Wild West Christmas: A Family for the RancherDance with a CowboyChristmas in Smoke River

by Jenna Kernan

  “My happiness doesn’t depend on Garrett. It’s just...he’s been around so much lately and now he’s not here. I miss him.”

  “The snow might have something to do with that.” Sue pinched the edges of the dough, shaping it into a pretty pattern before pouring in the berry filling.

  With the clear skies, by afternoon Kathleen had glanced out the front window half a dozen times hoping to see Garrett. Every time a man’s heavy footstep landed on the boardwalk in front of the door or a shadow passed by she looked out. Finally, her constant vigil was rewarded. He caught her closing up the shop and stepped inside with her.

  “I didn’t think I’d see you,” she said. “It’s so late.”

  “Things kept coming up at the ranch, but I’m here now. Sue gone already?” he asked, scanning the dim interior of the bakery.

  At her nod, he moved toward her. She thought he would kiss her, but instead he took her cloak from its peg and settled it over her shoulders, drawing it close at her throat. His gaze never left hers, however, and she felt kissed.

  They stepped outside. She jiggled the door slightly while turning the key in the lock.

  “Got that figured out now,” he said, smiling slightly.

  Lanterns blinked on in the hotel down the road as they crossed. When they rounded the corner and the shadows grew longer and darker, he moved closer. She slipped her hand through the crook of his arm. His nearness sent a thrum of excitement through her. Everything seemed so right. “Will you stay for supper?”

  “Are you inviting me?” he whispered low, his breath warm against her ear. All teasing was gone from his voice and the question hung in the cold air between them.

  She remembered another time when he’d been asked to stay for supper by Molly...and his response. The thought quickened her pulse as he followed her onto the front porch. “Yes. I’d like you to stay.”

  He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her, his face hovering over hers. “Kathleen, there’s something I need to tell you.” His gaze fell to her mouth and then he looked back at her face. “Later.” He touched his lips lightly to hers. She didn’t resist—couldn’t resist if she’d wanted to. She’d thought of nothing but this since the dance. Her entire body tingled with anticipation as she pressed her mouth gently to his and returned the kiss.

  Slowly he took her lower lip gently, sucking, encouraging her to open her mouth, let him inside. And she did. Fire raced through her like liquid gold—and in its wake—desire. He moved, his mouth sliding from her lips down her throat to the base of her neck, near the bit of lace at her collar. Then, pulling away slightly, he looked down into her eyes. With his hands on her shoulders, he set her away from him, a determined look on his face.

  “Seems like you and me have been dancing close without touching ever since your family moved to the area. Something always came between us. First your age—you must have been all of nine the first time I laid eyes on you, though I didn’t notice you much until you were about fourteen. Then you living in town with me always out at the ranch. Then Josh.”

  “Josh? What are you saying, Garrett?”

  “That I’ve given this a lot of thought—years of thought—and I can’t let you slip away for a second time.” His voice was raw with emotion. “I’m in love with you, Kathleen. I’ve loved you ever since that kiss in Satterly’s barn. I want to marry you.”

  Chapter Ten

  Slowly, as if pulling away from a fog, her eyes focused on him. “Marry? Garrett...I...”

  Had he spoken too soon? She wasn’t ready...might never be ready now. He backed away from her, lowered his hands.

  She looked confused. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen.

  Her brow wrinkled. “What do you mean? You’ve loved me since that kiss?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Like I said—you were too young at first, and later...you were with Josh.”

  She blinked, then clutched at her scarf. “Josh knew how you felt?”

  He nodded. “He knew, all right.”

  She moved down to the path. Looked up into the inky night. “All that time? He never said a word to me.”

  “There was nothing to say. You loved him. You married him.”

  “Is that why you didn’t come to the wedding?”

  “Yes.” Tears glistened in her blue eyes. He’d do anything not to have put them there. This wasn’t at all how he’d imagined his proposal going.

  “I don’t see how I can marry you, Garrett.”

  The words cut into him. “Why not?”

