“I hope you don’t me sharing,” he said to the bird. Its bejeweled eye took in his presence but it didn’t move as Dirk crouched at the water’s edge and filled his water bottle. He drank almost all of it and had to refill it again. The cool liquid energized him and he straightened, feeling he could walk for days. Weeks even.
After he’d completed his mission, it would take ages to return to Ryan, and he was sure at some point he’d leave behind this irritation with himself and wish to see Young Bear again.
He took up a fallen branch and used it as a walking stick. The constant motion of his body kept his mind busy for a spell. But not nearly long enough. Soon the memory of holding Ryan, of drawing in breaths of his clean male scent overtook him.
Without thought, he shifted. His pack and clothes vanished and it was suddenly only him, running flat out through the thick trees hell-bent on seeking something he knew he’d never find.
The sun dropped lower in the sky, peeking only through the lowest branches of the trees until finally a purple glow blanketed the world. Dirk slowed and sniffed the air.
Fire, about half a mile east. That meant shifters.
He wandered, meandering over stumps and fallen trees. Clearly the area had seen recent storms. The energy would be high in a place like this. A good place to recharge.
He shifted to his human form and sat on a big glacier-sized rock. Sitting cross-legged, he extended his hands and said a chant to fill him with the energy he needed to continue his journey and his work.
Maybe this was a spiritual travel, after all. He sat there until the sun disappeared and darkness closed in. Refreshed, he drank more water and continued toward the scent of the burning leaves and twigs. When he spotted the orange flames licking over logs, a head snapped up, followed by another.
“I mean no harm,” he called out. “I smelled your fire and thought to make myself known.”
Two men stood shoulder-to-shoulder. Not human but shifters. They watched him approach and only when they could make out his features did their faces soften.
“Aren’t you the doctor from the Sanctuary?” one asked.
He nodded.
“I’ve seen pictures of you. Heard plenty too. We welcome you to our hearth and offer you what food we have yet. I’m sorry to say we just finished dinner.” A tall blond shifter nodded to a log they were using as a bench.
“Thank you.” He heaved his pack off his shoulders, rolling them to loosen the muscles. Then he sat down and took out his water bottle. “What are your names?”
“I’m Samuel and this is Waylon.”
Dirk held out his hand and they each shook it. “Call me Dirk, please.”
Samuel smiled. “Good to meet you, Dirk. What brings you so far from the Sanctuary?”
“I’m on a quest.”
Waylon offered him a platter with some cooked fish and what appeared to be root vegetables. They were grilled to perfection and he was hungry. He polished it off with haste and drank the rest of his water.
They grinned at him.
“My compliments to the chef.”
Samuel pointed to his mate. Dirk didn’t need to ask what they were to each other—he smelled the sweetness of joy and love. There was also a magic about them.
Dirk nodded to Waylon and placed the platter aside.
“Tell us about this quest, Dirk.” Samuel settled back at his lover’s knee, leaning up against that strong shin. Dirk wondered how it would feel to have Ryan rest against him that way. Dirk would place a hand on his shoulder just to feel the connection.
“Have you heard of shifters pushing out their mates? Severing bonds?” he asked.
They exchanged a look. Then Samuel nodded. “It happened near here a few months ago.”
He tensed. “What happened to the shifters?”
“The alpha ran off and the other…” He shook his head. “We came across him a few days after it happened. He was dead, ravaged by pain.”
Dirk’s gut hollowed. “I wish I could have been here to help.”
“Help?” Waylon asked, interest bright in his eyes that glowed in the firelight. “Do you have a cure then?”
“Not a cure. But I’ve had some success in helping the broken shifters to begin to heal. They’re not healthy. But they’re no longer dying.”
“Good news. I’m relieved to hear it.” Waylon reached down and Samuel gripped his lover’s hand. “We’ve discussed it and decided that if it would happen to us, we’d want a swift death.”
Samuel’s face showed distress and he squeezed his mate’s hand harder. “It won’t happen, Waylon.”
