Blue Love : Blue Valley High — Senior Year

by Mj Fields

  “I’ll stay with her for a few hours,” Jade offers.

  “Jade, honey, you need to go to school. John, what is your schedule tomorrow? I have to work until three.”

  “I have a delivery in the morning. I’ll be home by noon,” Dad answers.

  “Jade and then Dad it is,” I say, closing my eyes.

  “That’s up to your father, Jade,” Dad says, and then … “Is that all, Maggie?”

  I open my eyes and see Dad’s looking at her in a way I’ve never seen him look at her—angry.

  “Yes. But I’m gonna say goodnight to my kids.”

  While Mom says goodnight to everyone then kisses my head before walking to the door, I push food around. When I glance up at her, I see tears falling down her face as she leaves.

  Dazed, I watch her headlights disappear from sight, from out the window.

  “How are you doing, girl? How you feeling?” Dad asks.

  I don’t answer.

  “Besides the obvious, what’s wrong?”

  “Everything and nothing. I’m feeling loopy. I feel so dirty, I need a bath.”

  Jade draws me a bath and helps me unwrap my ankle. It’s hideous, and even though the pill stopped the pain, it didn’t stop the ache. It just made me not care about it all that much.

  Kendall helps me get dressed, since Jade went home to get her overnight things.

  Jake’s a mess. He’s either laughing at my inability to focus on a conversation, pissed off that someone hurt me, or telling me to be quiet so he can hear the TV.

  Then, I’m out and, apparently, out for a while, because when I wake up, Alex has my feet on his lap, and Jade is back with her stuff, and everyone else is in bed.

  “Lucas hasn’t called, has he?” I try to sit up, but my head feels like a lead balloon, and instead of pushing forward, I lay back and laugh.

  “Jesus, does he have this place bugged or what?” Alex laughs when Jade answers the phone.

  “She’s kind of stoned.” She pauses. “I guess you could try?” She walks over and hands me the phone, then sits on the floor in front of the couch.

  Speaking slowly, hoping not to slur, I answer, “Hello?”

  “You okay?” He sounds mad.

  “Pfft, fine as frog’s hair.”

  I did not just use one of Aunt Josie’s weird redneck terms while talking to Lucas freaking Links.

  “What?” he asks with amusement in his voice.

  “Uh-huh?”

  He sighs. “Drunk then stoned, all in less than a week. What am I going to do with you, Tessa Ross?”

  “I don’t know how to answer that. Anything? Maybe more, but my eyes have invisible weights on them. Big, heavy weights, probably bigger than even you could lift. So, I’m going to …” My eyes close, and I can’t open them. “It’s dark in here.”

  “In where?” he asks.

  “In my eyes.”

  “Okay,” Alex laughs, taking the phone and handing it to Jade.

  “Okay. Thanks for coming.” I yawn. “Goodbye.”

  I wake up in severe pain and having to pee. The problem is that Jade’s asleep right in front of me on the floor.

  I try to get up but whimper when I set my foot on the floor.

  “Hey, let me help,” Jade says.

  I hobble to the bathroom and drop my sleep shorts and undies.

  “Gross,” I grumble.

  Jade wakes up to find me in the bathroom, and bleeding.

  “Tessa, it’s not your week,” she says.

  The fact that we know each other’s cycles might be a bit odd, but it is what it is.

  “Tessa?” Jade hugs me.

  I didn’t realize I’m crying until she hugs me, and then nothing holds back the emotional vomit as I tell her the whole story. I tell her about Dr. Feel Good, the Vagatron, the stirrups that didn’t involve a pony ride, the vagina spotlight, the finger in the ass, the clamp in my vagina, and being put on the pill. Then I tell her how much I hate my mother for putting me through what felt a lot like someone touching me without permission, and on her say-so, and that I hate myself for feeling sorry for her when she walked out last night, in tears.

  Jade begins to cry, too. “I’m so sorry, Tessa.”

  “Don’t cry. It’s stupid.”

  “No, it’s not stupid.”

