Blue Love : Blue Valley High — Senior Year

by Mj Fields

  Take it while you can, I think, and leave him wanting more.

  I wrap my arms around him, close my eyes, and hold tight. Lucas kisses me on the head and sighs contentedly.

  I look up and lick my lips, beckoning him to kiss me. He doesn’t disappoint. Lost in a soft, sweet kiss, I hear my mother clear her throat and step back.

  I turn around and all of them are looking at us. Audrianna is smiling. Landon has a shit-ass grin on his face. My parents, unimpressed.

  “Tessa, you’re staying with me tonight, correct?” Mom asks, and I nod. “The kids, the dog, and I will be waiting in the car. Nice to meet you all.” She nods to Lucas’s family, turns, and walks away.

  I look at Lucas and smile. His head is down, and he’s looking up at her through dark lashes, trying not to laugh. He seriously is so damn beautiful, and he’ll remember I’m not all that bad, either.

  I remove the hair tie from the back of his Jersey.

  “You have another one of these besides the one you have on?” I ask, hoping I sound sexy.

  Eyes darkening, he nods.

  “You should give them to your little princesses. Armor for what lies ahead in the years to come, from all the boys who may try to break their hearts.”

  I lift the shirt over my head slowly, seeing his eyes widen as he stares at my erect nipples. His mouth opens slightly, and he licks his lips.

  “Be good to them. Family is always there, Lucas. Teach them that, okay?” I whisper then kiss his cheek and step back. “Do you think your dad will be as impressed with these as he seemed to be with Sadi?”

  “Tessa …” His voice, deep and husky. “Baby, you are gorgeous, and he’s just an ass.”

  I brush my lips against his. “Teach him how not to be. Show him your heart, Lucas. I have to go.” I grab a sweatshirt out of my bag and pull it over my head before turning toward his family. “Nice seeing you all, I have to go.”

  I walk over to grab the chair and the other things that I left sitting there when Chewy took off. It’s then that I see the envelope with the money and the letter I meant to give to Lucas. “Dammit.”

  “Tessa, let me help you,” Lucas says as he rolls up the blanket. He spots the letter sitting on the chair with his name on it. “For me?”

  “Yes, but open it tomorrow after they leave, okay? Promise?”

  “I promise.” He grins as he bags up the folding chair, swings it over his shoulder, and then grabs the bag full of blankets and chew toys, carrying them to the car while holding my hand.

  “See you tomorrow,” Lucas says as I slide into Mom’s car and shut the door.

  I nod then look at Mom. “Please go.”

  I feel the first tear fall again.

  Once at Mom’s tiny apartment, I head straight for the small room and crash on the bottom bunk. Then I cry quietly with Chewy curled up beside me, and Mom and the kids graciously leave me alone to do just that.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  It feels weird but good that Dad, Audri, and the girls are staying with me, and the girls are delighted to be able to swim in the heated pool, while Dad is busy on the computer inside, working.

  Looking between the girls and Dad through the closed French doors, I am startled when Audrianna sits down beside me at the outdoor dining area.

  She smiles. “Sorry if I—”

  “No, don’t be. Just not used to all this, you know?”

  She knows that, by all this, I mean her, Dad, and my sisters being here. It’s the first time Dad has stepped foot in the place.

  “Your home is very nice.” She smiles almost sadly at me.

  I sit back in my chair, remove my hat, run my hand through my hair, and nod. “Yeah.”

  “Have you ever considered moving to New Jersey with your father and allowing—”

  “No.”

  “I’m sorry, Lucas.”

  “Don’t be. Not your problem.” I shrug.

  “Lucas, I should—”

  Not wanting to talk about Mom, I interrupt, “Does Leah watch the girls a lot?”

  “Only once a week when they see your dad. Why?” Audrianna asks.

  I tell her about last year at the lake party when I met her and about my recent apology. Then I tell her all about what had happened Wednesday night.

  “No way!” she gasps in shock. Then she whispers, “And you turned her down, Lucas?”

