Blaze: A Driven World Novel (The Driven World)

by Delaney Foster

  My past made me who I am. The pain I endured makes me stronger. The heartache of being left alone makes me wiser. The fear of the unknown makes me braver. I have always embraced my past. I don’t need it to disappear.

  I move my hands to his chest and tilt my head away from him. “I don’t date. I don’t do…” I swallow hard, trying to find the words “Hearts and flowers and good morning texts. These boys, they’re my life. They’re my priority. Nothing will change that. Nothing can get in the way of that.”

  He moves his lips across mine, not kissing, but not not kissing. It’s the promise of a kiss, the eye of the storm, the deep rumble before the avalanche. It’s that moment that is somehow everything and not enough, the quiet stillness just before your world comes crashing down.

  “I know the difference between loving and fucking, babygirl. And I’m only interested in one of the two.”

  My lips part as I suck in a breath. “So it would be like a friends-with-benefits type of thing?”

  I wonder how many women have stood in front of him listening to these same words with their hearts pounding just like mine. I probably don’t really want to know.

  “It would be whatever you wanted it to be.” He moves his mouth from mine. “Or it can be nothing at all. It’s completely up to you.” He lowers his hand and the strand of hair he’s been holding slips through his fingers. I’ve always had a weakness for a man touching my hair. “For the record, I don’t date either. I’m not asking for anything more than what we’re both willing to give.”

  He’s so confident in his words, so sure of himself and what he wants. I’ve never been sure of anything. I’ve been lost for as long as I can remember. Blaze has opened a door, and it’s up to me to decide whether or not to walk through it, knowing the minute I do, everything changes. We cross the threshold into uncharted territory. Maybe meaningless sex is the norm for him, but it isn’t for me. I’ve been with two men in my life, and I loved them both. At least I convinced myself that’s what it was. I lost my virginity to a boy named Gavin when I was sixteen years old the night of our junior prom. He lived next door to the Bryants, my first set of foster parents. He was really good at convincing me he understood how I felt, even though deep down I knew he had no idea. Still, for nearly a year he promised me the worst was behind me. He promised me a future far away from my past. Then one day I came home from school early to find him in bed with Jane, the Bryant’s only biological child. The next day I was sent to a new foster home—after I gave Jane a black eye and bloody nose. The only other man I’d been with was Travis.

  Now I’m standing in front of a guy who just told me he wants to have sex with me and doesn’t expect as much as a text afterward. It’s vulgar and crude. Everything about it should offend me. My blood should be boiling. I should be pissed.

  Then why was I standing here considering it?

  Because even though I know where my heart stands, sometimes my mind needs a safe place to go to just be silent.

  He’s watching me, really watching me. Every part of me is blushing from the intensity of his stare. A flash of need, hunger, and maybe even guilt shoots across his gorgeous features, but they’re gone in an instant. A gentle breeze sweeps through the night air and makes me shiver. Or maybe it’s his closeness. Either way, my skin prickles, and I hold my breath because those eyes.

  God help me.

  I can’t concentrate on anything when those eyes are on me.

  Without warning, his fingers sink into the back of my hair. He pulls my mouth to his, stopping a split second before our mouths touch, once again robbing me of the kiss I’m so desperate to have. “One day I’ll taste my name on your lips.”

  Holy. Shit.

  There he goes.

  Wanting.

  Taking.

  Just like I knew he would. And here I am letting him.

  His other hand slides across my ribs and around to my ass where he squeezes me hard then pushes my body into his. He’s hard, painfully so, and all I want to do is hook my leg around his hip and grind against him. I realize in this moment that sex with Blaze would be mind-blowing. It would be irrevocably life-altering. Soul crushing.

  He runs the tip of his nose along my cheekbone, stopping right before my ear. “This is not something I do often. Or something I take lightly. I just thought you should know that.”

  I want to believe him. Every part of me tells me I should. Blaze isn’t like Jake or even like Brody. He’s not like anyone I’ve ever met.

