Dear Diary...

by L. M. Reed

  Chapter 26

  Dear Diary,

  Nick’s family is cool.

  CeeCee

  Although I would have never admitted it to anyone, least of all to Nick, it was probably a good thing I stayed home on Monday. I slept a good part of the day, and felt much improved by the time Mom got home from school in the afternoon. She checked on me at lunch but, apparently, I was ‘dead to the world’ again.

  I wished people would stop using that phrase to describe me…it was beginning to creep me out.

  Mom agreed that I could go back to school on Wednesday if I felt up to it. I snidely wondered if she had called Nick to make sure it was okay with him, but I kept my uncharitable thoughts to myself knowing she didn’t need anymore grief from me.

  Guess I was starting to feel more normal because I was having a few anger issues again, mostly with Nick and his propensity for being bossy and right at the same time. It irritated the dog—or whatever the appropriate animal was—out of me. I was sure Nick would know, being Mr. Know-It-All, but I wasn’t about to ask him.

  I promised Mom I would eat three square meals, although why anyone would describe a meal as square was beyond me, and drink two quarts of water a day. If I concentrated on that and school to the exclusion of everything else, I might even be able to make it to the end of the school year without hurting myself or anyone else.

  Felicia brought my schoolwork to the apartment on Tuesday after school and we did our homework together. She agreed to pick me up the next morning for school. Even though the apartment complex where we lived was only a few blocks from the school, Mom adamantly refused to let me walk that far.

  I wondered desolately whether I would ever be able to run again. My own stupidity had taken the only avenue of escape that I’d ever had away from me. Desperately, I fought off the wave of depression that swept over me at the thought, determined not to let it get the better of me. My fight against depression was going to be an uphill battle, but I resolved not to give in to it.

  Wednesday morning went fairly well and although I received a lot of curious looks, I made it through all four of my morning classes without a problem. I waited for Mom outside her classroom as soon as the lunch bell rang, limp as a wet rag.

  Although she allowed Felicia to drive me to school each morning after insuring I ate a good breakfast, Mom insisted on taking me home at noon so she could keep an eye on me and make sure I didn’t skip lunch. After feeding me and extracting my promise to go straight to bed, she would returned to school. I knew I deserved her distrust, had earned it, so I didn’t argue. I was just glad to be out of the apartment for part of the day.

  Thursday was a carbon copy of Wednesday. After my afternoon nap, Felicia dropped by so we could finish our homework. Once Mom got home from school, Felicia left for her own house, and Mom fixed and watched me eat my third meal of the day.

  I felt like I was in a fish bowl with everybody gathering around straining to get a view of the fish wondering if it would sink or swim…or maybe float to the top belly up. It was an unpleasant experience, which I knew would drive me totally nuts. As a measure of prevention, it would have been hard to beat, convincing me that I should never allow myself to get into that kind of shape again.

  The official word at school was that I had overexerted myself trying to get into shape for the track season and hadn’t been eating or drinking enough and I supposed some people believed it. However, the general theme of most of the rumors circulating seemed to be focused around the idea that I was anorexic.

  Felicia alone knew the truth, but I realized I’d have to deal with Michael sooner or later. Sure enough, he cornered me Friday after school and asked pointblank what was going on.

  “And don’t try that ‘I’m fine’ business with me,” he said angrily. “You’re obviously not fine and I don’t buy any of the stories I’m being fed by gossiping classmates.”

  “I’m sorry, Michael, but I don’t have time right now to talk,” I said hurriedly grabbing my books out of my locker and slamming it shut.

  Michael caught my arm in a viselike grip, turning me to face him.

  “You haven’t been right since Christmas and like a fool I let you push me away instead of forcing you to tell me what’s going on. That’s not happening this time.”

  “I’m sorry,” I shrugged helplessly. “I know it was wrong of me, and I promise we’ll talk, but I really don’t have time right now.”

  He eyed me suspiciously for a moment and then released my arm sighing in resignation.

  “I plan on holding you to your promise,” he warned.

  I nodded briefly as I turned towards the Home Economics department to meet Mom.

  Any other day, I might have worried about what I was going to say to him, but I was too nervous. Mom and I planned to leave for Austin as soon as she got home from school, and the following day she and Mark planned to confront her ‘old friends’.