  Rolling my eyes, I nod, and we both laugh.

  “Well, maybe there is a God. Lucas, the boy with the raging hormones, has grown up.” She winks. “Could you teach your dad that trick?”

  Dad walks out as we’re laughing and asks, “What’s so amusing?”

  “Nothing,” we answer at the same time.

  After patting me on the back, Audrianna takes the girls inside and gets them ready for bed so they can “camp” in my room. I surprise them by grabbing the tent from the garage and setting it up for them.

  I read them two princess stories, and then, as Tessa suggested, I give them each one of my jerseys and tell them the jersey is a magical shield against evil princes. The three of us sit in the small tent, smiling, as Audri takes a million pictures with the same camera she snapped hundreds of photos with all day and promises to give me copies.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Waking up after silently crying myself to sleep, I find the light still on. I reach over to grab a packet of tissues from my bag. Reaching in, I feel a note.

  I pull the note out, knowing it’s from him. Then I walk out into the kitchen and stand in front of the trash can, fighting the internal battle, knowing I need to throw it away and also knowing I’m going to losing the battle. I unfold the paper and read the hastily written note:

  Day 8 without Tessa Ross has been interesting. The whole meeting the family thing was different. Obviously, my sisters love you, and that makes me happy. Audri adores you and has threatened me not to screw up with you. And also, thanks to the gifts God gave you up front (the girls, baby), I think you may have won my dad over. Regardless of all the amazing events of today, it is you I find myself still in awe of. BTW, no pressure, but you could start your pills Sunday?

  LYA,

  Lucas

  Note to chest, I swear I feel my heart ripping apart, and bile rises in my throat, because how pathetic am I that I believe … or want to believe, he truly feels this way?

  “Tessa.”

  I jump as I look over my shoulder at Mom holding out her cell. “For you.”

  I turn and take the phone from her. “Hello?”

  “Hey, baby, you’re not easy to get a hold of.” Lucas chuckles.

  “Is something wrong?” I ask, because why else would he be calling.

  “No, the opposite actually. Things are great.”

  Not buying it, I ask, “How is your mom doing? Is she okay with your dad and everyone staying there?”

  “She’s away,” he clips then clears his throat. His voice is soft again when he says, “Just wanted to have you carve out some time for tomorrow. We need to talk.”

  “I’m spending tomorrow with Mom and the kids, then tomorrow night is girls’ night.” The bad kind of butterflies begin causing chaos inside my belly. “I don’t feel well.”

  “Ba—”

  “I will talk to you tomorrow at some point. Great game today, and please enjoy your family.”

  Stomach turning, throat burning, eyes filling, head spinning, and heart breaking, I hang up. It makes me physically ill how Lucas can say the things he does to me after doing all the things he’s done behind my back. And the emotional mind fuck is even worse. I care for him, deeply and truly. I care that he’s okay, and he seems to be. He seems happier than he has since the day we met.

  I want him to be happy.

  But then, the hot tub, the recording … I matter, too.

  Tomorrow, this ends, and it ends with me.

  Chewy sits on my foot and licks my hand. I pat his head then scratch behind his ear. “You need to go potty, boy?”

  He heads to
the door and pulls his leash. The leash Lucas bought for him.

  And tomorrow, I buy a new leash.

  “Let’s go.”

  Walking back in the apartment, I am even more sick to my stomach because Chewy loves Lucas, and I fear he bought him for me to keep that connection.

  I bend down to unhook his collar, and Mom clears her throat.

  I look up, and she smiles sadly and says, “Tessa, please know you can talk to me about anything. Whatever it is that’s going on, I want to help you through it.”

  The floodgates open, tears fall, and Mom just hugs me, which of course makes me cry harder, because I need her right now, too.

  “It’s just a mess, Mom. He says all the right things, and he has changed. He loves those little girls, and he says he loves me. I feel like his heart has changed.”

  Sobbing in my mom’s arms, while Chewy sits on my feet, I tell her about the girls he made things right with and about the voice message, and she begins crying, too.

