Dear Diary...

by L. M. Reed

  Chapter 27

  Dear Diary,

  Mom’s family is a nightmare!

  CeeCee

  “Well,” I said impatiently, “give.”

  Mom was already in bed in Mark’s room. She’d taken a couple of ibuprofen tablets as soon as we arrived, saying she had a headache, and needed an early night.

  Having slept on the couch the night before, apparently not feeling any more comfortable with the idea of using Nick’s room than I, Mom finally agreed to take Mark’s room. Mark had insisted, realizing that she needed to be alone after the emotionally wearing day she’d been through.

  As much as I wanted to, spending the night in Nick’s room just didn’t feel right so I’d parked myself on the couch as soon as we arrived back at the apartment and stubbornly refused to leave it. Mark continued to try to persuade me to take Nick’s bedroom, but I was sure I could convince him that being near the ice and kitchen water was the most important thing for me. Sometimes being the invalid had its advantages.

  Mark sat on the couch with me and we spoke as quietly as possible in order to avoid disturbing Mom.

  “It wasn’t pleasant.”

  I could tell Mark didn’t want to talk about it, but I was determined.

  “I didn’t think it would be,” I replied dismissively. “What happened?” Still he hesitated. “Just give me the highlights, I don’t need all the gory details.”

  “Okay, here it is, Mom confronted Richard and Natalie and discovered that Richard had no idea what his wife and daughter were doing. He’s still in love with Mom.”

  I gasped, “After all this time…?”

  I felt a kindred spirit to the unknown Richard. That would be me in twenty years, still in love with the unattainable.

  “Yes, and realizing that Mom was a widow, he would have left his wife for her in an instant if she had given him any encouragement, especially after he found out what Natalie and Laticia had been up to.”

  Mark’s face clouded, and I knew he was beating himself up over it again.

  “Did he say that in front of his wife?”

  “It was no surprise to her, she already knew how Richard felt,” Mark looked as stunned as I felt. “The marriage was arranged by their parents after Mom ditched Richard for Dad.”

  “More arranged marriages,” I shook my head. “You’d think it was the dark ages.”

  “It gets better, or worse, depending on how you look at it. Apparently, Mom’s brother Phillip was in on this whole thing from the first. He and Natalie had been having an affair for a long time, and they cooked it up between them knowing that there were no more Tate males left to carry on the lawyer tradition.”

  Mark shook his head in disbelief. We were both having a hard time believing that people like that existed. I was beginning to understand why Mom had felt the need to protect us from that world.

  “But isn’t Phillip the one that’s married to Natalie’s sister?” I asked in confusion.

  “Apparently Natalie had been in love with Phillip for years and that was one of the reasons why she pretended to be Mom’s friend,” Mark said in disgust. “She’s the one who told Mom’s parents about Dad before Mom was ready. Well, she told Phillip so he could tell his parents. She used it as an excuse to get Phillip alone and that’s when their affair began.”

  Mark shuddered and seemed momentarily at a loss for words.

  “So you’re telling me that Phillip and Natalie have been sleeping together since before you and I were born?” I asked incredulously. “Did Richard know?”

  “He knew when he agreed to marry Natalie,” Mark informed me. “He was more than willing to continue his own little exploits on the side to keep him happy.”

  “They’re monsters!”

  I had to work to keep my voice down.

  “That’s not the worst of it,” Mark admitted. “Can you guess who Laticia’s real father is?”

  “You can’t be…are you serious? But that would make her our cousin, your cousin. Oh Mark, I am so sorry. You didn’t…I mean…nothing...happened did it?”

  “No, I didn’t sleep with her if that’s what your asking,” Mark was angry, but not at me. “She tried, thinking that would be the final push that I needed, but I couldn’t brush off all of my years of religious beliefs like that, even though I’d stopped going to church.”

  “But you were planning on marrying her,” I said bewildered. “Surely they wouldn’t have let things go that far.”

  “Richard’s name was on the birth certificate, not Phillip’s, so without a paternity test there was no way anyone would have the slightest idea that we were first cousins.”

