Remembering You

by Sandi Lynn

  I prepared dinner for me and Sam and I waited for him to get back from class. He opened the door to my apartment, put his book bag down, and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me from behind. “How was your day, babe?” he asked.

  “Lonely without you.” I pouted.

  He laughed and leaned against the counter. “I spoke with Dr. Benjamin today.”

  “Who’s that?” I asked.

  “He’s a neurosurgeon who teaches a class at the university. He wants to see you. He said he might be able to help you.”

  “Sam, I’ve been to see so many doctors and no one has any answers.”

  He grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to him. “Look, it doesn’t hurt to talk to him. I’ll be with you, so you don’t have to be nervous.”

  A warmness crept inside me. It meant the world to me that Sam wanted to help me and I didn’t want to set him up for disappointment. But, I couldn’t refuse his help because it meant so much to him. I tapped his nose with my finger. “Fine, I’ll see him.”

  “Good, because he’s coming over for dinner. He’ll be here in an hour.”

  “Sam Snow!” I yelled.

  He ducked from my wrath and went to the bathroom. I was making spaghetti, so there was plenty of food. A few moments later, Sam emerged from the bathroom with his hands up.

  “Are we cool?” He smiled.

  “Yeah, but you can make the salad.”

  He nuzzled against me and whispered in my ear, “I’m good at making a lot of things.”

  I smiled. “Salad, now.”

  He laughed and walked to the refrigerator, grabbing the items for the salad.

  ****

  Dr. Benjamin stood around six feet, two inches, with a medium build and salt and pepper hair. He reminded me of Dr. Oz. We sat at the dinner table and talked first about his career and family. He propped his elbows on the table and crossed his hands.

  “Claire, I want you to have an MRI. We need to see how your brain has healed. I believe what you’re experiencing with these flashes of light and images are true memories that are trying to force their way back, but something is stopping them.”

  I looked at him and cocked my head in confusion.

  “It could be anything from a tumor, scar tissue, or maybe your subconscious doesn’t want to remember.”

  “That’s ridiculous, doctor. Of course I want to remember my life.”

  “You told me that no one in your family would give you straight answers about your life prior to the accident and that you felt they were hiding something.”

  “I don’t know, Dr. Benjamin; maybe I was just being paranoid.”

  He got up from the table. “Sam tells me you two are heading back home for a few days. I really would like you to get that MRI done before you leave. Can you come in tomorrow at one p.m.?”

  I looked over at Sam as he nodded his head. “Yes, she’ll be there tomorrow.”

  “Yes, I’ll be there tomorrow.” I smiled.

  “Perfect. Thank you for dinner. It was delicious, and it was nice meeting you. I shall see you tomorrow, Claire.”

  Sam walked over and kissed me on my forehead. “Thank you. I know he can help you.”

  “I hope so,” I said as I hugged him. “We need to make love.” I smiled.

  “Then let’s go.” He grinned as he took my hand and led me to the bedroom.

  We made passionate love, and every time felt like the first. He was amazing and so passionate; it was like our bodies were made to fit one another perfectly. This was my life now, and my memories; nothing else mattered. Maybe Dr. Benjamin was right and I didn’t want to remember. What could’ve happened to me? I closed my eyes and tightened my grip on Sam’s arm, which was holding me tight. It wasn’t too long before I drifted to sleep.

  I was in the courtyard with Ally and Rachel, eating the lunch they had brought me. I was scrolling through pictures on Rachel’s phone and saw the picture of me and someone, but the image of the person who had his arm around me was blurry.

  “Oh, that’s my cousin. You two were good friends,” she said.

  I lifted up her phone closer to my eyes, trying to make the picture clear. My head started pounding and suddenly the picture came into focus. I gasped when I saw it and I dropped the phone. The boy sitting next to me in the picture was Sam.

  “Babe, wake up; you’re having a bad dream,” I heard Sam say.

  I sat up straight with tears in my eyes and my hair wet from sweat. Sam tried to put his arm around me, but I pulled back and got out of bed. My heart was racing and it felt like it was trying to jump out of my chest.

