eMail to the Front

by Alyssa Day

  We have 19 VP-40 Sailors in Bahrain who are there to assist the Admiral's staff and prepare for our eventual return. They are all confined to the base and well protected. I was in Bahrain just last week and I can assure you the Marines are fully alerted and doing a fantastic job protecting the base.

  Last night VADM Moore, the Admiral in charge of our forces in Bahrain, had a "Town Meeting" with everyone stationed in Bahrain. He assured them there had been no threats to Americans.

  I would like to address three issues that have come up in the news:

  Threat Condition D or Delta: This condition must be set when a serious threat has been made to forces in the region. It is important to note that the Persian Gulf is a volatile area, but Bahrain is considered the most secure of all the locations. Also, this "region" includes a very large area which encompasses some historically dangerous locations, e.g., Syria, Iran, and Iraq.

  Evacuation: There has been no evacuation or any plan to evacuate the people permanently stationed in Bahrain.

  School Closure: Today Admiral Moore chose to close the school so they could conduct a thorough review of the security procedures in place there. In his "town hall" meeting last night, he discussed the school closing and was careful to try to reassure everyone that there has been no threat to the people there and in particular the school.

  Life in Masirah has continued on without any interruptions. We continue to fly our scheduled flights there. They are also assisting with the repair of our P-3 in Muscat. Our crews in Diego Garcia are flying training flights and continuing on with deployment as planned. Two crews will be heading back to Thailand tomorrow and then on to Japan, so they can participate in a multinational exercise and hopefully get to track some submarines.

  As you can see, we are continuing to operate. We have not been told when we might be able to go back to Bahrain and operate there. Until that time, we will continue to perform our missions in Diego Garcia and Masirah. Our people in Bahrain will continue to assist the Admiral's staff and keep us informed of the upcoming operations.

  I will continue to keep you updated on the events over here. The only thing I can promise is that this is a constantly changing situation, and the stories you hear may conflict with some previous news you have been told. Many times the news reports comment on the region in general, and this is a very diverse region, so the report may not always apply to Bahrain or Masirah. Please be patient and trust that we will do our best to protect our incredible Fighting Marlin Sailors and at the same time keep you up to date with any changing news.

  If you hear anything and are uncomfortable, please do not hesitate to send an e-mail to CDR Clyde Porter (XO) or me or our hard-working Ombudsmen. We will be happy to answer any of your questions. I would feel much better knowing you are well informed, so please write. Our VP-40 families are my number one concern, whether it is you at home or our Sailors here.

  You are always in our thoughts and prayers.

  CDR Bernie Ryan, CO, VP-40 Fighting Marlins

  "Laging Handa"—Always Ready

  To: Judd

  From: Alesia

  Subject: I knew it was your crew.

  Remember all those emergency procedures we kept practicing in Pensacola?? You better be safe or else.

  October 25, a.m.

  To: VP-40 Marlin Families

  From: CDR Ryan

  Subject: Update for 25 Oct.

  To all Fighting Marlin Families and Friends:

  I saw the news this morning (which is always one day old) and can see why there is such concern for our squadron members still in Bahrain.

  I want to stress that the threats against Bahrain that have been mentioned in the press have been threats against U.S. assets, not people. This is why we flew out our planes. As I mentioned in the previous notes, the U.S. Navy ships were also sortied out of port. It is important to realize that the ship piers and airport are several miles away from the Naval Support Activity Bahrain, NSA Bahrain as it is commonly called, where our people are staying. NSA Bahrain has always been a very secure facility. The security forces have instituted additional measures and procedures in response to these threats, and we have restricted our people to on-base activities only. If it is felt that our people's safety is in doubt, we will immediately fly them out.

  October 25, p.m.

  To: VP-40 Marlin Families

  From: CDR Ryan

  Subject: Update for 25 Oct.

  To all Fighting Marlin Families and Friends:

  Life has started to settle down here. Nothing has changed in Bahrain, and that can be considered good news. In Masirah and Diego Garcia we have continued to perform all our missions and training events. I just got off the phone with the detachment in Bahrain, and they passed on that there has not been any developing news or changes to the threat condition. One interesting fact is that the airport is back open to a limited number of military logistics flights.

  Again, please do not hesitate to contact me. I will let you know as soon as I hear if anything changes.

  Warmest regards, CDR Bernie Ryan

  October 26

  To: Alesia

  From: Judd

  Subject: Finally in Diego

  We got in last night around midnight, and I spent most of the day here waiting to get some money so that I could buy a phone card. I have the phone card, and have reactivated my Internet access here, so I am going to call. I'm sorry you were so worried. The flight back from Muscat was without incident, and entirely boring (which I know you like!). There is talk they will be reopening Bahrain for our planes in a week or so, but no one is sure of course. I love you! I'll talk to you in a few minutes!

  October 26

  To: All our friends and family

  From: Alesia

  Subject: Judd is finally safe in Diego Garcia.

