“Hm.” She pulled her feet up onto the sofa and wrapped her arms around her knees.
“Uh-oh, what did I do to deserve the thinking pose?”
“I just think that you should be honest with yourself.” She looked over at me.
“I am, aren’t I?” I frowned. “Do you mean about Chuck? I have been thinking about getting in touch with him—to get some closure.”
“No, I don’t mean about Chuck. Although that might be good for both of you. I mean about Gabriel. You say that you’re just friends, and that’s all you’re going to be, but I’ve never seen your eyes light up the way they do when you talk about him. In fact, it’s the first time I’ve seen you genuinely happy since you came back to Oak Brook.”
“Friendship is healing.” I frowned.
“It can be, of course. But sometimes, friendship is something more.”
“Don’t.” I sighed.
“I’m just suggesting that you might want to evaluate what your real feelings for Gabriel are.”
“I said don’t.” I threw a handful of popcorn at her. “Don’t ruin this for me.”
“Me?” She laughed as she batted the popcorn away. “What you do about this little pickle you’ve gotten yourself into is entirely up to you. I’m just saying that being in denial isn’t going to do you any favors.”
“I know.” I sighed as I slouched down on the sofa. “I know.”
I did know. I knew all night while I couldn’t sleep. I knew first thing in the morning when I looked at myself in the mirror. I knew when Maby shot an infuriating look in my direction.
I knew throughout the day as I couldn’t concentrate on any of my work. But in a sense, I also didn’t know. What I felt for Gabriel was so different from what I’d ever felt for Chuck. Was it different because it was real or was it different because we shared such intense losses and were figuring them out together?
At lunch, I decided to go to the library. I needed some time to sort out in my head what I was feeling before I saw him again. As I hid out in the aisles of books, I recalled a time that I’d done the same thing.
When I’d been avoiding Chuck. When I didn’t want him to know that I was pregnant. I didn’t want anyone to know. I’d left school before I’d told him, so that I wouldn’t have to face him. I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about it. We’d talked after that, but never face-to-face.
“This is crazy.” I closed my eyes and remembered how it felt when Gabriel’s arms had been around me.
All of a sudden it struck me that it didn’t matter what it was between us. All that mattered was that it was the best thing I’d ever felt and I wanted to continue to feel it.
By the time I made it to music class, I couldn’t wait to see him. I didn’t want to avoid him. I wanted to enjoy being near him without overthinking why.
When I stepped into the classroom, I spotted him right away, with his chair pulled near my piano and his guitar already slung around his neck. I watched him for a moment as his fingers tugged at the guitar strings. It amazed me that only a short time ago I hadn’t even met him. Now I felt as if I’d known him forever.
“Jenny.” He smiled as he looked up at me.
My heart melted at the sight of his smile.
Yes, I knew. But for just a little while, I wanted to enjoy it.
Chapter 19
I started to walk over to him, but as I did, the teacher walked in front of me.
“Oh, Jennifer, I’m so glad to hear that you’ve decided to participate in the talent show.” She smiled.
“What?” I blinked, then tried to look past her at Gabriel. He continued to strum his guitar without looking up at me.
“I saw that you and Gabriel signed up.” She shook her head. “Please don’t tell me I’m mistaken. I’m so excited to have you both take part. I just know that you’ll do a wonderful job. Please use class to practice, and any time you two need the music room you know it’s open for you.” She turned to tend to another student with a violin.
“Gabriel?” I walked over to him as he began to increase the speed of his strumming. “Did you sign us up for the talent show?”
He stopped playing, then looked up at me. “I figured if you were going to be as brave as you are, then maybe it was time to show you how brave I can be.” He frowned. “Although I’m still pretty nervous about it.”
“You didn’t have to do that for me.” I sat down on the piano bench and leaned close to him. “I know how hard it is for you to play without your dad there. I don’t want to put you through that kind of pain.”
“And I know how hard it is for you to trust a relationship again.” He met my eyes. “And I don’t want to ask you to do that again. But maybe if we both face what we’re afraid of together, it won’t be so scary. It won’t be so hard.”
“Maybe.” I whispered the word as I stared at him. “But Gabe, I can’t make you any promises.”
“I’m not asking for any. I can’t promise you that I’ll walk onto that stage beside you.”
“Then let’s not promise each other anything. Let’s just play together and see where it leads.” I turned to face the piano.
As soon as my fingers swept over the keys, his guitar joined in with my melody. I felt the rush of excitement that I’d experienced the first time that I’d heard him play. His music reached inside me and inspired my own choice of notes.
I heard his tempo and melody shift as I added new notes to the song. It didn’t matter if the music we played had a name or made any sense to anyone else—it was a conversation just between the two of us, one where we shared all our secrets and made promises that our voices alone couldn’t make.
As the bell rang to end the class, he sat down on the piano bench beside me. Quietly, we watched as the other students filtered out of the room. If there were any whispers, I didn’t notice. If anyone directed any laughter at me, I didn’t hear it. I was too busy basking in the warmth of being by his side.
“Tonight?” He leaned his head against mine.