  “Claire, what is it?”

  I put my hand over my mouth as I stared at him. Sam jumped out of bed and came over to me.

  “Claire, talk to me, NOW! Dammit, you’re scaring me.”

  I held up my finger and searched for my phone. I found it on the dresser and dialed Rachel’s number.

  “Claire, it’s three o’clock in the morning. Who the hell are you calling?”

  “Hello. Claire, it’s the middle of the night. What’s wrong?” a sleepy voice answered.

  “Rachel, I need your help. You have to help me. Remember when you and Ally came to the hospital and we were in the courtyard and you were showing me pictures on your phone?”

  “Yeah,” she spoke hesitantly.

  “Remember when I came across the one with me and your cousin?”

  “Yeah. Claire, what’s this about?”

  “He wasn’t your cousin, was he? Was he, Rachel? And don’t you dare lie to me.” I started trembling.

  “Claire, I can’t talk about this now.”

  “Do you still have that picture?”

  “That was three years ago. I don’t have that phone anymore.”

  “Rachel, you said that you and Ally have been my best friends since we were five years old. You would never lie to me would you?”

  “Claire, I’ll call you in a few hours. Please go to sleep,” she said before she hung up.

  She was gone and I knew in that instant she was lying to me. I set my phone down.

  “What the fuck is going on, Claire?” Sam exclaimed.

  “Rachel had a picture on her phone of me and some guy. She told me it was her cousin and that we were good friends, but the guy in the picture was you, Sam,” I said as I trembled.

  He brushed his hands through his hair. “What? That’s impossible, Claire. You had a dream, and you probably imagined it was me,” he said as he walked over and wrapped his arms around me.

  “No, it was you, Sam, and she got real nervous and took the phone from me.”

  “Babe, we just made love. Your emotions are all fired up. It would make sense that your mind, your subconscious, would project that person as me. Let’s get back in bed. You have a big day with your MRI and we need some sleep.”

  We climbed into bed and he wrapped his arms around me as I nestled my back into him. I didn’t sleep at all, because I knew I was right. My mind was running a mile a minute, trying to put the pieces together. His accident was three years ago. My accident was three years ago. Both of us losing our memories. This wasn’t a coincidence.

  ****

  I hated MRIs. The confinement, not being able to move, the clanking noise of the machine. It bothered me, but I’d had so many of them since the accident, I knew what to expect. Sam waited for me with Dr. Benjamin on the other side of the glass. When I was finished, I got dressed and waited in the waiting room with Sam for Dr. Benjamin. I kept looking at my phone, hoping Rachel would call, but she didn’t and every time I tried to call her, it went to voicemail. Dr. Benjamin called us into his office and motioned for us to have a seat.

  “I’ve looked over your MRI, Claire, and you have a lot of scar tissue, which I believe is causing your headaches. Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t had any seizures.”

  “What can you do for her, doctor?” Sam asked.

  “I can go in and remove the scar tissue and hope for the best. But, I’m going to be hon
est, Claire, from the reports I saw from your accident, and the trauma you suffered, it’s a miracle you’re here.”

  “I was sent back. The woman said it wasn’t my time,” I spoke as I looked down.

  Sam’s eyes widened and Dr. Benjamin continued to look at me. “Let’s schedule the surgery when you get back from your trip,” he said as he closed his folder and walked out of the office.

  “What do you mean you were ‘sent back’?” Sam asked as he grabbed my hand.

  I looked at him. “Not here. Let’s go somewhere else.”

  I got up, walked out of the office, and out of the hospital. I climbed into Sam’s car as he asked where I wanted to go. It had started raining again, typical Seattle weather, but I didn’t care.

  “I want to go to the beach.”

  Sam looked at me like I was crazy. “Claire, it’s raining.”

  “I know, but that’s where I want to go.”

  He let out a big sigh. “Okay, to the beach it is, in the pouring down rain.”