  As if that weren’t nerve-racking enough, I had to spend Saturday with Nick’s family and I was all kinds of stressed wondering what they would think of me. I had no idea what Nick had told them.

  Felicia didn’t stay on Friday, just stopping by long enough to let me know we didn’t have any homework in the one important class I was missing in the afternoon, and then zooming off to get ready for her date that night. Since it was the start of spring break, only our Spanish teacher had given us homework.

  I was packed and ready by the time Mom showed up. We decided to get on the road and pick up something to eat at a drive thru on the way out of town for supper. We grabbed a couple of burritos and Mom ordered me a large lemonade. By the time we were clear of the Metroplex, I was stuffed, had downed more than half of the lemonade, and my eyes were drooping. I’d thought it would be okay to skip my nap, but I was wrong.

  The next thing I knew we’d stopped and Mom was gently shaking me awake. As I forced my eyes open, I recognized the parking lot of Mark’s apartment complex from my last unfortunate visit.

  I couldn’t believe we were already there. I had only been asleep for a few minutes, or at least it felt like it, and I couldn’t seem to wake up.

  My eyes had trouble focusing, but I could make out two rather large figures walking towards us before my eyes closed again. I managed to force them back open, but I was so tired I barely acknowledged Mark and Nick and, even though I heard conversation going on around me, I could only make out bits and pieces. My eyelids were so heavy; I finally gave up fighting sleep, ready to spend the night in the car, and let my eyes stay blissfully closed.

  Hmm, Nick’s arms were around me and he was holding me closely to him, whispering how much he loved me in my ear. I was nuzzling the side of his neck like I had before, but this time he wasn’t pushing me away, wasn’t jumping as if scorched. Instead, he was pulling me ever closer…closer…until our bodies were…

  “CeeCee…”

  “Hmmm…” I sighed as slowly returned to consciousness.

  I felt deliciously warm and comfortable as Nick murmured in my ear. Snuggling deeper under the blankets, I started to drift off again, happier than I’d been in a long time.

  “CeeCee!”

  The voice in my ear was Nick all right, but something was wrong. It didn’t have anything like a loving tone in it by any stretch of the imagination. Instead, he sounded…impatient.

  The illusion dissipated as reality took over. I moaned “No” as I pulled the covers up over my head and tried to go back to sleep. It had been a dream. Of course it had. Things like that didn’t happen in real life…in my life anyway.

  “CeeCee!”

  There was definitely an edge to his voice. That part was real.

  Suddenly, I had no more blankets.

  “Hey, I was using those,” I complained loudly grabbing at them.

  “Get out of bed,” he ordered. “Mom will be waiting lunch for us.”

  “Lunch…?” I ask
ed in confusion, my eyes popping open.

  “You slept more than twelve hours,” he informed me, “Which wouldn’t have happened if you’d taken your afternoon nap yesterday like you were supposed to.”

  “Stop treating me like a child,” I muttered angrily.

  “Then stop acting like one,” Nick replied testily.

  I glared at him through sleep-blurred eyes.

  “In case you haven’t noticed, your sullen looks have no effect on me,” he said as he turned to leave. “You have twenty minutes,” he threw over his shoulder as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

  “Dictator!” I yelled after him and thought I heard a chuckle coming from the other side of the door.

  Looking around the room, I had no clue where I was or how I’d gotten there, although I was fairly certain it had to be either Mark or Nick’s room. I didn’t even remember getting undressed for bed, but I must have unless Mom had done it for me.

  Please let it be Mark’s room, I prayed fervently.

  I had no idea why that was important to me, but it was. Desperately seeking out clues, I searched the walls and furniture trying to find anything I recognized. There wasn’t much, but with a sigh of relief I noticed two picture frames propped up on the dresser.

  Getting out of bed, I padded over for a closer look. The pictures were of our family, all four of us, the only two family portraits that I ever remembered having taken. I’d been in fifth grade for the first one and Mark a freshman in high school. We all looked so incredibly happy.

  I picked up the more current one, taken during my eighth grade year. Mom had insisted on having us all sit for it before Mark left for college. I felt the sting of tears and, carefully replacing the frame on the dresser, took a couple of deep breaths hoping to keep them in check.

  Glancing at my watch, I noticed that I had already used up almost five of my allotted twenty minutes, and I hadn’t even gotten into the shower yet. I found my suitcase sitting next to the door, picked it up and cautiously peeked out into the living area.