“Tonight.” I slipped my hand around his and closed my eyes.
“There’s something special I want to show you tomorrow. Can you get permission to go off campus?” He looked into my eyes when I opened them.
“Sure I can. But can you?” I raised an eyebrow. “I just have to ask the principal. You have to ask your mother.”
“Don’t worry about that. I can handle it.” He squeezed my hand. “She’s going to have to get used to the idea that I’m making my own choices.”
“Go easy on her, Gabe.” I frowned.
“What?” He narrowed his eyes. “After what she said about you, you want me to go easy on her?”
“Yes.” I took a deep breath. “Maybe I don’t like what she said. Maybe you don’t like the way she’s treating you. But it’s important to remember that she lost your dad too.” The words slipped out of my mouth, meant for Gabriel, but as they echoed through my thoughts, I realized they weren’t just for him.
“You’re right.” He sighed. “I’ve been so caught up in my loss and how my mom and I don’t get along, that I haven’t really paid attention to how she’s handling all of this.”
“I’m sure she just wants you to be happy. But she’s grieving too.” I stood up from the piano.
“Stay.” He started to tug me back down. “We can play for a while.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t.” I pulled my hand away. “I have to make a phone call. Tonight, though.” I met his eyes. “We can play, then maybe train a bit?”
“Sounds perfect.” He held my gaze a moment longer. “I’ll see you then.”
“See you then.” I turned and walked out of the classroom.
As I headed for the courtyard, I pulled out my phone. I looked down at the texts that I’d ignored from Chuck. Yes, Gabriel’s mother had lost his father too. She’d lost her husband, her companion.
Chuck had lost our daughter too—even though he’d never met her. He had chosen not to be there for her birth. I now r
ealized that he had something to grieve too. Avoiding him wasn’t fair to either of us. As long as these unfinished issues hung over our heads, we would never be able to move on. I’d been so caught up in my own experience of giving our child up, that I hadn’t stopped to really consider that he might be struggling with the loss as well.
I typed a text to him, bracing myself for what might come next.
I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I know we have things to talk about. Maybe we can talk soon?
I sent the text before I could convince myself to delete it. I didn’t want to put things off anymore. Maybe what I had with Gabriel was still just a reaction to the changes in our lives, but I wanted to do what I told him I would. I wanted to see where it would lead. No labels, no promises, just an open heart.
At the moment, my heart wasn’t open. I knew that talking things out with Chuck was the first step to getting it to unlock once more.
The moment the text went through, however, my stomach twisted with fear. I’d maintained no contact with Chuck for some time. Did I really want to stir all this up now?
I imagined he would be angry with me. He had been pressured into leaving Oak Brook so that I could return. I found that out from my mother. She refused to send me back unless she could be assured that he wouldn’t be there.
As I walked toward the principal’s office to ask for some time off campus, I wondered what it must have been like for Chuck to have to give up everything he was familiar with. He’d done it without protest. But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t angry about it, that he didn’t resent me for it. If that was the case, I needed to know that too.
I needed to face whatever weighed on my shoulders, so that maybe I’d be able to stop punishing myself and move on. So that maybe I’d be able to look into Gabriel’s eyes and see the future, instead of all the fear of my past.
Chapter 20
I woke the next morning with a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was more than just dread. It was the sense that I’d made a terrible choice, and that somehow everything was going to fall apart. I pushed the feeling away, sure that it was left over from some strange nightmare that I couldn’t remember.
I had plenty of things to look forward to. Well, maybe just one thing—seeing Gabriel again. I smiled as I dressed for the day. Yes, I was letting myself enjoy the fact that I had someone in my life that I wanted to see and that I even believed that he might want to see me just as much.
“Morning.” Maby smiled at me as she snatched a piece of toast from the toaster and tossed it onto her plate. “I heard you humming in there.”
“Humming?” I laughed. “You did not.”
“I did.” She narrowed her eyes. “In fact, I thought you were going to break into song.”
“Stop.” I shook my head. “You’re just teasing me.” I placed a piece of bread in the toaster, then poured myself a glass of juice.
“I’m not, I swear. You were in there humming.”
“Really?” I leaned back against the counter. “I didn’t even realize.”
“You’re in trouble, girl.” Maby grinned. “I’m not going to harass you about it, but you’ve got it bad.”
“You think so?” I did my best to hide a smile.
“Gabriel, huh?” Maby shook her head. “I can’t say that I’m surprised. He does seem like a pretty great guy.”
“But?” I noticed the hesitation in her voice.
“But I just worry about you.” She looked into my eyes. “I heard from a friend that Chuck has been trying to reach you.”
“He has.” I sighed as I pulled out my phone to glance over the last text I’d sent. “I’m not sure what to do about that. But I told him maybe we could get together to talk.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Maby took a bite of the toast she’d spread jelly across.
“I think it’s overdue. Whether or not it’s a good idea, it has to be done.”
“Are you sure about that?” Maby shrugged. “If he’s out of your life, he can just be out of your life.”
