I Was Told It Would Get Easier

by Abbi Waxman

  I shook my head. “I didn’t think it was true.” This was a lie; I’d thought it was probably Alice or her mom, but I didn’t need to underscore that again.

  Cassidy clicked her tongue. “What if it had been true? What if the reputation of E3 was ruined forever on my watch? The embarrassing calls from admissions people was bad enough, but if this gets to my bosses, I’m done.” She was clearly annoyed.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “The FBI told me not to tell anyone.” Then I made an egregious error. “Besides, what if it had been you?”

  “Me?”

  I paused, taking in the sudden glint in her eye, and shook my head. “No, of course not.” I swallowed. “It couldn’t possibly have been you.”

  “Me?” Cassidy stared around the ring of people, then completely blew her stack. “Me? Do any of you realize how hard the other side works? All of you are obsessed with your college applications, taking classes, hiring coaches, bribing people . . .”

  She glowered accusingly at Alice, who turned up her palms.

  “Not me, dude,” she said. “Talk to my crazy-ass mother.”

  “Allegedly,” chimed in her dad, ever the professional.

  But Cassidy was past caring. “And none of you—NONE of you—ever think about the hours and days and weeks of work that go into the college process from the other side. The colleges have people working around the clock trying to fill each class with the best and most deserving kids, sorting through every single application, trying to make sure nothing gets missed and no one is unfairly treated, all the while being inundated with thousands upon thousands of essays and transcripts and personal statements and references and all of them are children with parents who pressure the shit out of them to be the best and then all of a sudden you don’t get into your first choice, or your second choice, or your safety, and you end up going to community college and discovering that doesn’t really make any difference!” She stared at us wildly. “It’s what you do with it that matters! It’s all the goddamn same!!”

  She’d gotten up during this speech, presumably in order to get more lung capacity. “And the parents? The parents are the worst! They completely lose their minds, like academic bridezillas, focused on getting their precious mini-me into college and never for a minute thinking about what happens when the poor bastards actually get there, not to mention when they get out! God forbid they learn to fend for themselves or trust their own judgment or fail and struggle and succeed on their own terms. No! Everything has to be smoothed out and landscaped for Tiffany and Kody and Jasmine and Joshua, and if regular people get run over in the process, then that’s how the cookie crumbles!” She threw her sheaf of papers into the air. “I’ve had it with you people!” She stormed out of the room, pulling her phone from her pocket as she went. The door slammed behind her and we all sat there in silence.

  Alice’s dad scrambled to his feet. “She’s amazing. I’m going to hire her.” He headed after Cassidy, and the rest of us sat there taking a moment to let our blood pressure settle.

  Casper said, “Well, I’ve had a great week. And I have a confession: I already know I’m going to Caltech for earth sciences.” He sounded sheepish. “I got in last year, but my parents thought I should finish high school like any other kid.”

  “Why did you come on the tour then?” asked Alice.

  “Because my mom thought it would be a good social experience.” He smiled at his mom and suddenly hugged her. “And she was totally right.”

  Will spoke up. “Casper and I are starting a company together.”

  Casper nodded. “I filed articles of incorporation the other night.”

  “We’re doing a monthly geology crate. It’s going to be fantastic.” Will looked around. “We’re calling it Rock Gods.”

  “I’m helping them,” added Alice. “I’m doing their social media.”

  I stared at her. “Since when do you like geology?”

  “Since diamonds.”

  JESSICA

  After a somewhat exhausting breakfast, most of us headed up to Columbia anyway. Cassidy was never heard from again, but I like to keep her number in my phone as a memorial to a fallen college admissions soldier.

  Emily and I seem to have established a new . . . something. Relationship is putting it too strongly, as I managed to irritate her twice already this morning by asking her if she was hungry, but somehow the tension between us has lessened. She made some friends, she had an adventure, and I feel like maybe I didn’t ruin her life by working all the time, which is a relief. I mean, maybe it wasn’t ideal parenting, but you know what? After spending a week with a dozen other parents, I realize there is no such thing. Cheesy, maybe, but true nonetheless. We’re all doing the best we can, for ourselves, for our kids, for the whole shebang.

  Walking around the Columbia campus, I suddenly realized Helen was right: I could go back to school myself. Why not? The point was, one phase of my life was coming to an end, but only that one bit. The rest was still my oyster. I could stay in my current job, I could move to Baltimore, I could move to New York, I could go be a sheepherder in Ulaanbaatar, if Ulaanbaatar is an actual place. (I googled it: It’s the capital of Mongolia. You probably knew that.)

  It’s time for a new plan. Or maybe no plan at all.

  EMILY

  Columbia was a lovely campus, and I could see Mom was enjoying showing me everything. I feel like I know her better after this trip: the young woman she used to be (thanks to the weird ex-boyfriend), the friend and student (thanks, Helen), the young adult (Amanda and Robert), and I already knew what a good mom she was. She might have been at work all the time, but she was happy, busy, and I never thought she wouldn’t put me first if she had to. And I learned to handle myself, so, you know, that’s good. I guess this part is coming to an end, the kid part, but it’s not the end of everything.

  “Mom,” I said, swallowing nervously. “Can we sit down a minute?”

  “Sure,” she said, heading over to sit on the edge of the fountain in the center of the main quad. “What’s up?”