  There wasn’t time to open the case up and try to figure out what all I would need to take to the bathroom with me so, not wanting to forget anything, I decided to take everything.

  I knew Mark’s bathroom wasn’t connected to his bedroom from the last time I had visited, but I also knew Nick was out there somewhere, and I wanted to avoid him if at all possible.

  There was no one out in the living area, so I ducked quickly into the bathroom.

  I would have used the rest of my fifteen minutes in the shower if I could have, it felt so good, but I knew Nick meant what he said: twenty minutes. He would drag me kicking and screaming out the door if need be. I wasn’t going to risk it.

  Combing out my long, wet hair took up most of the rest of my time. I put it up in its customary ponytail and threw on some jeans and a sea green sleeveless blouse, pleased that I hadn’t taken anymore time than I was allowed.

  Although it would have been easier to have short hair, I couldn’t bring myself to have it cut. I complained about it being in the way at times, but secretly I loved the feel of having long hair. Not being the frilly type didn’t necessarily mean I didn’t enjoy being feminine.

  Putting my suitcase back in Mark’s room, I jumped at the voice behind me.

  “Not bad, only three minutes over the time limit.”

  I whirled around to see Nick leaning on the doorjamb.

  “You’d think I’d be used to you sneaking up on me by now,” I retorted acerbically.

  “It’s not my fault you’re oblivious to everything around you,” he commented. “You look much better now by the way.”

  “Gee thanks,” I replied trying to hide my embarrassment at how awful I knew I’d looked earlier.

  Staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, I had been mortified at my appearance. My hair was all over the place, my eyes were sleep encrusted, and there had been a line on my face where I must have been sleeping on a wrinkle in the pillowcase.

  At least I hadn’t drooled, or not that I’d noticed. I consoled myself with the thought that he never saw me as anything more than a child anyway and, although it wasn’t much consolation, it was all I had.

  “Anytime,” he grinned straightening up. “Ready?”

  “I guess,” I replied nervously.

  “There’s no reason to be nervous,” his grin widened. “My mom’s dying to meet you.”

  “After all of the things I’m sure you’ve told her about me do you blame me for being a little anxious?” I asked accusingly.

  “I’ve only told her good things,” he assured me. “Scouts honor,” he promised holding up three fingers.

  “Were you really a boy scout?” I asked suspiciously.

  “No,” he admitted hanging his head in mock shame, “you got me.”

  I laughed, just as he knew I would, and he joined in.

  We made our way out to his pickup and he helped me up into the seat before walking around to the driver’s side. I wondered idly as I watched him if he automatically helped every female into a vehicle or if it was just me because I was either wearing the wrong type of clothing, deathly ill, or seriously injured every time I rode with him.

  I’ll probably never have the opportunity to find out, I thought sighing heavily.

  “I should have made you eat breakfast,” Nick said as soon as he got in, “but Mom promised to have lunch ready as soon as we walk in the door.”

  “How long does it take to get there?”

  “About thirty minutes on the weekend.”

  I knew what he meant. During the week, the workday traffic in the Metroplex could double and even triple the time it took to get anywhere. I doubted it was any better in Austin.

  “What’s your mom like?”

  “She’s very outgoing and outspoken,” Nick answered and then laughingly added, “Most people think I take after her.”

  “Oh, surely not,” I said facetiously, “You…outspoken? I’m shocked…shocked I tell you!”

  “Very funny,” he returned dryly.

  “Sorry,” I grinned unrepentantly, “Please continue.”

  He gave me an old-fashioned look, “Okay, but no more comments from the peanut gallery.”

  “I make no promises.”

  “I think you should meet her and see for yourself,” he decided, “safer that way, for me at least, the way you’re shooting arrows at me today. You must be feeling better.”

  “Chicken,” I said accusingly. “Okay then, tell me about your dad.”

  He was silent for a moment then said, “Dad is a quiet, kind, thoughtful man. At least that’s how I usually hear him described by other people.”

  I couldn’t resist, I knew I shouldn’t say it, but controlling my tongue was beyond me for some reason.

  “Wow, you really do take after your mom.”

  “And you had better watch your back today,” he warned. “I intend to have the last laugh.”

  “Oooh, I’m scared,” I shivered in mock fear.

  Or maybe some of it was real. It was stimulating to be sure. I never teased like that with anyone other than Mark, and it was…fun.

