Elvis The Sani Man

by Ian Todd

  “Well, if it makes ye feel better, ye look and sound great, so ye dae,” Collette said tae her, looking intae Susan’s face.

  “There wur others, y’know.”

  “Others?”

  “A few days efter the results ae the investigation managed tae make it intae the bottom hauf ae The Green Fingers page ae The Glesga Echo, a wee note wis haun-delivered through ma letterbox. It said that Ah wisnae alone and that there wur people who wur thinking ae me and who hoped Ah wis awright. Ah jist assumed that it wis fae wan ae ma neighbours. A few days efter that, Ah received a couple ae letters ae support and encouragement fae people…wummin…who’d obviously been WPCs in the force long before Ah’d arrived oan the scene. At the time, Ah didnae fully appreciate whit wis happening in ma life due tae the fact that Ah wis in total meltdoon. Ma life and the job Ah’d always wanted tae dae since Ah wis a wee wean, lay in ashes roond aboot me. Then, aboot a week tae ten days later, Ah received another letter, fae wan ae the wummin oot ae the original two who’d written, bit the tone and tale inside it wis different. The writer ae this letter hid obviously experienced a similar situation tae masel. A few days efter that, three mair letters arrived, fae different wummin this time…colleagues, or at least, ex-colleagues, who basically spilled the beans oan whit hid happened tae them. Christ, if ye think whit happened tae me wis awful, their situation wis jist as sinister, if no worse. Ah’d been physically assaulted, bit their torment seemed tae be mair psychological. Another strange thing aboot the letters wis that we wurnae talking aboot wummin who wur still in or who’d jist left the force like masel. A few ae these wummin hid been oot ae the force fur o’er ten years, gaun back tae the early sixties, so they wur.”

  “So, whit did ye dae then, Susan?” Collette asked, looking closely at the lassie sitting comfortably beside her, oblivious tae the sound ae the ducks hivving a fight.

  “Whit did Ah dae? Ah didnae dae anything. At the time, Ah wis aw o’er the place, so Ah wis. The letters did help in a strange, bit unexpected way though,” she replied, back tae focussing oan Collette’s face.

  “Oh?”

  “Aye, they helped me make up ma mind…tae leave, get oot, get as far away fae the basturts as Ah could.”

  “Ah see.”

  “It wis the best thing Ah could’ve done at that time. Ah still feel Ah made the right decision, bit Ah still felt guilty fur a long time efter it. The wummin who’d written tae me hid spilled the beans aboot whit hid happened tae them. They’d aw said that if Ah wanted tae continue wae the fight, then they’d be fine wae me using the contents ae their letters as a back-up tae ma situation.

  “So, whit did ye dae?”

  “Whit did Ah dae? Ah done nothing. Ah ran, that’s whit Ah did.”

  “Whit aboot forensics, Susan? Ye said that Willie Burke hid obviously…er, hid his evil way wae ye. Wis that no picked up?”

  “Ah wis found semi-conscious in the lavvy cubicle in the morning by a cleaner. Ah’m no sure how she made the connection, bit she phoned Sally Burke across at Central who turned up fifteen minutes later. Efter telling me that Ah wisnae fit fur work, she drove me hame and ordered me tae go straight tae bed. She said she’d come roond by later that day tae see if Ah wis awright, which she did.”

  “Did ye mention the incident in the bog wae that brother ae hers?”

  “Aye. It wis clear that she wis worried. Ah blurted oot whit Ah thought hid happened in the lavvy wae that brother ae hers efter Ah’d left the table and gone aff tae the toilet.”

  “Did she say why she hidnae come looking fur ye?”

  “Ah cannae remember exactly whit she said noo. It wis a few years ago and ma heid wis in bits. Ah dae remember asking her why she’d left withoot coming tae look fur me, bit she basically claimed that somewan hid telt her that Ah’d awready gone hame. She couldnae remember who’d telt her that wan. Ah wis still in denial and telling masel that Ah’d been imagining things. It wis only when Ah turned up fur work two days later, that Ah found oot whit everywan else obvious knew. Talk aboot being slung a deafy? That first morning, wae me sporting a black eye, the canteen went quiet a few seconds efter Ah entered. Before Ah could grab a chair, Sally Burke waylaid me. She dragged me intae wan ae the dingy windowless interview rooms oan the ground flair and jist laid intae me. She demanded tae know whit the hell Ah wis playing at. Hid we no agreed that Ah’d take the week aff? When Ah tried tae fight back, accusing her brother ae hivving hid his way wae me, she went intae overdrive. Her line wis that even if somewan hid assaulted me in that cubicle, Ah wis that pissed, it could’ve been anywan. It wis then that Ah realised Ah hidnae been imagining things. Ah knew that basturt hid raped me and she wis protecting him. Ah telt her then and there that Ah’d be making a formal complaint.”