  “I need another bath.”

  “Okay.” She steps back, and I look down.

  “Can you grab me some clothes?” I ask as I completely take off my panties.

  Opening the pill bottle, picking one out, she hands it to me then fills a cup of water and hands me both. “Of course. What would you like?”

  “Period panties, and one of Lucas’s sweatshirts. I have a collection started,” I call after her.

  By the time I’m done bathing and dressed, I feel fabulous, because the drugs kicked in.

  Hopping toward the living room, I yell to Jade, “I feel much better. No more tears. And thank you for forgetting my bra. The friction is—”

  “Tessa, the boys!”

  “The boys what?” I laugh as I round the corner.

  And I nearly die when I see Lucas, Tommy, and Alex sitting in the living room with some sort of breakfast on the coffee table, but I don’t, because I’m feeling the effects of the Tylenol 3.

  Alex doesn’t even try to make it less awkward as he asks, “What did Mom do to you, Tessa?”

  “Alex …” I shake my head. “Not now.”

  Alex fists his hands at his sides.

  I notice Lucas and Tommy looking at my ankle. Tommy looks shocked. Lucas looks pissed.

  “It’s not as bad as it looks.” I hop to the couch. “Most people don’t even know they have a fracture when it’s this small, but the bruising looks bad. Hurts like hell, too, but I have really good pain meds.”

  Still radio silence in the room.

  In my head, that’s still a bit foggy, all I can think about is saying anything to make it go away.

  “So, breakfast looks wonderful. How about we eat?”

  “I’ll get plates and napkins,” Jade says as she rushes to the kitchen.

  And now I’m alone with three males who just heard an awful lot about last night.

  “It is too quiet. You guys should try one of those pills. They make you feel all sorts of funky.”

  And it stays that way as I force myself to eat half a bagel and drink some juice.

  “The pills also make you tired. You guys should get to school.” I lay down. “I’m going to fall out soon, anyway.”

  Tommy and Alex stand so fast that it makes me laugh. Can’t blame them for wanting to get out of here.

  “I’ll hang here with Jade for a while. Unless Jade wants to get to school?”

  “No, I’ll stay. And Tessa, sit.”

  “Did you just say Tessa sit?” I snort a laugh. “I should kick your ass.”

  Jade laughs. “I’m not thinking you’ll be kicking anything for a while.”

  “You’re good for two weeks, but I will remember.”

  Tommy laughs. “Your blue eyes are almost black; you won’t remember a damn thing.”

  I lift my legs, one at a time, to curl up on the couch. “Would you all get out of here and let me convalesce?”

  “Convalesce?” Alex laughs.

  “SAT prep.” I yawn and hold up a thumb.

  Lucas stands up from the love seat, walks over, and grabs a pillow, putting it behind me. He then sits at the other end of the couch and carefully pulls my legs down to rest on his lap, cringing when he sees the purple and yellow bruises that run from my knee to the top of my foot, up close and personal.

  Jade cringes. “We need to wrap that.”

  “I’ll be fine.” Eyes heavy, I look down at Lucas. “Go to school.”

  “Go to sleep,” he returns. Then he gently lifts my leg. “I’m so sorry, baby.” He then places featherlike kisses from my toe to my knee.

  “Lucas, you didn’t beat me with a hockey stick.” I sigh. “And, by the way, there are othe
r places that I’d like your lips.”

  “Tessa, go to sleep.” He throws the Afghan over my face and laughs softly.

  “You wanna tell me what happened before we head to school and get bombarded with questions?” Alex says as he walks from the bathroom.

  “Jade, that’s all you,” I mumble.

  Jade gave the play by play.

  “Who the hell were these girls, Lucas? Ex-girlfriends?” Alex asks.

  “Not girlfriends, per say; just girls I used to … well, you know,” Lucas answers.

  “So, four girls have gone after my sister because of you?”

  “I think it’s because they’re freakin’ crazy. It’s not Lucas’s fault,” Jade snaps at Alex.

  Alex stands quietly for a few moments before he asks, “Phoebe went after one of them?”

