A Fresh Start: A Young Adult Sweet Romance (Oak Brook Academy Book 5)

by Jillian Adams

  Yes, Gabriel was amazing. But that didn’t mean he was meant to be with me.

  As I walked across the courtyard toward my first class, I heard him call my name. But I refused to turn to look. He’d started the freeze-out, but I’d be the one to finish it. He was right and it was for the best that he’d come to his senses.

  I continued on to my class and stepped through the door before he could reach me.

  I left a few minutes before the bell could ring to head to my next class.

  At lunch I didn’t go to the cafeteria or the library. I sat on a bench behind the gym and pretended I didn’t exist.

  When my phone buzzed with a text, I glanced at it.

  When are we going to meet? Can it be soon?

  Chuck. I bit into my bottom lip as I read over the text. Maybe he was just what I needed at the moment to get my mind off of things. I sent back a quick text.

  When are you free?

  Only then did I dare to double check whether I’d gotten a text from Gabriel. As I scrolled through our text history, I saw no new texts. If he wanted to say something to me, he could have said it that way. But he hadn’t bothered.

  I couldn’t wait to get through the rest of my day. My chest ached with a mixture of hurt and dread. Hurt because I’d let myself believe that there could be something between us and dread because a part of me really wished time could go back and I could figure out what had gone wrong.

  As I headed for music class, my body felt heavy. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it through the door. Would he be there? Or would he find an excuse to continue to avoid me? I wasn’t sure which I was hoping for.

  I was almost through the door when someone snagged my arm from behind and tugged me back into the hallway.

  “Jenny, please, we need to talk.” Gabriel drew me closer to him, then guided me down a small hallway.

  “It’s time for class.” I tried to pull away from him.

  “There’s time.” He released my arm but stepped in front of me in an attempt to block my way. “Please.”

  “You didn’t want to talk yesterday. What’s different now?” I looked into his eyes.

  “I’m so sorry. My mother took my phone and my computer. I got into a bit of trouble.” He frowned. “You have to believe me. I would never ignore you.”

  “You got in trouble?” I shook my head. “I’m not sure I believe that. You’re careful about breaking rules, and I know you don’t treat your mother badly. So, what could she possibly be mad at you for?”

  “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you know I wasn’t ignoring you.”

  “It’s because of me, isn’t it?” My eyes filled with unexpected tears. “That’s why she took your phone away?”

  Chapter 26

  “It doesn’t matter why it happened. I just want you to know that I wasn’t ignoring you.” He frowned. “But you were ignoring me.”

  “Don’t do that, don’t change the subject.” I crossed my arms. “I want you to tell me the truth.”

  “Why?” He shrugged. “It’s not going to make any difference.”

  “It does to me.” I met his eyes. “Tell me why she took it away.”

  “Fine. Friday night she told me that she didn’t want me to see you anymore. But I didn’t care. So when she found out we were at the stables together, she lost it. I don’t know why she’s acting like this.” He frowned.

  “I do.” I sighed. “She wants to protect you.”

  “From what?” He took my hand. “The best person I know?”

  “That’s sweet, Gabe.” I looked down at my feet. “But I don’t want you getting into trouble because of me.”

  “Jenny.” He looked into my eyes. “I will do absolutely anything to be with you. I don’t care what she thinks. Whatever it takes to be at your side, I’ll do it.”

  “But maybe that’s not such a good idea.” My heart dropped as the words left my lips. Would he agree?

  “Maybe it isn’t.” He shrugged. “But it’s the only thing I can do. I know you want to take things slow, and I want you to know that I’ll respect that. But it’s not going to change the way I feel about you. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.” He took a breath then looked into my eyes. “I’m not alone in this, am I?”

  I bit into my bottom lip as I stared back at him.

  “Jenny, I’m not asking you to say more than you want to. If this isn’t what you want, if you don’t feel the same way I do, then just tell me.” His jaw tensed as he stared at me.

  “I don’t know what I feel.” My stomach twisted as I took a step back from him.

  “Really? Because I don’t have the slightest doubt.” He looked away from me. “Maybe we’re not feeling the same thing.”

  “It’s not that.” My heart lurched at the thought of his believing I didn’t care. “It’s just that I haven’t trusted my emotions in a long time. You want answers, but I don’t know how to give them to you. I don’t know how to trust what I’m feeling.”

  “If that’s what you want to believe, then fine.” He shrugged, then met my eyes again. “But I don’t buy it. I think you know exactly what you’re feeling and I think you’re just afraid to trust it.”

  His words hit me hard as I felt the truth in them. My desire for him rushed through me. It took all my strength to resist pulling him into my arms and proving him right. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to kiss him. More than that, I wanted to tell him that I knew exactly how I felt and that the thought of not being with him left me breathless.

  But I couldn’t.

  “Gabe.” I licked my lips as I tried to find the right words.

  “It’s okay.” He drew a slow breath, then sighed. “You don’t have to tell me the truth.” He stroked my cheek. “Just please don’t tell me any more lies.”

  His touch left my skin tingling as his hand fell away. My heart raced when he pulled me gently toward him. As his head tilted toward mine, I thought he might try to kiss me. Instead, he spoke in a whisper.

