Darcy knew one thing at least. He could not continue to sit here in such a stupid manner. He had noticed them looking his way; surely they had recognized him. He had been relieved that Elizabeth had not insisted that they leave immediately. Now she sat on a blanket surrounded by her family. Jane’s hand was on hers, and he noticed that Elizabeth had not taken a single bite.
Was she so nervous about being near him that she could not enjoy the company of her own family? Somehow, he doubted it, but he could not help but wonder what she, Jane, and the woman he assumed to be her Aunt Gardiner, had been conversing about as soon as they had spotted him. He wondered if Elizabeth had revealed the truth of their history. No. It seemed unlikely that Elizabeth would admit to improper behavior, even if she had not been the instigator.
He was torn between a desire to address her and the wish to immediately depart. However, the latter seemed impossible, for the thought of leaving Elizabeth without at least speaking to her was unbearable. He was left sitting with his book and his indecision as he attempted to ignore the vision of loveliness before him.
***
Elizabeth could feel Darcy’s eyes on her, but did not dare to peek in his direction. Rose was sitting in her lap, munching on a pastry. The child was eager to finish the treat so she could return to her play. Matthew and Thomas were speaking to each other in conspiratorial tones as if planning to play a joke on their sisters. Emily was sitting meekly beside Jane, idly sipping a cup of cool water. Elizabeth suddenly wished that she could be a carefree child whose only concern was what game to play next. Alas, she was not in that enviable position.
She wondered if Darcy would approach her; part of her praying he would not dare, but a small part of her wishing that he would have the nerve to do just that. She could not explain her feelings for this man, but seeing him again so suddenly had reminded her of the odd sensation of loss she had briefly experienced on the day he had left her. She could not imagine why this was, and it disturbed her.
After lunch, the children returned to frolicking with glee. Mrs. Gardiner eyed her niece and said, “Lizzy, dear, are you going to go speak with Mr. Darcy? I have a feeling that he will not be leaving until he speaks to you.”
“Why do you say that, Aunt,” asked Elizabeth, trying to keep her voice devoid of emotion.
“The poor man must be violently in love with you. He has been sitting there for nearly an hour, attempting, and failing, to read his book. I would venture to guess that he has not understood a single word!”
“If he wished to speak to me, then surely he would do so on his own, without my approaching him.”
“Lizzy, Mr. Darcy must be hesitant to approach you after your last meeting. If you have no wish for a future with him, would it not be kinder for you to tell him so now? I know you regret you intemperate words. Now is your opportunity to set it right.”
“I suppose so,” said Elizabeth. Then she stood up and walked purposefully towards him. She took a deep breath and said, “Mr. Darcy, I am surprised to see you here.”
Darcy looked up from his book and their eyes locked. All of his dashed hopes resurfaced as he searched, and failed, for something clever to say to her. “Miss Bennet, I did not realize you were in London.”
“I am staying with my aunt and uncle. Jane and I are returning to Hertfordshire tomorrow.”
“And have you had a pleasant stay?” he asked, setting his book down on the bench.
“Very pleasant. I love spending time with my aunt and uncle, even if they only reside in Cheapside.” She emphasized the latter part of her statement to measure Darcy’s reaction. To her surprise, he had the grace to look embarrassed.
“I must apologize for my words, Miss Bennet. I should not have said what I said about your family.” Even now, Darcy wished he could take Elizabeth in his arms once more. Of course they were in a public park, in full view of her aunt and sister, and nothing could be done. Regardless, he doubted that Elizabeth would allow it.
“I accept your apology, sir.”
“I trust your family is well?” he asked stiffly.
“Very well, sir,” said Elizabeth. She was inexplicably disappointed with his cold tone. Of course, she could not blame him after their last encounter. After all, she too was embarrassed and uncomfortable about the cutting words she had thrown at him in her outrage.
“I am glad,” said Darcy.
They exchanged a few more stilted pleasantries, each clearly disconcerted by their past interactions, before Darcy said, “Miss Bennet, I must ask you something,”
“Yes,” she said.
