by Pepper Paris
* * *
Roxie,
I know you have a lot of questions, and it’s only fair that you know the truth now. Your Aunt Saundra left to go see the world, and being her younger sister, I followed her. My parents would never have let me go in those days. I didn’t catch up to her for a while, and she wanted to send me home, but I found out I was pregnant. Our parents wouldn’t have let me come home unless I gave you up. When the guy found out, he left me. Aunt Saundra was only a few years older than me, but she helped me find a job and we all made it until you were born.
She couldn’t handle being around a colicky baby, and you screamed all the time. I thought about leaving you somewhere to hopefully give you a home, but every time I did and started to walk away, you’d give this pitiful little whine and I’d go back.
I kept waiting for the moment when I’d feel like a mom, but I never did. Most of the guys I dated were okay with you, but they weren’t going to be your dad.
Your aunt had found a guy and she lived with him for a few years, but he left, and that’s when we moved in to start taking care of her.
I’d been willing to use my body to keep a roof over our heads, but the guys I was dating were starting to ask for you. I didn’t want to do it, and I knew my anger and resentment would one day turn into me saying yes out of spite. Your aunt provided a safe space, and I tried not to hate you as you grew up. You represented all the things I wanted in my life.
Before I moved us, I did a little digging and found that your father had a family. I was jaded, even back then, and just assumed that he wouldn’t want to have you messing up his perfect world.
Your grandparents were told about you when I first had you, but because I wasn’t married, they wanted nothing to do with us. They may not feel that way now. You’ll never know until you try to find out.
We always told you we were the only siblings, but actually, we had two other brothers and a younger sister.
I’m sorry that I could never be a good mother. I didn’t want you to end up pregnant with no choices, which is why I always pushed you about the boys. I was jealous of the way you seemed to adapt and make the best out of whatever life handed you.
Since you’re reading this, I’m gone. I genuinely hope that you can make a good life and find the happiness that was just out of my reach.
Your Mother
* * *
Sarah sniffled, and Wade looked sad, but it wasn’t much of a surprise.
Mom had gotten fairly close to Wade over the past few weeks, and while I don’t think she told him about all of her past, he’d picked up pieces.
With a steady voice, I read off the names on the second sheet of paper. “Elizabeth and Randolph Haworth, Denver, Colorado. Phillip Berry and wife Ella, Denver, Colorado. They have three children: Sterling, Kerrie, and Adam.”
The papers dropped from my hands. “I have a family. I just hope they want me.”
No one could try to tell me that deep down my mother loved, because she’d written it down as her last thoughts.
“Let’s go pack.” I stood and collected the papers that held the key to finding out who I was.
“Mr. Jeffers, I know this is highly unusual for me, but I need to ask a favor.” I dialed up my boss on a Sunday, but I wanted to let him know sooner rather than later.
“Roxie, of course. There’s been a lot happening with your family, so just ask and we’ll make it work.”
“Mom passed away yesterday, and she left information about her family for me to check out. I was hoping that I could take the week off and return the next Monday?” Before he could say no, I hurried to add, “I’m caught up on the Sanders accounts, and finished the Baker account Friday.”
“Well, I was going to tell you to take a week anyway, but that makes it even easier. Go take care of your mom’s funeral and relax. These past few months have been hard on you, and you deserve a chance to have some fun,” Mr. Jeffers ordered. “Sue can handle any questions that come up. We’ll see you in a week. I’m sorry for your loss, Roxie.”
“Thank you, sir. Bye.” I hung up, almost dancing with joy.
“He’s letting me take the whole week off.”
“Honey, that’s awesome. We can drive up to Denver, and while you meet your family, I’ll check in with the law school about taking classes in the fall.”
“Aren’t you going to go with me to see my family? I don’t want to go alone.” The idea stopped me in my tracks.
“It’s about you. They don’t want to meet me or get to know me. Plus, you’ll make a better impression if I’m not with you.” He motioned to his long hair and the few tattoos that were visible under his T-shirt.
“Don’t be silly. If they can’t accept you the way you are, then they don’t need me in their lives,” I declared firmly.
“Well, I won’t have hurt feelings if you change your mind. What are you going to do, Sarah?”
She’d been sitting on the couch, not really paying much attention to what we were saying.
“Um, really, I don’t have any plans right now. I can stay here and clean out the house for you. Sophia already mentioned that she’d help me.” She grinned. “She wants us to host a garage sale. I’ve never done one of those, so I think it’ll be fun.”
“Sarah, I can’t pay you for doing all that.” I couldn’t ask her to do all that work after all of her help over the summer.
“Hey, you’ve let me stay here rent free for over a month now. If I can stay until the week before school starts back, then I don’t mind at all. Mom’s got an exotic cruise planned for the family that I have to go on if I want to have school paid for this next year.” Sarah flipped her hair behind her shoulder, batting her eyes. “Besides, I haven’t slept with all the single guys in your town yet. I can’t go back to school until I’ve done all of them that aren’t completely old and horrid looking.”
I shook my head at her. “It’s your life. Thank you so much, though.”
