Shadows

by Peter J Manos

  “Well, most of you here and a lot more who aren’t here. I’ve been blessed with the chance to go to school, study medicine, and practice in this fine town, where I’ve worked most of my professional life. My son was born here, graduated from Magic High, and attended Minot State University. My wife was born here in Minot and has family here.

  “I care about this town and am here today to talk about an issue whose importance it’s hard to overstate. But before I do, I want to tell you about a few cases that have stuck in my mind over the years.

  Some of you will remember the Frederickson fire, the pictures of that inferno. One of the children was ten year old, Carol. She’d run out to the barn to save Brownie, the family’s horse, but got trapped inside briefly by the fire but not so briefly as to escape severe burns over her face, arms, and legs. I saw Carol before she was transferred to the University of Colorado burn center by helicopter. I’m pretty good at finding professional distance but I had some bad dreams about that little girl, who, as you know died in the hospital.

  “I was furious at Stanley Frederickson for starting the fire. He’d been smoking in the barn and got distracted by a bat. He doesn’t remember what he did with the cigarette butt. He made a mistake.

  Intelligent, careful people make mistakes.

  “I saw a young woman whose case made the newspapers. Her name was Debra Fisher. She worked in a lab at the university studying the effects of low levels of methyl mercury on enzyme function. She wore gloves, a mask, and used a fume hood. Everyone who knew her said she was meticulous, yet one day, while using a micropipette to make a dilution, a tiny drop of the solution landed on her gloved hand. Over the next several months she developed some slurring of her speech and clumsiness, then difficulty walking, muscle weakness, poor hearing. She died after five months. Her death due to a mistake. People make mistakes.

  “Some mistakes are worse than others. No matter how diligent people may be, how alert, attentive, concentrated, they still make mistakes.

  “Think about the recent false alarm of a Russian missile attack. We have all heard about it. Radar surveillance appeared to show dozens of missiles heading toward us. This is not the first time a ground-based or satellite surveillance system appears to have shown an attack.

  “Submarine captains and airplane pilots have some time to assess the quality of the warning they are receiving, but commanders of ground-based intercontinental ballistic missiles, the Minuteman missiles all around us, have little time because if they delay too long in a real attack, their missiles will be destroyed. You can’t call a missile back once it’s fired.

  “And the same is true of the missiles the government wants to replace them with. But a mistake would lead to nuclear war and as a physician I am telling you there is no medical response possible and the suffering, loss, grief, and deaths is too horrible to try to imagine. Just think of millions of ten-year-olds incinerated. You don’t want to? Of course not.”

  “We are gathered here to protest the replacement of these missiles. We have more than adequate deterrent might in our airplanes, cruise missiles and submarines.

  “But what of the business that may be lost if the Minuteman is not replaced? I suppose this is not just a theoretical question, but how much potential business will be lost is unknown. And how the government may be able, through support of the air force base, to make up for some loss is also unknown. People must ask themselves, are we going to continue gambling that there won’t be a catastrophic error so that we can receive contracts with the government. And remember that should the GBSD project be cancelled, there will be either refurbishment of the Minuteman or its removal, both of which will bring work to Minot.”

  “I invite you all to join me as we picket in front of Minot Air Force Base. The time and date are on the flyer that is going around.

  Rasmussen stepped off his little platform as the crowd was still applauding. A woman stepped up to him.

  “May I say a few words?”

  “It’s a free country,” said Rasmussen before having second thoughts, but so what if she spoke in favor of the missiles. This was a supportive group. She couldn’t do any harm.

  “My name’s Makenna Washington. I work on the base. I just want to tell you all that the rumor of a false alarm almost launching the missiles is true. Just thought you should know.”

  And with that she stepped down.

  Chapter Sixty

  Rasmussen, Karen, and Will provided quiet but undeviating encouragement. With a day or two more to think about this after Rasmussen’s visit, Edna was ready to go again.

  A dozen new adherents joined their next march, triple the number they’d had on their first, but Rasmussen was dissatisfied.

  “I think what we need next is something newsworthy, dramatic, like a sit-in. Now ideally that would be done on the base, but I don’t think we can manage it.”

  “We could do it right outside the base,” said Karen. “There’s a big sign there for the photographers to use as a backdrop. We could protest across the street. It’s just farmland there, I think, but they might make us move before the newspaper or TV people show up.”

  This time there was organizing to do. Rasmussen and Edna would contact out-of-town radio, television, and newspaper offices to see if they were interested in sending a reporter to witness a protest.

  Karen said they would reconnoiter and surprised Will by asking if he’d drive out to the base with her.

  At Minot Air Force Base on US 83, they parked at the edge of a grassy field directly across from the Missile Avenue entrance. A low, wing-shaped brick wall read 5th Bomb Wing. 91st Missile Wing.

  The sun was overhead. At 1:00 p.m. there was little to see as all the commuters to the base had long since arrived.

  “I guess I didn’t think this through,” said Karen. “We’ve no idea what the traffic is like in the morning or in the evening either. It’s still light at six, so we could also demonstrate then.”

