I Never Let You Go

by Stefanie Jenkins

  “Does it have anything to do with why Finn Reynolds is texting you…” My mouth is dry. She turns the phone back in her direction, unlocks my phone, and scrolls through an endless number of texts. “A lot?”

  “I..I..” I nervously stutter and look down at my lap.

  “Hey.” Kate sets my phone down, reaches over the center console, and places her hand over mine. “I was just kidding. Are you and Finn really talking again?”

  I nod. “Yeah, it’s a long story. I mean, we keep running into each other since he’s been back, but he was at home waiting for me the night we found out Ky and Dani were expecting.”

  Kate’s eyes nearly come out of her head. “No, not like that, you perv.” I shove her arm, and she throws her head back laughing and even snorts.

  “He was drunk and slept on the couch. And then we spent the morning talking, and I don’t know, I just felt this pull. So I gave him my number. And here we are.” So that was a little more than the CliffsNotes, but I know she wants to know all the details.

  Kate observes me. “Are you okay with this?” I know what she is really asking. After all, we have been through, am I okay with having Finn back in my life.

  “Yeah.” I place my hand back on top of hers. “I think I am.”

  She looks up at Mom’s house. Honestly, I kind of forgot we were sitting in front of her house for a minute, lost in conversation with my sister. Then she nods with a smile on her face, and I am nervous as to what is about to come out of it next.

  “So how about after dinner we go back to my house and have a good old-fashioned sleepover. Crack open a bottle of wine and whiskey, and you can tell me how all of this came to be.” I squeeze her hand and smile, nodding. “Now come on, I can see Mom creeping out the living room window, probably wondering what’s taking so long.”

  We both laugh and make our way into the house with a weight lifted from my shoulders.

  The front door opens as I’m setting the table.

  “Sorry, we’re late. We would have been here sooner if someone didn’t have to pee on the short ride over here,” Kyler says, helping Dani out of her jacket and laying it over the couch.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t help it. I feel like all these babies do is make me pee.” She places her hand over her stomach.

  “It’s not the only thing they make you do,” Kyler whispers in her ear loudly. I’m sure I was not meant to hear that, but I look up in time to see them share a look. Yep, I wasn’t supposed to hear that.

  “Hey, Laur, where’s Mom?” Ky asks.

  I tilt my head toward the kitchen. “She’s in there with Kate putting the finishing touches on dinner.”

  I go back to setting the table when I catch Dani standing next to me with one arm leaning on the table, the other rubbing her belly.

  How long can I stay silent until she says whatever she wants to say?

  “You know the rumor has it that there has been an attractive man coming by your classroom.”

  Not long, I see. That was almost too easy.

  I blush at her comment because yes, after our lunch the other day, he had been by a few times, stopping by to say hello or bringing me coffee.

  “So, things are going okay with the two of you? I mean, the rumors are that he’s visited, not that he was escorted by security off the property.” Dani laughs. I’m sure she is smart enough to figure out how things are going well enough for me to allow him to visit me at work.

  “Things are going—” I start when my brother interrupts.

  “Who was escorted off the property?” Kyler asks, handing Dani a glass of lemonade before wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to her shoulder. I watch them in awe and wonder, could Finn and I have that again? After all, we’ve been through, could we be happy?

  Dani looks to me for guidance, unsure what I have told my brother about Finn and my blossoming friendship. Either my brother is a great actor, or she hasn’t told him. No time like the present, I guess.

  “No one. But we were talking about Finn,” I calmly say before turning back to set the last place setting.

  When my eyes return to Ky’s, he’s paused midsip of his beer. “I’m sorry, I thought you just said Finn as in Finn Reynolds.”

  I nod. “I did.”

  “Did we travel into a twilight zone or something?”

  “Kyler,” Dani warns, unsure as to what is going to come out of his mouth next.

  He holds up his hand to her. “No, I just mean, Lauren mentioned Finn’s name, and there is a smile on her face. And don’t even try to hide it.”

