He didn’t move. Didn’t say anything. She could tell he tried to process if what she said was true.
Her fingers tightened around the edge of the blanket. “Don’t hold back, Colby. Let yourself go.”
“You’re way off base.”
“Am I?” She studied his face for clues that she was wrong. “You didn’t die on the battlefield, so you killed yourself off in another way.”
“That’s enough.”
She reached for her clothes, knowing he was angry, but she didn’t care. She pulled on her jeans, and she didn’t feel anger or disappointment in return, just a deep disappointment in herself. For years she’d held herself back from men, had prided herself on her control and her commitment to focusing on her future, and then the first attractive man had come along, boom, back into old habits.
Her hands shook as she buttoned her jeans. Tears blurred her vision. What an idiot.
He hadn’t even moved. She supposed that was best.
“Goodbye, Colby.”
Chapter 17
She had it all wrong.
The words had followed him to bed that night, a ghost that haunted his dreams and robbed him of sleep, although his insomnia might also have had something to do with his conversation with Bryan. Nightmares. He hadn’t had one in a long, long time, had thought them banished from his mind, but the visceral images had risen to the surface with only a mention of his past.
Doesn’t mean anything.
The bigger issue was what the hell to do now. In a half hour she’d arrive for work, and that meant acting as if nothing had happened. Worse, today was a day when he wouldn’t be able to avoid her. They were taking a group of guests out on horseback to a nearby lake. That would entail working side by side with her, and now, after what had happened last night, he didn’t know how the hell he’d focus on work.
He tossed his breakfast dishes into the sink, the things clattering a little too hard, so much so that he almost didn’t hear his cell phone chime. Crazy thing was, his heart punched his rib cage, and that was how much he wanted it to be Jayden. It wasn’t. It was Jax.
Mind a quick meeting?
He stared at the words in the comment bubble. It wasn’t uncommon for Jax to make such a request. His boss kept a close eye on things. What was uncommon was the time. Usually they met after the day was over, usually over a beer, more often than not in his boss’s backyard while they went over the business side of Hooves for Heroes.
Sure. Where?
I’m in your office.
Colby didn’t waste any time, the beat of his heart chasing him the whole way down the hall. In all his years working for the man, he’d never requested an early-morning meeting. Popping in to say hello, yes. Meeting? No.
“Good morning.” Jax stood with his back to the window that overlooked their back pasture, hands tucked into his jeans pockets, his black polo shirt with Hooves for Heroes silk-screened on the left breast matching Colby’s own shirt. It was still early, the mountains in the distance shielding the sun from the valley below and casting the land in browns and grays and dirty greens. “Thanks for coming in early.”
“I was already on my way.” He tried to smile, wasn’t very successful at it, ended up crossing his arms in front of him and perching on the corner of his desk. For some reason he felt about as tense as a mouse with a hawk flying overhead.
“Big day today. Taking some of the crew out to the lake.”
Jax nodded. “That ought to be fun. Looks like it’ll be a nice day for it. Probably a little easier for you two now that Derrick is back.”
“It is,” he said. “I can’t wait to get out there.”
“I heard you had a breakthrough with Bryan.”
So that was what this was about? Relief lowered Colby’s shoulders. It made it easier to look the man in his eyes, too. He debated whether to sit down behind his desk or not, but he always felt awkward when his boss stood while he sat.
“We did, but it was Jayden who instigated the whole thing.”
Jax nodded. “Bryan mentioned she turned him loose in the arena.”
“Yup. But once he started riding around he quit complaining, and then I think we could all tell he liked it. He’d never admit it, but his silence was admission enough.”
“Well, I’m glad you stuck with it,” Jax said.
“Me, too.”
His boss had a habit of lapsing into silence, and of taking his time to form his words, especially when he had something important to say. So when the room went quiet again, Colby knew he had it all wrong. This wasn’t about Bryan. This was about something else entirely.
“Look, Colby, it goes without saying that we love you. You’re a member of our family, so please don’t take what I’m about to say in the wrong way.”
His boss lapsed into silence again. When Jax took a deep breath, it reminded Colby of the doctors he used to deal with. They’d take a deep breath before delivering bad news.
“Derrick saw Jayden leaving your apartment last evening.”
Colby felt his muscles go rigid.
“I don’t want you to think I disapprove.” For the first time since Colby had met Jaxton Stone, he sounded uncertain of himself. “Well, on a professional level, I do. These days employers have to be so careful when it comes to interoffice affairs—”
His head snapped up. “It’s not an affair.”
Jax went back to studying him again. “It’s not?”
“It’s over.” He steadied himself by clutching the desk he leaned against. “We talked about it last night...after.” God help him, he’d never been more mortified in his life.
One of Jax’s brows lifted, but then it dropped and he said, “Look. You’re family to us, Colby. I hope you know that. And Naomi and I have really grown fond of Jayden. You guys are both good people. I just came down here to say if there’s something going on between you, if you’re secretly dating or something, that’s okay. We understand. These things happen. I just think we should dot our i’s and cross our t’s is all. Have a sit-down with the both of you. Maybe sign something. It’d be for your protection as well as Hooves for Heroes.”
