Graveyard Love

by T. C. Littles

  They kicked it heavy before I came into the picture. And obviously, they ain’t slowed nothing down. “Okay—bet, that bitch must die too.” I thought about all the times he paraded her around me. Dirty dick-ass nigga probably got this HIV shit from her. He fa’sho is about to feel my wrath now.

  I knew I wouldn’t be able to successfully get out all I needed to say once I jumped out of the car with my unexpected police escorts on my tail. I was sure they’d be cutting back in on me shortly. Backing all the way up in my neighbor’s driveway across the street from my house, I threw the car into park and reached for my phone. My fingers were trembling as I dialed Spade.

  “Please let this nigga pick up. Please please please!”

  “Hello,” he answered like wasn’t nothing up.

  “Straight-up? It’s like that? You’ve got that bitch boo’ed up in my house?” I was caught up in my feelings ready to explode. I guess deep down inside, my heart still pumped with love for Spencer, even though I wished upon a star it didn’t.

  “Your first priority shouldn’t be worrying about Tiff. It should be that body bag the coroner gonna carry you away in for telling your ho-ass brother all of my business. I got y’all little letters.” Trying to get out of Dodge so quickly the other day, I’d left the letters, and obviously, Spade was now in possession of them. “You walked up out of here on your own—so anything that goes down up in here ain’t got shit to do with you. I should’ve never stopped fucking with her to fuck with yo’ ole weak ass anyway.”

  Although sirens were blaring off all around me, I got quiet on my end momentarily, then the courage inside of me detonated. “Yeah, well—I’m calling your bluff. You pulled my bitch card on the wrong day. What I only had for you, let her know I got for her too. Come on outside with y’all HIV-carrying asses.”

  I ended the call without waiting on his reply and set out for complete mass destruction. I opened Xavier’s glove compartment, where I’d stashed the gun, pulled it out, and stroked it like it was a dick. I needed the chrome piece to let it go like a muthafucka. I felt justified to kill. Rage was pumping through my veins.

  “Forgive me, Father, for I’m about to sin!” I hopped out of the car when I saw Spade and Tiff emerge from the house. They didn’t know what car I was in, so I had a few seconds to run toward them before being spotted. I was out of hiding like fuck the world.

  It was muthafuckin’ Jakia Time!

  “Oh, hell naw, bitch!” Spade yelled.

  “Yup, say that shit again.” I extended my arm and let ’em rip.

  Pop! Pop! Pop!

  “Detroit Police! Cease-fire.” The cops swerved up and started jumping from their squad cars. By this time, there were about five squad cars for little ole me.

  I was running on rage and all the vivid memories of me getting my ass beat. My adrenaline was pumping. I was so focused on my mission that I couldn’t think or see straight. I wanted to kill him so badly that I kept walking up on him, with my chest pumping up and down, wanting him to see all the agony I’d been holding caged inside of me for years. I finally felt cocky and in control, and even had Tiff backing down. She hadn’t even come too far from off the last step of the porch.

  “For real, bitch? So you just gonna shoot me and think shit’s sweet? You better make sure a nigga takes his last breath.” Spade continued to mock and torment me.

  I didn’t respond. It wasn’t that I couldn’t. It was that I knew Spade didn’t take anything I ever said seriously or to heart and wasn’t about to start now. My words weren’t going to make me feel better. Just like him beating up on me made him feel like more of man, me getting a few licks in was about to make me feel less like a battered woman.

  “I’ve been down with you for too long,” was all I kept saying. Over and over and then louder again. “I’ve been down with you for too long.”

  Knowing I was just about out of time because the cops were eventually going to detain me, I ran toward Spade like I was going to shoot him but slapped him straight across the face with the pistol instead. Like the piece of shit man he was, he cried out in pain, grabbing his face in agony and disbelief. I hit him with so much strength, built-up anger, resentment, and agony that I felt his bones crack. The feel and taste of his blood on my skin and in my mouth was the best feeling I’ve felt in my entire life. Lifting Xavier’s gun back into the air, I kept pulling the trigger and hoping it would unjam.

