Redemption (Shattered Souls MC Book 2)

by Heather Dahlgren

  As soon as I get outside, I’m met with a shove that pushes me into the brick building. “What the fuck are you doing?” Kace growls.

  I push him off and stand up straight. “Trying to get answers, because once again, he’s ten fucking steps ahead of us. We need to kill him before he kills us all.” I look around for a second and back at Kace. “Everyone whole?”

  “Yeah,” he says, shaking his head. “Glad to see you’re thinking straight.”

  “Let’s get the hell out of here,” Enzo says.

  Kace has no idea how clear my thinking is right now. I’m not being reckless. I don’t have misplaced anger. I’m doing what I should have done years ago. I’m fighting for my girl’s life.

  We get back to Souls and I put my guns back in the safe. Except for my Glock, which I always have on me. When I get back out everyone is standing around the bar.

  “Zane, what the fuck was that?” Brooks asks, his eyes full of anger.

  I laugh and shake my head. “That was me trying to find out where Kingsley is.”

  “It was reckless and stupid,” he yells.

  I grab the joint that Riley is smoking and take a hit. “You have a better idea, Prez?”

  “Watch it,” he warns, folding his arms.

  “We don’t know where he is, which means, at any fucking minute he will pop up. It’s his life or mine. I’m not risking that shit anymore. I’ll do whatever I need to do to get that information. I’m not gonna apologize for it.”

  They know I’m right, which is why no one says anything. I’m not waiting around. I walk out the door and get on my bike. I need to see my girl.

  When I get there, I send Porter home. He asks what happened, but I was honest and told him I’m not talking about it. He can ask Brooks or Kace. They can tell him how once again we fucked up.

  I walk into Harper’s room and I grin when I see she’s awake and Ivy is sound asleep. “Hey beautiful.”

  She rolls her eyes, but a smile hits her full lips. “Everything alright?”

  I kiss her softly and put the bar down on her bed. I don’t want her to feel unnecessary pain, so I struggle to keep half my body on the bed, just to be close to her. “No babe, everything is not alright,” I whisper. “Where would your old man go if he was hiding from someone?” I’m done trying to do this shit without her. She’s the one with the answers to the questions. If I want shit done, I’m gonna need to rely on her.

  She blows out a breath and shakes her head. “He’s at my grandparents’ house.”

  “Where the fuck is that?”

  “New York,” she whispers.

  Mother. Fucker.

  6

  Harper

  I’m finally going home. I’ve never been so excited in my life. It’s only been a week, but it feels like months. The pain is still pretty bad, but I’m able to move around and the doctors say my progress is amazing. They are sending me home with some pain medicine and instructions on follow up appointments.

  “Babe, Ivy has everything set up at the house,” Zane says.

  “Okay, thanks. Can you just help me get dressed? I’m tired of being in a nightgown.”

  He grabs the sweatpants and t-shirt that are laying on the chair and walks over with a grin. He drops them to the bed, standing in front of me. “I’ll be gentle.”

  “That’s a first,” I say, laughing.

  He’s been extremely gentle with me since I’ve been here. I’ve never felt loved the way I have this week. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. It’s exciting and terrifying. I’m still trying to get all my emotions in check, so I seem to be easily overwhelmed.

  “I’m gonna lift it off now,” he says.

  I close my eyes and let him remove the nightgown. I’ve refused to look at my scars. I have so many on the inside, I’m not ready to see what they look like on the outside. Zane keeps telling me they make me more beautiful and maybe I’ll see that someday, but not yet. Right now, they are a reminder of all the horrible shit I’ve had to endure. I’m not ready to face it yet.

  “I’m gonna put your shirt on, babe,” he whispers, knowing I don’t want to look.

  I just nod my head and let him dress me. Once I’m fully dressed, I open my eyes and sit on the edge of the bed. “Thank you,” I say, peeking up at him.

  “You don’t need to thank me. I’ll always take care of you,” he says, kissing my temple.

  “Well, looks like you’re ready to go,” the nurse says, walking in.