  He called this morning. They finally repaired the airplane after the emergency landing in Oman, in order to leave Oman for Diego. ThreatCon Delta is still in effect in Bahrain. The few of the squadron still in Bahrain are being heavily guarded by the Marines.

  He said it was a boring flight!!! I told him boring was good, after recent events.

  He has Internet access, so you can e-mail him yourself and say hi.

  They may be returning to Bahrain as early as next week. I will keep you updated. Thanks again for your prayers and concern. They helped us so very much.

  23

  Why Military Spouses Deserve Combat Pay

  November

  To: Judd

  From: Alesia

  Subject: My career is like a weird dance: One step forward, five steps back.

  Moving from state to state, and having to start all over each time, is not really the greatest career path in my field. I just interviewed with that small firm on Whidbey Island. They were great; they loved me. Unfortunately, they offered me less money than I made my first year out of law school. I can't stand it.

  And, THIS is fun-we just had an EARTHQUAKE!! I am officially freaked out. The whole house shook and my adrenaline shot through the roof. I'm watching the news, and it looks like the epicenter was clear down south of Seattle, so it wasn't too bad here. But there was some serious damage in Seattle and Tacoma. Wow! I thought I left earthquakes behind when we left Turkey.

  Lauren is sick again and has been unable to sleep, because her poor baby nose is running like a faucet. I have her asleep in an upright position in her car seat now, so she can breathe. It took two hours of rocking to get her to sleep. I hope they both sleep through the night; I'm so tired I fell asleep on the floor in the middle of the Lincoln log forts Connor and I made this afternoon. (Getting poked in the eye by the fort flag woke me up pretty quick.)

  I took the Explorer to have the last three recalled tires replaced (includes the spare). I feel much safer. I hadn't planned to have to do this today, but we picked up a nail in one so I just did the whole thing at once.

  I had to secretly pack the Halloween decorations away today. Connor is vehemently opposed t
o my boxing them up and it's not worth the battle. I'm going to wait to do the Christmas decorating until you get home. Doesn't that sound wonderful: "until you get home." Only 30 more links or so!!!

  Anyway, back to the job topic, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to take this job. It's not in my field, so I'd have the stress of learning a whole new area and getting paid a lot less. If I'm going to be away from my children, it needs to be worth it to me. I may need to look in Seattle. Let's talk about it when you get home.

  Being a military spouse can be a tough sell to a prospective employer. Once you say: "I'll work really hard for the eighteen months to three years I'll be in this state," you're not really on the top of the hiring list. In my field, there were the added issues of having to take bar exams to get licensed in each different state. Which is about as much fun as poking yourself in the eye with a hot stick, only the hot stick thing wouldn't take three days and cost hundreds of dollars.

  I've been pretty lucky, in that each time we moved, I found wonderful firms where I could work with, and learn from, talented people and do interesting work. But, it's not always easy. Living on Whidbey Island, for example, was very limiting. There's just not enough of a local economy to absorb hiring the spouses of all the personnel assigned to the base. Many spouses are, of course, stay-at-home Moms by choice, like I was for the first year of each of my children's lives. Some are stay-at-home Moms out of necessity, because the balance sheet doesn't work out to pay a baby-sitter more than your take-home pay.

  Even some spouses who don't have children couldn't find jobs, or had to commute two to three hours per day to and from work. It's very tiring and adds to the overall stress in military families.

  The bottom line about the men and women serving in the Armed Forces is that they have very little autonomy in their jobs. They can't call in sick randomly, or take a personal day without lots of advance notice and paperwork. They can't say, "Hey, I know we're flying an eleven-hour training mission today, but let's head down at noon so I can lake a long lunch and go to my son's Thanksgiving Day pageant."

  Not even if Connor gets to be the head Pilgrim.

  So the spouse picks up the slack. All the slack. All the time. And this is another strain on their jobs. When you're the one who always has to stay home with the sick child, or to meet the plumber, or the cable guy, even the most understanding of bosses may get impatient. Some jobs have more flexibility than others. Some have rigid hours and days requirements, so one ear infection timed during a spouse's two-week detachment to parts unknown blows a year's worth of sick leave.

  It's a Herculean juggling act, and it doesn't always work out right. Sometimes one of the balls smashes into the ground. And it can't be the "parent" ball, so it's always the "employee" ball. Sometimes I wish we earned combat pay, too. Or at least an extra few days' sick leave.

  24

  Loneliness and Cold Feet

  November

  To: Judd

  From: Alesia

  Subject: You have been replaced by wool socks.

  I solved the problem of ice-cold feet with wool socks and an electric blanket. It's been tough, not having your warm feet to put my cold ones on.

  But all the socks in the world can't help with this crushing loneliness.

  It's 3 a.m. (again, why am I always awake at 3 a.m.?), and there is a black space in my heart that won't go away.

  You're my best friend. I miss being able to tell you the silly things that have happened to me in a day; being able to vent and laugh and share. When we finally get to talk, because you're near a phone, the pressure of fitting all the words into so few minutes leaves us either tumbling words over each other or stuttering into awkward silences.

  For $5 a minute.