“Would Mr. Bingley still be welcome in Hertfordshire?”
Elizabeth was taken aback by the question. However, she knew that Jane had not managed to move past her love for him, no matter how brave a face she had put on. “I believe so. Why do you ask?”
“No particular reason. Forgive me Miss Bennet, but I must be going. I have a meeting with my solicitor this afternoon.”
“Oh,” said Elizabeth, oddly disappointed by his immediate dismissal after asking her such a question.
He stood up and in another bold impulse took her hand in his and kissed it lightly. “Miss Bennet, could I see you again before you depart for Hertfordshire?” His question hung in the air between them.
Elizabeth was quite startled. Why would Mr. Darcy want to call on her at Gracechurch Street? Surely he had more pressing matters to occupy his time. However, she could not ignore his question and she was curious as to why he asked about Mr. Bingley. As much as she hated to admit it, seeing him again, and speaking to him, no matter how uncomfortable, had sparked something within her. Even now, as he held her hand in his, she could feel his warmth flowing through her. It brought back the distinct memory of his lips against hers. Perhaps she was more susceptible to him then she had realized.
Darcy could feel her indecision, and he automatically wished he had not said anything at all. He watched as she bit the corner of her lip and was amazed that even her smallest gesture had such an impact on him. “Forgive me for upsetting you, Miss Bennet. I did not mean to do so. “
“No, forgive me, sir, for standing here in such a stupid manner and not answering your question. I know you must be quite busy.” She paused and averted her eyes before glancing over at her aunt who had been watching them closely. As if she knew what her niece was asking, she nodded. Elizabeth turned back to Mr. Darcy, who was looking at her with concern. “I am sure that you would be welcome at Gracechurch Street this evening. If you wish to call.”
Darcy barely contained his smile. “Thank you,” he said softly.
“I shall see you this evening then?”
“Nothing could keep me away,” he said, kissing her hand again. “But now I must bid you a good day, Miss Bennet.”
“Good day sir,” she said quietly, amazed that Mr. Darcy would be at her aunt and uncle’s home this very evening.
***
Elizabeth returned to her aunt and sister with a bemused expression on her face. She expressed a desire to return to the house and did not answer any of their questions as to what had passed between herself and Mr. Darcy. It was not until they were back at the Gardiner House that Mrs. Gardiner was able to discover what had transpired between her niece and Mr. Darcy. They sat alone in sitting room, while Jane helped the children change and settle into the nursery for the evening.
“Lizzy, my dear, what is wrong?” asked Mrs. Gardiner.
“He asked to see me before we left for Hertfordshire. I told him he could come to call this evening”
“The great Mr. Darcy at my house?” said Mrs. Gardiner, with a slight smile, “Oh my! Lizzy, my dear, why are you so distressed? After all, could you not have said you would not accept any callers this evening? Your departure tomorrow would have been a valid excuse.”
“Aunt, I do not understand it. The moment I saw him I felt strange. I cannot say that seeing him again was pleasant, but it was not unpleasant. When he asked to see me again, I did not feel as if I
could refuse. I treated him so terribly in Kent even when considering his improper behavior, and I felt as if I needed a chance to make up for my harsh reaction. I hardly know why he wished to see me again, but since he did, I could not refuse him.”
“Lizzy, might it be that you could have feelings for Mr. Darcy?” her tone was sympathetic and understanding.
Elizabeth looked away. “I do not know how I feel about him. I do not really know him at all.”
“Could you not try and get to know him? Perhaps you might find that you fancy him. After all, he clearly is very devoted to you.”
“I hardly think he is devoted to me,” said Elizabeth.
“Of course he is, my dear. Your history with him may have been difficult, but the truth of the matter is that, even after your last encounter, he still wanted to see you. He was not uncivil or unkind, was he?”
“No,” admitted Elizabeth. “He was very polite, but obviously uncomfortable.”
“Can you blame him, Lizzy?” asked Mrs. Gardiner. “The poor man is probably heartbroken, and to see you again must have been difficult.”
