders slump. I know. This is awful. And the worst thing is, I did it to myself.

  “All right. Here’s what I think. Two wrongs don’t make a right. You need to talk to Aaron and—”

  “Aaron knows. He doesn’t care. He wants to marry me anyway. And he promised that he’d never cheat again.”

  “God, Lia, are you sure? Can he really change?”

  I look at her, confused.

  She sighs. “You’ve been together five years. That has to be worth something. And love conquers all, right?”

  I rest my head on my hands, the word love flashing me back to another place. Another time. Another man.

  “But I don’t know what I feel for Miles. I might…actually…not hate him as much as I thought.”

  “Seriously? Dahlia Marie Ripley! Have you forgotten that every time the two of you are together in the same room, you circle each other like sharks? You don’t just dislike him. You abhor him! Stick with that!”

  “I know, I know. I’m so fucked up.”

  “No. You’re not. You and Miles are simply combustible. You’ve got a really extreme case of cold feet and freaked out in a major way. But Aaron’s forgiven you. Just go and marry Aaron, Lia. That’s what you’ve always wanted. Isn’t it?”

  Is it, really? Do I want the dream I’ve built up in my head, and am I missing out on what is truly real?

  Eva tells me to go and marry Aaron. Because she doesn’t know everything about Miles. Not the truth, the whole of it. Nor does she know Miles the way I do.

  My stomach is all knotted up. “I don’t know that I can do that. Miles is going to be right there beside Aaron when we’re saying our vows.”

  She seems bewildered. “You mean that Aaron’s still going to have Miles stand up for him?”

  “It appears so. Bros before hos, I guess.”

  She laughs pitifully. “Oh, boy.”

  “So what do I do? I can’t call the wedding off.”

  I look at my best friend, praying that she has some sage advice. Or a fortune ball.

  Or a pair of balls I can borrow, which I will need.

  Eva clucks at the mention of calling off the wedding and rubs her hands together. “No, I mean. You’ve been planning for years. You can’t call it off, Lia.” She shakes her head, scowling. “Was it really that serious with Miles?” She seems even more confused now.

  I gnaw on my lip.

  How can I explain everything in a minute? It would take me days to go over everything said. Every past act I misinterpreted. Every intense emotion I feel for and with Miles.

  Every way Miles gets to me, not all bad, not all good, but definitely some even better than good.

  It would take me a whole lifetime to decipher Miles. I can’t even begin to explain to Eva now.

  “Look, Miles really pushes your buttons, Lia. Just let that go,” Eva says, clearly blaming Miles for my malady because she thinks Mr. Hot & Surly is to blame. He is: but not in the way Eva thinks. “But I think you need to talk to Miles before you walk down the aisle. Tell him that it’s over, you made your decision nineteen months ago, and that you and Aaron are getting married. Tell him to leave you alone.”

  And then I’ll give him a lap dance at the reception and shake my boobs in his face and make sure he forgets all about you,” she adds, checking herself in the mirror and hoisting up her boobs so her cleavage pops out of the aqua dress.

  I let out a sad laugh. “Just don’t touch him.”

  “Oh. Of course not. Apparently only you’re allowed to do that.”

  I cover my face with my hands. Flashing back to the way he let me touch him. The way we… “Oh, god.” I shut my eyes, trying to shut Miles out. To get back to the present. The moment. My life back to where it was less than 24 hours ago. “You’re right. I need to talk to Miles. But how? He probably hasn’t even gotten off the mountain yet.”

  She holds up a set of car keys. They’re mine.

  “He’s here?” I say it with so much excitement that she gives me a disappointed look.

  “Yeah. Just got here about twenty minutes ago. Don’t worry. I’ll make it happen. I want to see you happy, Lia. This is your day! Don’t let anything ruin this. Shut the fear aside and do what your heart tells you.”

  I sigh and hold up my hand in oath. “Promise,” I say, not letting on that my heart is not happy right now and I don’t know exactly why. Because my groom cheated, again? Or because of the best man, the man I’ve pined for forever and who wants me back?

  She checks her phone. “All right. We’ve got to get out there before the Midnight Lodge calls this whole wedding quits on you. Ready?”

  My shoulders slump. “Do I look ready?”

  Because I certainly don’t feel it.

  She assesses me, squinting, then reaches into a box and hands me my bouquet of white gardenias. “Here. You wouldn’t be a bride without it.”

  “Thanks,” I mutter.

  I’ve attended so many weddings where I wished I could be the bride, at the very start of a beautiful love story. And now I’d rather be anyone else.

