Our Shared Horizon (Kaitlyn and the Highlander Book 10)

by Diana Knightley

  I glanced through the people who were clamoring around to touch the Uggs, at Fraoch, quietly eating, surrounded by his new family.

  I sighed. Fraoch’s Uggs were all that was left at the bottom of the bag. I folded the top down, and hid it under the table at my feet.

  Then I opened another duffel bag and delivered presents to Lizbeth and Madame Greer. For Lizbeth, a toiletries bag with wipes, shampoo, and Midol, and some first aid supplies to add to her collection, plus chocolate. For Madame Greer, a set of garden tools and a pound of coffee with chocolate covered cherries.

  There were gifts for Sean and Liam from Magnus, a multitool and solar-powered flashlights. For Sean, a collapsible fishing pole and a box of tackle. From Magnus, for Lizbeth, a dagger. For Sean and Lizbeth, a pile of gifts for their children — wooden cars, cloth dolls, an amazingly soft stuffed bear, and a game of checkers.

  I was left with a pile of gifts for Fraoch.

  This was the culmination of days and days of planning and ordering and packing.

  I closed the top of that duffel bag too and slid it beside the other at my feet.

  I drank some ale.

  But there was still more to give, not gifts, but necessities: wooden toothbrushes and tooth powder. Metal tins of lip balm. And metal tubes of shea butter lotion. I pantomimed how to use them. Little piles for each person, plenty for everyone — even Fraoch’s future father-in-law. Fraoch placed his own beside his mug of ale, and remained sitting beside his future-bride. His future brothers-in-law came over to get some for themselves.

  The last things: bottles of vitamins and bags of oranges. I passed them out to everyone and peeled some of the fruit, laying slices out on the table.

  Then I leaned back and took stock.

  I was the most interesting person in the room. There was a crowd around me, people laughing and joking, jostling to see what else I had brought. I had chosen carefully, things that could pass as old, but were unique and necessary, also elevating. The Campbell clan would have health and economic status well beyond anyone else in this century, just because — shearling boots and toothbrushes. That’s all it would take. Plus the vitamins.

  I had accomplished so much but I hadn’t been in time for what I really wanted.

  The Campbell men were jovial, hilarious, loud, and excited. Not a little drunk.

  I watched Fraoch and thought my heart might break.

  I also was a lot drunk.

  With bleary eyes I noticed Fraoch saying goodbye to the girl and her family. I laughed at a story Sean told about Magnus, fishing, wet. Sean rescued him.

  I hiccuped, and said loudly, “Do all of Sean’s stories end up with Mags falling in the water?”

  Lizbeth laughed, “Especially when Young Magnus inna here tae tell his side of it.”

  Sean said, “There is nae his side nor my side, there is only the truth. M’wee young brother has been verra often deep in water and needin’ me tae rescue him from it.”

  Fraoch joined us at our table, three chairs away.

  Sean said, “Ye ken, Fraoch, the wee boy needs us around tae keep him from trouble.”

  Fraoch joked, “Last I saw of him, nae two days ago, he was twice yer size and in nae trouble at all.”

  Sean laughed and held up his glass. “Tae m’wee brother, Magnus. I wish tae thank him, wherever he is, for the gifts, but tis a truth that he has caused us a great deal of trouble for such a wee boy. Some might say he owed us. So let us all, in our warm boots, raise our glasses and say, ‘Ye are welcome, Young Magnus’. Slainte!”

  Everyone laughed, yelled out, “Ye are welcome, Young Magnus!” and slammed down their drinks.

  The night was growing late, the formerly crowded and rowdy Great Hall was emptying.

  A man to my left offered me a drink and I said, “Yes!”

  But Lizbeth shook her head. “Nae, Madame Hayley, he canna get ye a drink.” Lizbeth and Liam whispered to each other and he moved his chair to the other side of me. It was too bad, I did kind of want to drink some more, and I might even — I don’t know, go home with someone. It was that kind of night. That kind of mood.

  Fraoch’s blurry face was watching me.