Elizabeth’s shame was once again renewed. She had hardly considered Mr. Darcy’s feelings. Her primary focus had been on her own embarrassment and discomfort. “I suppose not. How shall I face him tonight?”
“Be honest and sincere with him, dear. At the very least, he deserves that. Do not worry so, Lizzy; if love is meant to be, things have a way of working themselves out. All you need to do is keep an open mind and an open heart.”
Elizabeth saw the wisdom in her aunt’s words. She intended to make up for her behavior in Kent to him this evening. If he still wished for her good opinion then she would give him a chance to earn it.
***
Darcy returned from his meeting with his solicitor to find Colonel Fitzwilliam listening to Georgiana practice the pianoforte. He strode in smiling for the first time in days. Colonel Fitzwilliam looked up at his cousin with a baffled expression on his face. “What has gotten into you, Darcy?” he asked with a hint of alarm.
“I met Miss Bennet in Hyde Park today. I am going to call on her this evening. She is staying with her aunt and uncle at Gracechurch Street.”
“Miss Bennet is in London? How fortunate for you.”
“She is returning to Hertfordshire tomorrow.”
“And shall you follow her?”
“Perhaps. If tonight goes well.”
***
Elizabeth and Jane sat in the Gardiner’s sitting room with Mrs. Gardiner. Mr. Gardiner was still away, but was expected to arrive within the hour. Elizabeth had paid special attention to her appearance without really knowing why. It was strange that she felt the need to impress the man she had so recently rejected.
The Gardiner children were running about the house, exerting the last of their energy before they were expected to sit quietly and behave.
When the maid came and announced a gentleman’s presence, Elizabeth was unsure if she was prepared to see him. Her conversation with her aunt had reassured her, but she was still terribly nervous. Not to mention the fact that she was concerned about how friendly Darcy would be to her aunt and uncle. She also wondered if he would feel a sense of regret when he saw Jane and noted how reserved she was.
Darcy entered a moment later and immediately his gaze fixed on Elizabeth, who was sitting beside her sister. Darcy’s guilt for not telling Mr. Bingley about Jane residing in London for these past months reared its ugly head. Seeing Jane, he now wished he could have brought Bingley along this evening, but in an unfortunate coincidence, Bingley was visiting family in the North, and was not expected back in London until later in the week.
Mrs. Gardiner stood up and introduced herself and her young children with the grace and poise of a high-society lady. Darcy was surprised that this refined woman was related to Mrs. Bennet, and again, he felt guilty for his words about Elizabeth’s family. Now was his chance to begin to redeem himself from his impolite behavior, and he would make the most of it. “Thank you for welcoming me into your home, Mrs. Gardiner,” he said with an air of graciousness that startled Elizabeth.
“It is a great delight, sir,” she said. “Mr. Gardiner will be joining us shortly, Mr. Darcy. I am sure he will be pleased to have another man in the house. He is all day surrounded by women and children.”
Mr. Darcy smiled slightly, as he saw some of Elizabeth’s wit in her aunt. He then greeted Jane, who was subdued, but affable and kind as ever. Elizabeth looked up at Mr. Darcy, who had settled himself across from her. “Good evening, Mr. Darcy,” she whispered. “I hope you are well.”
“Very well indeed, Miss Bennet,” he replied. He wished he could tell her that he was better than he had been in weeks, but he knew that it was not proper to say such things.
They continued exchanging stilted pleasantries for several moments. Jane and Mrs. Gardiner were content to converse with each other and leave Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy to themselves. Elizabeth recognized this tactic, but chose to ignore it. There was something enjoyable about conversing with Mr. Darcy in her aunt’s home. He was perfectly amiable, and while at first, their conversation seemed forced, after a while, they grew more comfortable with each other.
Darcy, meanwhile, was thrilled to be with Elizabeth once more. While she was more subdued than usual, as they conversed, he took gratification in her charming wit and the way she bit the corner of her lip when she was thinking of what to say next. There was a sparkle in her eyes and her lilting laughter was like beautiful music to his ears. God, she was as bewitching as ever. He longed to take her in his arms and kiss her until she agreed to become his wife. Of course, this was impossible given their circumstances, but he took comfort from merely being in her presence.