  “Yep, she got carded,” Jade said.

  “Nice. I like Phoebe.” Alex chuckles. “But question: did hockey become more dangerous than football?”

  Alex and Tommy leave for school, but Lucas refuses to leave. Jade insists on staying for a couple more hours, too.

  Eyes closed, I hear the screen door slam once, twice, three times, and I yawn. “Stupid door.”

  I wake up having to use the bathroom. When I sit up, I whimper, this time because my stomach is cramped.

  I’m hunched over, grabbing my belly, when I feel Lucas grab my waist to steady me.

  “Good morning, sleepy head,” he whispers.

  “Hi, Lucas.”

  After setting a glass on the coffee table with his other hand, he steers me back to the couch, squats beside me, and asks, “You okay, Tessa?”

  “I’m fine, thank you. I do, however, need to go to the bathroom.”

  He helps me up, wraps his arm around my waist, and all but carries me to the bathroom door.

  It shocks me when it opens and Jade smiles. “You look, um, better.”

  I sigh. “You’re not very convincing.”

  “Avoid the mirror,” she suggests, walking around me and out.

  After using the bathroom and getting pissed because I’m still bleeding, I wash my hands. Then I brush my teeth and throw my still wet hair up in a messy bun on top of my head.

  Using the crutches that Jade left by the door, I make my way out to the living room.

  “I don’t plan on taking any of those pills again until bedtime. I feel like a bum.”

  Lucas shakes his head and finishes cleaning up the coffee table, and I sit on the couch and put my leg up on the pillow that he’s set on it. I grab the remote to turn on the TV. “You guys go to school. Dad will be here in a couple of hours, and I’m going to sit here and veg. I’ll be fine.”

  “All right, I’ll get your schoolwork and bring it to you after school,” Jade says. “Do you need anything else?”

  “Just one thing. Find out when we play them again.”

  Jade nods. “Will do. See you after practice.”

  Lucas sits next to me and pulls me gently into his side.

  “Weird. I just heard her leave, but the door didn’t—”

  “Spring just needed to be reattached.”

  “You fixed the door?” I ask, eyes misting up.

  “Wasn’t a big deal.”

  It is. It’s such a big deal, and he doesn’t even know it.

  “Thank you.”

  He wraps his arm around me a bit tighter.

  “You can go now, Lucas. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’m not leaving. As many times as you tell me it’s not my fault, I know it is. I’m staying here.”

  “Okay, again, it’s not.”

  “Tessa, there is a lot you don’t know, and I want you to. I want you to know everything.”

  I grab his chin and turn his face toward me. “Tell me then, and look at me when you do.”

  “I’ve known the girls from yesterday for a long time. I have slept with them on and off for two years. They knew about each other, and even though they’d get jealous, they kept coming back … until about six months ago.”

  “Why would you do that to them?”

  “I’d get drunk, and one of the three was always around. When we had sex, it wasn’t nice sex; it was rough, kinky, nasty, and with toys. We fucked, Tessa. We never made love. At one point, they decided that we should all sleep together. I thought it would be cool.”

  Oh my God.

  “My mom was away one night, and they all came over with a bong. And, well, it was every man’s fantasy.”

  I swallow hard and ask, “How often did this happen?”

  “From the fall of sophomore year, I think. Yeah, my mom takes a break and goes to dry up before Christmas. Most of the time, her little trips are in the fall.”

  “Who do you stay with?”

  “I stay by myself. I can handle it.”

  “Apparently not,” I joke, and poorly.

  “Tessa, I just told you that I had sex with the three girls who beat you black and blue with a hockey stick yesterday, and you’re making jokes? I know this sounds cliché, but you really aren’t like any other girl I’ve ever met.”

  I giggle.

  He rolls his eyes. “And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or if you are totally and completely insane.”

  “Let’s consider the girls you’ve met.” I point to my ankle.

  His lips curve up a bit, but he looks down. “I enjoy spending time with you, and I feel like, for the first time, I can be honest with someone. Hell, I’ve never wanted to, or actually could before. I swear that’s why I fell in love with you.”

