“We will reconvene in three days’ time and compare notes,” Robert said.
“Yes. I will be in touch. Thank you for talking to me so late.”
“Anything to assist. See you soon, Dreyer.”
They ended the call and the monitor went black. Dirk continued to stare at it but only saw his own reflection, somewhat faded and blurry. Lines on his face gave him a look of exhaustion and his hair was mussed. But the intensity in his eyes showed how his passions still burned.
For Ryan, he feared they would never extinguish and Dirk would end up just as bad off as his patient, wanting someone he could never have.
* * * * *
“Still in half-shift,” Dirk dictated to the nurse who was performing an observation of the latest bear to come into the Sanctuary. He hovered over the being, not touching him for fear he’d break through the sedatives he’d been given and attack Dirk again.
He walked around to the head of the bed. “Pallor very pale. Heart rate fast,” he said with a glance at the vitals monitor. “Have we gotten a new blood gas read this morning?”
“No, Doctor.”
“Please do that and get the results onto my desk within the hour.” After many sleepless hours over the past two days since speaking with his colleague, Dirk’s suspicion about a poisoning was growing stronger. The big map he’d pinned to his wall and the home locations of each shifter who’d come to the Sanctuary was within a two-hundred mile radius. Six in total, two of which had died.
And one who’d taken his own life. A weight Dirk could never forgive himself for. The first shifter to come to him had been so shockingly out of control that Dirk’s training had little effect on him and he’d thrown himself out of the window of the upper story of the building and fallen eighty feet to his death.
He rubbed a hand over his face, feeling the effects of lack of sleep. He also felt the need to shift and roam, an itching deep in his pores. He stretched his shoulders, feeling the magic take hold.
He turned to the nurse. “Please do the blood work. I will be out of my office for half an hour.” If that would be enough. The need to run for miles and escape all this pain and suffering had him on edge. He hadn’t even seen Ryan in the past two days—too busy, he told himself. But that was far from the truth. He was avoiding the shifter.
Striding from the room, he made it to the emergency exit door just as the rush of heat crawled up over his spine. His coat sprouted and his snout elongated. His paws hit the earth and he took off running before all four had touched down.
He didn’t dare toss a look over his shoulder at the upper window where Ryan would be sitting, looking out. He ran. Faster and faster, leaping rocks and roots, splashing through the shallow river and throwing his head back to roar at the sky.
Frustration mingled with the torture of wanting. No, needing. Dammit, over the past two days he’d realized that at last there was a mate out there for him.
And he was already bound to another.
One who had shunned him, hurt him forever.
Now Dirk was trapped between his duties as a healer and his desires as a man, a shifter. He flexed his jaws as the roar escaped, nearly feeling his fangs sink into Ryan’s neck as he drove into him. Taking him hard and deep and fast so they could get to the loving part where Ryan would curl in Dirk’s arms and Dirk would whisper soft things about protecting and adoring him forever.
The roar cut off abruptly and he dropped his head low behind his powerful shoulders. Out of shear frustration, he spied a fish and made a grab for it even though he wasn’t hungry. It was an instinct to hunt and fish for food, and he had to let his emotions run wild in some way as he stifled the rest of them.
He chomped down on the fish. It squirmed in his mouth, and with a flick of his head, he gulped it into his throat, barely tasting. Hardly noticing how satisfied his stomach was from being full.
He climbed the bank and stood in the sun letting the rays dry his fur. What was he to do?
Over the course of desperate days, he longed to confide in someone. Who, though? Not the nurses. They were human and did not fully understand the shifter world, though they knew enough to feel empathy and care for them all.
He was the only healer in the Sanctuary, yet there were others like Robert who could take his place. But how could he dial up his friend and admit he had broken his oaths and allowed love to seep into his heart for a patient? He should be fired from his duties. Should take himself away from this place and hide from clans and bury his magic.
He twisted to look toward the Sanctuary. The roof of the building peeked from between trees and reminded him of the pride he had in his work.
