Longing for a Liberating Love: A Historical Regency Romance Book

by Bridget Barton

  Jinx was the first to notice Theo, and took off across the beach toward him like he was reconnecting with a long-lost friend.

  “Mr. Theo!” he cried, throwing himself into Theo’s arms. Theo caught him up, his heart swelling at this warm welcome. He looked across the water and his eyes met Alina’s. She looked as calm and contended as the water in the little cove. He’d never seen her like that, quiet, protected, and safe. Imogene was good for her, he decided.

  “What have you been doing?” he asked Jinx.

  “We only just arrived,” Jinx told him, skipping along beside Theo so that every step brought a jerk to Theo’s arm socket. “But I’ve so many games I want to play with you. We can be adventurers, sailing the high seas. I found a rock.”

  “Oh, my,” Theo said with a laugh. “You have had a busy morning. A rock?”

  Jinx ignored the teasing in his voice and drug him up to Alina, who was wearing a rich green dress. Her hair pinned in a loose bun, and he thought she looked born of the forest.

  “Mrs. Hartley,” he said respectfully. “You look well.”

  “You are late,” she answered, a smile in her eyes. “And your ruling monarch was frightened he would have no one with which to play. The exploration of the rock was in danger.” She extended a pale arm across the water, pointing at a small island of stone in the center of the cove, where the water looked to be about waist deep.

  “Ah, that is the rock,” he said. “If I had not come, you might have been entreated to wade out on such an adventure, surely?”

  Imogene let out a laugh. “Alina? Safe little Alina? I hardly think she could be persuaded into the depths, even for her son’s sake.”

  Alina cast her friend a glance. “I know you are just saying that to convince me to do it, Imogene, and it won’t work.”

  Theo shrugged his coat off and kicked off his shoes, rolling his knickers up to the knee. “Alright my boy, have you a swimming costume?”

  “Mama says I can wear my clothes,” he said. “Just like you.”

  They each took a sapling from the tree line and set out across the water, with Jinx clinging to Theo’s neck. At first it was cold, but as they moved through it, Theo relaxed at the delicious feeling of cool relief after the sunny day. At the rock, they clamored out of the water, Jinx first and Theo after, finding a fine place to sit above the waves.

  “I with Mama was here,” Jinx said.

  Theo called out over the water. “He wishes you were here, Alina. Poor boy, very lonely without you.”

  He meant it only as a joke, but was surprised to see her stand quickly to her feet, whisper something to Imogene, and then slip off her shoes and stockings.

  “Do you need help?” he called out in mild alarm.

  She threw back her head with a laugh. “Mr. Pendleton, I grew up by a lakeside. I’m sure if it came to it, I could outswim you.”

  She took to the water, and Theo watched with a sort of amazement as it crept up beyond her waist. She reached the rock and, putting her slim hands on the stone, pulled herself out of the water to sit by Jinx’s side, her skirts clinging to her. Theo gazed at her as she settled herself behind them. Alina had somehow managed to retain the same composure—the same well-curated dignity—that he had seen since he first knew her, even drenched and struggling through a current.

  “I didn’t think you would do it,” he confessed at last. “But now I know your secret.”

  “What secret?” she looked at him, breathless, drops of water clinging to her lips.

  “The surest way to convince you to do something is to tell you that it’s beyond your capability.”

  “Perhaps in the area of sport or intellect,” she admitted. “But I am a rule-follower at heart, and if you tell me of a boundary in society, I am much less inclined to be stubborn.”

  “A pity,” he said with a teasing smile. “Stubborn looks good on you.”

  Jinx scrambled over Theo and held out his hands to Alina. Inside was trapped a small, skittering crab. Theo expected a cry of alarm from the woman beside him, but she bent over with intent interest, her damp honey hair falling loose around her shoulders. “What is it?”

  He held it up for examination, letting it crawl tentatively to the edge of his hands. “A crab.”

  “It’s so pretty.” She pointed to its underbelly. “Do you see that blue?”

  He nodded soberly. “I do.”

  “You’d best let him free again,” Alina warned. “He is probably lonely for his family.”

  Jinx nodded earnestly and left with the crab to return it to the place from which it had been kidnapped. As soon as he turned away, Alina shivered. Theo burst out laughing.

  “Ah, so you aren’t so very brave, in the end.”

  “I don’t want him to be afraid,” she explained. “I want him to be courageous and curious about nature, so I don’t want to pollute his opinion by showing how disgusted I am by those little things. But, really.” She shivered again. “Aren’t they hideous?”