  I took a deep breath. “Mom, I don’t think I want to go to college at all.”

  She looked at me and tried out a smile. “What do you want to do instead?”

  “I’ve been thinking about technical school.”

  She frowned. “Is that community college?”

  I sighed. “No, Mom, it’s a two-year college that teaches actual skills. I want to be a cabinetmaker.”

  “A what now?”

  I smoothed my hands on my jeans. “Mom, do you remember Grandma’s lathe?”

  She nodded.

  “I loved that lathe. I loved the smell of sawdust. I loved making things. Grandma taught me everything she knew about building stuff, because she loved it, too. But when she was my age, a woman couldn’t really become a carpenter, or a welder, or a plumber, or whatever. It wasn’t done. Now it is.” I squeezed her hand. “You taught me I can be anything I want to be. You have work that you love, that makes you happy. I want that, too. I want to make things.”

  She didn’t say anything for a moment.

  I spoke again. “Mom, if I’m qualified in a skilled technical field, I will always have work. I was talking to Will’s dad about this, he has a friend who’s a steamfitter . . .”

  “When did you have this conversation?”

  “After breakfast the other day. Why is that important?”

  “It doesn’t matter. What’s a steamfitter?”

  “Someone who installs the heating and venting systems in large buildings, working with the architect, you know? His friend has a company that makes millions of dollars a year. He always has plenty of clients. And he still has a life.”

  She didn’t look convinced.

  “Mom, I know this is something people like us don’t usually do, but it really appeals to me.”

  She was still qui
et. Mulling it over, maybe. Or panicking.

  “Are you worried what your friends will say?” I asked, feeling sick suddenly. She was ashamed of me. “I realize it’s not very fancy, it’s not something you can show off about . . .”

  Finally, she spoke. “Emily Elizabeth Burnstein, do you think I give a single shit about what other parents think?”

  “Uh . . .”

  “Well, maybe I have at times, but you know what? I want you to find a life that works for you, and the fact that you’ve worked out what that might be is the best news I’ve heard all year.” She pointed at me. “Emily, you are awesome, and I look forward to ordering a dining table, or whatever it is you end up making.”

  Will and his dad walked up, and my mom said, “Hey, Emily wants to be a cabinetmaker.”

  “Cool,” said Will’s dad. “Will wants to go to Caltech.”

  Will looked sheepish. “I want to stay close to home, and also, you know, Casper and I are starting our business.”

  “West Coast is the best coast,” I said.

  “True story,” said Mom. “Do you guys want to blow off NYU and go to the Natural History Museum instead?”

  “For sure,” I said.

  She seemed pretty stoked. She loves a museum shop, my mother.

  Epilogue

  From the Larchmont Chronicle:

  LOCAL ARCHER SWEEPS STATE FINALS

  Larchmont resident and mom Jessica Burnstein recently topped the senior category in the California State Archery Championships, in both compound and recurve contests. Burnstein plans to go on to the nationals, which will take place in the fall.

  Acknowledgments

  The careful and detailed itinerary of Jessica and Emily’s college tour was created by Dr. Michelle Nitka, who is a Los Angeles–based expert on schools and education. She is also, sadly for her, my neighbor and very good friend. Any errors of timing or order are my fault completely.

  Parenting teenagers is something of a shit show. I wouldn’t be able to get through the day, let alone write, were it not for the friendship of Charlotte Millar, who’s known me and my kids since we were all so much younger, and whose gentle counsel and fierce loyalty make her the very best of best friends.

  Questions for Discussion

  1. At the beginning of the book, Jessica and Emily don’t have a very good connection, not because they don’t love each other but because they’ve slowly grown apart. What’s the difference between experiencing that kind of relationship damage compared to, say, a sudden breakup?

  2. Jessica is a single parent by choice and a working mother. What cultural assumptions are made about both of those groups, and how do those assumptions affect Jessica’s opinion of herself?

  3. Jessica talks about the differences between parenting younger children and teenagers. Do her experiences match up with your own?

  4. Emily is a very independent young woman. What impact do you think Jessica’s parenting had on Emily?

  5. Emily often compares herself to other young people and finds herself wanting. What strengths do you see in her character that she may not be able to see in herself?

  6. Emily talks about the pressure on young people to be perfect in every way. How has that pressure changed over time, and why does it feel particularly hard to be young these days?

  7. Jessica talks about the pressure on parents to be seen as “good at” parenting, as reflected in their children’s success. Is this something new, or has it always been an issue?

  8. As the tour progresses, both Jessica and Emily learn new things about each other. How does travel impact the way we see other people?

  9. Towards the end of the novel, Jessica reflects that maybe she’ll be a better parent once Emily is older. How has your relationship with your parents changed over time and, if you have children, once you yourself became a parent?

  10. Ultimately Emily and Jessica are both changed by this trip. Have you ever taken a trip that had an unexpected personal outcome?

  About the Author

  Abbi Waxman, the USA Today bestselling author of The Bookish Life of Nina Hill, Other People's Houses, and The Garden of Small Beginnings, is a chocolate-loving, dog-loving woman who lives in Los Angeles and lies down as much as possible. She worked in advertising for many years, which is how she learned to write fiction. She has three daughters, three dogs, three cats, and one very patient husband.

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