“But if it did…”
“Then you must come to me at the Sanctuary and let me do what I can to heal you. But looking at you, I can’t believe your bond could be broken.” Dirk smiled at the pair. “Tell me, is there water nearby?” He could hear it under the whistle of the wind and the crackling logs but thought it best to turn the subject.
Samuel pointed. “That way.”
Dirk stood. “I’ll have a drink and a quick wash.”
“I hope you’ll share our fire and get the rest you need,” Waylon offered.
He nodded. “I thank you for your hospitality. I must tell you that I’m going to test the water for anything strange that could be causing this trouble in our clans. I’d also like to test your blood, if you’ll allow me to.”
They exchanged a look, one born of many years together, and words were not necessary. “Of course. We’ll do anything to help.”
He gave a short bow of his head and walked in the direction of the creek. From this he took three vials of water and dropped chemical tablets into two. He took out a pen and labeled them with the region. Then he returned to the fire and collected blood samples from both shifters. With this all stowed in his pack, he unrolled his thick blanket and stretched out before the fire. He closed his eyes but the last thing he saw was Ryan’s face dancing behind his eyelids.
It seemed he could not escape the torment no matter how far he walked.
Partway through the night, he woke with a jolt, straining to hear what he thought was a pained roar coming on the wind. He listened for a long while but only heard the light breathing of the shifter mates and the last of the flames licking at a coal.
After that, he lay on the hard, cold ground feeling more lost than ever.
* * * * *
Dirk took his leave from his new friends with a promise to be in touch and to send them some healing herbs to help them through the cold months so they remained healthy and strong.
Then he walked for miles home, taking his time and stopping often to collect more samples. The Medve was expansive and he never could visit all corners of it, but one day he’d like to try.
With Ryan at his side, he thought. Then tamped out the small flame that kindled inside his heart. The shifter was far too wounded to even begin to think about more happening with him. It could take years but… it may never happen. The best he could hope for was Ryan grew to be whole of mind so he could move on and live his life alone.
Dirk pocketed the vials of water samples and continued up the river, listening to his surroundings. The music of the world was his own healing balm. The time away from Sanctuary—and Ryan—had taken its toll on him as well. He was weary, wanted his rooms and his comforting cup of tea with his assistant. And then when he was strong enough to see Ryan, to go into his room and look into his eyes.
And if he was lucky, to lay healing hands on him.
He was in so deep, he didn’t know if there was any way out anymore.
He continued on.
* * * * *
Ryan had no idea what drew him outdoors and to the spot where he’d last seen the bear. The woods held no lure for him—he only remembered the searing pain of running through the trees to reach the Sanctuary after his mate his shunned him.
The forest frightened him. It was haunted by ghosts of his pain.
But he hadn’t seen the bear in days. Hadn’t seen Dr. Dreyer eith
er. Dirk. The name had become something to cling to, and while that bothered Ryan, he had little control over his emotions these past weeks since coming to the Sanctuary.
Right now, running on instinct, he stepped into the trees and looked around. It smelled of living things, so different from the inside of the Sanctuary. Though they tried to provide good smells of healing oils and incense, there was always a smell of the manmade universe—plastics and chemicals.
The leaves crunched underfoot, and suddenly he thought of shifting, of feeling the cool, dry forest floor underfoot.
Not yet.
He walked on slowly, following the babble of a creek. He’d crossed it coming here, though he could barely conjure thoughts of that treacherous night. Stumbling through the dark, blind with pain and fever, racked with sickness.
He shoved the memories away and focused on birdsong, which did not stop despite him being an intruder in their territory. Birds had never been afraid of him, as man or bear. He took comfort in their happy sounds and made his way to the creek.
It was not wide, perhaps thirty feet. A log had fallen and hung half in the water, moss growing down its trunk. A good place to sit, he decided.
He reached for his shirt and pulled it overhead. Next followed his pants, socks and shoes. When he slipped off his underwear, the cool air of the Canadian wilderness washed over him.