  “As you should be,” he said approvingly.

  “If I swear to make no more obnoxious comments will you tell me about your brothers?” I asked trying hard to behave. “I don’t really know anything but their names and ages.”

  He glanced at me suspiciously.

  “I’m not sure you can refrain from commenting on anything I say today,” he suppressed a smile. “I’ve never seen you quite so frisky before.”

  “You make me sound like a cat,” I laughed at the idea. “Do my claws hurt?”

  “More like a playful kitten,” he amended. “Don’t worry I don’t mind you sharpening your claws on me. I know how to fend them off.”

  He laughed aloud at the irritated look on my face. Feeling an unaccustomed twinge of jealousy, I wond
ered just how many female claws he’d fended off. I pushed that thought out of my mind ruthlessly. I couldn’t go down that path.

  “So, about your brothers…?” I prompted.

  “Oh no you don’t,” he shook his head. “You’ll just have to meet everyone and form your own opinions. We’re almost there anyway.”

  I looked around, but had no idea where we were. Once we’d left I35, I was lost. I noticed that it was beautiful country…very green.

  “They live out in the country?”

  “My grandfather had a ranch out here,” Nick explained, “but Dad, being an animal lover, didn’t want to breed cattle to sell for slaughter so he became a vet instead. He sold off most of the acreage, keeping just enough to have space for his practice and some horses.”

  “You have horses?”

  “Only four at the moment,” he answered. “Mom and Dad never replaced theirs when they died, but David and Josh each have one and they take care of mine and Daniel’s for us since we’re not home.” He paused then asked, “Do you ride?”

  “I’ve never been on a horse before,” I admitted. “They’re so big I think I’d be scared.”

  “I could teach you.”

  I wanted so much to be able to say yes, but I knew I wouldn’t be around to keep it up, besides the fact that spending that much time with him would be stupid.

  My heart ached.

  We rounded a curve and a house came into view.

  Thankful for the distraction I asked eagerly, “Is that it?”

  “Yes it is,” I could hear the pride in his voice, “at the risk of sounding corny, welcome to the Barrett Ranch.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  I wasn’t exaggerating; it was perfect.

  The house was a white two story with a wrap-around porch and dark red tin roof. White fencing was everywhere and contrasted perfectly with the flawlessly manicured green grass.

  Over to one side was a low roofed white stucco building with a roof that matched the roof of the house and in front of it a sign that read “Barrett Veterinarian Clinic”. Beyond the clinic was a monstrously large metal barn…its color perfectly matching the two tin roofs. As we drove past one of the white fenced fields, I noticed four horses grazing.

  My mouth dropped open. The whole scene was like a picture postcard.

  Nick pulled up in front of the house and turned to look at me, suppressing a smile.

  “What do you think?”

  I was speechless. All I could do was shake my head in amazement.

  “It didn’t always look like this,” he said reminiscently. “My brothers and I put in a lot of back breaking labor replacing all the old fencing. Thankfully this fencing doesn’t require any painting.”

  “You did all of this yourself?”

  “Being the oldest, Dad put me in charge. According to my brothers I am a ruthless dictator,” he said ruefully, “So you and my brothers already have something in common…your opinion of me.”

  My door flew open and I gasped in surprise as I looked around.

  “CeeCee,” two voices shouted gleefully pulling me from the truck.

  “Be careful,” Nick warned, “I told you she hasn’t been well.”

  “Lighten up Nick,” one of the boys replied.

  “Yeah you’re worse than an old mother hen,” the other chimed in.

  I laughed—I couldn’t help it—at the buoyancy of the two pulling me out of the pickup who were no doubt the twins, David and Josh. I would never be able to tell them apart. They were identical.

  Nick appeared beside me to introduce us.

  “These uncontrollable idiots are David and Josh,” Nick said in exasperation indicating each one in turn. “You can let go of her arms, she isn’t going anywhere.”

  “We want to take her to see our horses,” the one Nick had pointed out as David said eagerly.

  “Yeah, maybe she could go riding with us,” Josh added.

  Even though there was only a two-year difference in our ages, they seemed so…young. The boys were a couple of inches taller than my 5’8,” but as thin as a rail…or two rails in their case.

  I smiled at their little boy excitement. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt any type of childlike thrill. My smile faded just a bit as I felt a strange hollow feeling in my stomach at the thought. Nick noticed the change in my facial features right away of course.