“It’s not that simple, really. The problem is that he is going to be part of my life for a very long time. I mean, we share a life, and even though we’re not raising her, he’s still part of her and so am I. What happens when she finds out the truth? Do I tell her that her father is just someone that I used to know?”
“I have no idea.” Maby leaned against the counter beside me. “I guess I didn’t think about the future. If I were her, I’d probably want to know as much as I could about you and Chuck.”
“Exactly.” I bit into my bottom lip. “It’s not easy to put myself anywhere near Chuck again, but it isn’t going to go away just because I ignore it. Maybe if I start dealing with it now, some of the feelings I have will go away.”
“What kind of feelings?” She met my eyes.
“I’m not sure. Something just feels off.” I spread some jelly across my toast and sighed. “Maybe once I speak to him, I’ll understand.”
“Well, let me know when you’re going to talk to him. If you want me to go with you, I can.”
“Thanks.” I hugged her. “What would I do without you?”
“I’m not sure.” Maby fluffed her hair. “Let’s hope you never have to find out.”
“Definitely.” I laughed, then took a bite of my toast. “Are you going to come to the talent show?”
“Only because you’re going to be there.” She scrunched up her nose. “You know how I feel about these competitions.”
“I do. I thought maybe it would be fun if you were part of it, though.”
“Liar!” She tossed a piece of her crust at me.
“Stop!” I laughed as I tried to dodge it. “I’m just kidding.”
“Honestly, I can’t wait to hear you.” She gave my shoulder a light pat. “Good luck today. Have fun with Gabriel.” She wiggled her eyebrows, then ran for the door before I could fling her crust back at her.
As the door swung shut, I laughed. Maby always had a way of cheering me up. In the quiet that surrounded me after she left, however, that feeling crept back through me. What was it? Why did I go from feeling excited to this terrible sensation that made my stomach churn? I pushed the feeling away again and started to head out the door myself.
In the hallway, my phone vibrated with a text. When I checked it, my mind buzzed.
Soon. Let’s get together soon. I’ll send you the details. Jenny, I can’t wait to see you.
“I can’t wait to see you.” I read the words out loud as my mind buzzed again. It wasn’t the text I expected to receive from Chuck. I thought he would be angry with me. I thought he would demand information from me. I didn’t expect him to be excited to see me. As my heartbeat quickened, I had to wonder if I was excited to see him too.
I hurried into the courtyard as I heard the first warning bell echo. As I crossed it to my first class, I caught sight of Gabriel headed in the other direction. It occurred to me that he might have been waiting for me. I felt some disappointment as I realized getting distracted with Chuck’s text had cost me a few minutes of time with Gabriel.
As I settled into my first class, I heard a few whispers behind me.
“She’s already got her claws into a new guy.”
“Isn’t it ridiculous?”
“She doesn’t leave anybody untouched, I guess.”
“But he’s so new. He probably doesn’t even know what she might do to him.”
“Maybe he does, maybe that’s why he’s interested.”
I sank down in my chair. It didn’t take much imagination to realize they were talking about me.
The whispers followed me throughout the day.
At lunch, I hid out in the library instead of braving the cafeteria. I didn’t want to endure my friends’ pretending not to notice. I was lucky to have them, but they still couldn’t really understand what I was going through. When it came to this, I was alone.
I managed to keep a low profile until music class. I knew that
I wouldn’t be able to avoid Gabriel there. I also didn’t want to. He was the one bright spot in my day. Maybe it was complicated, but at the end of the day, I still wanted to see him more than I wanted to avoid him.
As I settled in at the piano, I heard his voice near the door of the classroom.
“And I told you to drop it.” He raised his voice as he continued to speak. “If you don’t, I’ll make sure you do.”
“Relax, relax.” The other boy, Cooper, whom I remembered from the year before, held up his hands and laughed. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.” He cast a wink in my direction, then continued off down the hall.
Gabriel met my eyes as he picked up his guitar.
“What was that about?” My chest tightened as I felt embarrassment building.
“Nothing.” He strummed his guitar.
“Gabe.”
“Just play.” He tipped his head toward the piano. “I’ve been waiting all day to hear you sing.”
I started to argue, but the melody his fingers created was enough to smooth down my nerves. I didn’t have to know. He didn’t have to tell me.
Chapter 21
The music we played together drew the attention of everyone in the class. Soon we had a crowd of students around us, listening to what we were creating together. I sang shyly, my voice quiet enough to be drowned out by the music. Gabriel didn’t sing a word, but his eyes lingered on me the entire time. I felt as if he had something on his mind. When I finally let my hands rest on my knees, the students around us applauded.
“I have to say that this is the first year I’m looking forward to the talent show.” Rachel, a violinist in the class, gave my shoulder a light pat. “Go for it, girl.”
I smiled at her compliment, but it didn’t stop me from hearing the whispers and laughter from other students. My heart sank as a few of them looked straight at me, then laughed some more.
My cheeks burned as I grabbed my backpack and headed for the door. I was halfway down the hall when I heard his voice behind me.
A Fresh Start: A Young Adult Sweet Romance (Oak Brook Academy Book 5) Page 8