  “I can tell the truth for both of us, Jenny—until you’re ready. I’m not going to push you into anything. But just know, when you’re ready to come to me, I’m going to be right here. I’m not going anywhere.” He placed a light kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you tonight? To practice for the show?”

  “Tonight,” I mumbled. My heart ached as he pulled away from me. I shoved my hands into my pockets to keep from reaching for him. As he turned to walk away, tension pulled tight within me, a sharp bolt of fear so intense that it almost took my breath away. “Gabriel.”

  “Yes?” He glanced back at me.

  “Thank you. For being brave for both of us.”

  He held my gaze for a long moment, then smiled. “Just remember, I’ll be here.” He walked off.

  I leaned back against the wall to catch my breath. Why couldn’t I just run to him? Why couldn’t I set aside all my worries—all of my fear—and just enjoy the love of someone who acted as if I’d hung the stars in the sky?

  I left Gabriel feeling more confused than ever but certain that I wanted to be able to answer his question. I wanted to be able to tell him that I felt the same way he did. But could I when I didn’t trust my own feelings?

  I spent my afternoon pondering the possibility of being in a relationship with him. Sure, it might be a little too soon. Maybe I was still confused by everything I’d gone through. But what if I wasn’t? What if he was exactly who I needed to be with? Was it worth risking missing out on his being part of my life just because it didn’t seem like the right time?

  At dinner, I decided to brave the cafeteria. I joined Maby at the mostly empty table.

  “Where is everyone?” I glanced around.

  “Out. Dinner passes.” She shrugged. “I guess there’s a new restaurant that they want to check out.”

  “Where’s Oliver?” I noticed the empty seat beside her.

  “He went too.” She picked up her soda and took a sip.

  “So why di
dn’t you go?” I met her eyes.

  “I just didn’t feel like it.”

  “Liar.” I smiled. “It’s because you didn’t want me to be alone, isn’t it?”

  “I’m a little worried about you.” She nodded. “I’ve seen how serious things are getting between you and Gabriel.”

  “We’re just friends.”

  “Enough.” She rolled her eyes. “If I hadn’t interrupted you two on Saturday you would have sealed the deal and you know it.”

  “I just got a little distracted.” I frowned.

  “Sweetie, you’ve got to make a decision.” She placed her hand over mine. “You can’t keep torturing yourself like this. I see the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. The chemistry between you two is strong enough for the entire school to feel it. It’s just not going to work to pretend to be friends.”

  “I’m just not sure what to do.” I looked down at my tray of food. “One minute I want to be with him no matter what. The next, I feel like a fool for even considering it.”

  “Why?”

  “Because. I let myself get carried away with Chuck. I let myself believe that I could take a chance and everything would be fine. But it wasn’t.” I pursed my lips as a wave of grief threatened to overtake me. “It wasn’t at all, Maby.”

  “I know.” She squeezed my hand. “You put on a brave face, but you don’t have to play strong around me.”

  “I just want to be normal again.” I sighed. “If I was normal, I wouldn’t think twice about dating an amazing person like Gabriel. But I’m not normal.”

  “You’re still you.” She frowned. “You went through something—your life changed—but you’re still you. You’re still allowed to be happy—to feel love, to find romance.”

  “Maybe I am.” I picked at my food, then shook my head. “But that doesn’t mean that Gabriel is ready to deal with the aftermath of the choices I’ve made. He is normal. He could be with someone else who is normal.”

  “But that’s not what he wants. It’s not up to you to decide for him, is it?”

  Chapter 27

  Maby’s question hung in my mind throughout the remainder of our meal. I didn’t know how to answer it.

  On the one hand, of course it was Gabriel’s choice who he had feelings for. But on the other, I knew that I had the power to walk away from him and eliminate the possibility of his being with me. Wouldn’t that be protecting him?

  After dinner I walked in the direction of the music room. I knew that he’d be there waiting for me. I needed to have at least an idea of what I wanted so that we could manage to get through practicing our music. But with each step I took I felt further and further from certainty.

  Outside of the music room, I took a breath and leaned back against the wall. Maybe I was just thinking too much. What it came down to was the fact that I really enjoyed being with him. Every minute I spent with him was one I wanted to last forever.

  But with all the confusion that raged inside me, I couldn’t even enjoy the time we had together. Eventually, he’d come to his senses. He’d realize that there were plenty of other girls that he could be with. Girls who hadn’t made the choices I’d made. Girls that didn’t come with complications.

  But for the moment, when he looked at me, I felt as if I was the most valuable thing in the world. Was that so terrible? No, it wouldn’t last forever, but maybe I could enjoy it while it did.

  Instead of worrying so much, I decided that I would just savor the moments we had together. Maybe it wouldn’t solve my problem, but it would allow me to have a wonderful evening.

  I stepped through the door and found him already seated in the music room with his guitar strapped over his shoulder. His fingertips plucked at the strings until the moment he saw me, then he rested his hand against the wood and smiled.

  “I’m so glad to see you. I wasn’t sure if you’d show up.”

  “I’m here.” I sat down on the piano bench across from him. “I’m glad to see you too.”