  Taking my arm and leading me away from the twins, amidst their objections, he called over his shoulder, “First we feed her.”

  “Lunch!” the boys exclaimed simultaneously following us into the house.

  The front hallway was a little dark after the brightness of the day, and it took a minute for my eyes to adjust. By the time I could see again, we were already past the entry way and making our way through a gorgeous dining room with an amazing crystal chandelier hanging down from a box ceiling over a set of rich looking mahogany table and chairs.

  I didn’t have much time to take anything else in before we entered the largest kitchen I had ever seen in my life…my mom’s dream kitchen.

  The woman at the sink turned with a welcoming smile on her face. She was about Mom’s age, a bit older, but that was where the resemblance ended. I could see where Nick had gotten his sandy brown hair and golden brown eyes.

  “CeeCee,” I was quickly enveloped in a hug. She smelled pleasantly of vanilla. “I am so thrilled to finally get to meet you.”

  She held me slightly away from her keeping a firm grip on my shoulders. We were almost eye-to-eye.

  “Let me look at you. Such gorgeous green eyes, but you’ve lost weight,” she shook her head at me. “We’ll have to see what we can do about that.”

  “How…?” I began.

  “Oh, I’ve seen pictures of course,” she explained as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “Now, come sit,” she pulled me over to the massive table in the middle of the kitchen. “Everything is ready, oh, and your dad said not to wait lunch for him,” she said turning to Nick and his brothers. “He didn’t know how long he would be. Someone showed up with a hurt dog, so he’s out in the clinic taking care of it.”

  David and Josh sat on each side of me, and my stomach lurched as I saw Nick frowning slightly at them. If only his expression meant he wanted to sit next to me…I quickly squashed that thought.

  “David, it’s your turn,” Mrs. Barrett said as we all joined hands.

  David led a prayer and as soon as he was finished, Mrs. Barrett began filling my plate for me.

  “Do you like potato salad? How about some of this coleslaw? Here is a nice piece of ham for you.”

  She kept up a running commentary as she helped me fill my plate, and it was all I could do to nod or shake my head. I wasn’t a picky eater, but I really disliked beans of any kind so when she offered me the baked beans I shook my head so violently it made me dizzy.

  “Mom, I think she has plenty now,” Nick said with an amused smile.

  “I gave you ice water, since Nick said that was your favorite thing to drink, but I have tea or milk or soda, whatever you would like,” Nick’s mom said anxiously.

  “I’m good, thanks,” I smiled. “Everything smells wonderful.”

  I was starving, so I picked up my fork and took a bite of potato salad. Closing my eyes, I savored the taste. It was so good and I hadn’t eaten since the burrito the night before. I opened them to find everyone except Nick staring anxiously at me.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked worriedly.

  Was I not supposed to eat yet? Did I have food on my face? What?

  Nick laughed, “Everything’s fine. I come from a long line of worry warts…it runs in the family.”

  At my confused look he continued, “My family is concerned about you. You’ll just have to put up with it for the day.”

  I smiled in relief, glad I hadn’t committed some type of faux pas.

  �
�I would hate to abuse your hospitality by passing out or dying or anything like that while I’m here,” I said gravely. “I’ll try to wait until tomorrow. That would be the polite thing to do.”

  I immediately wondered if I should have waited to reveal my warped sense of humor until they knew me better. David and Josh finally figured out I was joking and burst into laughter. Mrs. Barrett smiled, glad she hadn’t offended me, while Nick rolled his eyes at me. I would have stuck my tongue out at him, but I didn’t want to give Mrs. Barrett the wrong impression…or maybe the right one.

  David and Josh vied for my attention during the whole meal. I didn’t have to say much, just respond appropriately, reminiscent of my conversations with Michael. That I could handle.

  “You all look like pigs at feeding time,” a pleasantly deep voice interrupted us.

  “Jonathan,” Mrs. Barrett said with obvious pleasure. “How’s the dog?”

  “He’ll be fine,” Mr. Barrett came over and kissed his wife on the top of her head. “Had a thorn in his paw the owner couldn’t get out. Don’t get up, I’m going upstairs to wash up and then I’ll be down to eat. You must be CeeCee,” he smiled at me.

  “Nice to meet you Mr. Barrett,” I said smiling politely in his direction.