  Eventually it was too hot in the car, even with the windows open, so they got out, and sat on the grass facing the entrance to the base. A hundred yards behind them ran a stand of leafy trees parallel to the highway.

  An hour passed while they waited to see if anyone would object to their presence. Karen found herself talking about her plans to be a pediatrician, while Will listened.

  “What about you?” she asked.

  “My plans? I don’t have any plans.”

  “You’re going to New York to help your mother. That’s a plan.”

  “Well, I’m not going to medical school while I’m there.”

  “Be serious,” she said. “What do you want to do?”

  He didn’t answer immediately. She waited, forcing him to speak.

  “I thought about physics but I’m not that smart. I majored in chemistry. Working in a lab might be enjoyable. But you know, I did think about medical school at one time, before everything was thrown off kilter, but I don’t want to bore you.”

  “Will, if there’s one thing you’re not, it’s boring.”

  “Nice of you to say.”

  Again silence intervened before he began talking about having to drop out of college because his mother had spent his college savings, his time in the Marines and disillusionment with the war. And now about his confusion about why he was really going to New York.

  “At this pace I’ll never get there.”

  “At least you’re your own man,” said Karen. “It’s your decision. In my house, plans have to pass muster with my father first, he’s such a control freak. I even have to get permission to sleep over at Suzy’s. Can you believe it?”

  “So what would he do that’s so terrible if you just asserted yourself?”

  “He’d scold me. He might even ground me?”

  “Ground you? You’re eighteen. Is he going to tie you up and lock you in your room?

  “He’ll be very angry. He might even throw me out.”

  “I thought you loved each other.”

  �
�We do.”

  “And he’d still throw you out?”

  “I really don’t know.”

  At 2:15 p.m., they decided to come back in the morning to get a sense of traffic.

  “I have an idea,” said Karen. She turned away from the entrance, pointing. “What if we camped out in those trees. Then we could observe the entrance from early in the morning.”

  “But we could just drive out early in the morning,” said Will.

  “I’d have to explain why I was getting up early. It would be easier to say I was spending a night with Suzy.”

  “You really want to do this, don’t you?”

  “No. No. Not so much, if you don’t want to.”

  “We’ll be in the same tent, sleeping next to each other. What if I lose control of myself?”

  “Okay. If you don’t want to, that’s fine.”

  “I didn’t say I don’t want to. I think it would be fun. Do you have the equipment?”

  “I have everything. Family stuff. The works. But I have to figure out how to get things out of the house with no one catching on. I’ll call you.”

  The logistics were a little trickier than Karen at first had thought. She had to enroll Suzy in her plan.

  “You’re going to spend the night with him in a tent?” said Suzy. “Wow! And what if he gets rambunctious, to use a word that doesn’t rhyme with corny. You know just because he stopped when you said no last time doesn’t mean—”

  “I’m bringing a can of mace.”

  “God, Karen!”

  Karen burst into a heaving fit of laughter, followed, after a brief hesitation, by Suzy.

  “You got me,” she said after catching her breath. “For a second I thought you were a complete idiot. Are you up to what I think you’re up to? Oh, my God.”

  “I am but I’m nervous.”

  “Well, of course, you’re nervous, but are you prepared?”

  “My mother had this old recording of a math professor who wrote and sang funny lyrics. One was about the boy scouts. She wouldn’t play it when Dad was around, but she let me listen to it. It’s kind of bawdy. I still remember some of the lyrics. She began to sing.

  If you're looking for adventure of a

  new and different kind

  And you come across a Girl Scout who is

  similarly inclined

  Don't be nervous, don't be flustered, don't be scared

  Be prepared!

  “Wow, Karen, you are full of surprises. Unbelievable.”

  To be sure that Suzy’s parents would not inadvertently give the secret away, Karen told her parents she was going for a sleep-over at Suzy’s, neglecting to mention that on that date Suzy’s parents would be out of town.

  When Roy Haugen was at work and Amy out shopping, Suzy came over to pick up the tent, sleeping bags, flashlights, etc., and then transferred them to the trunk of Will’s car.

  On the big night Suzy picked up Karen at 9:00 p.m., dropping her off a few blocks away where Will picked her up.

  They had earlier noticed what might be a surveillance camera facing the entrance to the base, so they boldly drove onto the base, parking in a small visitors lot, and without going through security, carrying their gear, they walked back out to US 83, where they turned left. They walked for a quarter of a mile before crossing a field to the line of trees. Once screened, they walked back toward the base entrance, where there was essentially no traffic.

  They set up the two-man tent on small expanse of grass, well hidden by trees from the highway and the Missile Avenue entrance. They unrolled the sleeping pads and bags inside the tent and exited to lie on the grass and look at the stars.

  As the twilight dimmed, the stars began to reveal themselves.

  “This is great,” said Will. “You can really see the milky way. There’s too much light pollution in the bay area for that.”

  “Do you know the constellations?” asked Karen.

  “Only the big dipper.” He pointed.

  “Yes,” said Karen pointing. “It’s part of Ursa Major and that bright star is Serius.”

  “So you’re an astronomer.”