  “So, whit happened next?”

  “Ah finished ma shift first. Ah’d been staunin at the junction ae Glassford Street and Argyle street maist ae the day, conducting traffic, efter the lights hid gone doon. Ah’d hid aw day tae contemplate ma situation. It aw started coming back tae me in dribs and drabs. How Ah wis never run o’er by some ae they bus drivers, Ah’ll never know. When Ah goat back tae the station, Ah spoke tae Billy Liar, the chief inspector. Ye wid’ve thought Ah’d jist slapped him across the face. Efter telling him whit Ah thought hid happened, he left the room, telling me he’d be back in five minutes. An hour later, he reappeared. The basturt then informed me that Ah hid tae leave the station and that somewan wid be in touch as soon as possible, although it wid probably be the morning noo, seeing as whit time it wis. He’d left me wae some female sergeant Ah’d never come across before…a Marybell Raminsky, who’d tried tae calm me doon. Bloody-well hopeless, so she wis. Ah cannae remember whit her job at the time wis, bit she’d telt me that this wis her third assignment in seven months and that she wis waiting fur a new assignment tae come through. Something tae dae wae communications and liaison, Ah think.”

  “Oh, aye, Ah‘ve hid the pleasure. Wid talk the hind legs aff ae a camel, that wan,” Collette replied, drily. “When Ah wis in the city centre Sex Squad, she wanted tae get done-up and come oot oan the streets wae us tae experience being an undercover street walker. Sally Burke refused point blank. ‘Ye’re too heiferish fur ma squad ae tartlets, doll. Come back when ye’ve lost five stone,’ Sally telt her. The sergeant in the other squad, Hettie McAvoy, wisnae as fussy as Sally Burke, wis. Her squad wis a man short, or should Ah say, a tartlet doon, so she made the mistake ae agreeing tae gie Marybell an audition. ‘As long as ye dae whit ye’re telt and listen tae the advice ae the other lassies in the squad,’ she’d been telt. Aw the tartlets, including Hettie hersel, soon found oot that it wis a bad move. Doon oan the street, aw the punters bolted aff as fast as their legs could carry them efter eye-balling her. At wan point in the night, she wis spotted chasing efter a spooked punter in his speeding Cortina Mark Two, doon West Campbell Street, pleading wae the driver tae stoap,” Collette said dryly, as the pair ae them burst in tae a fit ae giggles and laughter. “We shouldnae be laughing. Wan ae the lassies in the squad, Wee Sadie Paul, said that she hid man-eater written aw o’er that foreheid ae hers, so she did. Sadie said that another passing punter in a car hid been heard shouting ‘Gaun yersel, hen,’ as she lumbered doon the hill efter some guy in a wee broon Consul. Five minutes efter that, she wis sent back tae Central.”

  “Aye, she wis something else, wis Marybell Raminsky, bit she wisnae nasty wae it. It wis her that goat the blame fur the delay in the forensic examination. According tae Billy Liar, he’d left instructions wae Marybell that Ah wis tae be examined, either in Central itsel or up at The Royal, if nowan wis available tae come tae the station. Even though Ah wis still wearing ma underwear when Ah arrived hame the morning efter the rape, Ah’d put ma pants in tae the wash wae everything else Ah’d been wearing that night, including ma dress. By the time Ah wis examined by a doctor, five days hid passed since the assault. Ah might’ve been in bits, bit Ah knew fine well that ma days as a polis officer wur finished. Whi
t Ah hidnae understood at the time wis that Ah wis heiding fur a nervous breakdoon.”

  “Ah find how they responded tae yer allegation totally oot ae order, so Ah dae. Especially when there wis an allegation ae a sexual assault. There’s well established rules oan how we should respond in a situation like that.”

  “Aye, well, there ye go. At the end ae the day, Billy Liar and that auld sarge ae yers goat severely reprimanded fur no following protocol. The brother wis shifted tae Penilee and poor Marybell Raminsky wis warned aboot her conduct before being transferred aff somewhere else. Ah wis oot oan ma arse, so Ah wis.”

  “So, whit happened tae the wummin, the wans that wrote tae ye?”

  “Ah’m no sure. Ah never goat back tae any ae them. Ah tried tae move oan wae ma life and then Ah discovered that Ah wis pregnant. Ah’ve still goat their letters though. Ah suppose Ah should’ve jist goat shot ae them, bit something in the back ae that heid ae mine always telt me tae haud oan tae them.”