Of all the people he did help.
Even Ryan was among those patients he counted as successes—or he was well on his way to becoming a success.
Once Ryan was well enough to make a life for himself, he’d leave the Sanctuary and set out on his own in search of something more. He’d think of Dirk with gratitude.
While Dirk would grieve for his Young Bear.
Dammit, he had to battle this deep passion to mate the shifter and do his best for Ryan, starting with going to him. Right now.
He shook off the drops of water still clinging to his fur and set out for the trails leading back to the building. Leaves had dropped and crunched beneath his paws, smelling of spice. Warmth permeated his hide and gave him a moment of happiness.
With Ryan in his heart and the earth beneath his feet, what more could he want or need?
He made his way back to the edge of the trees and stopped to look at the window. Sure enough, Ryan sat there. But this time he didn’t just look out at what he believed was an unknown bear.
He sat forward and pressed his palms against the glass.
Dirk’s insides coiled and his need to rut… it stole his whole sanity.
He ran back into the woods and shifted out of his bear form. Damn these clothes being in place, because he couldn’t get his fly open fast enough or his thick cock into his fist before he went mad.
He wrapped his hand around his swollen, pulsing cock and pumped it. Hard. Once. Faster. Faster. Until the swollen head bulged purple and cum began to shoot from the tip. Long, heated spurts that wouldn’t stop.
Dirk shuddered with pleasure, but it was far from enough. He was still hard.
He jerked his cock again, imagining Young Bear’s lips gliding over him, taking him deep into his warm, wet mouth. Bumping the back of his throat and them sharing a growl.
Then shifting, biting into each other in the claiming.
Dirk threw his head back and howled as a second, more violent orgasm ripped through him. He came for what seemed like a full minute, and when he closed his eyes on the final pulsation, Ryan’s image swam in his mind.
He was screwed, and this was all he’d ever have of the shifter he’d come to know as the mate he could never, ever claim. It was all a fantasy, nothing more.
-Chapter Five-
Ryan rose from the twisted sheets, sweating and angry. The urge to snap his jaws down on bone, to feel it wrench and splinter in his teeth, was a hot brand on his soul.
Fury rose up like a fog and he got to his feet and took off pacing. The dreams were just figments in his mind now, but he remembered enough to feel the presence of his mate. Anders at his worst, tearing into Ryan and screaming at him to go. Shifting at the final moment and attacking with all the power of his alpha bear behind him.
And Ryan had succumbed to it, too hurt and stunned to do anything but run for his life.
What if he’d stayed and fought back? He was strong and a wily fighter. He’d battled shifters much larger, but Ryan’s skills had served him well. What if he had used those tactics against his mate?
He circled the room once, twice, pivoting on his bare feet at the ends of the room before swinging around again. The fury hadn’t been something he expected. Until now, he’d known only withdrawals and then a crushing pain of loss. Tears had come the past two days and nothing his nurs
es did could comfort him, so they just brought him drinks and food he didn’t eat and more tissues to blow his nose.
Not even Dirk had come with his healing hands, big and capable and comforting.
Now this anger was upon him.
No, not anger—rage.
He could knock down a dozen shifters with a single swipe of his paw.
His feet slapped the floor as he reached the bed again. On impulse, he tore the sheets off and hurled the damp cotton to the floor before setting off again. As he passed by the window, the urge to strike the glass and make it splinter into lethal shards was stronger than anything he’d felt yet.
He reached out and smashed his fist into it. But the glass held, too thick to simply shatter without more force.
He picked up the chair and hurled it at the pane. It bounced off and clattered to the floor. Irate, Ryan grabbed the rolling table and lifted it over his head.
Behind him the door opened, and a shout sounded.
Something like ice water trickled over the back of Ryan’s neck and down over his shoulders. He paused, table midair, chest heaving with exertion.