  “Don’t let those two talk your arm off,” he nodded to the twins.

  “Too late,” Nick assured him. “The one they didn’t talk off they pulled off earlier fighting over her. You’ll have to reattach them both later.”

  David and Josh howled with laughter; I could see they were easily amused. Sighing wistfully, I knew I would trade places with them in an instant. They loved life and found joy in everything. I was envious.

  “He’s just jealous because CeeCee likes us better than him,” David informed his dad, eyeing Nick mischievously.

  “I might be jealous,” Nick replied loftily, “If it were true.”

  My heart, which had begun doing flip-flops at his first statement, sank to my feet once I realized he was just teasing his brothers. I looked down at my plate, knowing I couldn’t let anyone in the Barrett family see tears, ever.

  Mr. Barrett left the room as the phone rang.

  “Could you get that Nick?” his mother asked.

  “No problem,” Nick got up and walked over to the kitchen phone.

  The twins were fighting over which of them I liked best, so thinking I was safe I glanced up to watch Nick and my gaze locked with Mrs. Barrett’s who was eyeing me speculatively. As soon as our eyes met, I quickly lowered mine to my plate.

  I had a feeling she was too perceptive; I would need to be careful around her.

  “Are you through, CeeCee,” David asked a little impatiently.

  “Yeah, we want to introduce you to our babies,” Josh agreed.

  “You have babies?” I asked bewildered, but glad for the distraction.

  “Our horses silly,” David teased.

  “Yeah silly,” Josh repeated.

  I could see that David was the leader and Josh the little follower and since I had never known any twins before, I found them to be highly entertaining. Nick came back to the table the same time his dad reappeared.

  “Who was on the phone,” Mr. Barrett asked seating himself.

  “Daniel,” Nick replied, “He’s only about five minutes away.

  “Oh wonderful,” Mrs. Barrett clasped her hands together. “Has he had lunch?” she asked, getting up from the table.

  “No,” Nick grinned, “He told me to be sure you set a place for him.”

  “Aw, do we have to stay here and wait for him?” David asked in a whiny tone.

  “Yeah, do we?” Josh seconded.

  I revised my earlier thought and decided that after a while their twin act was going to get old.

  “No you don’t,” Mr. Barrett said kindly. As they jumped up and started to grab my arms he added, “But you will leave CeeCee here. I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet.”

  The twins sat back down deflated.

  I smiled at Mr. Barrett gratefully, careful not to let the twins see my relief. Mr. Barrett winked at me covertly. He was exactly as Nick had described him, a kind, considerate man, and Nick looked so much like him that my heart swelled with emotion. He may have his mother’s hair and eyes, but he had inherited his father’s size, build, and good looks.

  “So you’re Mark’s sister,” he searched my face. “You don’t look anything alike.”

  “No,” I sighed in resignation, “Mark inherited Mom’s looks and I got Dad’s.”

  He leaned toward me conspiratorially, his dark brown eyes looking into mine and whispered, “I’m rather partial to green eyes.”

  Sitting back in his chair, he began filling his plate.

  “Anybody home?” a faint voice called from the front of the house.

  “Daniel,” Mrs. Barrett started to get up from the table.

  “Lydia,” Mr. Barrett said mildly, “Your plate’s still full. Are you planning to eat?”

  “Oh, who needs to eat with so much excitement going on?”

  She stopped short and there was a shocked silence at the table as they all realized what she had said and were watching me to see how I would take it. Desperate to relieve the tension, I glanced around the table and slowly raised my hand in the air smiling, as if in answer to her rhetorical question.

  Daniel walked in and asked “Did somebody die or something.”

  Lowering my hand I said, “No, I promised I wouldn’t do that until tomorrow.”

  The twins were the first to burst out laughing, followed quickly by everyone else with the exception of Daniel who stood in the doorway wondering if we had all gone stark raving mad.

  Mrs. Barrett hugged Daniel and led him to his seat between Nick and Mr. Barrett. The twins spent their time trying to explain the laughter to Daniel and Mr. Barrett since he hadn’t been there for my first lame attempt at a joke. Mrs. Barrett tried to apologize to me for her comment, but I just shook my head and told her I wasn’t that easily offended.

  She smiled and tried valiantly to eat something off her plate.