Launching a pillow at her head, I laughed at her expression.
“It feels so weird to be laughing when we haven’t even buried my mom yet.” I sank into the couch next to her.
“No, don’t do that. You deserve some happy in your life, even if it was because you threw a pillow at me.” Sarah threw an arm around me.
“You need to get packed and on the road. While you do that, I’ll stalk your family online so you know what they look like.”
Everything kind of sank in. “Do you think I need to call them first?”
“Not a good idea.” Wade plopped his travel case next to the front door. “It’ll give them a chance to come up with excuses. Surprising them is much better.”
The two of them must have conspired behind my back because we had pictures and suitcases before I could gather my thoughts about what I was doing.
“Send me lots of pictures and an email after you meet them with all the details.” Sarah waved as we pulled out of the driveway in my car.
Wade was much better at driving a motorcycle than he was a car, which was why I traded him spots after only a few hours.
He wanted to stop and have lunch somewhere, but I was ready to be there already and made him eat in the car.
This was the reason that I was standing at the front door to my dad’s house with my finger hovering over the doorbell. I was trying to decide if I should push the button or knock when the door was opened.
Standing in front of me was Phillip Berry.
“Hi, may I help you?” he asked, appearing puzzled.
“Um, I hope so. I’m Roxie Berry. My mother was Vicky Berry, and I think you may be my biological father.”
It was the speech I’d rehearsed on the drive over. I figured it was better to just rip the bandage off rather than trying to make a big speech.
“Oh, wow.” He ran a hand across his face as he processed what I’d said. “I knew that Vicky was going to have the baby—I mean you, but she never let me know when you were born. I went back to check on her after a few mont
hs, and they didn’t know where she’d gone.”
“I guess it’s a shock for me to show up here, but I just found out your name.” I shuffled from my left foot to my right as I searched his lined face for some sign he wanted me.
“Where are my manners? Why don’t you come in and we can talk for a while?” He stepped back to let me in.
I waved at Wade to let him know I was good.
“Uh, if he’s with you, he’s more than welcome to come in and join us,” he offered, peering out at my car.
“Okay, thanks.” I stepped back and motioned for him to come.
“Phillip, this is my boyfriend, Wade Hicks.” I wasn’t comfortable calling him ‘Dad,’ and he probably didn’t want me to do that yet either.
“Hi, Wade. Nice to meet you.” He held out his hand. “Come on inside where it’s not so hot.”
A blonde woman entered the room. “Who was at the door, honey?” she asked, distracted. “Oh, um, hello.” She shot him a worried glance.
“Roxie, this is my wife, Ella. Honey, this is Roxie, my daughter, and her boyfriend, Wade.”
Ella put her hand to her heart and walked over to take a seat on the single chair in the room.
“Have a seat,” Phillip offered, then turned to explain to his shocked wife, “We were just about to discuss Roxie’s mom and what she’s been doing all these years.”
I gave them both a small smile. “Well, like I was telling Phillip, I just found out he existed today. I should have waited to come by your house, but I’ve waited for years and couldn’t stand the thought of waiting one more minute. My mom, Vicky, always told me that he didn’t want me, but she left a letter with your name and address to be given to me when she passed away.”
“Oh no, sweetie, your mom died?” Ella’s sympathy seemed genuine.
“Yes. She passed away from cancer yesterday. I found out there was a letter with information about my family, and the lawyer kindly met with me this morning. I drove straight here. It also had the address of my grandparents who I’ve never met either.” I looked to Wade for a little help.
“How old are you now, twenty-three? Twenty-four?” Phillip guessed.
“I just turned twenty-one a few weeks ago. We didn’t really celebrate because she was sick, and Aunt Saundra passed away a few weeks before that.” Wade found my hand and I grabbed on for dear life.
“That’s horrible. No wonder you wanted to find your biological father. Do you have any other family?” Ella asked kindly.
“Just me and the guys. There’s four of us, and Rox. We’ve kind of made our own family to survive the world together.”
“This is such a surprise. I guess I knew that someday Vicky’s kid, or rather, our kid, might come looking for me, but when I couldn’t find you, I put it out of my mind. I’m really sorry. I should have looked harder.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” I assured him. “Mom kept a lot of things secret. The best thing we did was move in next to the guys with Aunt Saundra.”
“Well, you have,”—Ella looked at my dad—“three half-siblings. Unless he has more children he fathered but never bothered to tell me about.”
“Oh, no. I didn’t mean for this to cause the two of you trouble. I mean, you had no idea I existed, and I don’t want to make you think I’m looking for a handout or anything. I have a job and am going to college for an accounting degree.”
A rush of regret hit me. I’d only considered this from my perspective of finding more family. What if his wife was really mad and left him?
I rose and started to leave. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t think this through because I was so excited. We’ll go, and if you want to get in touch, then you can call or email me.” I pulled out one of the business cards the accounting firm had made up for me. I almost never used them, but it had all of my information.
“No, don’t go,” Ella protested. “I mean, this is a surprise, but I knew Phillip had a past when I married him. He might have even mentioned that you existed, but it was an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ kind of thing. Not that he didn’t want you.”