“Ryan, stop!” Panic sounded in the doctor’s voice, and Ryan reacted with a guttural jerk inside his chest, like Dr. Dreyer had hooked him with something sharp.
Hands were on him, and he recalled the doctor’s strength as he dealt with the shifter who’d been brought in days ago. Dr. Dreyer grabbed the table and set it down with a thump, pushing it on its wheels far away from Ryan’s reach.
Ryan met his stare and saw a wildness in the depths.
“Were you trying to break the window to jump?” the doctor asked in a gritty tone.
His shoulders slumped. “I don’t know.”
“Come here.” He yanked Ryan into his hold. Against his big, muscled chest.
A cry broke from him but he squelched it, not wanting to show Dr. Dreyer his weakness.
That was new. Before, he hadn’t cared, only wanted any help the healer could offer. Now his pride stung and embarrassment took hold.
Dr. Dreyer held him tight, a hand on his nape. The feel of his hard shoulder under his face stirred emotions in him that he didn’t understand.
After long minutes, the doctor made a noise in his chest that vibrated through Ryan and he stepped away. He didn’t quite meet his gaze as he said, “Why don’t you sit down?”
As Ryan righted the chair and sank to it, the doctor drifted away—far away. They stared at each other.
“What’s happening to me?” Ryan asked after a moment.
“I don’t know. What are you experiencing?”
“Rage.”
“Ah.” The quiet syllable had Ryan on his feet. He moved back to the doctor and took his hand. When he lifted the large, capable hand to cup his own jaw, the doctor’s breath rushed out. He leaned forward, head bowed.
Ryan panted with some deep-rooted sensation and couldn’t figure out what it was or what it meant, only that he must have this healer’s hands on him. “Please,” he said softly.
“Hell.” The doctor dropped his forehead to Ryan’s and the masculine, musky scent of the doctor permeated his senses. Soothed. Calmed. Was that his magic at play?
A gulp rose in Ryan’s throat. He leaned into the doctor’s touch, and Dr. Dreyer slid his fingertip along the crease of Ryan’s jaw and up behind his ear. Something about it was intimate and more healing than anything he’d done yet for Ryan.
“It’s all right,” Dr. Dreyer said though he sounded as if he was talking to himself.
“Is it?”
A laugh burst from him. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t stop touching me.”
Seeming to battle with some unknown force, Dr. Dreyer reached behind Ryan and planted a hand on his spine, pulling him closer. They stood this way, forehead to forehead, chest to chest, the doctor’s fingertip caressing the spot behind Ryan’s ear.
After a while, their breaths came faster. Ryan’s insides stirred, low. So low. His cock twitched and he felt that hunger rising up, a hunger he’d only ever felt for his mate.
He tore free and walked across the room, hating himself and despising his mate even more for putting him in this situation where he was obviously transferring his feelings for the one he really wanted onto the man who had spent many weeks caring for him.
“I’m sorry.” Ryan’s words came out miserable.
Dr. Dreyer’s footsteps answered as he moved to the door. “Me too, Young Bear. Me too.” With that, he walked out. The door latched quietly behind him.
Leaving Ryan with even more confusion than ever and the echoes of the words in his head. Young Bear.
* * * * *
When Dirk entered his office and spotted Josef just entering with a tray of tea, he gulped back a grunt. It wasn’t great timing, but his assistant meant well, and Dirk did take tea every day at this time.
Usually he and Josef shared the refreshing drink and discussed medicine and affairs within the Sanctuary, but today Dirk’s mind wasn’t on it.
His first instinct was to run from the even that had just melted his mind, heart and soul.
No, he couldn’t. People relied on him. And no matter how afraid he was of what Ryan had become to him, he could not ever run from the man as his own mate had done.
Josef set the tea tray on a side table and turned to him with a worried crease between his brows.
Dirk straightened. “What has happened?”
“Robert called for you while you were out. He thinks it’s important to go right away and begin your search for answers, Doctor.”