Colby’s fingers had begun to ache. “We don’t need to do that.”
“No?” The brow lifted again.
“It won’t happen again.”
Jax scuffed the back of his hair with a hand, and for the first time he looked as uncomfortable as Colby felt. “Look, I’m going to go out on a limb and say something I probably shouldn’t, and I hope you don’t mind. The thing is, Naomi and I, we’ve both watched you over the past few years, and we’ve both noticed how you never go out or do anything fun, and we both think that, I don’t know, maybe dating Jayden might be good for you, not—” he held up his hands “—that we want you to chase after her or anything like that.” He ran his hands through his hair again. “Damn, I’m making a mess of this. Bottom line. You’ve got one life to live and you’re not living yours. It’s not good for you, Colby. Naomi and I both feel that way. Maybe, I don’t know, it might be good for you to sit down with one of our counselors, talk it out.”
What a perfect start to his day. His boss telling him he needed therapy.
“Point taken.”
Jax wore his relief like a prisoner just pardoned from jail. “Okay, great. Again, great work with Bryan. Keep up the good work. I’ll catch up with you later this week.”
But when his boss left the office, Colby clutched his head with both hands.
Damn it.
One thing was clear. This thing with Jayden had to end. He needed to stop thinking about her, too. Needed to banish her from his mind.
He just wished he knew how.
* * *
It had not been a good night. Jayden sat in front of the barn for a full five minutes trying to gain some form of composure. It didn’t help.
She’d spent the whole damn night alternating between complete embarrassment and utter despair. As a woman who prided herself on control, she’d blown it. Her first job post college what did she do?
The tears threatened to fall again.
She’d developed feelings for a man who clearly didn’t want to be loved...or to love her back.
Dumb, dumb, dumb.
So, okay. She was a big girl. She’d made a mistake, had developed feelings for someone she shouldn’t have, and his rejection of her was probably for the best. She’d worked too long and too hard to risk turning her life upside down on a chance she could repair a broken man.
Her insides twisted as she got out of the car, the early-morning air so chilly it made her cheeks feel almost wet. They would start later today than normal. They had half a dozen horses to saddle up for today’s trail ride to the lake. They’d be packing in other equipment, too. Fishing poles, food, water. At least they wouldn’t have to deal with Bryan. He’d opted out of today’s adventure, as had a few of their other guests. Initially, when she’d been told about the outing, she’d been thrilled. Now all she felt was dread. Colby didn’t help matters.
“You and Derrick get started on saddling the horses. We’ll use Beau to pack in supplies. I’ll get him ready. Leave the halters on the horses. We’ll need to tie them later.”
That was his greeting to her. Not that she’d expected more. What she hadn’t expected was the shock to her system his voice provided. The sexy male baritone that had driven her to the edge of reason last night. But it wasn’t just a physical reaction that nearly brought her to her knees. It was the emotional jolt to her system, the memory of what it was like to hold him and to rest her head against his chest and to have thought, for however brief a moment, that maybe things would work out between them. She’d been wrong. Dead wrong. And the realization that she’d never have that again was akin to the loss she’d felt when her mom had died. Different, yes, but so achingly similar.
“Why don’t Derrick and I start at opposite ends. We can work our way toward the middle.”
There. He wasn’t the only one who could pretend that everything was all right.
“That will work. I’ll grab the saddles and bridles and bring them to you two.”
He pulled his gaze away, and Jayden stood in the middle of the aisle, the cold from the ground seeping into her bones. She might have been a fool to let things get so out of hand. She might have jeopardized a job she loved and a heart that’d already been broken. But she was damn good at her job.
It didn’t take long to saddle six horses. She was glad for the work. It helped to soothe her nerves.
“Anything else I can help you with?” Derrick asked, his smile the first one she’d seen that day.
“We might need help getting everyone up on horseback,” Colby said.
The man’s gray eyes studied them both and she wondered if he sensed the tension in the air. “No problem.”
Voices reached them, and she knew their wounded warriors made their way toward the arena. Some, like Dylan, bore noticeable battle scars. Others, like their one female guest, carried everything inside. Marjorie reminded Jayden of a bird she’d found outside her parents’ home that had been terrified of her surroundings but in desperate need of help. Marjorie was one of their first responders, a cop who’d been wounded by some guy hopped up on drugs. The encounter had left more than physical scars behind.
“Are you guys ready?” Colby asked them.
“All right, people. We’re going to start mounting you up one at a time.” Colby’s words rang through the barn. “Who wants to go first?”
She heard the clip-clop of horse’s hooves a moment later as Derrick led Zippy out of a stall. She went and fetched Annie. That appeared to be the right thing to do, because Colby nodded ever so slightly. They all met up out front, and in less than two minutes someone else was in the saddle, Marjorie this time, the dark-haired woman barely smiling as she looked down at her.
They repeated the process until all nine riders were mounted. She’d picked Dover for her own mount. Beau, the horse they would use for packing in the supplies, was being led by Colby.