  “I didn’t plan on denying.” I stick my tongue out at him just as Kate joins us from the kitchen holding a casserole dish in her hands.

  “Oh, girl, you need to stop that,” Kate says, setting the dish down on the table and playfully shoves my arm.

  “Stop what?” I shove her back.

  “Doing that thing with your face when you’re happy. It’s making me nauseous.” She makes a gagging noise. “Dani, do you or Haylee have any more of that anti-nausea medicine?”

  Dani laughs. “Sorry, I’m fresh out.”

  Kate swings her arm in front of her, snapping her fingers.

  “Well, get used to it,” I proudly say, shocking not only my siblings but myself.

  “What should we get used to?” Mom asks, now joining us, setting a salad on the table. I thought this was Mom’s day, and now it seems to be all conversations surrounding me.

  “Seeing Lauren smile,” Kate and Kyler say at the same time.

  “Jinx!” Kate shouts and pokes Ky in the chest, doing a happy dance like she did when we were younger.

  “Hi, Dani, how are you feeling, dear?” Mom asks, stepping up to Dani and wrapping her arms around her in a hug, ignoring her adult children acting childish around her.

  “I’m good. Starving. This all smells amazing, Liz. Happy Birthday, by the way.”

  “Thank you. Well, let’s all sit and eat it while it’s still hot.”

  We all take our seats with Mom at the head of the table, Dani and Ky, on one side, and Kate and me on the other.

  As Mom dishes out the salad, she asks, “So what has you smiling, Lauren? It’s nice to see that smile on your face.”

  “What? I smile all the time,” I counter back.

  “Yes, but this one reaches your eyes.” Is my smile really that different than usual that people are noticing a difference?

  “It seems that Lauren and Finn have been hanging out,” Kate says before shoving her mouth full of Mom’s chicken, bacon, ranch casserole. With her bite only halfway chewed, she adds, “Mom, this is so good.”

  Ignoring my sister’s lack of manners, Mom turns to me. “Sweetheart, that’s wonderful. You could have brought Finn with you tonight.”

  “No, Mom, you said you wanted just family. And it’s not what any of you think. We’re just friends.” There’s that word again—friends. I shove a bite of food in my mouth to keep from spitting out more lies. What I feel for Finn is complicated.

  “Yeah, well, I’m friends with Zach, doesn’t mean I spend all day and night texting him.” She pauses. “Not that I would mind, but his wife might.” She smirks.

  Dani spits her lemonade back in the glass and chokes, and Kyler quickly goes to her aid.

  “Katherine Renee Lawson, behave and leave that poor boy alone. He’s married for God’s sake.”

  All of our eyes turn to our mom. I don’t know whether I should laugh or high-five my mother.

  “Can I ask a question without getting yelled at?” Ky says, returning to his seat.

  I nod, and from the corner of my eye, I see that Mom does too. I have to hold back my laugh because the look on his face tells me his question is no laughing matter.

  “How did he even get your number?” His brown eyes are laced with concern.

  “I gave it to him.” All eyes are on me as I take another bite of food. Kyler knew I turned down Finn’s proposal, and now he knows the real reason why, but I never told
him what happened when I went to visit. I assume he thinks we had a fight that led to changing my number. That must have been a pretty big fight.

  “You know what, it doesn’t matter if Lauren and Finn are dating or friends, it’s their business. All that I care about is that there is a smile on my baby’s face.” Mom reaches over and cups my chin. “You hear that? Keep smiling, baby.” She then turns toward my siblings. “That goes for all of you.”

  “Yes, Mom.” I smile my cheesiest smile, and my sister leans over with her arms wrapped around my shoulders

  “Wow.” Ky drags the word out while shaking his head. “Whoever ends up with you two are definitely going to be special men.” He follows it up with a playful eye roll.

  Dani swats at her husband’s chest before lifting her lemonade glass in the air. “I say we propose a toast to Mama Liz. Happy Birthday!”

  “To Mom, Happy Birthday,” we all say in unison, clinking our glasses.