  “Definitely.”

  She smiles and hands me some paperwork to sign. “Good. I’ve called in your medication to the pharmacy, so you can pick that up in a little while. I don’t want you lifting anything or doing any strenuous activities. You are still healing, so rest as much as you can. You can remove the bandages when you get home and shower. Try not to let the water pound on the incisions though. If you have any new pain, discharge, redness, get to the ER right away. Any questions?”

  I hand her my paperwork and smile. “No, I’m good.”

  “I have a question,” Zane cuts in. “Do we put the bandages back on after her shower?”

  “No, they can stay off now.”

  “Okay, great. So, that’s it? I can take her home?”

  She laughs and squeezes my shoulder. “That’s it. Good luck, Harper.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to shower?” Ivy asks.

  “Not yet, I just want to relax and eat first,” I say. It’s not true. I want to shower; I just don’t want to see the scars. So, I’ve resigned myself to Zane’s bed with Ivy, while he is out getting pizza and my pain medicine.

  “How’s it feel to be home?” she asks.

  I smile and turn my head toward her. “Good, but kinda weird honestly.”

  “Are you worried about your father?”

  “You know the more you know the deeper you get in the club,” I say with a laugh. “Of course, I’m worried about him, especially now that he knows I’m home.”

  She bolts up and looks at me with panic. “He knows you’re home. How?”

  I give her a sad smile and turn to look out the window. “He has eyes everywhere, Ivy.”

  She looks up at the ceiling and for a minute I think she’s done talking. “What are you gonna do?”

  “I’m gonna heal and then I’m gonna kill him.”

  “Seriously?”

  “If Zane doesn’t kill him first, yeah.”

  She blows out a breath and grabs my hand. “You can kill someone?” she whispers.

  “If my life depends on it,” I answer, honestly. I had no choice but to kill Sal, and if it comes down to me or my father, I’ll be the one walking away this time.

  “I don’t know if I could ever be with Kace,” she blurts out.

  “Why?” I ask, even though I know it’s entirely based on this conversation.

  She gets up and begins to pace in front of the bed. “I didn’t grow up around this kind of violence. People die and you guys just sit around drinking beer like it’s just another day. I can’t do that; I can’t pretend it doesn’t bother me.”

  I want to get up and hug her, but it will take me too long to get up alone. “Ivy, come here,” I say. She sits on the bed and I grab her hand with mine. Her sad brown eyes lock with mine and I smile. “First of all, it’s not always like this. You just happen to come at a time when everything is at its worst. Most of the time we, the ones not sitting around the table, have no idea what is going on. Zane and I started this war, so I’m sorry that’s what you’re experiencing. But, let me ask you a question, are you starting to get feelings for Kace?”

  A single tear rolls down her cheek and she roughly pushes it away. “Yes,” she says so quietly, I barely hear her.

  “You need to talk to him, Ivy. But, I’m gonna tell you right now, if you want Kace, you’re gonna need to accept the club. He’ll never walk away, and he’ll never be with someone who can’t handle it,” I say.

  “I’m not ready to talk to him yet. We’re barely
friends.” She looks up and blinks rapidly, holding back her tears. She shakes her head and finally looks at me. “Anyway, enough about that shit. Do you want something to drink besides water?”

  I’m not going to push her. This decision is hers and hers alone. When she’s ready to talk, I’ll listen. “An iced tea would be great.”

  She leaves the room and I look around. I’m surrounded by Zane’s stuff. The black dresser to my right has his clothes piled on top. The huge closet in front of me holds all his belongings. Even this king-sized bed I’m lying in screams Zane. With the black headboard, gray comforter, and serious lack of throw pillows. I’m not even sure how much of my stuff is here. I need to talk to him about it all. I have a house and all my belongings are there. I realize I need help right now, so I know I can’t go home alone, but what am I doing here? I can’t have Zane make all my decisions. I won’t allow it. I’ve never had a say in what I did under my father’s rule. That will never happen again.