  Theo looked at her with shining eyes. “You have a flaw, after all,” he said.

  “I have many flaws.” She laughed. Then, turning to Jinx, she said, “I’ll carry you back to shore, Jinx, and we can throw your ball along the water.”

  Theo wanted to offer his assistance, but as he watched Alina clamour easily into the water and take Jinx’s arms around her neck, he saw that she was freer and happier than he’d ever seen her. Her joy was contagious.

  He followed them to shore, noting how Imogene seemed completely enthralled with the unpacking of the picnic and left them to themselves.

  On the seashore again, Alina wrung out her soaked skirts and then her hair, which, free from constraints, was curling girlishly around her face and down her back.

  “Would that be considered quite ladylike?” he said quietly to her as they walked back to the picnic. “Swimming?”

  “Are you concerned with such things?” she asked.

  “Does it matter? I know you are,” he answered. “You care what society thinks.”

  “I cannot begin to think about society when I am in such a beautiful, serene place,” she shot back. “It’s as though we’re on an island in the West Indies, all to ourselves.”

  She ran on ahead, tripping over her skirts and giggling like a girl. Theo swallowed hard, an image of what might have been rising strong and steady in his mind. If he’d only been a different man, born into a different title or wealth; if only he’d gotten to Alina before Jonas Hartley had misused her and taught her the lies that she still wore around her neck like outdated jewelry.

  He wanted to love her until all that faded away—until she was so sure of her own worth that she never again wasted thought on the monster who had tried to convince her otherwise.

  Chapter 15

  “You look beautiful.”

  Imogene stood in the doorway, looking in at Alina with a smile. Alina had agreed to wear one of Imogene’s gowns to the party that evening, the last night that Theo would be there before he returned to London. It was a white gown, still considered a mourning colour, but a lighter shade that Alina would never have dreamed of wearing before Theo.

  Her hair was up, and a ring of white daisies wrapped around the braided bun as adornment. “If feels a bit much,” she admitted, touching a hand to the simple pendant hanging from her neck.

  “You always think any jewelry is excessive,” Imogene reminded her.

  “And you never think it’s excessive enough,” Alina tossed back at her friend, smiling at the elaborate scarlet gown and headdress that Imogene had chosen for the night’s dinner party. It was to be a more private occasion, with a meal and an opportunity for entertainment afterwards.

  Theo had agreed to come, and when he picked her up in his carriage, his eyes told her what the mirror could not—that to him, at least, she was enchanting.

  “Mrs. Hartley,” he said, breathless.

  “You know I am Alina to you, Theodore,” she chided softly, settling herself in the carriag
e beside him.

  It was strange, sitting across from Imogene, feeling Theo’s nearness and knowing still what was beyond them. She continued to believe love was not for her.

  At the Brighton house where the party was to begin, she satisfied herself that the initial crowd was full of safe, harmless people, and introduced Mr. Pendleton as her barrister to all who asked. He was well received, and she watched with amusement as he brought the party of people around him with jokes and stories. She’d never seen this side of him before—only the quiet, withdrawn man who had lived in Jonas’ shadow.

  “Mrs. Martin!” he said to Lillian. “You are the one with the little son Jinx so enjoys.”

  “Yes!” She leaned in, the feathers about her headdress bobbing like a loose turkey’s. “They are the dearest of friends.”

  “But I’m afraid our Jinx may have a bad influence on him,” Theo warned most soberly.

  “No?” Lillian pretended astonishment.

  “Yes, Jinx tells me he plans to steal your son and take him home to London as a friend, and I can’t help but think such behaviour will lead to a life of crime.”

  The party laughed lightly at the joke, and Lillian put her arm around Alina. “You should bring your friends more often, dear. London people are so engaging.”

  “Oh no, madame,” Theodore said with a mock bow. “Please, do not align me with the other London fools who wander those foggy streets. It is neither a kindness to me or to them, for I know they would not have me, and I would not be had by their sect.”

  Another round of laughter lit the room. Alina looked at Theo in shy disbelief. She had never known before what it was to be the companion for someone who brought joy and life rather than darkness and sarcasm. It was a good feeling. She felt safe.

  After dinner, a few more guests were added to the party, and among them was someone Alina had been hoping very much she would not see again.

  “Mrs. Hartley,” Colonel Ellis said stiffly, bowing to her and running his eyes over her pale gown. “You are looking well today.”