  As soon as he parked the car, I got out and ran toward the water. Sam followed behind me. I turned and looked at him as the rain fell down on us, drenching our skin and clothes.

  “You wanted to know what I meant back at the hospital. Well, here it is. I saw my body lying in the hospital bed, and then I was in a garden filled with flowers. A woman stood before me in a long, white gown and told me it wasn’t my time and that the road to recovery was going to be long and painful. Then she said if your love was really true, you would find each other again.”

  Sam just stood there, staring at me.

  “I’ve never told anyone that.”

  “You said you didn’t have a boyfriend.”

  “I didn’t, or at least that’s what everyone told me. Sam, don’t you get it? I think it was you. Your car accident, my car accident, both of us losing our memories. We lived twenty minutes away from each other. Put it together, Sam.”

  He stood there in the rain with his hands on his hips, looking away from me. “It’s a coincidence, Claire, that me and you were both in a car accident. I would have remembered you, for fuck’s sake.”

  “You said you didn’t remember a year of your life prior to the accident. What if we dated that year and you don’t remember?”

  I couldn’t tell if the water on Sam’s face was from the rain or tears. “NO! My mom said I wasn’t dating anyone prior to the accident and my mom has never lied to me,” he yelled. “I’m done with this, Claire. I think you’re trying to make yourself believe things that aren’t real or never happened so you can feel better about yourself.”

  My heart sank and I felt weak. His words stung me like a bee sting. I looked at him, shook my head, and then started running. The tears that filled my eyes mixed with the rain falling down my face. I couldn’t breathe; it was too much. I felt like my world was closing in on me. The one person I trusted with my life and he couldn’t find it in his heart to believe me.

  “Claire, get back here. Where are you going?” He started to chase after me and, being more fit than I, he tackled me to the ground and we both fell onto the wet sand.

  “Let go of me!” I screamed and struggled to loosen his grip on me.

  “No, you’re not running from me. I love you, Claire Montgomery. I love you so much it hurts.”

  I stopped struggling when I heard his words. He loosened his grip on me and I turned to face him, grabbing his face and kissing him fiercely. “I love you too, Sam Snow.” And there it was, those three words that made him mine. Sam smiled as he hovered over me.

  “Are you sure, Claire?”

  “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” I smiled.

  “Then we need to figure this out but you can’t keep thinking that I was the one with you three years ago. It’s just not possible.”

  I could sense the pain in his voice. Sam was scared to death that I was right and now I knew I’d have to find out the truth on my own. I didn’t want to cause him anymore pain. He gave me one last kiss and then helped me up from the sand. We walked hand in hand back to the car.

  “Good thing you have leather seats,” I laughed.

  “No shit. Let’s go home and take a hot shower.”

  I leaned over to him and kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry, Sam.” He pulled my head closer and stroked my wet hair.

  “We’ll figure this out together. I promise,” he said as he kissed the top of my head.

  Chapter 15

  We packed up the car for our road trip back to California. Ida looked out her window, smiling at us and waving goodbye. I gave her a wave, got into the car, and fastened my seat belt. I looked over at Sam, who was wearing light-colored jeans with a slight hole in the knee and a black, tight-fitted t-shirt. His light brown hair was tousled perfectly and he had on his black Ray Bans. He looked over at me as I stared at him.

  “Why are you staring at me?” He smiled.

  “Because I’m so in love with you.”

  He reached over and stroked my cheek with his hand. “I’m so in love with you too, baby.”

  I popped in a Joshua Radin CD and we sang duets together. It was only us and the open road. I sat and looked out the window, giving thought to everything that was going on. As soon as I reached Newport Beach, I was going to find out the truth of my life before the accident, and I was going to start with Rachel and Ally.

  “Are you hungry, babe?” Sam asked as he patted my thigh.

  “Yeah, I am. Is there anywhere close to stop?”

  There was a sign up ahead with a list of restaurants. My phone chimed with a text from Ally.

  “Hi, Claire. I’m super excited you’re coming home for the shower. I can’t wait to see you.”