  11:16 AM, December 7

  The bridesmaids are gathered d
ownstairs for the procession. The guests are all waiting.

  There’s nothing left to do but walk down the aisle.

  My mother helps me with my train as I walk down the hall and to the elevator. Mimi is waiting there. “You look beautiful!” Mimi says to me as we crowd my big ol’ Cinderella dress into it.

  “Thank you, Mimi.”

  “But am I wrong, or are you not happy?”

  I force a smile. “What do you mean? I’m happy. Just nervous.”

  “I agree.” My mother gives me a sideways glance. “I know you when you’re nervous. This isn’t it. There’s something bothering you.”

  Of course my mother knows. Other than Eva, my mother is my best friend. “I’m okay.”

  My mother scans my dress from top to bottom to make sure I’m perfect. Then she leans over and kisses my cheek. “It’s never too late, you know.”

  “For what?”

  My mother smiles. “To change your mind.”

  I look at both of them. They can’t be serious. “Of course I wouldn’t—”

  “Well, your grandmother and I have been talking. And we know how some of this can seem a little like a boulder, rolling downhill. Gathering momentum until you can’t do anything to stop it. But it’s not.”

  I titter. “Oh, please. Tell that to Dad. He’d kick my ass if I backed out now.”

  My mother shakes her head. “He’d agree with us. The last thing he’d want is to see you unhappy. Besides, divorces are expensive, too.”

  Mimi nods. “And this? It’s just money. It means nothing. Love? That means everything, sweetheart.”

  The elevator doors slide open and they’re staring at me, as if expecting me to tell them something.

  I wave them out the door. “Thanks for the advice. But really, the only thing I’m worried about is not tripping up the aisle. This is going to be great.”

  They’re still eying me suspiciously, as if they don’t believe me.

  “Honestly! Now shoo!”

  They shrug at each other. They each give me another kiss and head through the lobby, to take the arms of the ushers who are waiting to guide them to their seats. Beyond the double doors, I see rows and rows of people, dressed in their best, and the bridesmaids, all waiting for me.

  This is it.

  I close my eyes and suck in a breath. You can do this. You will become Mrs. Aaron Eberhart and your dreams will come true.

  Before I can take one step, a hand clamps around my arm and draws me down a darkened corridor. I stumble over my gown and find myself in a coat closet, face-to-face with Miles Foster.

  My heart starts thudding crazily in my chest.

  He smells like soap and shampoo, so he must’ve had the time to shower. He’s wearing the same gray suit I helped Aaron pick out for all of his groomsmen. I realize I’ve never seen him in one before. Damn him for looking so irresistibly edible.

  Then I notice the angry black eye and busted lower lip. “Oh, my god. Are you—”

  I try to touch him, but he flinches. “Don’t. It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s—”

  “It is, Lia. But don’t worry. I didn’t hit his face. So your pictures will be perfect.”

  I want to sob at how he’s always thinking about me and what I must want. “I don’t care about that!” I cry, my eyes stinging immediately.

  “Look. Eva said you wanted to talk to me, and I wanted to talk to you, too. I’m sorry about everything. It was so wrong, what I did. I know that. I shouldn’t have told you when and how I did. All the same, I’m not sorry I said it.” He takes a breath. “I wanted you to know that after tonight, when I give the best man speech, I’m gone. I won’t intrude. I’ll never see you two again. All right?”

  I shake my head. I know why it needs to happen, and yet every part of me is refusing. “I’ll never see you again?”

  “Yeah. I think I owe you two that. I’ve done enough damage.”

  I shake my head more. “No. You can’t. You just can’t.”

  He steps back and his gaze drops from my eyes, to my lips, to my dress and my veil, as if he’s committing it all to memory. “God, Lia, you’re the most beautiful bride I ever saw. The most beautiful woman, period. I never stopped believing that.”

  More tears prick the corners of my eyes. “Miles—”

  “And you are special. What did you say before? You needed this wedding because you had nothing else going for you?” He shakes his head. “You are everything, Lia. Sweet, kind, beautiful, smart, and a hell of a good chess player, too.”

  My face crumples because I’m trying not to cry. “So are you. Miles, you’re—”

  He hands me a handkerchief. “I’m sorry. Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  I dab at my eyes, but the waterfall is starting to flow. He’s the only man who’s ever had that effect on me.

  I want to say a thousand things and feel like all my energy is focused on not crying right now. On not pressing into him and begging him to make everything go away.