  I said, to no one in particular, and to everyone, “I think I’m verra, verra drunk,” and dropped my head onto my arms.

  Three - Hayley

  Lizbeth’s voice, “Can ye stand?”

  I giggled.

  Men’s voices — whispering, discussing. I was hefted over someone’s shoulder and carried from the room. I swam in and out of consciousness and that was all I remembered before I woke up in the dark dark dark, and had to pee like a mofo.

  Still drunk, I took stock: Lizbeth’s room. I was on the tiny bed at the foot of her bed. I was sleeping in my bodice and it was so freaking uncomfortable. I had packed pajama pants to sleep in, yet here I was.

  I groaned, sat up, and held my head in my hands. I was so thirsty. I focused my eyes, dragged my satchel closer, dug through it for a water bottle, and drank thirstily. I desperately needed to pee.

  Come to find out that’s why I was awake, my bladder was angry. What a relief I didn’t pee myself, thank god. That would have been the last, final, total, shameful embarrassment. I stumbled to the chamber pot and peed.

  I stumbled back to the bed and tried to yank my laces on my bodice loose, but nothing budged. I collapsed and fell asleep.

  Lizbeth’s room had only one small window and it was west-facing, but I could tell it was lighter outside. Day had dawned and I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I couldn’t hear any moving or breathing in the room. I gathered my strength, raised my head, and checked her bed. Lizbeth wasn’t there. Great.

  Usually we got up at the same time, but usually I didn’t get falling down drunk. Not here. I was so embarrassed I had to be carried up to the rooms.

  I had been too drunk to walk.

  A familiar feeling washed over me, one I had been cringing over ever since my first drink more than a decade ago — regret. Deepest darkest regret.

  Followed by shame.

  I remembered what my therapist had been trying to get me to understand, and my AA counselor: I drank because I felt unloved, because I believed I was unlovable.

  But all I could think of now… I was unloved. Unlovable.

  My dad had left me.

  Michael hadn’t stuck with me. Not really. He had wanted someone else, a wife and a mother to his children. Not me with all my flaws.

  Losing me was the best thing that ever happened to Michael. This was true, everyone knew.

  I beat my fists into the lumpy canvas of this shitty little bed. A loose bag filled with poking straw on a tiny, awful frame. What had I been doing? Giving up everything for a man in the eighteenth century? Why did I do this? So I could prove to myself once and for all, not worthy? I punched the mattress again.

  My stomach interrupted my anger by growling. I dragged my satchel closer and ate two honey-sweetened granola bars and chased them with a Starbucks latte swigged straight from the bottle. I used some latte to swallow down ibuprofen.

  I never wanted to see anyone ever.

  I would always be alone. Made sense. I would never be this courageous or stupid again.

  I just needed to pack up and go.

  I only needed to tell Lizbeth goodbye.

  I emerged into the desolate hallway, locked the door, and headed for the — Fraoch stepped from the stairwell.

  “Oh!” I patted my hair and straightened my skirts. “Oh.”

  “Madame Hayley, could I speak tae ye?”

  I looked up and down the hall. “I guess, I think — maybe we should…?”

  “Are ye well?”

  “I’m embarrassed. I drank too much. I just... I hope you—” Tears threatened to well up. “I didn’t do anything too bad?”

  “Nae.”

  “Who carried me upstairs?”

  “Liam, under Lizbeth’s direction. I offered but twas nae...” He stepped closer. “I wanted tae go for a
ride, I would verra much like tae see ye as we used—”

  “I don’t know. I think we would get you in trouble, right? I don’t think it’s okay to...”

  I stepped back toward the wall.

  He stepped forward, right up close. “Please, Madame Hayley. I ken ye are nae mine, but we often ride together — I wanted tae ride with ye one last time.”

  I tried to sound haughty when I said, “Before you marry someone else?” But then I saw his face.

  The collapse of his spirit when he exhaled, growing smaller. He said simply, “Aye.”

  “I don’t think we should be seen together.”

  “No one needs be a witness.” His face was earnest, desperate. “Would ye meet me at the stable’s west wall? I will bring Thor and Gatorbelle.”