  “Really?” He met my eyes. “I hope I’m not causing more stress in your life.”

  “You’re not.” I took his hand and smiled. “I’m sorry if I’ve been causing more strain in yours. I know things must be hard right now, since losing your dad.”

  “You’ve made it easier.” He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. “I honestly didn’t think I would feel happy again—at least not for a long time—but you changed that.”

  My heart fluttered at his words. “You’ve made me happy too, Gabe. Can’t we just be that for a little while? Happy together?”

  “Sure.” He squeezed my hand. “I’d like that. Do you want to hear what I’ve been working on?”

  “I’d love to.” I released his hand and sat back against the piano as he began to play.

  “It doesn’t take much, just a look, just a touch and my world is spinning again.” He met my eyes as he continued to sing. “Upside down, inside out, I don’t want to find my way out. Just a look, just a touch, then I’m spinning again.” His voice faded as he shrugged. “It’s not much, it’s just a start.”

  “It’s great. It’s very catchy.” I smiled. “Did you write it?”

  “Kind of.” He shifted in his chair and leaned closer to me. “It’s how I feel when I’m with you.”

  “Spinning?” I grinned as I touched his cheek. “Should I stop you?”

  “Only one way.” He murmured his words as he looked into my eyes. “But we’re not ready for that yet.”

  My heart pounded and my fingertips tingled as they lingered against his skin. “Not yet,” I whispered in return, though my thumb wandered toward the edge of his lips.

  He tilted his head and pressed his lips lightly against the tip of my thumb.

  Suddenly the room shifted and I fully understood the lyrics of his song.

  “I think I’m spinning too.”

  “It’s okay.” He kissed my thumb again, then leaned back on his chair. He smiled as my hand fell away. “We can enjoy the spin together for a bit, right? Let’s play.” He strummed his guitar.

  I turned to face the piano and did my best to focus on the keys. With my heart racing, however, focusing was difficult.

  When he began to play, I began to relax. I listened to the melody he played, then my fingers began to follow along.

  For the next hour we played, only exchanging a few words amid the music we created.

  “My fingers are aching.” Gabriel laughed as he finally took off his guitar. “I think we might need to call it a night.”

  “Thanks for playing.” I turned to face him. “I’ve never been able to play the way I play with you.”

  “Me either.” He sat down on the bench beside me. “Being with you makes everything a little different. Brighter.”

  “Yes, exactly.” I smiled. “It’s crazy, isn’t it?”

  “It’s perfect.” He nudged my shoulder with his. “At least I think it is.”

  “Me too.” I slid my hand closer to his on the bench. “I want you to know, Gabriel, how grateful I am that you’re in my life.”

  “You don’t have to say that.”

  “I want to say it. I’m worried that I’m hurting you.” I searched his eyes. “Am I?”

  “No.” He smiled some. “No, being with you doesn’t hurt. It can be a little distracting.” He grinned. “But it doesn’t hurt.”

  “I hope not.” I sighed as millions of thoughts rushed through my mind. It would make everything easier if I would just kiss him. I could get it out of the way and deal with the consequences later. I’d almost convinced myself when he stood up from the piano bench.

  “See you tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow.” I nodded as I gripped the edge of the bench. I had to hold on, because when his eyes met mine, my world started spinning again. “Good night, Gabriel.”

  “Night, Jenny.” He stared at me a moment longer, then turned and left the classroom.

  I sat there for a few seconds as I attempted to regain my com
posure and also to prevent myself from running after him. Once I thought I had control of myself, I stepped out of the classroom and into what I expected to be an empty hallway.

  “Jennifer.”

  The sight of her standing there, her arms crossed, her eyes sharp, made me take a step back.

  “Yes?”

  “I heard you playing with my son.” Gabriel’s mom stepped closer to me.

  “He’s very talented.” I swallowed hard. Knowing her opinion of me, I guessed that this wasn’t going to be a friendly chat. As she moved a little closer, I suddenly noticed tears in her eyes.

  “He hasn’t played and sung like that since his father died.”

  “He told me.” My heart softened as I saw a tear slip down her cheek.

  “Jennifer, you can’t do this to him.”

  “What?” I stared at her.

  “It just isn’t fair. He’s still dealing with the grief of losing his father. He’s not going to be able to handle you breaking his heart.” She shook her head as she wiped the tear from her cheek. “I know you must think I’m a monster. But I just don’t want him to get hurt. He’s already lost so much. To you, he’s just someone to have fun with, but to him, you’re so much more. You see that, don’t you?”

  “I’m not sure what you mean.” I crossed my arms as I tried to ignore the tears that built in her eyes again.

  “I can’t just stand by and watch him get hurt. I won’t. I couldn’t protect him from the loss of his father, but I can at least try to protect him from this. You know there are plenty of boys that you can be interested in. Why does it have to be Gabriel?” She narrowed her eyes as she looked at me. “Don’t you have any compassion? If you cared about him at all—even a little bit—you would never do this to him.” She frowned, then turned and walked away.

  Chapter 28

  I stood there, unable to move my feet, unable to take a breath. She’d struck me right at the core. She’d said every word that I’d been trying to avoid thinking.