  Using her thumbs to wipe away my tears, she asks, “Tessa, have you and he—”

  “No, Mom, we haven’t, and I’m so glad I didn’t. But I’m not going to lie; the night I saw you at dinner, I got wasted in the restaurant while I watched Dr. Feel Good rub your hand.”

  “Oh, Tessa, do not cheapen—”

  “I was a mess, Mom,” I defend myself. “I was watching my mother with another man.” I step back and ask her, “Have you slept with him?”

  “Of course not, Tessa,” she whispers. “Dating him is bad enough. I feel horrible. It’s just that your father and I …” She stops. “We’ll talk about that someday. For now, it’s about you. I’m so sorry you have been hurt. And I’m proud of you.” She takes my hand and pulls me behind her into the tiny living room. “Sit.”

  I do.

  “Let me tell you all the reasons you deserve better than what he’s offering.”

  I fall asleep, head in her lap, while she pets my hair, comforting me, or maybe it’s to comfort him, like when I pet Chewy.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  In the morning, Alexandra, Ally, and I wake up and head to the pool. The girls still can’t get over the fact it’s cold outside and warm in the water.

  I get out as they dive for toys in the shallow end. Drying off, I watch through the open French doors as Audri walks into the kitchen and I hear Dad say, “Good Morning, Audri. You look beautiful, as always.”

  “I feel great. The first time in almost four years that I have slept for eight hours straight. As if this day couldn’t get any stranger, I walk out here and see you in front of a stove. Who knew you could cook?”

  His lips curve up. “You were always so damn sweet until …” He shakes his head. “I miss you, Audri.”

  “Oh no, you don’t,” she whispers, and I jump back as she walks toward the door. “I am going out to take some pictures. When breakfast is done, will you bring it out?”

  “Oh, I’m bringing it, Audri.” Dad chuckles.

  Audri walks outside and takes several deep breaths, looking to be trying to shake off her shock. I can’t help but chuckle as I watch her attempt to compose herself. Then she begins taking photos.

  After several minutes, Dad “brings” out breakfast—waffles with whipped cream—and the girls hop out and dry off. Audrianna hands them each a robe to keep warm.

  “I brought it.” Dad winks as he pushes in Audri’s chair.

  She looks at me, and I can’t help but laugh as I pull my hat down. Her lips tip up as she giggles.

  “What’s so funny?” Ally asks.

  Dad sits down next to her and answers, “I brought it.”

  We all bust up laughing and, for the first time in forever, I seriously believe life may be getting better.

  As Audrianna and I clean up the mess in my room, Dad helps the girls brush their hair after their shower for the very first time.

  I whisper, “Some advice?”

  Audrianna nods.

  “He thinks he brought it.”

  We both laugh.

  “Make him work for it. I know he loves you; I can see it. Make him earn it.”

  “I don’t know, Lucas. I can’t fall apart again, not like last time. The girls are older now, and I have to worry about them, and now I think I have you, too. So, I’m not sure.”

  “Whatever you do, Audri, I want to be part of their lives. I want family. Thank you for bringing them into my life.”

  We hear the girls coming down the hall, and they streak into my room, laughing. Dad looks shocked as he rushes in, two towels in hand, and he’s soaked. He tosses Audri a towel and each one of them quickly grab a girl and wrap them up.

  “You two,” Audri says, guiding them back out, “need to get your bottoms covered. Back to the bathroom. Now.”

  Once the bathroom door shuts, I zip their bags and ask, “What are you thinking, Dad?”

  “I’m thinking I screwed up.” He smiles.

  “Then fix it and give her time.”

  “My son giving me better advice on women than my father gave me? How did that happen?”

  “Tessa, Dad. It was Tessa.”

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Unable to eat, I push my scrambled eggs around on my plate. I am dreading the conversation I know I have to have with Lucas, but I know it has to happen today, because I can’t pretend that everything’s okay at school.

