Gigolo All the Way

by JN Welsh

  “I didn’t.”

  Elle was speechless and then a flurry of questions cascaded through her head.

  “But you left with her.”

  “I did.” He sighed. “She was a long-time client.”

  “You have slept with her in the past?”

  “Yes.” Cole didn’t hesitate and endured her cross-examination without complaint.

  “But not that night?”

  “No.”

  She saw truth in his eyes. Her head was reeling. “Why?

  “Because I had someone else on my mind.”

  “What?” She was shaking.

  “You. I had woken up to an image of a goddess with the biggest fro ever, coiffed with Christmas lights. An image that ran through my mind all night as if she had put some magical holiday juju on me.”

  “But the woman?”

  “We had dinner and gallivanted in the city. She showed me off to her friends like she always does. Then we drove back to her place, me tipsy, her drunk, and then fell asleep. I didn’t want her, Elle. I wanted you and have ever since we met. Meeting you affirmed my decision to retire for good.”

  Elle placed her forehead on his breastbone and the tears dripped to the floor.

  “I’ve never lied to you, sweetness, and I never will.”

  “I don’t know how to get past this, Cole. You’re on TV having sex. My family—”

  “I don’t give a shit about what others think. I give a shit about what you think, Elle, but—”

  “But I do. That’s the difference between you and me—”

  “I may have been young and made a shit load of bad decisions—a shit load of good ones, too. But I don’t regret what I’ve done, only that it’s stopping you from loving me the way I love you.” His eyes glossed, and the corner of his lips turned downward with unabashed suffering.

  Her soul bled. What was wrong with her? Cole loved her, and she loved him and yet she was stuck in the vortex of his past sex life. His past career.

  “It’s not stopping me from loving you, Cole. I love you. I’ve loved you since we shared a Malbec at that bar. I know you don’t regret your past, but—”

  “Don’t push me away, Elle. Please. Not when you know we belong together. Fight for this—fight for me.” His words were desperate, and she wanted to give into him, to be with him, but the life she envisioned—with the weight of his past—petrified her.

  “I-I cant.” Elle’s heart smashed into shards and her body weakened from convulsing sobs. With her arm, she wiped the messy presentation. She was completely wrecked. “Please, just leave me alone, Cole.”

  Cole released her and she felt like all the joy had been drained from her world. She was cold with no support.

  Cole wiped his face and his eyes reddened with the threat of tears. He sniffed in a fresh breath. “Okay.” He hesitated for what felt like endless seconds before he spoke again. “I’ll go.”

  Elle stood frozen as the magnitude of what she had just done swelled. The argument covered her like a black hole of misery. She had forgotten her family was out in the family room. She was still balling her eyes out when she entered the room. Devoid of sound, family members stared her down—some in disappointment, others in anger.

  They’d heard everything.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  This was not how this was supposed to go. Elle was supposed to finish out the vacation and break up with Cole. When they got back to New York, Elle would deliver the news of their break up to her parents who would be in Florida. At which point, she would cry her eyes out because she was in love with Cole. The other scenario was that somehow, she and Cole would find their happily ever after. She knew the latter was a long shot.

  However, what she never expected was for Jasper’s loose girlfriend to not only oust Cole’s web show, but also proposition him. Not in her wildest dreams did she imagine breaking up for real with her fake, now real boyfriend after a profession of love on both parts, while simultaneously exposing their ruse.

  Complaining and bitching in both Trinbagonian and Jamaican dialects, as well as straight English and southern accents, clouded the air. Raised voices and clattering from people moving dishes and pots a little harder than normal echoed through the house. Though holiday music played, the festivities had taken a downturn. The kids were in the playroom, enjoying their gifts, and sheltered from most of the family drama.

  “What is all this about, Elle?” her father demanded.

  Elle’s breath was stuck in her diaphragm and she blinked from the light-headedness as blood rushed through her. She didn’t know whether she would faint or flee.