  “Hey, babe,” Zane says, making me jump. “Shit, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He sits next to me and kisses my head.

  “It’s okay, I just wasn’t paying attention,” I say.

  “How are you feeling? You hungry? Need a pain pill? Want to shower?” He adjusts my covers and fixes the pillows behind my back.

  “Zane, please stop. I’m fine.” I’m starting to feel like a child.

  “Stop what? Asking what you need?” he questions, folding his tattooed arms.

  “Stop making me feel like I’m your damn kid. I can fix my own covers,” I warn, narrowing my eyes.

  He laughs lightly and leans over, rubbing my shoulder. “I know you can, babe. Are you getting tired?”

  I close my eyes and shake my head. If he asks me another question, I might lose my fucking mind. “Yeah, I’m gonna nap.”

  “I wish you’d eat something first.”

  My eyes snap open and I see the shock on his face when my angry eyes hit his. “Enough,” I yell.

  He stands up and leans over the bed, bracing his hands on either side of me. I feel his breath blowing across my skin, his jaw is ticking, and his muscular arms are shaking. There’s that anger he keeps pushing down. I know I told him he needed to, but we are both hiding how we truly feel, and this is now where we’re at.

  “Enough, what?” he hisses.

  “Enough of the fucking questions, enough of the fluffing of my pillows, enough of acting like something catastrophic didn’t happen,” I yell in his face.

  His eyes burn into mine, pure fury in them. “You think I don’t know that? You think it’s easy to walk around smiling and acting like the world around us isn’t under attack? You told me to handle my business, so that’s what I’m doing. Taking care of you is my fucking business.”

  I say it before I can stop myself. “Maybe if you stayed home that night, I wouldn’t be in need of being taken care of.”

  He jerks back like I’ve slapped him across the face. Angry and regret flash across his face, but he settles on anger. He stands up slowly and shakes his head, never losing eye contact with me. “You fucking blame me?” he shouts.

  “Well, if you would’ve just stayed here and let me handle it, it would be over,” I say, lifting my shoulder.

  He’s breathing heavily and his eyes are hard, not the Zane I’m used to seeing. “And if you would’ve let my club handle it like we planned, none of this would’ve happened. You should never have gotten involved, put yourself in a position that clearly you weren’t capable of handling. You’re not a fucking member, you’re a fucking old lady. I don’t give a shit what you could do with the Vegas Kings, with the Shattered Souls, your place is staying the fuck out of club business. Trying to be the savior only made shit worse.”

  The pain I feel right now has nothing to do with my gunshot. It has everything to do with the vile words he’s throwing at me. We both blame each other. How do we get past something like this? Is it possible to forgive? The thought of actually losing him fills me with an agony I’ve never felt. I did what I thought was best and maybe he’s right, maybe I did make shit worse, but so did he.

  “I think maybe it’s best if I go to my place and Ivy stays with me there. I can’t deal with this shit right now,” I whisper, turning away from his hard stare.

  “Fuck no,” he growls. “You aren’t running away when shit gets hard.”

  I lightly laugh and keep my gaze out the window. “I’m not running away. I’m self-preserving. I’ve been told my entire life what I can and can’t do. You just made it very clear that’s still what is expected of me. I won’t do it again. I won’t allow you or my father to dictate what is allowed. You want to blame me for trying to save your life, that’s on you. I don’t know how to fix that. I did what I thought would give us a chance at a real life together. But, I’m not sure I can have a life with someone who wants me to quietly sit in the corner and be someone I’m not. I love you Zane, more than I ever thought possible, but I need to learn to love myself, too. I can’t do that under the rule of someone.”