  On the one hand, I’m terrified of where my answer will take me. On the other, I need to be confident because if he thinks for a moment that he’s scared me, he might change his mind. I’m a living, breathing paradox.

  I don’t want him to change his mind.

  He wants sex.

  I miss sex.

  He doesn’t want to date.

  I don’t either.

  I’m just not sure I’m ready to let him inside my soul.

  “Can I have a minute to think about it,” I say, breathless.

  He pulls back and stares at me with this smirk-like grin that is unintentionally but undeniably sexy as fuck. “Take as long as you need, babygirl. I’m not going anywhere.”

  That’s what I’m afraid of.

  Blaze laughs to himself. “Well, except for home. Right now. To take a cold shower.” He winks, and I melt.

  I am liquid.

  Lava.

  Hot and simmering.

  I step away and bite down on my bottom lip as he climbs into his car and backs out of the driveway. His windows are tinted, but I feel his eyes on me even in the darkness. I lower my head to keep him from seeing the flush in my cheeks at the thought of him wet, naked, and hard.

  Because of me.

  I wrap my arms around myself and watch until the red trails from his taillights disappear.

  “Well, that was hot.” The sound of Haley’s voice makes me jump.

  “Jesus. How long have you been standing there?”

  She’s leaning one shoulder against the door frame, the front door open behind her. I glance over her shoulder and pray none of the boys are in the living room. They aren’t, thank God.

  Haley scoops her spoon into the pint of ice cream she’s holding. How in the heck doesn’t she weigh a hundred more pounds? “Long enough to know he wasn’t just here to bring Liam home.” She stuffs the spoon into her mouth and raises her eyebrows.

  “You can’t say anything about this, Haley. Please.” I’m not even sure what this is.

  She pulls the spoon out of her mouth and uses it to cross her heart. “I won’t say anything.” She dips the spoon into the pint again. “I just want to know how you did it.”

  “Did what?”

  “Got Blaze Abbott to notice you.”

  I can’t tell if she’s being condescending or if she genuinely wants to know. Haley is one of those people who could slice your heart open with a smile and you’d end up thanking her for it. She’s the girl you want to hate because she’s so perfect, but you can’t because she’s so perfect.

  My heart thrums. “I doubt that’s anything special.” I hope it’s something special.

  Haley laughs, like belly laughs, bending at the waist and nearly snorting when she straightens back up. “You’re kidding, right?” When I don’t answer, her face grows serious. “You mean you don’t know?”

  “Know what?”

  “Girl. Many have tried… and failed. Blaze Abbott doesn’t date. He doesn’t even flirt. Trust me when I say that. I’ve seen it myself. I get embarrassed for the poor girls who throw themselves at him week after week. He doesn’t even have social media. The guy does not like attention.”

  Haley judges everything about a person based on their social media status. I remember when I first moved here, and she found out I didn’t have an Instagram account. She freaked out and insisted I join the twenty-first century. The only posts on my page are the ones she puts there. It turns out, I don’t like attention either.

 
“What’s his story? Why doesn’t he date?”

  As soon as the question leaves my lips, an unsettling feeling washes over me like I want to know, but I don’t really want to know.

  Haley’s hand falls to her side, leaving the ice cream forgotten. “Somewhere around three years ago, his girlfriend died in a car accident.”

  A million feelings race between my heart and my mind. My throat is thick and dry, and I can’t seem to form any words. Her eyes meet mine in a clash of emotions. I’ve never seen Haley so torn. It’s like an unspoken warning letting me know her next words are about to shatter me.

  She lowers her voice to a near whisper. “She was pregnant.”

  I pull in a deep breath, suddenly suffocated by the air around me. There’s a cricket-chirping silence, except without the crickets. Just silence.

  Haley brings her hand to her mouth. “Oh God. You really didn’t know.”

  I swallow hard and fight to control my emotions, knowing that I am completely and utterly fucked when I feel a single tear roll down my cheek.

  This is not something I do often. Or something I take lightly.