  He cups my face, then sweeps his lips over my forehead, very gently. “I wish you and Aaron every happiness,” he murmurs, with such a heartbreakingly sad smile. “My two favorite people in the world.”

  Then he steps away from me and smooths his jacket, his tie. “I’ll see you in there.”

  He starts to leave, his shoes sweeping on the hardwood floor, and all I can think is that I’ll never see him again. He’ll be walking out of my life, for good.

  I can’t let him go.

  “Miles!” I shout, my voice hoarse. The tears are coming harder now.

  He stops and turns.

  “I love you,” I whisper. “I love you, too.”

  The heartbreaking smile returns. But he doesn’t say a word.

  He simply turns back, opens the door, and walks away from me.

  11:25 AM, December 7

  The doors open for me, and I step outside.

  It’s perfect weather. Mid-sixties, the sun shining high overhead. No clouds in the sky.

  Eva gives me a look that silently asks, Is all okay? She inspects my face, grabs Miles’ handkerchief from my bouquet, and starts to clean the tears from my cheeks. As soon as she does, more take their place. I can’t stop.

  “Shh,” she says to me. “Smile. When you’re walking down the aisle, just look at Aaron. Okay?”

  I nod.

  My father steps over to me. He looks so handsome in his suit. “I see you got a new dress for the occasion.”

  I laugh. My father always knew how to make me laugh, even in the darkest times.

  He offers me his arm. “Ready to do this thing?”

  Pachelbel’s “Canon” starts to play, which is the signal for the bridesmaids to start filtering down the aisle. I peer through the curtains as each one starts to walk. There are so many guests. I never realized how many five hundred guests were. The officiant is standing in front of us, straight down the aisle. I get the briefest glimpse of my husband-to-be as the curtains part. And next to him…

  Oh, god.

  One by one, the foyer empties out, until Eva nudges the flower girls and ring bearer out. She gives me a thumbs-up and disappears, leaving me alone with my father.

  I can’t breathe.

  I clutch my heart.

  “Lia?” my father asks, squeezing my hand.

  I draw in the air slowly and nod at him. “I’m okay. I can do this.”

  Pachelbel’s “Canon” ends, and then the wedding march begins to play. A sound of scuffling as five hundred guests rise to their feet and turn to watch me take my last steps as Dahlia Ripley.

  We part the curtains, and we begin our walk down the aisle.

  It’s just as I dreamed. The blue sky. The singing birds. Not a single snowflake in sight.

  Yet, I almost wish there was snow.

  Aaron and Miles and the rest of the groomsmen wait at the front of the gazebo. As I get closer, I can make out features on their faces. I tell myself to do as Eva said. I joke with myself th
at at least there are more men up there that I haven’t fucked, than ones that I did.

  I glue my eyes to Aaron’s face, to Aaron’s smile. I tell myself that he has truly forgotten. That we will move forward from here and build a life of mutual trust and love.

  Aaron’s face is red. He looks a little nervous. He pulls on his collar.

  But just as Miles promised, Aaron’s face is flawless.

  Miles is a man of his word.

  And I can’t help it.

  When I’m a few steps from Aaron, my eyes shift to Miles.

  His gaze is on me.

  And I can’t seem to unstick my eyes from his.

  What is wrong with me? I’m walking down the aisle, on the way to marry a man, and I just told his best friend that I’m in love with him.

  I need to put the brakes on this.

  This boulder, rolling downhill.

  I think about what my mother said. There’s always time. If I want to, I should be able to stop this.

  Now.

  Or, now.

  My feet keep moving forward. Ankles wobbling, but moving forward, guided by my father’s steady hand, as if on a track with nowhere else to go.

  We reach the end of the aisle. My father steps into my line of sight to kiss my cheek.

  This is the part where he’d hand me off to my husband-to-be. And he tries to.

  But suddenly, I’m off the track. Pushing the boulder back with all of my might, and backing away. Shaking my head.

  “I can’t…” I keep whispering, mostly to myself. “I can’t.”

  Aaron reaches for me, but I pull away. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

  In the front rows, people who’ve heard me start to gasp and murmur amongst themselves.

  Aaron’s face is tight, his lips still turned in a smile. “Lia,” he murmurs. “Remember what we talked about?”

  “Yeah, I do.” Eva comes to my side and whispers something to me that I don’t hear. I look around and see confused faces all around, and my heart begins to beat madly. My vision twists.

  Everything around me is the way I envisioned, except the mountains are now closing in on me. The twittering of birds sounds like screeching. The sun is too hot.