Dear Diary...
Page 33
Chapter 24
Dear Diary,
Mom has siblings.
CeeCee
I felt a lot stronger by the time the doctor allowed me to check out of the hospital the next day. Sitting on the edge of my hospital bed, fully dressed, I was anxious to get out of there. Noticing how baggy my jeans were, I smiled ruefully thinking that Nick would be pleased.
Apparently, hospital policy required me to ride in a wheelchair down to the front entrance, but no one warned me ahead of time and I almost came unglued when I saw it wheeled into the room. I froze from the shock of seeing it so unexpectedly and all I could do was sit staring at it whispering ‘NO’ over and over again.
I am not going to sit in a wheelchair. They can’t make me. I can’t do it, I can’t do it!
I kept picturing Dad and all of the feelings that I had tried so desperately to bury came surging up to suffocate me. I became totally incoherent, unable to think or breathe, and then I began hyperventilating.
Suddenly, there were arms holding me tightly and soothing words being whispered in my ear and although I couldn’t decipher the actual meaning—comprehension was beyond me at that point—Nick’s voice finally broke through my panic and, along with the feel of his arms around me, calmed me down eventually.
Once he realized that I was improving, he reached over casually and picked up my cup of water, putting it to my lips, telling me to drink. I managed a swallow and was able to breathe a little better.
After a couple swallows, I felt a lot more stable and was able to process things better.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Nick said soothingly. “Your mom is talking to the doctor on the phone right now at the nurse’s station. She’ll get everything sorted out.”
“Thank you.”
As much as I wanted to stay right where I was, in Nick’s arms, I knew it wasn’t a good idea so I straightened up and attempted a smile.
“I’m okay now.”
I was reassuring myself as much as I was Nick.
Nick nodded and got up from the bed while Mark took his place next to me.
“I’ll go check on your mom,” Nick said and left the room.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered to Mark. “I just couldn’t… I can’t…”
“I understand more than you realize,” Mark nodded his head thoughtfully. “I had a similar reaction when they brought it in. I didn’t know if I’d be able to watch you sit in one of those…things.”
He couldn’t seem to say the word wheelchair.
“You didn’t panic and hyperventilate though,” I pointed out.
“No offense intended, but I think I’m in a little better shape than you are right now,” he thought for a second and then gently teased, “I never thought I would be able to say that to you.”
It was a release for both of us to be able to laugh. My voice still sounded horrible, but it felt good. Mom and Nick caught the end of our laughter as they reentered the room…the relief on their faces obvious.
I was able to walk out of the hospital with Mark and Nick on each side of me offering me their support and ready to catch me if I stumbled. Mom led us out to the car while the nurse followed with an eagle eye. Progress was slow, but anything was better than the alternative.
Mom sent me straight to bed as soon as we reached the apartment. I didn’t argue; my energy level had plummeted to zero. I was asleep almost as soon as my head touched the pillow.