  Spade was stumbling toward me with his fists balled up, ready to strike me one last time. “I should’ve killed you when I had the chance to, bitch.”

  “I’ve been down for too long.” I was crying.

  “Drop your weapon, drop your weapon,” the cops shouted out, but it was too late.

  Pop-Pop! Pop-Pop-Pop!

  A firework of gunshots sounded off and lit up the community. There were at least ten rounds shot off before silence fell over the block. Spade’s body got filled up with bullets. His entire chest was ripped apart. I smiled as his body hit the ground. But that celebration was short-lived as well.

  Pop-Pop!

  I heard another two gunshots sound off, then tires screeching off.

  “Aaah!” I screamed out in excruciating pain. A pain that I’d never felt before.

  Spade’s Karma had become my Karma. I hadn’t even been the one to kill Spade. Xavier’s gun never unjammed. But I’d taken two bullets in the back. My whole body felt like it was on fire as it fell to the ground beside Spade. I didn’t deserve for the cops to shoot me.

  “Oh my Godddddddd, Spade! Noooooo.” Tiff’s shrills filled the air, reaching the high heavens. “Help my baby daddy! Do somethingggg!”

  Did this trick just say “baby daddy”? Did he have me kill my kid only to breed with her? Tiff’s words haunted me as I started drifting out.

  I saw flashbacks of Juan and me walking to school together, him bringing us burgers in the middle of the night because Phoebe sold all the food stamps, and me on the abortion table the day I allowed my child to be killed.

  “We need the paramedics! Ma’am, shots were fired from a vehicle we have a lead on. Help is on the way. Hold on.” A cop kneeled beside me, trying to give me hope, but I wasn’t buying into it. The same helpless feeling I’ve had all my days with Spade, I was having them now. I knew this was it for me.

  “Fuck her,” Tiff shouted. “Why are you trying to help her? He’s the victim. She hit him. Take her psychotic ass to jail and save him. My baby needs a father.” Her shrills sickened me.

  The only valuable lesson I’ve learned from the many ass beatings I’ve taken from Spade was how to move quickly. And that I did.

  Squeezing my eyes shut for strength, I fought through the burning sensation my body was feeling and reached up for the cop’s hand. She was a woman, so she sympathized with me, even muttering more words of hope like—she “understood” and “it was gonna be okay.” I hated to play into her sympathy, even worse if it was empathy; but my desire to get revenge was too strong for me to ignore. I didn’t feel like I had anything to live for.

  “It—will—never—be—okay.” It hurt to stutter as I grabbed for the officer’s weapon and pulled the trigger two quick times.

  “Noooo,” the lady officer cried out and tried grabbing her weapon, but it was too late.

  I’d shot directly into Tiff’s pregnant belly, making her body hit the ground as well. If I could have it my way, despite what my destiny was about to be, no seed of Spade’s was going to thrive, be born, and walk this earth. However, before I could blink to see what Tiff’s fate was, another officer came from the back and rammed my face into the ground, then threw my arms behind my back.

  “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law,” his raspy voice spat into my ear.

  With the police officer’s knee in my back, it was even harder for me to breathe than it was when my back first took the bullets. I can’t even say he was unnecessarily rough, because even on the ground and down, I’d still mus
tered up enough spunk to fight. I’ve been trained to keep going despite my wounds. Spade wasn’t even living to see what he’d made of me. His body was lying lifeless not too far from me.

  “Do you understand these rights?” The officer questioned me, starting to handcuff my wrists.

  I couldn’t answer. I was getting weaker. It seemed like I was drifting further away from all the commotion going on around me. I didn’t want my ending to be written like this, but I guess my mother was right.

  “Well, fuck you too, Jakia. The same grave you want me in, you’ll fall in before I will.” I heard Phoebe’s voice and words from the day I left her to be with Spade.

  The officers were lifting my eyelids and looking for me to give them a response, but I didn’t have any control whatsoever over my body. I didn’t even have enough strength to beg God to have mercy on my soul before my whole world went black. I loved a man more than he loved me . . . and it sent me straight to the grave.