by Najwa Zebian
until you forced me to love you.
You convinced me that loving you would be
noble, because
who would love someone like you but
“a heart of gold”?
You told me that you loved how innocent my vision of
the world was,
how nonjudgmental my heart could be.
You told me that you loved my
honesty, sincerity, and kindness,
and a few more things that made blood
rush to my face.
I was a free bird.
You broke my wings and
caged me in your misery.
You asked me to stay when
you knew that you should have
let me go.
And when you decided that you
no longer needed me,
you let go of my hand.
You told me to take a step back
and give my head a shake.
You told me that I was delusional
and that your words were just words.
I used to sing melodies;
now I cry tears.
I get lost in thought sometimes,
and I wonder to myself,
if it was noble to love a man like you,
is it not disgraceful to torture
a woman like me?
OceanofPDF.com
Invisible Threads
The tears storming in my heart
woke me up
as the night sky rained
invisible threads
like the ones you weaved.
They asked me,
“What would you tell
your daughter if
her heart cries this way
over a man
one day?”
That is when I knew
every answer
I needed to know.
OceanofPDF.com
I used to write my poems for
you.
Now I write to forget
about you.
And it’s sad, because
I remember you now that you’re
gone
more than I remembered you
when you were
still here.
OceanofPDF.com
I tell the traces of
your memories,
the face that is no longer
one I wish to see,
and the love that no longer
feels like love:
Love me because
you want to,
not because I
ask you to.
OceanofPDF.com
One rainy day,
when it was clear to me
that you loved me,
I was too afraid
to admit that
I loved you in return.
You asked me how I was doing,
and I just told you that
I loved it when it rained.
A few moments of
beautiful silence
passed us by
where I felt your love
raining,
hailing,
into my heart.
I knew that
I was in too deep
when you said:
“It’s still raining.”
If I wrapped you inside my heart
to make you feel the pain
that you planted in my heart
the moment you walked away,
you would never walk away.
And I would be wrapped in your arms
right now,
not your memories.
OceanofPDF.com
My soul is aching to
let you go
when corners of you are
still imprinted
so vividly in my
soul.
You said you loved
scars
because they tell stories.
Look at the story that
you left
to intrigue every visitor
after you.
OceanofPDF.com
I miss you,
but I don’t have the right
to miss you.
There is a part of you
that felt like home,
and I cannot find it
in anyone new.
You asked around
why I found it so hard
that you walked away.
Everyone before you
walked away.
And you were the first person
I truly believed would stay.
But you too
walked away.
OceanofPDF.com
I find myself trapped
in the corners of your
mind.
Please let me
out.
Now I know
that it was not you
who needed to release me.
It was me
who needed to release
you
and release
me.
OceanofPDF.com
I kept telling myself:
Letting go does not mean
that you are
giving up
or that you are
weak.
It could just mean that
you are no longer
allowing what hurts you
to control you.
Even if they
are the ones who want
you
to let go of them,
tell yourself that you are
letting them go because
you
want to.
You are not obeying
them.
You are liberating
your soul.
OceanofPDF.com
Your voice might feel faint now,
perhaps an echo, or even a whisper.
Your wings might feel broken now,
perhaps exhausted or
too weak to fly.
Your heart might hurt now,
perhaps too sensitive or
too fragile to feel.
Your light might seem
dim
right now,
perhaps trying to shine
when it’s already light outside.
And perhaps you will not believe me when
I tell you, but
I will tell you.
Your voice will roar one day,
and they will have to listen.
Your wings will spread one day,
and they will watch you fly higher.
You will heal one day,
and you will fly over the walls that they
built in your face.
Your light will strike through
the sky one day,
for you are the sun.
And the sun rises
every day.
OceanofPDF.com
If you tell me that
softness
is weakness,
don’t you dare tell me that
hardness
is strength.
If you tell me that
kindness
is weakness,
don’t you dare
tell me that bitterness is
strength.
Sir, take your cruelty
out of my kingdom.
And allow my soft heart to
crown my mind with
the strength in my kindness.
I scream this in your face,
in my mind,
every time I remember
that time you told me that
I was too soft.
OceanofPDF.com
Every day, tell yourself this:
Keep your heart kind
no matter how dark the world gets.
You own only yourself.
You can only control your actions.
Keep your heart beautiful.
The world needs that.
I say it to mys
elf,
too.
OceanofPDF.com
May the beauty of your heart be the
reason they love you.
Never change your heart
just to change who loves you.