  Chapter Forty Five

  Despite feeling shite, Sharon found it difficult tae suppress a smile. Every time that Jim Clark, the world champion motor racing driver, up front, pressed that brake pedal ae his, however slightly, the twenty prisoners and two WPC escorts, aw facing each other across the wooden flair runner that ran the length ae the Paddy Wagon, wur aw violently thrown sideways towards the champ, behind his blacked oot screen, before aw bouncing back, in unison, tae their original stationary position. By the time they reach the big, studded, imposing green gates ae Greenock nick, a few ae the first offender lassies hid thrown up oan tae the wooden runner under their feet. Across fae her, a few ae the lassies’ crispy, sticky, lacquered, Mary Tyler Moore hairstyles hid collapsed inwards or sat tilted at a forty-five degree angle, pointing towards the front ae the vehicle.

  “Christ, aw we need is the theme tune tae Hawaii-Five-O and we’re laughing,” Jean Guest, wan ae the three ladies-ae-the-night, sitting opposite Sharon, hid quipped at the first set ae traffic lights efter leaving the Sheriff court, as everywan, including the wee WPCs, jist aboot pished themsels laughing, while trying tae haud oan tae the varnished wooden planks that their arses wur clamped tae.

  The predicament that Sharon noo found hersel in, while no as heavy as the wee tearful pensioner, sitting diagonally across fae her, hauncuffed tae a well-known street walker, Ishbell Grant, wis still devastatingly real. The catering business, Springburn’s Larder, wis kaput noo. There wis nae ifs or buts aboot that. A bad reputation fur a business, any business, bit particularly wan that sold grub, in a place like Springburn, wis the kiss ae death. Christ, she’d led the boycotts hersel oan many ae an occasion when opening the wrapper ae a cutting loaf fae the corner shoap, only tae find it imitating a Celtic jumper. Nowan wid want tae risk their wedding or funeral guests being poisoned oan the happiest or saddest day ae their lives. Despite their innocence, jist the whisper ae rancid meat hivving been dished up in the past, in the same breath as their wee catering company, wid tip the balance and people wid go elsewhere, jist tae be oan the safe side.

  “Ah hope ye hivnae been sitting there greeting aw night, Sharon Campbell,” Issie McManus, her ain eyes blood-shot red, efter sobbing maist ae the night hersel, hid chided her, efter they’d been opened up in the Springburn Polis Station cellblock oan Hawthorn Street that morning, waiting tae be transferred doon tae The Sheriff Court.

  In actual fact, she hidnae been sitting greeting aw night, at least, no in the sense that Issie hid been challenging her oan. She’d been too busy pacing up and doon the big, black, slate slabs ae her cell flair, trying tae fathom oot how the hell they’d aw ended up being lifted. The only time she’d allowed a tear tae dae a runner doon they cheeks ae hers hid been when Issie hid sat and started singing that auld Dixie Cups song, Chapel ae Love. They’d aw been humming it fur the past few weeks efter hinging aboot The Springburn Halls wan efternoon, waiting fur hungry guests tae arrive, who’d never shown up due tae Beverly Robertson, the six-months pregnant undertaker’s daughter fae Colston, being gied a dizzy at the alter across in St Teresa’s oan Saracen Street by her detective sergeant polisman fiancé. Although they’d still goat paid fur the catering side ae things, nowan hid thought tae inform them, so Sharon and the lassies hid sat in a row at the other end ae the hall fae the DJ, who’d kept drapping the stylus oan tae the crackly record every time he heard a car stoapping ootside the front door. Efter aboot thirty starts and two hours later, he’d eventually accepted Betty’s prediction that a dizzy hid been getting played oot across in St Teresa’s, and packed up his gear, taking Chapel Ae Love wae him. In the cellblock, the song hid started oot as a wee echoing, bumbling hum, wafting alang the corridor, before Issie hid moved oan tae the lyrics. She’d jist goat tae the fourth ‘Gaun tae the cha-ah-ah-pel, and we’re gonnae get ma-ah-ah-rried’ part ae the song, when Betty and Ann Jackson hid joined in, forcing Issie tae follow through wae another wee repeat rendition fae back at the beginning. Like Sharon, Soiled Sally hid been ready and waiting and baith hid jumped right in, withoot the others pausing in mid flow at that second start. Since then, she hidnae been able tae get the bloody tune oot ae that heid ae hers, particularly every time she looked across at the lassies, aw sitting there, lost in their ain thoughts and fears.