  “Get showered. We’re going shopping.” Mom grabs my plate and empties it in the garbage.

  Already showered, Kendall and Jake immediately jump up and head toward the bedroom as Mom’s phone rings and she answers it.

  I watch her face drop, and her eyebrows knit together.

  “Just a minute please, Lucas. Let me see if she’s available.”

  I stand up, hold one hand over my queasy belly and the other hand out for the phone thinking, No time like the present.

  “Hey,” I whisper as I walk into the bedroom.

  “Morning, baby. Got time to squeeze me in this morning?”

  “We’re going shopping.” I tell him, instead of just telling him this is done.

  “You’re seriously killing me, Tessa Ross.”

  “Look, I don’t—”

  “I know how important family is, thanks to you.”

  Unable to hold back my emotions, I say what needs to be said, “I love the way you are with them, and I know they love you. Your stepmother is very sweet. And you are a rock star on the field, Lucas Links.”

  “Thank, bab—”

  “I’m not finished.” My voice breaks.

  “You okay, Tessa?”

  I clear my throat. “I don’t know how to say this, because it’s not like we are dating, but we need a break. I have been holding this together for two days for you because, regardless of what has happened, I need you to be okay. I ask—no, beg—you to be okay.”

  “I’m good, but you’re freaking me the fuck out. What is going on? I thought things were going well, but I’m very confused, baby, especially after being reimbursed for Chewy. He was a gift. Is this a female thing?”

  I huff, “I don’t even have my period. Just let it go.”

  Pissed, he retorts, “Fuck that, Tessa! I have changed for you. What kind of games are you playing with me now? The Tessa I fell head up my ass in love with would not be so cold. Is it GI Joe? Come on, baby; give me something.”

  “It has nothing to do with Toby, and everything to do with the voice message on my family’s answering machine.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  God, I want to shake him. No, slap him.

  “You really wanna do this to me? Make me say her name? The girl who you screwed in Jersey, and then had a come-to-Jesus moment—”

  “I did no such—”

  “Shut. Up.”

  “Tessa, this is—”

  “Over. That’s what this is. I’ve held this crap in for three days now. The name Leah ring a bell? I was kind enough to make sure to not stress or worry you so you could get
through your game and your family being here. I even kissed you, for crying out loud, for you, even though it tore me apart knowing what you did. Because, Lucas, I do care, but I need you to give me the same respect I have given you. I am begging you. Let me heal. In case you don’t remember, eight days ago, I found Sadi in your hot tub, and now Leah? That’s two. I won’t give you three.”

  “Tessa, you need to shut up and listen—”

  “Don’t call my mom’s phone again.” I hang up and bat away the tears. Then I walk out, hand the phone to Mom, and finish getting ready.

  After a good cry in the shower, first about Lucas, and then about how freaking tiny the shower is, and how quickly the hot water runs out, I use mom’s phone again to ask Jade to get the girls together for a girls-only night at the farm. Then we go shopping.

  “Have fun with the girls tonight. Call me if you need anything.” Mom gives me an extra squeeze before I get out of the car with Chewy.

  “I will.” I squeeze her back before sliding out, and then I lean in through the back window to tell Kendall and Jake, “See you two tomorrow. Love you.”

  Walking in the house, I feel a tinge of guilt for not telling Mom, who I somehow feel a different kind of closeness that I’ve never felt before, that Alex and Dad are on a delivery and won’t be back until at the earliest two or three in the morning, but I need to push reset on this year, attempt to make some semblance of the mess it is, and possibly enjoy all that we—Jade, Becca, and I—always dreamed it would be.

  I know it will not be the same as we imagined. It’s already changed. Homecoming queen? That should never have been me. It should have been Jade or even Becca. That aside, the other changes did not happen because Lucas came here; the changes happened before he even came to Blue Valley.

  Chewy finishes eating the food he abandoned yesterday when we were walking out the door to go to the game and I asked the question that makes his ears perk up, “Wanna go for a ride?” and then heads straight to his doggy bed.