  “She must take after her mother. She doesn’t look anything like us.”

  “Laticia has had so much plastic surgery done to her face as well as other parts of her body that there is no telling what she’s supposed to look like. She also inherited her mother’s dark coloring, so that didn’t cause any speculation. If she had turned out a blonde, Richard would have been suspicious. Natalie and Phillip were the only ones that knew and they wanted us to marry,” Mark said in disgust. “Poor Richard, the one time that Natalie seduced him it was because she knew she was pregnant and didn’t want him to know whose child it was. It was quite a shocker when Natalie admitted it to him today. In a way, I think he was relieved, though, because he never was able to feel anything for Laticia and had always felt a guilty about that.”

  “Your children…they could have been…” I couldn’t finish my sentence.

  “If there had been any obvious problems, Laticia would have had no compunction about aborting them.”

  I could tell Mark was as horrified by that thought as I was.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered again with tears in my eyes. “I can’t believe we’re related to those people.”

  “That’s not all,” Mark said reluctantly. “Mom’s father died a couple of years ago, but her mother is still alive. Mom’s siblings put her in a nursing home here in Austin. She…isn’t normal.”

  “What do you mean…isn’t normal?”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear anymore, but I had asked.

  “When Mom left Austin with Dad, her mother was devastated. She became almost a recluse, but it happened so gradually, that her husband didn’t even notice at first.”

  He couldn’t bring himself to call Mom’s father by the title grandfather. I didn’t blame him. He was probably the one directly responsible for the warped way his family had turned out.

  Mark continued, “She had been quite the socialite and took Mom with her almost everywhere to show her off to everyone. Mom was her pride and joy, her greatest accomplishment in life. When Mom left, she lost the will to live. Mom had no idea. She didn’t think her mother had any feelings for her. All she remembers is being dressed up and paraded around like some china doll. Mom’s father was all that stood between her and an institution apparently. When he died, both of Mom’s siblings decided to put her in a home. Now Mom feels responsible.”

  “Of course she does,” I acknowledged dully. “Mom blames herself for everything. Look how guilty she feels about us.”

  “We went to visit her today,” Mark shuddered again. “She knew her Allison right away, but she thought I was Phillip. Apparently, I look a lot like him. Mom said she and Phillip were her mother’s favorites since they both looked like her. She talked the whole time about things that had happened when Mom lived here in Austin as if it was yesterday. It was weird.”

  “No wonder Mom was over-stimulated at supper,” I nodded in understanding. “She was desperate to hide her emotional distress from everyone.”

  “I offered to bring her back here and skip supper, but she wanted to meet Nick’s family,” Mark said shaking his head. “She didn’t want to disappoint anyone.”

  “That’s Mom,” I agreed.

  “I believe it’s time for you to be asleep,” Mark said changing the subject.
“You look all in.

  “Mrs. Barrett made sure I took a nap this afternoon, but I have to admit, I’m beat,” I agreed.

  “It would make me feel better if you took the bedroom,” Mark insisted walking into the kitchen and pulling an empty container out of one of the cupboards. “I’ll make sure to leave a pitcher of ice water in there for you.”

  I could hear him filling it up with ice and then water from the sink.

  “I think it’s important for you to have the bedroom with the bathroom connected to it,” he continued as he moved into Nick’s bedroom carrying the pitcher and an empty glass. “Mom says you usually get up quite a few times in the middle of the night and if you stay out here you might keep Mom awake all night using the bathroom.”

  He had me there and he knew it. If Mom had noticed my many nightly visits in our apartment with the whole living room between us, there was no way she was going to miss them with the second bathroom right outside her door and sharing a wall with her room. The fact that I hadn’t moved at all the previous night was due to my skipped nap and traveling the day before. I doubted I would be so lucky again.

  “Talk behind my back much?” I asked lightly as he returned to the living room.

  I knew they did, and I knew they knew I knew that they did; there was always plenty to talk about…I made sure of that, albeit unintentionally.