He held his arms out to the sides, letting it cleanse him, baptize him. He was a new person in a new place. What was in his future was anybody’s guess, but for now, he was content to be in this time and place, enjoying something for the first time in… forever.
Cool water rushed over his feet and ankles. He waded deeper, the bracing cold enveloping calves, thighs. When he stopped, standing in the middle of the creek, he drew on his senses. Scents, sounds, the brush of water across the fine hairs of his legs and the trout nestled up against the gray rocks of the riverbed below.
Drinking in a deep breath, he let his mind calm. His spirit followed within seconds, and he was suddenly at one with the world, merged as a shifter should be.
True healing.
He let out his breath and sucked in another. And another. He stood there in the pale sun as it journeyed across the sky, taking in everything of his surroundings and gaining stronger by the second.
A burst of joy hit him, and he bent to the water to scoop it into his palms, running it up and over his bare body. Droplets zigzagged through the thatch of hair at the base of his cock. It felt good, aroused him.
His cock began to swell, and awareness took over. Driven, he cupped his heavy balls in one hand and wrapped his fingers around his growing length with the other.
Need blasted him, and he gasped with pleasure.
He stroked himself once and was fully hard.
On the second stroke, he squeezed a drop of pre-cum from the tip.
By the third he was groaning, leaning into his hand as he drew back on his foreskin and fisted the head.
His thighs quaked. He wet his dry lips and focused only on sensation and how the world had given him this gift, a small reprieve from the pain of the past. A way to let go, maybe?
He wasn’t sure about that, but what he was doing felt damn good, and he pumped his fist faster, swaying his hips with each jerk of his wrist. Jacking himself until the groans coming from his mouth became one continuous growl, rising up from his bear within.
A swish of grasses had him looking up. Eyes unfocused, he only felt. Then his gaze zeroed in and he stopped breathing.
There on the opposite bank stood Dirk. Relief that he was well and whole washed over Ryan, and he grew harder. He slowed his jacking and their gazes locked.
Watch me. See how I’ve healed, and how you helped in that.
Ryan didn’t stop and Dirk didn’t look away.
Lust shot up through his balls and he pumped his fist deliberately, making sure that Dirk saw all. Why he wanted the man to see what had become of the sickly bear shifter he’d been he had no idea. But it didn’t matter, because Dirk’s warm stare was taking him someplace altogether new.
Heat rushed up. He threw his eyes open wide as the first spurt of cum shot out. Dirk’s gaze dropped and latched on to his cock. As his release creamed over his fingers, Ryan looked down too and continued jacking.
When the last shudder left him, he flicked his gaze up to find Dirk looking at him. His expression unreadable but his eyes burned.
“I didn’t do that for my mate,” Ryan said unevenly.
Dirk looked on.
“I did that for myself.”
Saying nothing, the doctor turned and walked back into the trees, leaving Ryan standing there with his still hard cock in his hand. Another urge gripped him and he moved to the shore, lay down on the bank in the sunshine and pleasured himself again. What any of it meant was a mystery, but when he finally was spent, he slept in the sun’s rays and woke feeling clearer, more ready to take another step toward his new life.
Still, he couldn’t puzzle out what the doctor must think of him. It made Ryan want to find out.
-Chapter Six-
The group therapy session scared the hell out of Ryan. The last thing he needed was to sit in a room with other tormented bears and talk about his feelings. He’d managed to avoid going in the past few weeks he’d been at the Sanctuary, but after his brief moments alone in the forest, he thought he was ready.
Plus, Maureen had told him Dr. Dreyer wouldn’t accept any excuses.
Dirk. The name rose up in his mind. What was going on with the doctor? He’d acted strangely yesterday. And where had he been for days?
The bear along the trees had also vanished along with Dirk. Ryan’s suspicions had been growing and he was going to damn well confront the doctor about it today and get some answers.