  I couldn’t help but soften when he said their names. “Yes, I could, I think. I would need to tell Lizbeth, I...”

  Footsteps sounded from the opposite end of the long hall.

  Fraoch and I stepped into the shadows and waited while the footsteps changed course and walked away. He whispered as he turned to go, “Meet me at the stables after the iora’s meal.”

  “Wait, Fraoch, what does that...?”

  Walking backwards, he grinned. “The squirrels eat at midday.”

  “Oh.”

  He continued grinning, walking backwards, waiting for me to catch up to what he meant.

  “But like, in two hours?”

  “Aye. Ye are beginnin’ tae catch on.”

  I called after him as he was about to turn the corner at the end of the hall, “Fraoch, wait! I’m not great at knowing time, I mean, if you are there and I’m not — I mean to be. I’m coming, I am. I just don’t know how to tell when two hours are...”

  “I ken, Madame Hayley, I will wait for ye.”

  And he disappeared down the hall, going a different way than me, so that we wouldn’t descend to the common rooms together.

  Four - Hayley

  I escaped from the castle, through the kitchen, looking neither left or right, not entertaining any conversation, walking as if I knew right where I was going — straight for the stables. Lizbeth thought I would be in her rooms. She was spending the afternoon with Madame Greer. We agreed I would be safe remaining at the castle because most of the men were off hunting.

  I would return in a few hours before she got back. It wouldn’t be dark until very very late. I was good at this, sneaking out to meet boys had been one of my most-practiced high school skills.

  I rushed through the fields around the corner to the stable’s west wall to find Fraoch holding the reins of Thor and Gatorbelle.

  I slowed and tried to act cool. “Hi.”

  “Hello, Madame Hayley.”

  “I’m not married you know, I’m actually a Mistress.”

  “I ken, but Madame is what I am used tae calling ye.” He took my bag from my shoulder and helped push me to the back of Gatorbelle. He strapped my bag across his own shoulders and climbed on his own horse and we set off. We were headed, without discussion, down our well-traveled path to our favorite spot, the high hill that looked out over the lush green valley.

  The path was steep and wooded but then opened to high hills and a stretching sky. Mountain peaks in purples and hazy grays all around into the distance.

  Fraoch slowed his horse at a familiar outcropping of rocks and I pulled beside him. From here we could see the River Tay, winding through the valley, Loch Tay, glimmering in the sunshine, Balloch Castle surrounded by green fields crisscrossed by paths, with evergreen forests all around.

  I breathed in. One of my favorite parts of this place, the scents: the fresh wind, carrying the earthy smell of peat and mud and the pleasant smell of grass and leaves, it was pretty great after being cooped up in the musty castle for a few hours.

  I stroked and petted Gatorbelle and told her how much I had missed her and then I climbed down, touching my feet to the grass where Fraoch and I had spent so many hours soaking up the rare sun. This was the place where all my recent happinesses occurred.

  We were awkward with each other. Both standing in our clearing, in front of the epic view, a beautiful, albeit cool day.

  I didn’t know what to say.

  He smelled, again, of roses, masking a lack of bathing. He wore a kilt, dark brown wool, wrapped leather shoes, a sporran, a belt and a sword, a dirk, and a linen shirt. His beard was long and wild. His hair loose and curling, not red, but not dark brown, a light brown at the ends. It was dark at the top from all the tallow he had dipped and spread through the strands. His shoulders were big and wide. He wasn’t like Magnus, sculpted, and handsome hot — Fraoch was football player hot, big, like what people would call barrel-chested, like his shirt could not contain him. Like without work and with more food he might go big and soft like a teddy bear.

  There was plenty of work though and not enough food so he was his own version of lean and hungry, much like a spring bear.

  I wasn’t sure how to break our silence, so I asked, “You wanted to talk to me about something?”

  He nodded.

  Then contradicted himself and said, “Nae.”

  I searched his face. “It seems like something...”

  “I wanted tae ask ye why ye lied tae me on bein’ married. Ye ken tis a sin tae lie, and tis a sin tae covet another man’s wife. I have believed m’self tae be a sinner for many long days.”