  She felt suddenly naked and exposed, her joy somehow a condemnation of her character. “Thank you, Colonel Ellis. You are too kind.”

  “I am, perhaps. It seems the absence of my company has done wonders for you,” he added coldly.

  “That is not the case,” she countered, though she knew it was hopeless to try and explain.

  He looked across the room at Theo and raised his eyebrows. “You brought a friend with you?”

  Her heart was in her throat, and she felt all the life and freedom of the past few days draining away. “He’s our family barrister. He came here on business.”

  “He’s handsome, for a barrister,” Colonel Ellis pointed out, his tone icy. “I would not have expected you to stoop so low.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” They were hidden away from the remainder of the crowds, leaning together in a doorway off to the side. Alina was glad of this, because it afforded her privacy from people overhearing their conversation and drawing the wrong conclusions, but it also left her no escape.

  “I think you understand me more than you let on,” the colonel said. He leaned in very close, his voice harsh whisper. “Tell me, does he walk with you on the ocean side? Have you prepared yourself to shoot down his proposal, too?”

  Alina voice shook as she answered, “I know what you are implying, but I think it shows a lack of character I had not suspected in you, Colonel.”

  “You have not destroyed me,” he said, seemingly without segue. “I am already pursuing another woman of much finer bearing. She has not been polluted by another marriage.”

  Alina felt the sting of his words somewhat lessoned by the revelation of his true character. She bowed her head. “It was not my desire to destroy you,” she said gently, “and so I can be naught but pleased to hear of your new attachment.”

  “Insufferable woman,” he spat, but there was a shake of emotion in his voice. “You may be able to feel happy for me, but I cannot reciprocate the emotion. I will not stand to sit here at a dinner party and watch you enchant the room again. I will take my leave.”

  He was gone with a bow and a brief exchange with the host. Alina did not wish him back again, but was nonetheless shaken by their interaction. She sat for a moment by the window, and then brightened to see Theo approach from across the room.

  “Was that gentleman giving you trouble?” he asked, concern for her lacing his words.

  “That gentleman is of no matter,” she replied, sidestepping his question.

  He sat beside her. “I don’t like the cloud he has brought to your face. How can I regain the sunny expressions of the past few days?”

  “Take me back to the ocean,” she said wistfully, not caring that she was being transparent. “Back to when it was just us and Jinx…and Imogene,” she added, for propriety’s sake.

  “Gladly.”

  “Mrs. Hartley?” The hostess sailed over to the couple and cast a warm smile on Alina. “Imogene swears you play and sing like a veritable songbird. Would you bless us with your talents?”

  Alina blushed, remembering all the times Jonas had dragged her before a crowd in just such a manner, despite her crippling stage fright, and forced her to play the airs of the time, no matter how edgy or lacking in luster they were.

  Theo had seen such things on more than one occasion, she knew. She remembered one instance in particular, when she’d been trapped behind the pianoforte with a pile of sheet music. All the other couples had paired up into dancing partners, and Jonas had taken the opportunity to indulge in yet another glass of scotch while she entertained the crowd.

  “God, woman—your voice is like a dirge,” he’d complained loudly across the room. “Play us something that will tickle our imaginations.”

  She’d known he meant a bawdy tune, but she’d refused, picking up a cheerful Scottish melody instead. She remembered the moment like it was yesterday, peering over the sheet music at the room of revelers, and catching Theo’s eye where he sat, separate from the crowd. She remembered how surprised she had been to see him looking at her, and how she had wondered how to interpret the intensity of his stare—had it been compassion, or something more?

  She didn’t have to wonder long whether or not he remembered that night, for when the hostess asked Alina to play, Theo was the one who answered first.

  “Certainly,” he said boldly. “Mrs. Hartley has a lovely voice, but how would you like to hear a duet? That would be far more exciting.”

  “You play?” The woman seemed genuinely delighted.

  Alina felt a rush of relief, followed almost immediately by a feeling of responsibility. “Are you sure, Mr. Pendleton? I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

  “Of course, I’m sure. There’s no one I’d rather sing with.”

  They walked together to the piano and settled themselves upon the seat. “Do you have a preference?” he asked.

  She smiled warmly. “No One Shall Govern Me?”

  “An odd choice,” he said with a wink and a smile. “You never struck me as the kind to rebel against the way things ought to be.”

  “Maybe I ought to have rebelled more,” she confessed, arranging the pages of music in front of them. “I’ll take the high melody; you take the low notes.”

  “Agreed, my lady,” he responded with mock generosity.