Ryan drifted to the window. Light poured through the blinds and heated him. His skin prickled with the need to shift.
Dammit, no. He might have made strides toward some new way of existing without his mate, but that didn’t mean he was healed enough to shift. Doing so would call to that part of him that was a blackened coal and annihilate him.
He turned from the window and strode across the room. His heart thudded painfully against the wall of his chest. Anders. Why?
In some perverse step backward from yesterday, Ryan’s mind went to their final moments together. The clan had joined in celebration of a new shifter couple, Darus and Nuru. With most of them in human form, they’d danced and feasted. Afterward, he had slipped away with Anders hoping for revelry of his own.
But his lover had snarled at him.
“What is it, Anders?” he’d asked.
Anders’ strong features creased in displeasure. “You have no idea what I’ve faced today, Ryan.”
His harsh tone sent Ryan reeling. He’d always been sensitive to anyone’s dissatisfaction but hearing Anders’ tone cut deep. He reached toward his mate. “What happened?”
Anders’ eyes flashed dark with hatred. “You stick to me too closely. I’m not prohibited to even dance without you beside me.”
“But… isn’t that as it should be? We’re mates.”
At that, Anders’ face transformed. His fangs elongated, his jaws grew huge, and his bone structure morphed into his bear form.
Ryan shook himself out of the memory before the nightmare took hold of him, but a bead of sweat rolled out of his hairline.
Someone planted a warm, sure hand on his shoulder. He didn’t need to turn to know it belonged to Dirk. “Take a seat, Ryan. We’re about to start.”
With Anders still fresh in his mind, he was propelled away from the man’s touch.
Ryan hooked a foot around the metal folding chair and dragged it some distance away from the others. His inner bear curled into a tight ball that matched the cramps in his stomach.
When he plopped into the seat, Dirk caught his gaze. Ryan jerked his head around and stared out the windows at the dense forest.
Where was Anders right now? And with whom?
A knife of pain slashed him.
As if knowing this, Dirk gave a long sigh. Then spreading his hands wide, he said, “Welcome to group therapy. We have a lot of old faces and a new one. Stand up and introduce yourself please.” He gestured to Ryan.
“No.” He folded his arms across his chest and glared at the doctor. Damn him, why didn’t he just let Ryan out of this stupid group? He didn’t need to “share and be shown care,” as Maureen had said. He needed Anders.
He needed to figure out why Dirk had watched him at the creek.
Why he stood beneath Ryan’s window.
Dirk reacted to Ryan’s refusal as he did everything—calmly and with a measure of control.
Not for the first time Ryan compared this man to his mate. Anders was a wild being. He doled out punishment to disobedient clansmen without a second thought. It simply was his duty. And in bed, he’d been perfectly rough and satisfying.
Ryan’s body stirred at the thought of his lover’s lips working over him from head to foot. Teeth grazing flesh until Ryan nearly came undone. By the time his lover shoved deep inside him, he was aching.
The pounding Anders gave his body was welcome.
Ryan stole a peek at Dirk. The man appeared to be slightly disheveled this morning. Where his clothes were normally neat and wrinkle-free, his shirt had creases and his pants looked as though he’d pulled them from a hamper.
But Dirk’s eyes really gave away his strain. Lines lived around each, and they were red-rimmed. Had he slept at all last night after leaving Ryan in the forest?
Guilt assuaged him, and he turned his attention to the window. Thick greenery seemed to glow under the watery sun. The Medve Territory was a place he’d always longed to explore, but never in a million years would he have guessed he’d find himself here in this way and for this reason. No, he’d always hoped to shift with Anders and take off for the wilderness, weeks spent foraging new trails.
And loving.
He glanced up at Dirk and found the doctor’s heavy gaze on him. Heat pooled in Ryan’s core—an awareness he didn’t want to own.
Sanctuary in the Bear Shifter's Arms: A MM Shifter Bonding Alpha Mates Romance (Primal Roar Book 1) Page 5