  Oh. “I wasn’t really thinking about the sin of it, I was worried about surviving.”

  “I protected ye.”

  “It was you I was worried about surviving, Fraoch. You’re twice my size. You have a sword. I was all alone and you were the only person in the world that could decide if I lived or died.”

  “Ye were afeared of me?”

  “Yes, in the beginning. I was alone with you, you’re twice my size — yes, I was.”

  “But ye werna when ye were leavin’?”

  “I wasn’t, not anymore.”

  “But ye dinna tell me the truth afore ye left?”

  “No.” I stared off into the distance and then shrugged. “I don’t know why — I just left. I was sad about going but I did it anyway and then I woke up in the sand in Florida and you know what I thought first? I thought, I made a mistake leaving. And my second thought was to be worried about you.” I looked up in his eyes.

  Then I drew my eyes away and with my hands on my hips said, “And my third thought was to come and get you as soon as I could. My three thoughts were all about you. So I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I sinned and that I dragged you into a sin as well. I really am very sorry.”

  A smile crept across his face. “Ye will need tae do some proper prayin’ on the matter, I suspect. I daena have tae anymore, I am in the clear on it. God will hae forgiven me for thinkin’ I was sinnin’ because the sin wasna mine.”

  “I’m glad you’re happy that I’m the sinner instead of you.” I humphed. “But I think I should point out, you are about to be married, right?”

  “Aye, on Lughnasadh.”

  “When is that?”

  “The harvest festival.”

  “Fraoch, the proper answer is either tomorrow, or next week, or maybe a couple days from now. Actual ‘passing of time’ words, so I know. I swear to God, if I wake up tomorrow and you’re wearing a suit about to get married I will fucking freak out.”

  “Tis nae on the morrow, twill be the first days of the next month.”

  “I suppose that’s a little better. So now I’ve apologized and I really mean it, was there anything else you…?”

  “Nae.”

  “Oh.” I added, “I’m not sure what we’re doing here then. I don’t want you to get in trouble. This is important for you.”

  He trudged across the grass to our place, put down my bag and sat cross-legged. “I just wanted tae sit with ye in the sun for a bit, Madame Hayley, as we used tae do.”

  I sat down beside him. “I have presents for you in this bag.”

  He grinn
ed. “Tis verra heavy.”

  “That’s because there are a lot of presents.” I sighed. “Some might argue, too many for what has actually transpired.” I unzipped the bag and pulled out his shoe box.

  He lifted the lid. “Och. The shoes with the funny name?”

  “Yep. I think they will fit, if not, I can get you another and next time... I mean, Magnus can bring them.”

  He began untying his boots, tugged them off his feet, pulled the Uggs on, pulled up his kilt a bit exposing his kneecaps, and admired his new boots at the end of his strong, straight legs. He flexed and pointed his feet then wiggled his toes. “Tis a perfect size. And is verra warm.”

  “I think you will love them. They have a sturdy sole too, for walking.”

  “They will serve me verra well, thank ye, Madame Hayley.”

  I watched his face for a moment as he quietly looked down at his feet. Then I dug through the bag. “I also brought you these vitamins.” I shook a large bottle with chewable vitamin C wafers. “You’ll take one or two of these every day. You still want to eat well, but this will make sure you’re healthy, when you can’t find greens or fruit or anything.”

  He put the bottle beside him, then I passed him a toothbrush and tooth power. “This is to take care of your teeth. And then this...” I handed him a toiletries bag and discussed it very fast so we didn’t dwell on it or he wouldn’t take offense. “This is soap,” I waved it under his nose. “Doesn’t it smell awesome? It’s for washing everywhere. This shampoo is for your hair. Here’s a brush and some modeling paste to style your hair back from your face.” I stacked one thing after another. “A pair of beard-trimming scissors and some cologne. This is called ball-wash. It’s for that whole area under your kilt.”

  He chuckled. I scooped it all up and replaced it in the toiletries bag, zipped it up, and passed it to him.