  And probably with somebody monitoring the call. It doesn't make the conversation flow really freely, does it?

  You have always been my confidant when I need to share secrets, my strength when I'm fragile, and my grounding when I'm flying off on a tangent. Now the world feels unbalanced without you—gravity has surely grown heavier.

  I'm so lucky to have found you, and I miss you with all my heart. Worries are too heavy to carry alone. Please come back soon and do something about all this gravity.

  To: Alesia

  From: Judd

  Subject: I miss you, too.

  Hi, Sweetheart. We have been flying a lot lately, and I have been wondering how you're doing. Several ships pulled in recently, so the base is chock-full-o-squids and I can never get to a phone.

  I'm sorry that you're sad and lonely. I'm just so glad to be able to hear your voice and get e-mail from you. Without those things, it would be unbearable. I do miss you and the children a great deal. You're the last thing I think about when I go to bed, and the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning.

  p.s. Trust me, I miss your cold feet here in the desert.

  The loneliness is the worst part. It's impossible to describe. You cover it up with busy days and activities. You get used to being the one who does all the kids' bath times, bed limes, and play times. You fill your days with your family, your job, your friends, and the rushing noise of daily life.

  But loneliness pounces at night. It lies in wait, knowing you will have to stop to rest at some point. After the kids are tucked in, the e-mails are sent, the laundry is folded, and there is nothing left to do to keep the sadness at bay.

  On that first deployment, I tried hard not to let the children see me cry. It was important to me that Connor felt reassured that Mommy was strong, happy, and cheerful all the time.

  That's not honest, though. Nobody can be happy all the time, when the person you love more than anything is half a world away—somewhere—and you don't know when you might hear from him. Nobody can be cheerful all the time when facing weeks, months, or even half a year of being apart from your forever-and-ever love.

  So, sometimes when Connor cried, I did, too. Just a few tears, enough to let him know that Mommies get sad, too. Enough to let him know that it's OK to miss Daddy so much we cry. Then we talk about how happy we'll be when Judd comes home, and take some kind of affirmative action, like painting a picture for Daddy's box. The boxes were as much for us as for Judd. They helped us feel connected to him, when we hadn't been able to hold his hand, feel his hugs, or lean on his shoulder for so long.

  E-mail, wool socks, tears, and boxes. Simple things that helped us count down 183 links in a paper chain.

  25

  Holidays: First Deployment

  June 18

  To: Judd

  From: Alesia

  Subject: Happy Dad's Day!

  Happy Father's Day! We had cupcakes and sang Happy Daddy's Day to you on a tape that I'll send in your next box. It was fun, but Connor said, "Daddies are s'posed to be with their little boys on Father's Day." I didn't know how to respond. So we went through the whole thing again: where you are, what you're doing, and why you have to be gone. He always acts like he understands, but it's very tough on him. Lauren was just happy to taste the cupcake frosting. From how big her eyes got, I'd say she's going to have her Daddy's sweet tooth!

  We love you and are so proud of you for what you're doing. Be safe, and we'll celebrate our real Father's Day the day you come home!

  June 19, 2000

  To: Alesia

  From: Judd

  Subject: Re: Happy Dad's Day!

  Thank you so much for the wonderful Father's Day e-greeting. I really enjoyed it! I've spent the day here in the operations center, working on charts and things for our flights. We have started flying during the day now, and it is a little bit different. It was good to talk to you last night. I miss you all so much, and today even more. I will be flying for Father's Day, but I'll be thinking of all of you.

  I'm so proud of Connor for typing his own name! He is such a big boy. I miss him a lot, too. Well, I'm stuck on the base for an hour before the bus comes to take me back to the hotel. We should be moving into the barracks on Monday, depending on t
he schedule of the Marines who guard the barracks. It's a logistical nightmare and I'm glad I'm not in charge of it. Anyway, I'll talk to you as soon as I can. Happy Father's Day to me!

  July 4

  To: Judd

  From: Alesia

  Subject: Happy Fourth of July!

  We went to the parade in town. It was a blast, in the way that only small-town parades can be. Some guys were actually driving down the road in their riding lawn mowers. We really missed you! Happy Independence Day!

  October 31

  To: Judd

  From: Alesia

  Subject: Happy Halloween!

  Connor had fun trick or treating! Malia took him with Kai, since Lauren is sick and I had to stay inside with her. It's really cold here on October 31; very different from trick-or-treating in Pensacola, where the trick was to wear costumes that didn't make them overheat and sweat. Here we have to make sure the kids are warm enough! I took lots of pictures and will send them. I promised Connor that Daddy would dress up next year for Halloween, and we would all go trick-or-treating together.

  November 9

  To: Alesia

  From: Judd

  Subject: Happy Birthday to You!

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! (Can you hear me singing?!) Hi, Sweetie. I'm sorry I didn't call you last night, but I need to go cash another check to buy a phone card today. Our duty week is finally over. Woo Hoo! Now it will be back to regular old plane washes and reports. I did OK on the 5K run yesterday, and ran faster than last time.