Dammit, it couldn’t be worse timing. He wasn’t in any mindset to leave the Sanctuary just now, but getting to the bottom of the situation was far more important than his own personal feelings.
“Yes, I’ll go at once.” He accepted a cup of tea from Josef and when their fingers brushed, his assistant’s cheeks reddened. Dirk had known for some time the man had a mild crush on him, and he was far from kind about such things, but he just didn’t have the time or fortitude to deal with it at present.
“If I may, Doctor…” Josef tipped his head as he studied Dirk.
“Go on,” he said, voice gritty.
“I know you’ve developed an… attachment to Ryan. And I see you warring with the thought of leaving the Sanctuary right now.”
“You’re more astute about the situation than I thought. I’m sorry if I’ve been acting strange or am not totally on top of my work.”
“Not at all. You’re fine, Doctor. I just wanted you to know that when you leave for this trip… I will personally watch over Ryan and let you know immediately if anything is amiss.”
Relief and a warmth of friendship bloomed inside Dirk. He set aside the cup and reached for Josef’s hand, squeezing it hard. “Thank you. I would like that very much. Now,” he said briskly, picking up his tea again and drinking it, “does Robert want me to video chat with him before I go?”
“Yes, he’s waiting for your call.”
Dirk smiled at his friend, relaxed now that he knew he wasn’t totally abandoning Young Bear.
After a long video conference with Robert, he had concluded the place to start was the river running through the shifter territory. Since it was the only common thing between clan lands, it made sense to begin his search here.
He placed his backpack on the bed and began to roll clothing items and place them in the bottom. Utility pants, shirts that could be layered, plenty of dry socks. And a woolen pullover in case he was chilled and didn’t want to shift to his bear form for some reason or other.
On top of the clothing he added other supplies he’d brought from his office. Vials and testing equipment for blood and water. He hoped to run across some shifters while in the wilderness that would be willing to give him blood samples he could then test for unusual compounds that might be causing the relationship between mates to deteriorate.
Once he had everything, he zipped his pack and hefted it over one shoulder. He quietly closed
the door of his quarters and moved through his office area that adjoined it. Here were bookcases of files and case studies. Ryan’s file was here, but he wasn’t going to look at it. He knew everything there was to know, and it did him no good.
He walked out and took the stairs to the bottom floor of the Sanctuary. Through the large front windows of the building, the greenish light that glowed from the forest itself gave him hope that peace would come to him.
This wasn’t a pilgrimage for peace and yet, he hoped it was a by-product.
For a second, he paused at the door, turning back to look at the stairs. Many floors up Ryan was sequestered in his room. Was he all right? He nearly headed for the steps but decided it was best to just leave without saying goodbye.
He’d done enough harm.
What had he been thinking to touch the shifter? He’d acted rashly and now they were both going to suffer for it. The last thing he wanted was to cause Young Bear more pain and confusion.
He strolled down the path lined with flowers and shrubbery and over a small arched bridge that took him to the forest. At the edge, he ached to look at the high window but refused to allow himself.
He walked into the woods, pack firmly settled on his hips. The air was crisp. It smelled of snow, but that was much farther north. He sniffed. Yes, in two days’ walk he’d come across winter weather, but he was turning south.
He submersed himself in the world of wildlife and living things. Soon he was at one with the forest and caught every rustle of every leaf. Squirrels stuffed their mouths with acorns and scurried off to their burrows and majestic deer walked out onto paths and nosed the greenery, browsing for the best food.
After several hours, he pulled out a bottle of water and drank long and deep. When it was empty, he cocked his head, listening for the rush of a stream. Catching the faint strains, he turned in that direction. A few minutes later, he came upon the stream babbling over big smooth rocks. A blackbird sat on a rock dipping its beak into the water for a cool drink.
Sanctuary in the Bear Shifter's Arms: A MM Shifter Bonding Alpha Mates Romance (Primal Roar Book 1) Page 4