  “Nothing I wouldn’t say to your face,” Mark said truthfully taking my hands and pulling me gently but firmly off the couch. “Take the bedroom.”

  “Okay,” I surrendered “you win.”

  “I usually do,” he admitted smugly.

  I playfully punched him in the stomach.

  “You really are weak,” he teased. “I barely felt that one.”

  “Just wait until I get my strength back,” I warned, “You’ll regret your lack of respect.”

  “I’m looking forward to it,” he replied fervently.

  I gave him a hug, picked up my suitcase which I had retrieved from Mark’s room before Mom took over his bedroom, and made my way to Nick’s room.

  Stopping at the door, I turned around and said, “Love you”.

  “Love you, too,” he returned. “Sweet dreams.”

  He had no idea.

  I flipped the light switch on, shut the door, and looked around the room. I hadn’t been in Nick’s bedroom before and it was tantalizing.

  However, as difficult as it was to do, I managed to resist opening his closet door and dresser drawers. If he had any secrets, he deserved to keep them to himself.

  Instead, I satisfied myself with examining only what was out in the open. The walls were bare, not even any curtains on the window just mini-blinds, and there was a king-sized bed in the big middle of the room covered with a plain dark blue bedspread.

  I threw my suitcase on it.

  Continuing my investigation, I noticed one of the nightstands held a lamp and a book. Curiously, I walked over and picked the book up, glancing at the title.

  How funny, I thought, He’s reading the Agent Jack Knight books.

  I wondered what he thought of them. I could ask him at church in the morning, but I decided it was better if I didn’t know we had things like that in common, as it would just make everything that much harder.

  The other nightstand had a framed picture sitting on it. From a distance, it looked like a family portrait. I crawled across the bed and reached over to pick it up, then gasped aloud. My hand flew up to my mouth and I glanced nervously at the door, hoping Mark hadn’t heard me.

  My eyes were irresistibly drawn back to the picture frame. Obviously, it was a family portrait but what had surprised me was the photo stuck in the bottom right hand corner of the frame.

  I vaguely remembered someone at the Homecoming Dance snapping pictures of couples, but I hadn’t paid much attention to them; being too preoccupied with Nick. I stared at the picture unable to take my eyes off the smiling couple looking back at me. We looked so good together. I felt the familiar lump in my throat, the ache in my chest, and the churning in my stomach.

  That had been one of the best nights of my life, correction, the best night of my life, and I was thankful to Nick for giving it to me. I tried to quell the hopelessness that rose up inside of me, threatening to overwhelm me as it had in the past as I yearned for the impossible, but gazing at the picture it almost felt like it was possible, that it was so close if I just knew what to do, how to reach it…

  I forced my gaze away from the picture and, crawling over to my suitcase I opened it and began getting ready for bed.

  As much as I wanted to dwell on it, I couldn’t allow myself to wonder why Nick would have that picture by his bed. That path led to disaster. Mark might have done the same thing with the picture if it had been him; it meant nothing.

  Being in Nick’s room brought the night of the dance into clear focus…how Nick’s arms felt around me and how our bodies had touched…

  Stop it, CeeCee! I told myself in panic, remember Michael!

  The kissing experiment with Michael had clearly shown me that two people could see and feel totally different things about the same experience. Just because I had been drowning in my feelings for Nick that night, it didn’t necessarily follow that Nick felt the same way.

  Angry with myself for dredging up things better left buried, I moved into the bathroom in order to finish getting ready for bed. I refused to look around; I didn’t want to see anything else that might set me off again.

  As soon as I was back in the bedroom, I put my suitcase on the floor, turned the picture frame face down, flipped off the light and got into the middle of the bed. I tossed and turned for a while, and then gave in.

  I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep unless I occupied the side with the lamp and the book.

  Instinctively, I knew that Nick slept there. Lying with my head on one pillow, I grabbed the other and held it in my arms, pretending it was Nick. Smiling to myself, I was asleep almost immediately.