  Her whole family was together and anyone watching her could see the happiness shining out of her eyes. Food could wait. I so wished Mom could look like that again. I felt the familiar lump in my throat at that thought and knew I wouldn’t be able to eat anymore.

  Thankfully, Daniel distracted me. He had managed to fill his plate and eat part of it in between everyone talking to him at once—I gathered that he hadn’t been home in a few weeks—and decided it was his turn to ask questions.

  “CeeCee,” I was startled hearing my name from an unfamiliar voice. “I’ve heard so much about you over the years, I feel like I already know you.”

  I looked into his dark brown eyes, inherited from his father, and smiled at him.

  “Mark’s told us a lot about you, too.”

  Mark had known Daniel quite a while before meeting Nick.

  “I’m really sorry about introducing him to Laticia,” Daniel looked pained. “I had no idea…”

  “You know Laticia?” I asked in a shocked voice.

  “No one told you?” the surprise in his voice obvious.

  “I live on a need to know basis,” I grimaced. “Too much information isn’t always a good thing.”

  “I can understand that,” Daniel said sympathetically.

  “How did you meet Laticia?”

  “We were in high school together…although we didn’t really know each other,” he grinned. “She was a member of the rich and snobby society besides being younger than me. I didn’t even realize she knew who I was,” he admitted puzzled.

  “I’m certain that Laticia’s family researched Mark thoroughly enough to have found the connection between you two and it would have been a very short jump to investigate you and exploit the tenuous connection she had with you from high school in order to make it appear a casual meeting instead of the pla
nned one it obviously was,” Nick concluded.

  “What a monster!” Mrs. Barrett exclaimed in horror.

  “I just want you to know we all tried to talk some sense into him,” Daniel said. “Mark told me how close you two have always been; I’m sorry it was so hard on you.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I wasn’t going to add another person to the growing list of people who wanted to take the blame for my idiocy. “I honestly didn’t realize what I was doing to myself. You can ask Nick, I don’t always pay attention to important things.”

  “She does seem to live in the state of oblivion more than anyone else I have ever met,” Nick concurred with an amused look on his face.

  “And here I thought you were from the state of Texas,” Daniel shook his head.

  Predictably, the twins howled with laughter.

  “Well, I think it’s time for dessert,” Mrs. Barrett said, changing the subject.

  She brought out a chocolate meringue pie first. My eyes were wide. I looked up to find Nick watching me. He nodded at the question in my eyes.

  I mouthed the words, “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” he mouthed back smiling.

  “CeeCee, you get the first piece since you’re company and this is your favorite,” Mrs. Barrett put a large piece on a dessert plate and handed it to me.

  “Thanks,” I said as I took the plate.

  “Hey, do the rest of us get anything?” David demanded.

  “Yeah,” Josh seconded, “we want some dessert.”

  “I thought you were through eating,” Mr. Barrett couldn’t resist teasing them.

  They rolled their collective eyes at him.

  I concentrated on eating my piece of pie, afraid to look up in case anyone noticed I was teary eyed again, and calling myself all kinds of an idiot.

  So he had his mom make my favorite type of pie…no biggie. Why was I making such a huge deal about it?

  I felt a deep yearning that was becoming all too familiar. I knew it was hopeless, but I couldn’t stop myself from wishing he loved me the same way I loved him…I’d even settle for half as much. I forced myself to finish my pie and then asked where the bathroom was, needing desperately to get away from the table.

  David triumphantly led me down the hall, making a big production out of being the one I had asked. I probably should have asked Josh because I felt like kicking David in the shin and telling him to pipe down. I didn’t think that would go over too well with the family.

  When I saw the figure waiting out in the hall for me as I opened the bathroom door my heart jumped, I just knew it was Nick, but instead, Daniel turned around and smiled at me. I tried to keep the disappointment off my face as I smiled back.

  “Can we talk?” he asked hesitantly.

  “Sure,” I replied, frowning at his serious expression.

  “Are you up for a short walk?”

  “I’m sure I’ll manage.”

  I had to smile at his obvious concern.

  Daniel led me out the front door, and we walked down the road toward the horses. When we got to the field where they were grazing, he stopped and leaned on the fence watching them. They started ambling over to us, and I was a little scared—okay, I was thoroughly terrified…never having been that close to one before—so as the horses reached us and put their heads through the fence, I backed off a little.

  “It’s okay,” he reassured me. “They won’t hurt you.”

