by Denise Wells
“Not me.” She motions with her head over her right shoulder. “It’s from the table over there.” Both Alex and I peer around her to see a table of three women eye-fucking our table of two.
The other two guys that were at our table with us are in the back playing pool. But there’s still another three tables of guys clustered around us, drinking beer and one-upping each other with stories and such. We’re all still in our basketball clothes; the police department with shirts say SSPD on the front, and ‘Cops = ‘cause even firefighters need heroes’ on the back.
The firefighters with shirts that say SSFD on the front and ‘How do you make a cop happy? Let him play firefighter’ on the back.
The two departments have been in a friendly (of sorts) rivalry for decades. And often meet for beers after the various games. Flag football in the fall, basketball in the winter, and softball in the spring. I’m looking forward to playing all three with them.
It’s not surprising that a bunch of gym clothes clad police officers and firefighters would attract a table of women. And the one who sent me a drink? I’ve seen that look enough times to know that if I wanted to, I could tuck away in some supply closet or restroom stall and have my dick in her mouth in under fifteen minutes. Single guys in smallish towns, who work in law enforcement, are thrust into almost rock star status and with that status comes easy lays. It’s only when it’s too easy that it becomes boring and unwanted.
The woman who bought me the drink raises her glass at me and smiles. I raise mine in return and mouth a ‘thank you,’ then turn my attention back to Alex. It was a nice gesture, but there’s no reason to encourage a too-easy type knowing I won’t follow through or take her home.
Alex looks at me, one eyebrow raised.
“What can I say? It’s good to be me,” I tell him with a smile.
“The other one is trying to get your attention too.” He motions back to the table. I turn to look, one of the other girls is twirling her tongue around her straw in what I assume she believes is a seductive manner. I have to turn my head to laugh so they don’t see me.
“I don’t think that’s for me, buddy,” I hit Alex on the arm. “The straw licker has only got eyes for you.”
“I’ve struck out enough for one day already. I need a break,” he says.
“Already?” I ask him. “It’s barely four o’clock in the afternoon.”
“You have no idea, brother,” he groans.
“Try me.”
“I got with this chick I’ve been seeing—”
“I thought you were outta town?”
“I was, for like six months, but I started seeing her before I left.”
“Dude, long distance sucks.”
“Yeah, we texted.”
“Texted or sexted?” I smirk.
“Both. But I hadn’t seen her in person since before I left,” Alex sighs.
“How long you been back?”
“Couple weeks. Her schedule is insane.”
“Insane cause she’s seeing other guys?”
“I doubt it. We didn’t talk about it, but I don’t think so.”
“Okay, so you hooked up?”
“We had breakfast—”
“Breakfast isn’t a strikeout, my man.”
“We started with breakfast.”
“You had a date for breakfast?”
“Yeah.”
“That wasn’t a carry-over from the night before?”
“No. I’m telling you, this girl has a crazy schedule.”
“Doing what? Saving the world?”
“Kind of, yeah. She does—”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “Chicks aren’t that busy unless they just aren’t interested.”
“Oh, she’s interested,” Alex huffs. “Trust me. The texts she would send me… dude, let’s just say she was hot for it. Smokin’ hot for it.”
“Then what’s the problem?” I ask.
“I’ll tell you the problem,” Alex says. “She says ‘hey, meet me at this champagne brunch.’ We meet, we have a good time, she invites me back to her place, and I know where this is going. This chick is hot. And she wants it, man. Wants it bad.”
“Not seeing a problem.”
“Quit interrupting, dickhead.”
“My bad.” I hold my hands up, palms toward him as a show of regret. He seems satisfied with that and gives me a nod.
“Okay, so we go back to her place, have some more champagne, one thing leads to another, things get seriously hot, and then she fuckin’ taps out,” he pauses to take a drink, so I assume it’s okay to interject a question.
“Taps out, taps out?”
“Taps. The. Fuck. Out.”
“No shit? Before you slip it in?”
“After. A while after. Like right in the middle.”
I choke on my beer. Alex pounds me on the back to make sure I’m okay.
I catch my breath and look at him. “She tapped out in the middle of sex?” I say a little too loudly as the music is fading.
“Can you say it any louder, dude? I don’t think the guys at the fucking pool table in the back heard you.”
The girls at the next table turn to look at us, giggling. A new song starts on the jukebox. Some pop song and the same girls start squealing and bouncing in their seats. I turn away from them and back toward Alex, then scoot my stool in closer.
“Sorry, man.” I motion for him to continue.
“She literally tapped me on the fucking shoulder, while I’m going at it, and says, and I quote, ‘this isn’t working for me,’ end quote.”
“Dude,” I say. “I’ve never even heard of that before.”
“Yeah, well, me neither until today. No complaints. Not ever. It’s just this girl, man. She’s cold as fucking ice.” He hangs his head and twirls his pint glass in the condensation on the table top.
“It’s not like you’re a bad looking guy,” I say.
“Thanks, dude,” he says smiling.
“You got a real purty mouth.”
“Okay,” he says, dragging the word out.