  I get it now. He wants me to take the pain away. I wish I could. I wish I had that kind of power. Why did he choose me? I don’t know. Maybe I never will.

  I need him to bring light into my darkness. Why him? Because since the moment I first saw him, he set fire to the world around me, and maybe that fire is the light I need.

  Nothing good can come from this.

  I’m broken.

  He’s beautiful.

  This is tragic.

  How can I say yes to Blaze after knowing now exactly what I’m saying yes to? I know this story. There’s only one way it ends. Working with these kids over the years has taught me that the only thing worse than living with my own painful memories is knowing there’s nothing I can do to help someone else live with theirs.

  The next morning, sunlight pours through the cracks in the blinds the same way it always does. The darkness ended and the day began, like it had been doing since the beginning of time and would keep doing until the very end, regardless of the turmoil we face inside. I burrow myself into my warm, soft sheets and cling to memories of a vivid dream that felt far too real. It’s the same dream I always have when my mind has had too much of the real world. It’s the wardrobe that leads to a fantasy world, the hole that descends to a magical kingdom, the key that opens the door to a secret garden. This dream, the one where I’m happy and life doesn’t make my chest feel heavy, is my escape. I pull the spare pillow close to my chest and hug it tight because I know eventually the memory of the dream will fade away like it always does. I’ll be left with this lonely sense of detachment, searching for the high of the happiness I felt while I was asleep. That’s the worst part about waking up. It’s not the sunlight in your eyes or the sudden responsibility of the day ahead. It’s the harsh realization that dreams are usually better than reality.

  Two hours later, I’m sitting at my desk trying to focus on the pile of never-ending legal documents I need to scan and enter into our digital files when my boss taps on my door.

  Kai has been with Corporate Cares since the beginning. He started in the California office and was the brains behind expanding to the East Coast. His tall, broad frame leans against the doorway, and his bright blue eyes sparkle with his smile.

  “Give your brain a break. There’s someone I want you to meet.” He stands up straight and nods toward the hallway behind him.

  Kai doesn’t ask. He delegates, and people listen. It makes him a great boss and an even better advocate for the foundation. It always miraculously rains money whenever Kai is around. He’s older than me, old enough to be my father, but alarmingly good-looking. I’ve had to listen to Haley’s fantasies about being alone with him in the conference room more times than I can count. I’m not sure how his wife would feel about that, but it gives Haley a reason to look forward to doing office work twice a week.

  I save my progress then “x” out of my screens. “A break before lunch? Whoever it is must be pretty special,” I say with a grin as I roll my chair away from my desk then stand.

  “You’re aware of CD Enterprises?”

  Who isn’t aware of CD Enterprises? Colton Donavan is one of the main reasons we were able to expand. His passion for Corporate Cares spreads far and wide throughout the racing circuit. The minute he slapped our name on his car and started speaking out for our cause, the donations began pouring in.

  I follow Kai down the hallway to the conference room, passing Brody and Haley’s empty offices along the way. “Yes, I think we can all be grateful for the positive influence CD Enterprises has had on Corporate Cares.”

  Kai presses a large hand against the heavy wooden door leading into the room, pushing it open and allowing me to enter first. “Well, thanks to them, we’ve just landed our next biggest sponsor.”

  I spot him through the glass as we walk by. He’s standing on the other side of the long, birch table with his hands tucked into his front pockets. The air shifts the moment I step into the conference room. My bones turn to liquid as soon as my gaze locks with his, leaving me unsure of how I’m still standing. Eyes of earthy brown with playful spirals of copper stare back at me. He gives me a smile so genuinely sweet that I can’t help but return it. I feel every heartbeat, every single thump in my chest. The once massive room suddenly feels too small for the both of us.

  This can’t be real. I know exactly who he is before Kai ever opens his mouth.

  Kai places a hand at the small of my back and grins proudly across the room. “Adrienne Maddox, I’d like you to meet Levi Abbott.”

  Levi Abbott.

  I hear Brody’s words in the back of my mind. The East Coast Abbotts. Levi Abbott. Does any of that ring a bell?