“Yeah, I never didn’t want you. I just wasn’t ready to be a dad right then. Vicky just disappeared, and I probably didn’t look as hard because I was still a kid myself. I could push it to the side because told myself ‘I tried.’” His six-foot frame seemed to slump with guilt.
“Stay, please. The kids will be surprised, but they’re pretty good about adjusting quickly,” Ella urged.
I turned back to Wade, who was still sitting there on the couch.
“Hey, this is what you drove all this way for, so I say go for it. It’s your decision.” He shrugged, letting me know he’d support me in whatever decision I made.
“Have you eaten yet?” Ella asked, looking hopeful.
“Lunch, but that was hours ago.”
“Perfect. You can stay for dinner and get to know your siblings while we get to know a little more about you.” Phillip brightened. “Please, call me Dad.”
He stood up and held out his arms. I hesitated for only a second before getting my first hug from a dad—my dad.
I didn’t realize I was crying until he started patting me on the back.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” I leaned back, swiping at my eyes to try and dry the tears.
He held out a tissue. “It’s not the first time I’ve had a girl cry on me, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.”
“Thanks. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a dad around for hugs.” I smiled up at him.
Ella was wiping tears away as well. “I’m going to get the kids from the back yard to help set the table.”
“Brace yourselves, because the invasion is about to hit,” he warned.
The sound of footsteps came hurrying in before they stopped abruptly at the sight of me.
“Who are you?” The little boy of about eight squinted at me, trying to figure out where I belonged in his world. The other two, a girl of about ten, and a young man who was in his early teens, stood to the side, waiting to hear what I would say.
I looked at Phillip to make sure he was okay with it before I introduced myself.
“I’m your older sister. Your dad had me before he ever met your mom, but my mom moved us away and he didn’t know where we were.”
“Well, that was dumb. Why didn’t he just call the police?”
“Adam, be nice,” Phillip admonished. “These other two are Sterling and Kerrie.”
“Adam, he tried, but when someone wants to hide, even the police may not be able to find them.” I gave Phillip a smile. “I’m just glad I got to find him before I grew too old.”
“Uh, but you’re already old.” Adam shifted his attention away from me and toward Wade. “Why’s he got long hair like a girl?”
“You know what, these are really good questions.” I tried to stall so I didn’t step on any toes. “He’s the guy who manages bands. Who’s your favorite music group?”
“Duh, everybody knows who the coolest rock stars are.” Ignoring my question, he eyed Wade suspiciously. “Can you play the drums?”
“Nope, but I can play the guitar.”
“Okay. I guess if you’re a rock star, it’s okay to have long hair. My teacher at school says it’s not cool, but I don’t like her anyway.” Adam shrugged. “Are they staying for dinner?”
“Yeah. Do you have problem with that?”
Adam shook his head no.
“All right, go get cleaned up.” Phillip pointed to the hall.
“Yes, sir,” they replied in unison.
“They’re really sweet.” I didn’t know what else to say. I’d never had siblings before. This was going to take some adjustment, but I couldn’t wait to find out more about them.
Chapter Seven
Wade
While I’d joined Roxie on this journey, I had no idea how many memories of my own family it would bring back.
My childhood had plenty of bright spots in it.
I could remember hours spent at the family lake house during the summers and skiing trips in the fall.
I’d always been the kid who pushed the boundaries. My sister had gone the way of the perfect child, who never stepped a toe out of line. If I could convince her to do something crazy, I always took the blame for it because they never would believe that I hadn’t forced her to do it anyway.
Sometime in middle school, my parents had started fighting. They used the things I got in trouble for as the excuse, but I knew it was more than that. Toilet papering the old witch house wasn’t a crime, but you’d have thought I committed murder with the way they went on about it.
What I should have done was not get caught, but stuff happens, right?
If I thought they would stop fighting if I quit having fun, then I’d have done it. They were tired of each other, and just didn’t want to lose the images they’d built in the community.
Then I met Roxie, and she brought the stabilizing influence that we guys needed to survive. She was the mother of our group. Our own little Wendy making sure to kiss our wounds and laugh when we said the stupidest crap.
When I started sneaking cigarettes, nobody cared, except for Roxie. I made sure that I didn’t do it when I was around her. All the other girls thought it made me handsome and one of the bad boys so I’d continued to do it. I craved the attention, yet I didn’t do anything that would get back to her.
A couple of guys and I had met out in the back of one the stores, taking a few hits and throwing the matches into the trash. That’s what we were supposed to do, right? Only it caught fire, and being the dummy I was, I tried to put it out, and spent an entire year in juvie for it.
My parents had already been threatening to take me out of the will, but that was the excuse they needed to disown me. After the courtroom proceedings were over, my mom just looked at me with those tears, turned, and walked away. Those tears weren’t for me, they were for her and the shame I’d brought to her reputation. A son in juvie could get her banned from her clubs. My dad never even bothered to show up, and they certainly didn’t pay for my lawyer. If they had, I wouldn’t have done any time because I was putting out the fire.