I get the feeling he doesn’t get the reference. I don’t want him thinking I’m actually complimenting his mouth.
“It’s a quote, man.”
He looks at me blankly.
“From Deliverance. The movie. Ring a bell?”
Still nothing.
“Fuck, never mind,” I say.
We sit in silence. For some reason I feel the need to cheer the guy up.
“You gotta get back on that fucking horse, brother. No pun intended.”
He smirks.
“Go ask the straw licker for her number,” I say.
“No. No way. I’m out. This morning was like the worst experience, ever.” His face scrunches in a blend of horror and fear. I feel bad for the guy.
“That’s why you’ve got to move on now. Don’t think about it. Just do it.”
“Eh, maybe in a bit,” he says, shrugging his shoulders.
The girls with the straw licker are packing up their things, getting ready to go.
“Do it now,” I tell him. “Before they leave.”
“She’s not that hot,” Alex says.
“It doesn’t matter. This is just to keep you prime. Plus, you’re better looking as a guy than she is as a girl. She’ll be flattered. Believe me. Do it.”
“Fine.”
He heads over to the table with the girls. I look around the bar. It’s not the first time I’ve been here. I like it, there’s a good vibe, the seats are comfortable, and you can always find a game on.
I hear giggling and look back to see him charming the girls at the table. I’m glad to see he’s got his balls back.
Some women are just completely fucked in the head, like the one he was with this morning, obviously. What kind of heartless bitch do you have to be to tap out in the middle and tell him it’s not working for you? I mean, fuck. Give him something to go on. If he needs to change it up, then say something. Take some godda
mn responsibility for your own pleasure. It takes two to tango, baby. I mean, I’ll put you on the train to pleasure land, but you gotta walk to the station with me.
Alex comes back to our table, a huge grin on his face.
“Score?” I ask.
“Oh yeah,” he says. “Her friend said to give you this.” He hands me a bar napkin with a phone number and ‘Call me anytime. I’m waiting. And I’m always ready’ written on the back of it.
I wad it up and toss it in the middle of the table. It lands in the condiment basket between the ketchup and the hot sauce. Not to sound ungrateful for the attention, but I’m over the easiness of getting laid.
“Dude, you’re not even going to call her?”
“Nope.”
“You kidding? That’s a sure fucking easy lay right there, man.”
“It’s too easy, brother. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want something that’s so easy, it could’ve been anyone. I wanna know it’s about me.”
“I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.”
“Yeah, ‘cause she would have kicked you out first.”
“Fuck off, asshole.” His face reddening slightly.
“Dude, you fuckin’ walked into that one.”
“Yeah, well, that has not happened to me before. And it’s not happening again. That girl has issues, man.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“You don’t just run hot and cold like that without something being seriously wrong with you.”
“Someone is feeling better about himself.”
“Yeah, well, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, my man.”
“That there is,” I say. “How’d you even meet her?”
“Online.”
“One of those girls.”
That just can’t handle reality.
“What do you mean?”
“You know, one of those girls who think there’s no way to meet a guy in real life, so she turns to meeting them online. She puts all her hopes on one guy, so of course he’s going to be a disappointment. No one could possibly live up,” I say.
“She’s not like that.” Alex shakes his head.
“All girls are like that,” I say dryly.
“No,” he says. “It was hot in the beginning. Then she just flipped a switch. Hot to cold, just like that.” He snaps his fingers.
“No offense, bud, but she tapped out. It was never hot.”
“It was, I swear.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“You should see it then.”
“Bring it on.”
“Bitch turned cold. Like an ice queen. You can’t melt that shit.”
I laugh when he says ice queen, thinking of Remi. A girl from college who rocked my world in one night. She’s my one who got away. And who I’ve never forgotten. Even though I never really had her. But I saw her again recently, she’s my friend Kat’s best friend, and it brought all the memories of that one night with her back.
“Brother, you have no idea my experience with a cold, frigid bitch. You bring her to me, I’ll melt her for sure.”
“Okay, you’re on,” he smirks.
“I’m on?”
What did I just agree to?
“I’m going to set you up.”
Aw, shit.
“No way, dude, I am not going out with some holier than thou, stuck-up, bitch who can’t pull the stick out of her ass long enough to have a good time.” I lean back in my chair and cross my arms over my chest.
“Yeah, ‘cause she’ll tap out on you too,” Alex says.
I snort out a half laugh of disbelief. “Brother, she will not tap out on me.”
“Prove it.”
“What’s in it for me?”
“Outside of fucking a near centerfold? Shit, care to wager?”
“Name your terms, asshole.”
“Pretty sure of yourself for someone who’s never even met this girl, aren’t you?” he sneers.
I smirk back at him. I don’t fucking care who this girl is. If I want her, I’ll get her.
“A grand,” he says.
“As in a thousand dollars?” I ask, thinking about what I could do with that money. My share of the expenses for my parents’ cruise is only another twenty-five hundred dollars, and then I’ll have my entire portion covered.
I look him in the eye trying to gauge how serious he is. His gaze is level and direct.