  I feel the bed dip and his fingers grab my chin, turning my head to look at him. His eyes are softer now and they pull me right in. I close my eyes to hold back the tears, but when I open them, the tears flow. He gently kisses my cheeks and thumbs away my tears. “No more lies, right?” I nod my head, but I’m incapable of forming words. “I don’t know how to handle any of this, babe. You got shot, a bullet meant for me. You nearly died in my arms. That fear of losing you, it’s got me fucked up. I’m scared to let you out of my sight because what if I turn around and you’re gone? I’m pissed because the only thing I wanted to do was protect you and I failed miserably. I’m full of regret, knowing I could’ve killed him, but I didn’t. I can’t breathe thinking of losing you, and until he’s dead, that’s a real concern. I would never control you, never expect you to sit quietly in a corner. I’m trying to deal with it all, but right now the only thing I have any control over is taking care of you. Making sure you know how much I love you. I’m sorry I said any of that, I didn’t mean a word of it. You are part of this club; you are a Shattered Soul. You’ll learn to love yourself, because once you see what I see, it will change your fucking world.”

  The tears are endless, and I forget about my physical pain as I lean up to press my lips to his. His hands grab onto my hair and for the first time since this all happened, he finally gives me a real kiss. When his tongue touches mine, I let out a soft moan and grab tightly onto his neck. He growls against my mouth and deepens the kiss. It’s everything I’ve been craving, reminding me how good we can be.

  He finally breaks the kiss and I let out a groan of disappointment. He chuckles and rests his head against mine. I reach my hand up, touching his face. “No more lies, right?”

  I pull back and he straightens himself. “Right.”

  “I’m scared, Zane. I’m scared of losing you. I’m scared of my father. I’m scared of what comes next. I’ve got all these scars inside me, that have multiplied over the years. The good thing was, they were scars only I knew I had. No one saw them, no one knew they were there. Now, I’ve got scars on the outside. Scars that even when I don’t want to think about it, will remind me what happened. Not just being shot, but everything that happened to lead to that moment. All the internal scars are now bleeding through the ones outside. I can’t look at them. The ugly reminder.”

  He rests his hand on my knee and squeezes. “They are a reminder of our love.”

  I hope to one day see it that way, but right now I don’t. So, I ignore him and continue. “There’s so much to figure out, so much still ahead of us. You want me to stay here, but I have nothing here. I have a house I’m paying for, which has all my belongings.”

  “Sell it, move in with me,” he interrupts.

  I smile and rest my hand on his. “Just like that, huh?”

  “You belong here, Harper. When I bought this house all those years ago, I couldn’t wait to show you. I wanted you to love it enough that you’d one day
want to be here too. It’s not, just like that, it’s what we both deserve,” he says.

  “What about when I’m completely healed? I don’t have money coming in anymore. The club I put everything of myself into is now completely his. I have nothing left,” I whisper.

  “We’ll figure that all out. We don’t need to have answers to everything all at once. Until then, I’ve got money put away. We’ll live off that for now.”

  I swallow and try to push down the hope I start to feel. “I don’t want to blame you for this, because I’m the one that stepped in front of the bullet. It’s selfish that I do and I’m trying to get past all that. I’m sorry,” I admit.

  “I’ll take your blame and I’ll take your hate. It’s not going to drive me away. You want me to prove myself to you, I’ll do that. I’ll show you that taking that bullet wasn’t the best decision, but it wasn’t without meaning. You proved you’d lay down your life for me and maybe that’s what I need to prove to you,” he says, moving closer to me, sinking his fingers into my hair. “Is that what you need? Tell me, babe.”

  “I know you’ll lay down your life for me, you don’t need to prove it. You need to prove that I belong in your life,” I whisper.

  He kisses me quickly and smiles. “Whatever you want.”

  In this moment, with his hands in my hair, the possessive move I love so much, I believe him. This war will end, the dust will settle, and just maybe we’ll survive it all.

  7

  Zane

  Harper has fallen asleep and I’ve been watching her for about a half hour. She deserves more than what she’s had, and I need to make sure that happens. I shouldn’t have gone off on her the way I did, but she pissed me off. I blame myself enough, I don’t need to hear her tell me the same thing. She’s scared, which is to be expected. I’ll make sure to do everything I can to make her see she belongs in my life, my club. I kiss her softly and leave the room, closing the door quietly behind me.