  “See…well Cole…” Every time she tried to explain, the words didn’t make sense. “I…we’re not dating.”

  She and Cole were in love and she all but sent him packing.

  “You brought a stranger to the house to pretend? Not just any stranger but, according to Scarlett and your blow up with Cole, an escort that you’re paying to be here.” Her father massaged his temples with one hand.

  “Of all the stupid trickeries. Why would you do that to us?” Her mother paced.

  “I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. I just wanted a holiday where everyone wasn’t mocking me or harassing me about not being with someone.”

  “This is a fine mess indeed,” her Uncle Desi mumbled.

  Her family wasn’t taking the information well at all.

  “I just wanted some peace, but you guys have found out and now Cole—”

  “Cole? You mean the escort you paid. Is that even his name?” Her mother shrieked. “You made us open our holiday and our hearts to him, Noelle. I’m so disappointed in you. It’s Christmas!”

  “I’m sorry, but you guys are always up my ass about finding someone. But you know what? I have a life in New York. I enjoy my life loads, but all you guys see is what I don’t have. I do want someone. Someone who really cares about me and who I want, not just because you all want me to be married.”

  “But who is going to take care of you. You need a husband.”

  “I can take care of myself, Mom. I am.” Elle sniffled. “Did anyone ever ask themselves why I felt I had to do this? Why I felt I had no other options but to hire someone?”

  “Don’t put this on us, Elle. You made the choice instead of talking to us.” Her father’s form seemed to inflate with each breath.

  “I did talk to you guys about it—a hundred times. I have a string of messages joking, prodding, and harassing me about it. This is a classic example. Jasper is engaged, and Holly and Spencer are having marital problems and you’re focused on me? I-I was… I am tired of it.”

  “You guys can be pretty aggressive about it. She was desperate.” Holly jumped to her defense but when her parents gave Holly the stare down, her cousin didn’t persist.

  Elle gave her a thankful nod.

  “It still doesn’t excuse the deception.” Her father reprimanded. “I’m very disappointed in you, young lady.”

  “I know, Dad. I’m disappointed in me, too. Because I fell in love with a man who is probably perfect for me in every way except the fact that his past is loaded with escorting woman and having sex with at least one on screen. And…and I can’t change that. I can’t wipe it away and I can’t get past it.”

  “What a mess.” Her mother may as well have clutched her pearls.

  Elle was nearing hysterics. “He’s good to me and he’s kind and he loves me. You all loved him, too,” she cried. “I can’t take back what I’ve done. I’m just...” she chugged for breath as she balled. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s going to take more than sorry to rectify this, Elle,” her mother scolded.

  Holly joined Elle on the couch. “At least it’s all out in the open. No more lies. I know it doesn’t feel good now, but the truth has set you free.”

  “I don’t want to hear this right now, Holly.” Elle choked out.

  Cole dashed in from wherever he had gone to cool his head and slowly made his way into the house.

/>   “I won’t impose on your family any longer. I’ll just get my belongings.” His tone was solemn and reverent.

  “You’re leaving?” Elle’s congested question rang loudly in her inner ear. “It’s Christmas.”

  “Staying will only continue to upset…everyone.” He glanced at her tear-soaked face. He made a move toward her and then hesitated. “I hope you all know that I have truly and deeply appreciated your hospitality and for welcoming me here for the holiday.” Without another word, he continued to the bedroom they shared.

  Elle wanted to tell him to stay and that everything was okay, but that was a gigantic falsehood.

  They heard squabbling as Scarlett chased Jasper through the house.

  “Quit following me. You’re drunk. I can’t deal with you when you’re like this.” Jasper spat at his fiancée.

  “I’ll get Jasper.” Her father made his way toward her brother.

  Her mother followed. “I’ll get Scarlett.”

  Elle had to get out of there. She grabbed her coat and left the house. She wasn’t going to stay and watch Cole go. She ran from the regret, the judgment, and the utter mess she made.