  I smiled as I typed my reply.

  “I can’t wait to see you either.”

  Little did she know it was going to be on my terms, and my terms only. Nobody knew I was driving back with Sam. As far as everyone was concerned, I was flying. Harry offered to pick me up from the airport, but I told him Ally and Rachel were picking me up so we could have some girl time.

  Sam pulled into McDonalds. “Is this okay, babe? I’m really craving a Big Mac.”

  I laughed. “It’s fine. I like McDonalds.”

  I didn’t care where we ate; I just needed to get out of the car and stretch my legs. We sat in a booth, ate our burgers, and headed back on the road. I fell asleep for a while and woke suddenly to the bright flashing lights going off in my head. I grabbed my head.

  “Sam!” I screamed.

  He immediately pulled over to the side of the road as I rocked back and forth and tears fell from my eyes. He got out of the car and opened the passenger door. He grabbed me and held me tight.

  “Breathe through it, Claire. It will be over with soon.”

  The lights stopped flashing and my mind turned black. As I loosed the grip on my head, I took in a deep breath.

  “Is it over, babe?”

  I nodded my head and he let go of me and kissed my lips. He reached into my purse and got out my pills.

  “Here, take this,” he said as he handed me the pill and his pop.

  I could tell Sam was tired. We left a day early so we could stop overnight.

  “You look tired, honey. Let’s find a hotel and get some rest.”

  “I think I saw a sign that there’s a hotel in a couple of miles. We’ll stay there,” he said.

  “Just make sure it’s a nice hotel first. I don’t want to stay in some motel out of a horror flick.”

  He threw back his head and laughed. “I’ll see what I can do, babe.”

  I loved when he called me babe and baby. It felt so right and gave me tingles every time he said it. We found a hotel that met my needs. It was the third hotel we drove to. Sam inserted the key card and opened the door. I walked in and set my bag down. I turned to Sam, lifted his shirt off, and started to unbutton his jeans.

  “What are you doing, Miss Montgomery?” He smiled.

  I softly pressed my lips to
his neck and nibbled on his ear.

  “I know you’re tired, so let me do the work.”

  I worked off his jeans and then his black boxers. I wrapped my hand around his erection, softly stroking it up and down while I guided him to the bed. Soft groans escaped his throat as I pushed him down and stripped for him. He pushed himself up to the pillows as I climbed on top of him, kissing his lips. As I hovered over him, he fondled my breasts and pulled at my erect nipples. He took each breast in his mouth and sucked with passion.

  “Come up here and let me get you wet,” he whispered.

  I scooted up to him as he licked my aching spot and sucked me lightly, making sure I was ready for him. I could feel myself swell, so I moved down and softly grabbed his cock and guided him into me. He moaned and moved his hips up to reach deep inside me. I sat up and rode him up and down, clasping his chest with my hands. He kept his hands on my hips pushing, me down as I went around in circles. We both were ready to come as we both moaned and I gushed all over him, causing him to explode inside me. I collapsed onto him and buried my face into his neck. As my breathing began to slow down, the pain in my head emerged and bolts of bright lights filled my mind.

  “Ah!” I yelled as I rolled off of him and grabbed my head. “Fuck!”

  Sam immediately sat up and grabbed a hold of my arms. He knew to let me just ride it out because there was nothing he could do. Flashes of a bed and me lying in someone’s arms flipped through my mind. We were both naked. I closed my eyes tighter, trying to focus on the man next to me, but I couldn’t see his face. Suddenly, the pain was gone, the lights were gone, and so was the image. I let go of my head and fell into Sam’s arms.

  “I wasn’t a virgin,” I said.

  “What?”

  I looked up at Sam’s face. “I wasn’t a virgin. The flashes I just had were of me and someone lying in a bed.”

  He pulled me into him and sighed. “It doesn’t matter to me whether or not you were a virgin. What matters is that we’re together and we’re going to get through this.”

  I knew deep down in my heart that he was one with me before the accident. I could feel it every time he touched me.

  ****