  He took my hand and placed it between the eyes of one of the horses.

  “This is my horse Tex,” Daniel said proudly. “He’s a Quarter horse.”

  Tex lifted his head until my hand was close to his nose; it was surprisingly soft and velvety.

  “See, they love people.”

  I giggled in relief. As long as they stayed on their side of the fence, I would be fine.

  “CeeCee,” Daniel turned towards me and said earnestly, “I feel really horrible about what happened to you. I wish I could turn back the clock and change what I did, but I can’t. If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, I will.”

  He looked so miserable, I had the sudden urge to give him a hug and console him. Since I didn’t know him that well, I settled for taking one of his hands in both of mine.

  “Daniel,” As usual, I wasn’t sure how to say what I needed to say, but I knew I had to say something, “Laticia would have found a way to meet Mark with or without you. What Mark allowed to happen to him was his fault, not yours. What I allowed to happen to me was my fault, not yours, not Mark’s, my fault. Hopefully we’ve both learned from our mistakes and won’t make the same ones again.” Wanting to lighten the atmosphere, I added mischievously, “But if you insist on reparation, I’ll take your first born.”

  For a moment, there was no response and then Daniel let loose with a loud laugh, as much from relief as humor…I really needed to work on my delivery. Nick and Mark were the only people who ever caught on immediately. I knew I had a warped sense of humor, but what did that say about them, I mused.

  “Here come the marines,” Daniel muttered under his breath.

  Confused, I looked around to see Nick bearing down on us with a scowl on his face. Self-consciously, I realized I was still holding Daniel’s hand. I tried to drop it, but Daniel had turned his hand, grabbing both of mine and showed no signs of letting go. I looked up questioningly and saw Daniel wink at me. What was he up to?

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Nick demanded.

  That question sounds vaguely familiar, I thought bemused.

  Turning toward him about to answer I realized that he wasn’t talking to me.

  “We were just taking a little stroll in the moonlight,” Daniel said flippantly.

  “It’s the middle of the afternoon,” Nick pointed out sourly.

  “Semantics,” Daniel replied airily.

  “CeeCee get back to the house,” Nick ordered. “Mom has a room ready for you.”

  Usually I would have argued that I wasn’t ready for a nap, but one look at Nick’s face as he glowered at Daniel was enough to convince me that it wasn’t a good time to disagree with him about anything.

  “Um…Daniel…I’m kinda gonna need my hands back,” I said glancing between the two of them as they glared at each other.

  Daniel lifted my hands up to his lips and planted a kiss on the top one, never taking his eyes from Nick’s. I gasped aloud. Risking a quick look at Nick, I was surprised there wasn’t smoke coming out of his ears. I had never seen his face look so red, the veins bulging on his forehead as his eyes drilled into Daniel’s. I practically ran for the house as soon as Daniel released my hands.

  Mrs. Barrett stood in the front door as I made the porch. I was out of breath.

  “Are you alright my dear?” she asked in alarm.

  I nodded, glancing back at Nick and Daniel in concern. I could tell by their body language that they were arguing.

  “I’m sorry,” I could feel the tears prickling. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble between them.”

  “My boys are always fighting about something,” Mrs. Barrett reassured me. “Don’t let it bother you. Nick won’t hurt him.”

  “Nick? I thought Daniel was the karate expert,” I said in confusion.

  “Daniel only started karate because he was trying to keep up with Nick…as usual,” she informed me. “I have a bed all ready for you to take a nap. Come with me.”

  She gently put her arm around my shoulders and led me into the house and up the stairs.

  “This is the guest room. The bathroom is through that door. Call me if you need anything.” She smiled reassuringly before she left, closing the door behind her.

  The beautifully decorated room was a tasteful mix of powder blue with white accents from the blue walls, bedspread, and accent rugs to the white molding, tile floor, and painted wrought iron bed. I found myself wishing Felicia could see it. She loved
blue and I was sure it would have been the perfect setting for her.

  As much as I hated to mess up the bed, I knew I wouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping on top of the bedspread. Taking off my shoes, I gingerly pulled back the coverlet and slipped between the sheets.

  Knowing I would never be able to sleep if I dwelled on the scene earlier, I tried desperately to clear my mind. Half an hour later, I was still trying to get to sleep. There was only one thing I could do, even though I was well aware it would make things more painful later. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to remember…