  Gaun tae the chapel and we’re gonnae get ma-ah-ah-rried…

  Sharon certainly hidnae been shedding a tear fur hersel, at least she didnae think she hid. It hid been doon tae the beautiful harmonies coming fae Issie and co. It hidnae taken Sharon long tae realise that they wur back in Shite Street and that they wurnae gonnae be able tae wangle themsels oot ae the situation they noo found themsels in any time soon. The questioning fae the day before by Fitz The Bushwhacker, wan ae the local sergeants, alang wae a wee boy ae aboot twelve, decked oot in a polis uniform, who’d stood stiffly o’er by the door, kidding everywan oan that he wis, in actual fact, a member ae Glesga’s finest, hidnae produced too much information fur her tae assess where they stood at that time. Aw The Bushwhacker hid been able tae tell her wis that some people hid ended up wae a bad dose ae the squirts efter scoffing their foosty food the night before and that some wee poncie Elvis impersonator, who actually believed he wis The King, who also happened tae be the tap Sani Man in The Corporation, wid be in later in the morning tae interrogate them. He wis sure that they’d be free tae go hame efter he’d taken statements fae them aw. Efter Issie’s song hid finished and the cats’ choir hid settled doon tae a restless night’s sleep, Sharon hid carried oan pacing, humming the song quietly o’er and o’er tae hersel, trying tae figure oot how she wis gonnae get them oot ae the tricky situation they’d noo found themsels in. Nothing hid been said, bit the lassies hid put their faith in her tae keep them oot ae trouble, oot ae the jail and oan the straight and narrow…and she’d failed them. It wisnae long efter Helen died, that she realised the significance ae and the trust that aw the lassies put in, whit she assumed, wis a leader. Before that, she’d jist been like them. It hid never crossed her mind that they’d hid a leader in Helen Taylor. Fur her and the rest ae the lassies, Helen hid been the wan that ended up hivving the final say or casting vote oan how they proceeded in their dealings wae ootsiders like the polis or sheriff officers. It hid always been like that. She remembered that it wis only a couple ae hours or so efter Soiled Sally stumbled alang Gourlay Street tae alert Jimmy that something might be wrang wae Helen, that the others first aw looked across at her when a crucial decision hid tae be made. Sharon hid been too stunned by the events surrounding Helen’s sudden death tae notice that the lassies hid automatically turned tae her fur direction. Christ, if they’d only known how minced her heid hid been at the time, she smiled grimly tae hersel. Efter that, Helen’s mantle hid jist appeared tae shift seamlessly across and oan tae her shoulders. At the time, there hid been a lot tae be getting oan wae, seeing as Jimmy hid totally crumbled, which wis understandable under the circumstances. Helen’s lassies, Isabelle, Ann and Norma, hid basically handed o’er responsibility tae Sharon tae try
and work oot whit the hell they did next. Because ae the suddenness ae the death, there hid been a polis investigation tae contend wae straight away, as well as hivving tae be dealing wae the NAB. Issie’s experience hid come in handy oan that score, hivving jist recently gone through the bereavement ae that poor eighteen-year-auld son ae hers a few weeks earlier. It hid been poor Issie that hid escorted Helen’s lassies, daeing the roonds ae the different National Assistance Board departments up oan Springburn Road tae get the funeral claim forms aw sorted oot. Issie hid drawn the line at gaun doon tae the mortuary in the Saltmarket tae identify poor Helen’s body though. Sharon hid escorted Isabelle oan that dark mission, seeing as Helen’s man, Jimmy, hid nosedived intae the neck ae a bottle wae the help ae Issie’s man, Tam. She noo wondered whit Helen wid’ve made ae their present predicament. They’d hid mair than their fair share ae crises since she’d passed away, bit nothing compared tae the wan they wur noo up tae their necks in.

  “Right, Mr Abraham. Before I proceed, are there any mitigating circumstances that I should take into consideration that the court has not already heard and discussed this morning?” Sheriff Clifford Ward hid asked the defence counsel, Silas Abraham.

  “Other than to again declare that my clients are innocent of all charges and that they should be allowed home to their families, who depend on them as the only breadwinners in the household, your honour. Jobs and people’s livelihood are at stake here.”

  “The court hasn’t asked for a plea, Mr Abraham,” The Sheriff reminded him.

  “Given the non-violent nature of the trumped-up charges against my clients, your honour, I would request that bail be considered as an option to remand. There is no track record in the previous convictions of my clients that would lead the court to believe that they would be a threat to the community where they live, nor are they likely to abscond by skipping bail.”