After a half an hour or so, Mrs. Gardiner and Jane left the room with the children. Of course the door was left open, as Mrs. Gardiner was fully aware of the improper behavior in their past. However, she felt it best that her niece have some alone time with Mr. Darcy, giving them a chance to resolve their conflict.
As soon as they were alone, Darcy moved to sit beside Elizabeth, “Miss Bennet, I must apologize for all of my actions and words in Kent that were offensive to you. I know this is no excuse, but I believed that I was expressing myself in an acceptable way. I foolishly thought that if I shared my struggles to overcome the impediments that stood between us, and, how I gradually overcame them that it would show you the depth of my devotion and love. I know now that I was in error. Of course, I should not have kissed you. I have no proper excuse, other than that I was overwhelmed by my feelings.”
“Mr. Darcy,” said, Elizabeth, putting her hand on his. “We were both to blame for the unpleasantness in Kent. I too was overwhelmed by my feelings. I should not have done what I did, nor should I have said what I said. It was intemperate of me and horribly unkind. Did it hurt all that much?”
“Your words or your action?” he said, smiling wryly.
“Both,” said Elizabeth, with a flush of embarrassment.
“I had a mark on my face for three days,” admitted Darcy, “but fool that I am, I treasured it, as I believed it to be the last thing you would ever give me. As much as your words distressed me, I quickly realized that you were correct in your chastisements and then I only wished for the opportunity to show you that I could be a man worthy of your affections.” Darcy paused before adding, “I still hope for that opportunity.”
“I hardly believe you would wish for a future with me after the way I treated you,” said Elizabeth, looking away.
“It was well deserved, Miss Bennet,” he acknowledged. “You need have no regrets.”
Darcy moved closer to her. So close, in fact, that Elizabeth could almost feel the warmth of his body. They remained silent for a few long moments, each at a loss for words. The tension in the room was thick, as both were nervous about what the other would say when they chose to speak. Elizabeth could hardly tolerate the awkward silence, and finally said, “If you truly wish for another c
hance, the least I can do is provide you with one.”
Darcy’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but his smile displayed his obvious joy at her words. Before he knew it, his feelings overwhelmed him yet again. “Do you mean what I think you mean, Miss Bennet? You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are what they were when we were last together, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes will never be altered, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever, and I shall never bother you again.”
“Mr. Darcy, let us not be too hasty. I do wish to get to know you better though, without any expectations. You know enough of my frankness to realize that it is not in my character to torment a respectable gentleman in such an intolerable manner.”
Darcy was happy to accept her limitation. “Forgive me, Miss Bennet. I have let my emotions get the best of my common sense again. I would be happy to provide opportunities for you to get to know me better. I only wish that you were not leaving London tomorrow.”
“Perhaps you might visit Hertfordshire,” suggested Elizabeth, though she could not believe those words passed her lips so easily.
Darcy’s eyes warmed considerably. “Perhaps,” he said, tightening his grip on her hand. Then something unexpected happened. Elizabeth turned towards him and raised his hand to her lips and brushed a kiss across it. She could not imagine what had come over her to do such a thing, but she could only guess that it was a combination of his words and his close proximity to her.
If Darcy was surprised by her action, he said nothing. Instead, he put Elizabeth’s hand to his heart and moved closer. The warmth of her touch was irresistible and he felt the daring urge to risk stealing another kiss. However, her past rejection was still fresh in his mind, and he would be foolish to believe that she would accept such an advance. Of course, he did not wish to raise Elizabeth’s ire yet again. “Elizabeth,” he breathed, “we are quite alone at the moment.”
Elizabeth blushed at his informality and his implication. “Mr. Darcy, I do not believe that it would be proper, nor do I wish to suffer the devastating embarrassment of having a witness to such impropriety. Furthermore I have no wish to imprudently provide you with false hope.”
Mr Darcy's Kiss Page 6