  *****

  Cole shoved his clothes into his luggage. Elle had made it clear to him that even if she loved him and he loved her, his past was something she would never come to terms with. He wanted to love her more than anything, but he refused to spend his time convincing her why it was okay to love him.

  He lugged his baggage down the stairs, leaving behind the gifts her family had given him. Remorse hovered around him with each descended step.

  “A word, Cole.” Terrance Rudolph’s stance meant business. All that was missing from his attire was a crown on his head—embroidered with the title of patriarch. He motioned him into the study.

  “I really should get going, sir. I’m sure your family wants to recover from the recent events.” Cole heard the door close behind him.

  “Have a seat,” Terrance instructed.

  Cole wanted to decline but he was already in hot water with the family he had come to admire. He sat.

  “I know my daughter paid you to be here, but I’ve seen the way you dote on her and how you’ve been with our family. No one can fake such genuine behavior.”

  Her father was right. The Rudolph-Berry clan had certainly grown on him and he experienced more of a sense of loss than he wanted to admit.

  “I apologize, sir. Your family deserves better than this for the holidays or any day for that matter. I was paid to do what I’m good at,” Cole admitted.

  “Is that all you’re good at? Seems to me like you were pretty good at taking care of my Noelle.”

  “I thought I was.” He knew he could take care of Elle better than anyone. The way she confided in him, trusted him, and melted in his arms when he touched her? It rocked him to his core. She was the one for him, but she let him go. The way she judged him…how could they possibly make a good life together if she couldn’t accept his past for what it was, and accept him for who he was now?

  “Her moral ground is too high, and she made it clear that it would never change.”

  “My daughter? The one who lied to her parents about the boyfriend she didn’t have?”

  Cole gave Terrence a sheepish smile. “I’ve shown her my character but everything she judges me on is in the past. Not that I helped her and not that I lo—”

  “What is your intention with my daughter, son?”

  Cole straightened. “I want to be with your daughter, sir, but things are complicated and…” he broke off. “I’ve been as honest and upfront as I can be, and it wasn’t enough.”

  “I see.”

  “And my past, sir.”

  “Well, we all have one, Cole. I don’t agree with what you’ve done. Some men may even be envious of the life you’ve lived. I’m not one of them but I do know what it’s like to have a past that haunts your present and your future.”

  Terrance wasn’t specific, but it meant more to Cole to have this man understand, without the guilt trip and shame.

  “My daughter loves you and you love her. A blind bat can see and feel that. I don’t know if you two will reunite, but you’re a decent man. No matter what you’ve done.”

  Cole swallowed hard and his face tensed. He had lost the woman he loved, and her father still, to some degree, respected him. Cole shook Terrance’s hand. “Thank you, sir.”

  “And this is my vacation home, and no one is travelling anywhere on Christmas.” Terrence patted his shoulder. “You stay here tonight, son. Tomorrow may bring forth clearer heads.”

  That night Cole slept in the study and early the next morning before anyone was up, he headed back to the city in his Dodge Challenger. Alone.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Elle was back in New York devastated and broken. Holly and Spencer had dropped her off at the train station. She had dreaded the seven-hour train ride, knowing she’d replay the vacation events over and over again. She had expected her cheery apartment to make her feel better after the long ride home, but it felt loveless and vacant. The stain on her spirit from deceiving her family was the most horrible feeling she had ever felt. All of it made worse by the Christmas gifts Cole left behind, which now occupied space in her home. She was the biggest fool for not letting go of her beliefs about his past. The absence of Cole in her bed reminded her of what her stubbornness had cost her.

  She perched on such a moral high ground with him when she was the one who had concocted their false relationship to avoid her family’s chiding. Now, with everyone hurt and betrayed, she had to come to terms with her awful decisions because the deception hadn’t been worth the loss.