  My smile may be different to everyone, but nothing brings me more joy than the smile on my mother’s face having all of her kids around her.

  Lauren: Hey, do you have plans for later?

  Me: Well, hello to you too.

  Me: And you tell me, do I have plans later?

  Lauren: I’m serious.

  Me: So am I?

  Lauren: You know what, nevermind.

  Me: I’m just kidding. No, I don’t have plans. Why what’s up?

  Lauren: I wanted to take you somewhere.

  Me: How about I pick you up around 7?

  Lauren: Or you could swing by earlier, and we could pick up something to eat on the way.

  Lauren: Or not. You’re probably busy working late or helping at home, 7 works.

  Me: Lo, relax. I’ll see you at 6.

  Lauren: I’ll see you then. :)

  That text conversation is what led me to pull up to Lauren’s house tonight. I have no idea what she wants to do, but she wanted to spend time together, so I’d walk through fire if she asked. I slipped out of the office a few minutes early with some suspicious looks from my sister, ran home, showered, and changed into jeans and a white Henley. I also made a pit stop at the floral shop that I know sells her favorite pink roses.

  Instead of an entire bouquet, I only got her two stems. Well, that was all the shop had with me arriving close to closing time, but Lauren doesn’t need to know that.

  I ring her doorbell and stand back, nervously awaiting. The door opens, and I almost have to take a step back. She’s in dark jeans rolled at the ankle and a white graphic tee covered by an olive-green light jacket.

  When our eyes meet, we laugh simultaneously when we realize we were both checking each other out.

  “Hi,” she says softly.

  “Hi, these are for you.” I pull the two pink roses from behind my back, and the way her face lights up tells me I made the right call.

  “Do you want to come in for a minute?”

  At that moment, my stomach growls. Lauren smiles. “You know what, why don’t we just go. I’m hungry too. I was about ready to dive into some snacks waiting for you.”

  Lauren locks the door, and we walk toward my truck. I want to touch the small of her back and fight with myself a few times, moving my arm behind her and moving it back before settling with my arm by my side.

  Once we are both settled, I start the truck. “So, where are we headed?”

  “Well, I thought we might swing by the diner and pick up some burgers and then hit up the batting cage.”

  “The batting cage? You do remember high school, right? You know, where I was a football player and not a baseball player.”

  “Oh, trust me, I remember.” She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, and I want to be the one to bite it. I turn quickly away from her before my cock wakes up.

  “But you mentioned yesterday that you had a rough day, and over the past few years, when Kate and I have had a bad day, we go to the batting cage and whack some balls.”

  I raise my eyebrow and glance over at her at the stoplight. “Whack some balls? Is that a technical term?”

  She crosses her arms. “Yes, that is very technical.” She laughs, and yep, that sound definitely wakes my cock up. I squirm in my seat, trying to rearrange myself casually. “As you said, you were a football player, not a baseball player, so how do you know it’s not an actual technical term.” She sticks her tongue out at me, and I see a glimpse of the old Lo.

  “Valid point, Lo.” I drive us to the Honey Bee Diner, where we order two cheeseburgers, two fries, and two root beer floats.

  I lean back with my hands over my stomach, “Okay, Lawson, I don’t know what your endgame is, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to move to do anything let alone ‘whack some balls’—” I use air quotes—“as you technically say.”

  “Oh, come on, stop being a baby.” She reaches into her purse, retrieving her wallet.

  I reach across the table and stop her when she pulls out her credit card to pay. “I’ve got this.”

  Slipping her hand from my grasp, she lays the card on the table and flags over the waitress. “No, I invited you, it’s only fair I pay.”

  I shake my head. “Then I wouldn’t be very gentlemanly.”

  She scoffs. “Oh, you’re a gentleman now?”

  I lay my hand on my chest as if offended. “Just for that, I’m going to pay for this and the batting cage.” I quickly throw enough cash to cover both of our meals and a tip on the table and extend my hand to her, mainly to help her up from the booth, but if she wants to continue to hold it, I wouldn’t be upset. She takes my hand but quickly releases it once she is standing and adjusts her shirt.