OceanofPDF.com
A message to the one
who broke me:
I hope
from the bottom of my heart
that no one ever hurts you
the way you hurt me.
I could easily wish you pain,
but you hurt me so much
that I would never wish it
upon my enemies,
let alone someone I loved.
OceanofPDF.com
It’s simple.
If they hurt
you,
they need help,
not
you.
OceanofPDF.com
To you, and
to the me who stared at the
mirror for hours
seeing someone
foreign
to the soul that disappeared from
my eyes:
I see your pain, and
I find myself wishing that
I could take it
away.
It pains me because
I understand
exactly
how you feel.
And when I was in your
shoes,
all I wanted to hear was
“I understand.”
So I will tell you now:
I understand, and
it’s okay that you are hurting,
because that means that
you
are
human.
I understand.
OceanofPDF.com
The struggle to get you out of my head:
You are the
beginning and
the end of
my every story.
Day.
And night.
Leave my endings.
I beg you.
OceanofPDF.com
It’s a shame for you
that you chose not
to fight the wars
in my battlefield.
It’s a shame for you
that you were a coward
and waved your white flag.
You surrendered.
What a shame.
The king who will own my heart
must be brave enough
to endure the chaos of purity within
me.
Now I know that
no king can
own
my heart.
I am the owner of my own
empire.
OceanofPDF.com
The same light that
attracted the butterfly in me
to you
is the one that wounded
my wings
and stopped me from flying.
But I got back up,
darling,
and my wings
are so much stronger
than they were before.
When you walk away from
the source
of pain,
you start healing.
OceanofPDF.com
Other Places
What will you say when they ask you,
“Why did you let her go?”
If it was her sadness,
that is what made her real.
If it was her sensitivity,
that is what made her considerate.
If it was her unconditional love for you,
that is what made her loyal to you.
But it’s true, you know,
that we walk away from what is real
because we’re too afraid
of staying in one place.
She built a home for you,
but you still had other places to see.
OceanofPDF.com
My future son:
When you find her,
put diamonds on her
heart
before you put them on
her ring.
OceanofPDF.com
If it hurts your soul,
let go of it.
You left my soul
through my
tears.
Extracting you from
inside of me
took the sadness
out of me.
OceanofPDF.com
If I have to tell you
how to love me
or what to tell me,
keep your love and
keep our words.
I don’t want them.
OceanofPDF.com
Break.
Let your soul
discover
the power it has
to build a
masterpiece.
That masterpiece
is
you.
OceanofPDF.com
You are not what they
did to
you.
You are not the pain
that they caused
you.
You are
a hero who
endured
the struggle.
I salute you.
OceanofPDF.com
After you finally
close your door,
some will come back to knock,
just to check whether you will open
or not.
If you do,
they will pretend that they
are only
visiting to see how
you are
doing.
They really are checking if
you still care.
OceanofPDF.com
To my new love:
Forgive me if my
insecurities are
speaking loudly.
When you are afraid of
not being loved for
who you are,
because you have been
not loved
and told that it was because of
who you are,
your insecurities start
speaking.
I let you see my
insecurities because
I want to see you
fall in love with me
and
my insecurities.
OceanofPDF.com
You would think that
a wilted flower
could not possibly wilt
anymore.
Look at me,
and you will
understand.
I say this every time
my soul
feels exhausted but
the nectar in me reminds me
of the love in me.
OceanofPDF.com
Believe me when
I tell you that
the sadness in your soul
will leave.
And trust me when
I tell you that
you have the power
to decide when
you want it to leave.
It will be painful.
It will be a mountain.
It will be an uphill battle.
But once you finally
cleanse it out,
happiness will trickle in
like raindrops
quenching the thirst of your
soul.
Don’t move the mountain.
Climb it.
OceanofPDF.com
You deserve the kind of love
that will make you want to be
a better person,
for you first
and then for them.
Promise me that you
will not
accept less.
Promise me that you
will not
compromise your own
inner beauty to have
anyone
“complete” you or
to have
&nbs
p; anyone
make you feel
“worth it.”
You are worth it.
No doubt.
So please.
Please.
Do not accept
less.
OceanofPDF.com
Tell their voices:
No.
I am not
what you say of me.
No.
I am
what I do.
Just like you are not
what I say of you.
No.
You are
what you do.
OceanofPDF.com
Why did you tell me
what you did not mean
and then punish me for
believing you?
OceanofPDF.com
Their failure to love
themselves
should not make you hate them.
They need love.
Love them.
I can’t tell you that you
will not get hurt.
Just remember that light breeds light.
Spread light.
It will come back to you