“Care to up the wager?” I ask.
“To what?” His eyebrows raise.
“Let’s say twenty-five hundred.”
“Dude, for that much money, you’re going to have to do a hell of a lot more than just get her to fuck you,” he half laughs.
“Such as?” I ask.
“For that much money you’re going to have to get her to date you and fuck you.”
“Consider it done.”
“More than once.” He narrows his eyes at me.
“More than one date? More than one fuck?” I clarify.
“Both,” he says. “Four dates, two fucks.”
“No problem.”
“In a month,” he clarifies.
“A month?” I scoff. “You kidding? You can’t make it any easier for me.”
“I had more time than that and couldn’t do it.”
“Well, I’m not you, chump.”
“She doesn’t have a lot of time,” he says.
“Okay.”
“She hangs out with her girlfriends a lot.”
“Of course she does.” I totally know the type.
“She works crazy long hours.”
“Still not seeing the issue.” I feel completely self-assured.
“Consider yourself forewarned then. Shake?” Alex reaches his hand out to me. I take it and give it a solid shake.
“Tell me when to show up and where, fucker,” I say.
Chapter 3
Remi
Alex is barely out the door before I’ve showered and thrown on a t-shirt and boy shorts. I need an immediate video chat with my girls, Kat and Lexie. Between the two of them, they’ll figure out exactly what went wrong. Kat because she used to be a little slutty and Lexie because she’s always been a little bit awkward.
I pace while I wait for each of them to pick-up.
And pace some more.
What the fuck? It’s not even two o’clock in the afternoon, what could they possibly be doing?
Finally, Lexie picks up, and Kat is not far behind her.
“Hey, hey hot mama!” Lexie’s face pops into view. I can tell she’s still at her winery, in the lab, probably testing for sugars and sulfites and such. “Why are you online? Didn’t you have a date this morning?”
“I did.” I sigh, sounding more melancholy than I really mean to.
“Oh, that doesn’t sound good,” Kat says.
“Guys, it was weird. Really weird.”
“Weird good? Or weird bad?” Lexie asks.
“Weird… bad.”
Kat gasps. “What happened?”
“Well, everything was going great. We went to brunch, we had mimosas, we came back to my place, had more champagne.”
“And?” Lexie and Kat say at the same time.
“And, we had sex.”
“Woot! Woot!” Lexie pumps her fists in the air.
“It was so awful,” I groan.
“Wait, awful, like awful?” Lexie asks.
“Yeah, awful, like awful, like bad.”
“The sex was bad?” Kat asks. “With Alex the hot IT guy?”
“Right!?” I say. “It’s almost too ridiculous to believe. Everything else was so good. The kissing, the flirting, the texting.”
“Wow. I didn’t think that could really happen,” Kat bemoans.
“Neither did I. Until it did.”
“Okay, I hate to be that person,” Lexie says. “But how does it even happen if it’s bad? Do you finish? Or whatever? I mean, did you, you know, come?”
“Not even close. I had to stop him in the middle.”
“You stopped?” Kat’s voice rises to a near shriek. “In the middle?” She sounds incredulous. As if the idea of stopping sex would never occur to her.
“Yes!” I groan. “I mean, I didn’t really know what else to do. It wasn’t working for me. At all. Like, I think I almost came in the beginning, but it would have been one of those lackluster orgasms where you can’t really tell if it happened or not. And you end up feeling more unsatisfied than if nothing had ever happened.”
“I hate those,” Kat says.
“Do you still have those?” Lexie asks.
“Pfft. Not even remotely.” Kat rolls her eyes.
“Bragger,” Lexie mumbles.
“Ladies, can we get back on topic, please? We are talking about me,” I say.
“Sorry, okay, so lackluster sex that you stopped in the middle...” Kat motions with her hands for me to continue.
“That so sucks by the way,” Lexie says.
“Tell me about it,” I say. “I had really high hopes for this.” My shoulders slump and I let out a huge breath of air.
“What about Alex?” Kat asks.
“Like I said, I had really high hopes for this.”
“No, I mean what about Alex?” Kat repeats.
“Well, then what do you mean what about him?”
“Did he enjoy it?” Kat asks.
“I don’t know. I think so. I mean, with all the thrusting and grunting and sweating, it was hard to concentrate on anything else. He was still going strong when I stopped him, and he definitely didn’t want to stop.”
“Well, of course he didn’t want to stop,” Lexie says. “It’s easy for guys. A little pushing, a little pulling, a couple grunts, release, and they’re good ’til morning.”
“Wow, Lex, who shit in your cheerios?” Kat asks.
“I just call it like it is,” Lexie says.
“Well, alright then,” I say.
“How did you stop him?” Kat asks.
“I tapped him on the shoulder.”
“You tapped him on the shoulder?” Lexie asks, sounding confused.
“That was the only way to get his attention,” I say.
“It’s so MMA of you,” Kat says.
“So, what of me?” I ask.
“MMA. Mixed martial arts. A tap out. When one guy... never mind, I’m obviously around Brad way too much. What did you do after you tapped out?” Kat asks.