  The man in front of me has to be Blaze’s brother. They look so much alike. Except Levi’s dark hair is longer, almost shoulder-length. The curls on the ends wisp upwards beneath his backward baseball cap. His eyes, although still hypnotizing, are darker. His chest is slightly broader even though he’s not quite as tall. Even in a white T-shirt and dark jeans, the guy could be on the cover of a magazine—probably has been.

  He pulls one hand from the front pocket of his jeans and extends it across the table to me. “Nice to meet you, Adrienne.” When I accept his offered hand, he brings it to his lips the way a gentleman would in eighteenth-century Britain.

  “Likewise,” I say, fighting to keep my smile genuine and my nerves in check. Kai’s hand on my back feels like an anchor. Then he drops it, leaving me treading water in a sea of confusion.

  Why is Levi Abbott here? Did Blaze send him? If so, why isn’t Blaze here too? Why did Kai bring me in on this when he’s more than capable of handling sponsors himself?

  What the fuck is happening right now?

  Levi lets go of my hand, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I didn’t feel the buzz of energy I feel when I’m with Blaze, but I do feel something. I just don’t know what it is… Or if it’s good or bad.

  His eyes hold mine, and he breaks into a broad smile. “My family and I are very proud and excited to join your mission.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat. “Your family?”

  “My parents and me.”

  No mention of Blaze. Why wouldn’t he mention Blaze?

  Kai steps around me to the end of the conference table, placing his palms flat on the hard surface as he leans forward and commands the room. “The Abbotts are highly influential people. Not just here in Charlotte, but around the world. Having them on board could mean big things for Corporate Cares.” He grins for a split second then flicks his gaze to Levi. “Levi is one of NASCAR’s major players. Rookie of the Year, Daytona 500 Pole Winner, and Can-Am Duel Winner, and I’m sure he’ll add another one to the list this year.”

  I whistle. “Wow. That’s an impressive résumé.”

  “Back atcha, babe. Kai says you’re the best. He says you’re the heart of this foundation. That
if I want to see what Corporate Cares is all about, it’s best to see it through your eyes.”

  Kai needs to write brochures upselling cheap hotels or making dorky guys seem hot on their dating profiles.

  I’m a simple counselor. I care about the cause. I care about the boys. So do Brody and Haley. I’m not the best of anything.

  “Kai is too kind. But I’m happy to tell you all about the foundation.” I grab the back of a chair and begin rolling it away from the table to have a seat.

  My boss raises his eyebrows and folds his arms across his chest. “I was thinking it might be better for him to go to the house. You know, get a feel for it firsthand.”

  Oh. I inch the chair back to its proper position at the table.

  “When is your next shift?” Kai asks.

  “It starts tomorrow night after dinner.”

  “How’s that work for you, Levi?”

  Levi lifts the cap from his head, runs a hand over his hair then pulls the cap back down by the brim. “Tomorrow night sounds great.”

  “Perfect. Tomorrow it is.” Kai takes a step back from the table then looks at Levi. “Wait here. I’ll just be a minute then we’ll go over the details.”

  See what I mean? Even famous NASCAR drivers obey Kai’s commands.

  He waits until we’re past the glass wall of the conference room and out of Levi’s line of sight before he grabs my hand and stops me from walking. His deep blue eyes hold mine. “I know this is a lot to ask, but if there’s anyone I trust to show him the heart of our cause, it’s you. The Abbotts are American royalty. This is a game changer for us, for the boys.”

  For the boys.

  That’s my weakness. Anyone who knows me knows I’d do anything for the boys.

  “It’s fine. I don’t mind at all.”

  I can’t shake the sinking feeling in the bottom of my gut. Where is Blaze? Does he know about this? How would he feel about it if he did?

  A bright smile spreads across his flawless face. “I knew you’d come through for me, Addy. Thank you.”

  Addy? He never calls me Addy. This whole week so far has been nothing but a series of unpredictable events, and I don’t know what to make of it.