  She had lost her family’s respect and she lost the man she loved. Though her family was disappointed they still loved her, and she still loved them. She didn’t know how long it would take them to trust her again or how long they would take to heal from this. She just hoped that one day this fiasco would be a story they laughed at during a future holiday.

  Her heartache had her under the covers wishing she had a furry animal to cuddle up with. A cold tub of ice cream would have to suffice. Poor food choices, lack of sleep leading to oversleeping, and multiple boxes of Kleenex—to clean up the mess—were in her immediate future.

  She rallied enough to drag herself to work the next day and was glad when most of the office was still out on vacation. She kept to herself after a brief hello to Tess, signaling to her friend and co-worker that she was not her normal self. Like her pajama-like slacks, bulky sweater, ponytailed fro, and makeup-less face didn’t give her away. Tears rimmed her eyes when she remembered her parents were scheduled to leave for Florida today. She scurried to call her mom to wish her and her father a safe flight back but stopped herself, certain that if she called, her mother would chuck her phone in the garbage. She closed her teary eyes and prayed for their safe trip, sending her love remotely.

  She blinked back threatening tears and tried to recover.

  “Hey, pal. How’s it going?” Her friend had left her alone most of the day, but she knew it was only a matter of time before Tess accosted her with questions.

  “Great,” came Elle’s overzealous reply.

  Tess backed up from the volume and faux gaiety of her words. “Yeah? How was the holiday with the fam?”

  Elle nodded with speed, unlocking the barrier holding back her anguish. The endless waterfall of tears gushed from her eyes.

  “Oh, man.” Tess plucked multiple tissues from the box sitting on her desk and handed them to Elle. “You fell in love with him, didn’t you?”

  “I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to get my family off my back and put them at ease so that I wasn’t the topic of conversation the whole holiday. And it worked so well—too well. When they found out the truth, it was a complete debacle.” Elle’s nose ran like a leaky faucet and she tore more Kleenex from the box Tess now offered her. “Now they think I’m even more ridiculous than before and hate me for bringing a gigolo home and
ruining Christmas.”

  “I’m sure it’s not that bad.” Tess tried to sound positive, but her face confirmed the shit storm she was in.

  “No, it’s even worse.” Elle pinched her nose. “I judged Cole for having consensual sex with women who paid money for his company. For the web series he did a few years back where he was on screen having sex. Because unlike me, who can hide all the dirty shit I’ve done in my past, his is all over the internet. You can’t take that back, it will be out there forever. But instead of being open minded and forgiving, I rejected him and told him I could never get past it. Ever. Because what would it say about me for being with someone like that? And—should anyone care to look—they can see how my man freaks on screen. I cared more about what people would think about me being with him than I did about the man who…who I—”

  Tess rubbed her shoulders and asked gingerly, “Who what?”

  “He told me he loves me.” Elle’s head collapsed into crossed forearms on the desk, and she wept.

  “He did what?” She heard Tess’s elation.

  Elle lifted her head briefly to blow her nose. “Yeah,” she said before she sniffled and smelled the reek of office wood and metal from her desk.

  Elle heard Tess open her mini fridge. Tess pulled out a bottle of her spiced wine and poured two glasses. “What I’m going to tell you requires a little nip of the ol’ spiced wine.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “You’ve gotta go after him and make this right.”

  Elle gulped the wine. “He doesn’t want anything to do with me. I sent him away.”

  “He’ll get over it.”

  “I don’t even know where to find him. He doesn’t work for the agency anymore. And like a dolt, I didn’t even get his cell phone number. They said he split when he came back, pursuing his pipe dream.” The information angered Elle, giving her a reprieve from her grief. Cole didn’t have a pipe dream. He had a detailed business plan, prospectus, and passion that would make him successful. Plus, the work she had done for him was something she was good at. She safeguarded him like a hen protecting her chicks. Some people had described her business the same way, but she had proved them wrong and Cole would, too. She had promptly given the person from the agency several pieces of her mind sprinkled with a few colorful words before she hung up.