  “Why, Lucas Links, I think you should look at me when you’re talking to me.” I grab his face and turn it to look at me. “If you want to take it back, you can. Maybe you love me like a sister or a friend. It’s okay.”

  “I wish I could,” he said. “But I can’t, Tessa. I don’t think I will ever be able to. You’re real, you’re special, you’re perfect, and”—he looks up at me—“I think I love you, Tessa Ross.”

  Resting my forehead against his, looking into his green eyes, I smile. “As much as I’m scared out of my mind, I think I’m in love with you, too.” We gaze into each other’s eyes. “Now, I want some lip action.”

  Smiling against my mouth, he kisses me softly, gently, unrushed, and he does it over and over again.

  Then, against my lips, he whispers, “I don’t think it. I know I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He parts my lips with his tongue and pushes gently into my mouth, and it’s as if he’s kissing me for the first time.

  Resting his forehead against mine, his hand on my cheek, thumb softly rubbing back and forth against my skin, he whispers, “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  He kisses my lips then says, “For loving me, anyway.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  I don’t heal as quickly as I thought, but regardless, the next three weeks, life is amazing. Every morning, Lucas meets me at my locker and walks me to first period class. We eat lunch together, and when he’s at practice, I sit on the bench, watching my field hockey team become stronger. One Saturday, we took the kids to the zoo and out to lunch then had dinner at his house.

  His mother seems to be doing well. He said he hasn’t seen her drink in almost a month. She even attended football games and sat with me. Together, we watched him and cheered him on.

  On Sundays, I went back to church. Kendall loves the stage, and Jake is even showing some interest in it.

  After church, Lucas would join us for dinner. He always helped me clean up and do the dishes, and it normally ended in a water fight. After dinner, Dad and Alex would teach him to shoot. He’s an awesome shot, and he will more than likely be hunting with them in November. We would occasionally go out to dinner with Jade and Tommy, too.

  Even though I’m missing a big part of my life—Mom—my time with Lucas more than fills that void.

  Sunday, when we get home, the phone rings, and I answer it, smiling.

  “Lucas.”<
br />
  “Hey, baby, homecoming is Saturday, and I don’t have a date. I’ve been so busy that I forgot to ask anyone. You free?”

  “I don’t know … so many suitors. Let me see what I can do … Hmmm, of course!”

  Chuckling, he replies, “I left a present in your closet. Hope you like it.”

  I run upstairs, phone pressed to my cheek, and open the closet, where a beautiful, floor-length, light blue gown hangs from the door. Kendall is asleep in bed, so I do a silent happy dance as I sneak back out of our room.

  “It’s beautiful, thank you!”

  “Thank you … for loving me—”

  “Anyway,” I finish for him.

  Today is my first game since my “ankle issue.” It’s at home, and it’s against the Three B’s. I’m nervous, but ready.

  Sitting in Economics, I watch as Lucas, who now sits next to me in class, bounces his knee up and down.

  I clear my throat, and he looks over and asks, “You nervous, Tessa?”

  I point to his knee and joke, “Are you?”

  He scowls. “I’m serious, Tessa.”

  “A bit, yeah. Of course. But—”

  “Then don’t play,” he says, completely serious.

  I roll my eyes. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

  He leans in close, looking far too serious, and says, “Tessa, I can’t see them hurt you again when I know that it has everything to do with shit in my past.”

  “Just be there, Lucas. I’m not afraid of them. Just be there, and I’ll be fine.”

  The bell rings.

  We stand, and he takes my hand.

  Once in the hall, now around more quiet whispers of onlookers, he kisses me. Hand gripping the back of my head, tongue spearing between my lips, his mouth covering mine, everything about this kiss is harder and more … urgent.

  “Get it, Links,” comes from a male voice down the hall, and he steps back, glaring in the direction of the voice, looking like he wants to kill someone.

  “Let’s get to class.” I grab his hand and pull him behind me.