“I’ll hold down the fort,” Derrick said. “Get to work on that broken pipe out back.”
“Sounds good,” Colby said, his gaze meeting hers. “You take the back. I’ll take the front,” Colby ordered. He didn’t wait for a reply, just kicked his horse into a trot, Beau doing the same, then rode up ahead of everyone, waving his arm when he got there. “Everyone follow me.”
Dylan pulled up alongside her. “Can I ride with you?”
She nodded without thinking about it. Dover didn’t need any urging. She knew the drill, following into line behind the other horses.
“You seem a little down and out.” Dylan’s face was such a contrast from Colby’s stony-faced countenance that her heart hurt thinking about it. “You okay?”
Why couldn’t she have found the man attractive or returned his smile? Well, aside from the obvious problem of him being a guest, but after he was gone, how much easier would it have been to return the interest of a man who didn’t bear the weight of the world on his shoulders, or who refused to let go of his past.
“Just busy,” she replied. “We have a lot of guests to keep an eye on today.”
“No need to worry about me. I’ve taken to this riding thing like a duck to water.”
He had. And he genuinely seemed to enjoy it. And he was handsome and kind, and yet she looked at Dylan and felt...nothing.
“It’s the ducks that can’t swim that I worry about.” She waved, kicking Dover forward and calling out, “Marjorie, just pull back on the reins a little. She’ll slow down.”
Dylan seemed to take the hint, falling back into line with the others as they rode toward the lake, which Colby had told her sat on land belonging to their neighbor. The Reynolds family had granted Hooves for Heroes access, but it would take them a little over an hour to get there. It would go fast, though, Jayden could already tell.
“Wow,” she heard someone say when they crested a small rise, and she’d been so busy moving back and forth between guests she hadn’t even realized they’d arrived.
It was Dylan who’d spoken, and she would have to agree. A body of water came into view, one so big the sky was reflected in its surface, puffy clouds seeming to dot the water, Jayden thinking whimsically that it looked like they could jump from cloud to cloud. A home sat at the far end, but it seemed tiny from their vantage point, like a dollhouse in a make-believe world.
“This place is amazing,” Marjorie whispered.
“Just what the doctor ordered,” Dylan echoed.
They rode nose to tail down a narrow path that led to the lake’s edge and a large oak tree with a rope swing beneath it. Someone had lugged a few picnic tables to the area, although for the life of her she couldn’t figure out how. There were no roads, nothing but rolling hills and serene valleys and oak trees as far as the eye could see. Must have been a heck of a truck ride to transport the things to the middle of nowhere.
“We’ll tie the horses to a rope line.” Colby had pulled up in front of them all. “Hang on while I get everything sorted out.”
“You need help?” she asked as he dismounted.
He didn’t answer. She hopped off her horse. Sooner or later they’d have to get used to working together despite what had happened between them.
“I can do it,” he snapped.
His words had the same effect as the crack of a whip. She actually took a step back. She saw him stiffen, saw him clasp the sides of his saddle, saw his big shoulders rise and fall and knew that he tried to gain control. Her heart softened then because she knew how he struggled. So many demons from his past. She had them, too, but hers were nothing compared to his.
“Thanks anyway,” he said.
She stared at his rigid
back, watched as he went about the task of stringing a rope between two trees; all the while her heart pounded in her chest. She didn’t want to see him upset, but there was nothing she could do, and the feeling of helplessness made her eyes burn.
They’d played with fire...and they’d both ended up burned.
Chapter 18
He’d never felt more trapped in his life.
The bark of the tree he leaned against bit into his back, but Colby hardly noticed. He watched from a distance as their wounded veterans fished or swam or, in Marjorie’s case, read. Jayden sat on a picnic table talking to Dylan. The man hadn’t left her side. And see, that was the thing. It shouldn’t have made him feel eaten up by jealousy, but it did.
She must have felt his stare, because she glanced over at him, her dark hair flicking over a shoulder, and he tensed because she said something to Dylan and he knew what she was about to do.
No, don’t. Stay there. Stay away.
She waved, slid off the tabletop she’d been sitting on and headed in his direction.
Damn.
“Hey,” she said softly.
This wasn’t how he’d predicted she’d behave. He’d thought after last night she’d be mad at him. He’d assumed she’d keep her distance. He should have known better. Nothing was ever easy where Jayden was concerned. He remembered having that very thought the day he’d first met her. Little did he know where things would end up.
“We’ll be leaving in a half hour.” He tried to keep his voice even, tried not to let her hear just how much her presence affected him. “You might want to tell everyone so they can start getting ready.”
Her face was dappled by sunlight, her eyes as blue as the surface of the lake behind her, and he committed the image to memory, because she just seemed to grow more beautiful with each passing day. Her cheeks were flushed and matched the rose color of her lips. If he closed his eyes he could perfectly recall how those lips had felt against his own, and how she’d tasted like cherry, so sweet. The memory had haunted him all night.
Home on the Ranch: Her Cowboy Hero Page 15