  Baby steps.

  We drive the ten minutes over to the batting cages, and once again, she fights me when I go to pay. “I told you, I’m showing you I’m a gentleman tonight.” It earns me an eye roll and a smile. I’ll take one since I got the other.

  “Lane six is open. You can pick your bats over there,” the kid who looks barely old enough to drive says from behind the counter.

  “Thank you,” we both say at the same time before we make our bat selection.

  “All right, how much harder can this be. Let me show you how it’s done.” Outside of high school gym class, I can’t say that I’ve ever spent much time with a baseball bat with my hands.

  Lauren holds out her hand for me to go first. I walk into the cage and look back at her over my shoulder. Lauren is leaning forward against the fence with her arms raised above her head. The slightest sliver of skin is showing between her shirt and jeans. Is this part of her plan to distract me?

  “Let’s see what you got, hotshot,” she taunts.

  I point the bat in at her direction and smile at her before turning to face the machine. I press the button indicating I’m ready and assume the position.

  The ball shoots out of the machine and flies right past me, hitting the area behind me with a loud whoosh. Lauren laughs softly. I glare at her, and she quickly covers her mouth. I shake it off and retake my position.

  Three more balls pass without making contact with my bat.

  I can now hear her howling with laughter. I hold the bat in position and focus on the ball. The machine release the ball, and I follow it till it’s in front of me and swing—and another miss. “Damnit!”

  I exit the cage to see Lauren standing there with her arms and ankles crossed with a smug smile on her face.

  “Oh, what like this is so easy. Let me see you do better.”

  “With pleasure.” I want to pull her into me and kiss that smirk right off her face and show her better pleasure than hitting baseballs.

  Lauren enters the cage and hits the button. She holds the bat in position and shakes her ass slightly, just enough for me to notice.

  Clink.

  Clink.

  Clink.

  Clink.

  Clink.

  Damn, she hit every ball that came at her. She swings the bat in a circle before planting it on the ground in bet
ween her feet. She leans over on it and teases, “You were saying?”

  “Oh, it is on, babe.” I accentuate each word. I don’t miss the way she stares at my mouth when I call her babe. We have slowly fallen into our old banter, but I’m still not sure where we stand. She didn’t slap me though when I called her babe, so I think it’s about time I find out what this is happening between us.

  We spent the next hour alternating our time in the batting cage. Finn eventually hit the ball and proudly did a victory dance, which I will give it to him, but even a blind squirrel finds a nut eventually. The ride back to my house from the batting cages is silent but not awkward. Finn pulls into my driveway and shuts off the engine. Ever the gentleman as he proved tonight, he hops out of the truck and runs around to my door before I can open it.

  I link my arm through his without thinking and rest my head against his arm as he escorts me to my front door. The air has been thick between us all evening as we fell into our old ways. His hand goes to the small of my back as we take the stairs. I feel the loss of his touch as I step forward as I insert the key in the front door.

  I glance over my shoulder and find him standing there with his hands in his pockets, looking down at the porch. “Do you maybe want to come in?”

  His head pops up, and he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. Is he as shocked as I am that I just invited him inside? I mean, friends ask each other over their houses. Why are my palms sweaty suddenly? Will Finn think I mean more than just to hang out more? Do I want us just to hang out? All I know is that tonight was nice hanging out with him, and it felt as though no time had passed minus the touching and the kissing. I’m not sure I’m ready for him to say goodbye just yet. I can admit that I’ve missed this, him, us.

  “Lo, what is this?” Finn motions his hand between us.

  His question, which I knew he would eventually ask, catches me off guard. My shoulders instantly tense, just like they did when he approached me at the wedding. My throat goes dry, unsure of how to answer. I slowly spin to face him, and when our eyes meet, I see they are full of vulnerability just as they were when he asked me to marry him.