  “Well, everyone’s interested in the stars, aren’t they? Do you know which star is closest to the Earth, other than the sun.”

  “Alpha Centauri.”

  “Karen said, “I’ll bet you can’t point to it.”

  “Of course not. It’s in the Southern Hemisphere.”

  “Oh, very good for a city boy. Do you know how many stars there are in the milky way?”

  “A hundred billion, more or less,” said Will.

  “That’s right, more or less.”

  “Do you know how stars get their energy?” asked Will.

  “Everyone knows that,” said Karen. “Nuclear fusion. Hydrogen nuclei being mashed together into helium nuclei.”

  “I thought you wanted to be a pediatrician, not a nuclear physicist.”

  “We’re not exactly talking deep physics here, are we. More like crossword puzzle clues.”

  “You know, you’re pretty smart for a girl,” said Will.

  In a wink, they were laughing, and simultaneously worrying they might be heard at the entrance gate down Missile Avenue, though the distance was greater than a football field. Karen muffled her laughter with a palm held over her mouth—Will by using the crook of his elbow.

  Neither dared speak because every thought seemed funny enough to trigger a new outburst.

  “Maybe we’d better go in,” said Karen after a few minutes.

  “I’m going to the men’s room first,” said Will, disappearing into the stand of trees. Karen went in the opposite direction.

  Inside they sat back to back while changing into pajamas, brought without prior discussion. They each had a flashlight.

  “You know we can zip these together to make one big sleeping bag,” said Karen. “There’s actually more wiggle room that way.”

  “I’m all for wiggle room,” said Will.

  Practiced, Karen joined the sleeping bags and opened a flap. Will got in, then Karen. She zipped up the double bag. They lay on their sides, facing each other.

  “You know, the top of my father’s head would blow off if he knew we were out here together in the same sleeping bag. Even if I told him you were a perfect gentleman, which you are.”

  “You’ve made your wishes clear,” said Will.

  Karen put a hand on Will’s shoulder. “If my wishes changed, I’d want you to be very gentle and slow.

  “What are you saying?”

  “You know,” said Karen, “in London during the blitz, when everyone feared they were going to die, people didn’t want to be alone at night, which lead to a lot of love making between people who’d never have slept together if it weren’t for the night time bombing. Do you know what the doomsday clock is?”

  “No.”

  “It’s a symbol, a metaphor for how close we are to doomsday, midnight on the clock, a global catastrophe worse than anything mankind has experienced, a nuclear war. A bunch of nuclear scientists started it in 1947. Right now it’s set at 100 seconds before midnight. Since starting this project with Edna, I’ve had a couple of really bad dreams about it.”

  She moved closer to him, letting her hand rest on his shoulder.

  “I want you to make love to me.”

  “I… I can’t,” said Will, startled.

  “Oh.”

  “I’m not prepared.”

  Karen chuckled.

  “It’s not funny,” said Will. “Not a bit funny.”

  “You don’t have to be prepared. I am.”

  “You are?”

  “Yes. I have an IUD. But I want to be in charge here, do you understand? I want you to do it the way I tell you to.”

  “Karen, I don’t want to be teased again like that time in the park. Do you understand? It actually hurts.”

  “I’m not going to tease you. I just want to slow things down.”

  “You can’t slow things down much more
than this. Nothing’s happened yet.”

  She lay on her back pulling his head down to kiss her. Despite her wish to slow things down she was quickly aroused, her tongue darting as animatedly as his. Gently she pushed him away, hands on his shoulders.

  “Just a minute,” she said. She unbuttoned her pajama top.

  His lips held a nipple captive. She clasped his head in her hands, as if fearful he’d stop what he was doing. Braced on his left elbow, he roamed over her belly in widening circles until the fingertips of his right hand periodically brushed over that nubbin of her delight.

  “Oh, God. I’m ready. Wait.”

  She unzipped the sleeping bag and got her flashlight out.

  “I’ve been struck stupid with lust.”

  Still amazed by this real life fantasy, Will said nothing.

  She dug into her pack.

  “Baby oil. Here.”

  He reached out for it.

  “And this.” She handed him a towel.

  He removed his pajama bottoms and then hers. He anointed himself and moved over her, touching but not entering.

  “Slowly,” she said. Their bond deepened until she said, “Ooh.”

  He stopped. “You alright?”

  “Hurt a little. Not bad.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yes. You know what’s wonderful? I can talk to you. Even doing this. More.”

  He didn’t move.

  “Deeper.”

  He didn’t move.

  She wrapped her legs around him, placing her heels on his buttocks, pulling.

  “Don’t tease.”

  “You want more?

  “Yes. Don’t tease. That’s mean.”

  “Okay, now we’re even.”

  They moved in a rocking synchrony, moaning into each other’s ears, heightening their excitement. Karen embracing him like she’d never embraced anyone before. After a while she felt that deep, focused sweetness begin to rise within her, the wave now carrying her away.

  “Yes!”

  Will, to this point, trying to avoid depletion, visualized himself on a chain gang, breaking rocks with a sledgehammer, but now released himself.