  “Don’t you see? I couldn’t make Josh happy. He never said so, but I could tell he didn’t like marriage. He felt trapped, frustrated. He wanted so much more. And I had tied him down. He took that job in the mine to make a better life for me and for Lily. He wouldn’t have done that if it wasn’t for us. It’s my fault he was there the day of the explosion.”

  How could she blame herself? He wanted to shake her...or hold her. “It was never your fault! Josh didn’t like doing anything for very long. He was always moving on to the next new thing.”

  He knew what he had to do—tell her the truth. Walking away now wasn’t an option. Thing was, he knew with each word he uttered, it would ruin any chance he had with her.

  “Do you remember the night before Josh died? I came up to the house? Just before he rode off, I heard Josh hollerin’...at you.”

  She looked startled. Then she covered her face with her hand. “I didn’t think anyone knew.”

  It hurt him to open old wounds, but he had to see it through. “I’d heard him a time or two before,” he admitted. “That night my folks were out visiting friends, and since I had moved to the bunkhouse, Josh felt free to be loud. You were sitting all alone in the parlor—sewing or mending—and crying. I could tell by the wet splotches on the shirt in your lap—and by your face.

  “Something inside snapped. Nothing you could have done was so bad that you deserved that. He left you alone a lot. It wasn’t right. I rode into town looking for him. I aimed to bring him back to the ranch house, make him apologize.”

  He swallowed. It was hard to continue. He hated this. Hated admitting he’d been wrong...done wrong.

  “I found him getting liquored up in the saloon. We argued. I said some things I’m not proud of. He told me to stay out of his business. It turned to fists. I...broke his nose before Russell and Paul separated us.”

  “You broke his nose!”

  “He grabbed his hat and left with...a friend.” He wouldn’t tell her the other part—that Josh had slept till morning in the willing arms of Sadie Darnell. “That’s the last I saw of him alive, but I heard that he drank more—drank into the morning. And then he went to his job at the mine.”

  “A job that entailed handling dynamite,” she said quietly.

  Garrett took a deep breath. “So you see, it’s my fault he died. Not yours. It’s on my head.” There. He’d said it. She knew.

  “He’d been late before...but he’d never stayed away all night. Until then.”

  “I only made it worse...interfering like that.”

  “But family looks out for family, don’t they?”

  The way she said it, it wasn’t a good thing. She sounded lost. Hurt. And was striking out like a wounded animal. He swallowed. Nodded.

  She took a step back, her expression closing, shutting him out. “Please—you better go. I need time to sort through this.”

  He couldn’t leave—not like this. Not without a grain of hope. “I want you and Lily in my life.” He clenched his teeth to keep from saying more. Anything more would be like heaping coals on his words. He slipped on his hat. “Good night, Kathleen.” He looked once more at the one woman he had always loved and then stepped off the porch and walked
away.

  * * *

  His tall figure disappeared into the night. He’d been around so much, done so much for her, for Lily, for Molly—all because he felt guilty! He felt guilty about his brother’s death and needed atonement...or redemption. But to marry her! What was he thinking?

  It hurt worse because he’d made her believe—as much as she’d tried to deny it—that maybe it wasn’t her fault Josh had been unhappy, that maybe it was something inside him—not her. Garrett had made her hope—and made her feel beautiful. She’d wanted to say yes, right then and there, despite what had happened with Josh. She’d wanted to try again. Wanted to know what love from a man, given freely, would be like. With Garrett she’d thought she knew. He’d made her feel special.

  She entered Molly’s house.

  “Mama?” Lily called from her room. “Come tell me a story.”

  Her pasted-on smile wobbled precariously. “In a minute, sweetie.” In the kitchen she filled the enamel basin with water from the pitcher and splashed it on her face. If she were lucky the coldness would numb her feelings as well as her skin.

  It was no use at all. Hot tears squeezed through her closed lids. She pressed a towel to her face, and then heard Molly in the hall.

  “Is that cowboy stayin’ this time?” Molly asked, coming into the kitchen. She stopped short when she got a look at Kathleen’s face. “Oh, my. What happened?”

  She swiped once more with the towel before draping it over the back of the chair. She couldn’t answer, just shook her head, her thoughts and emotions a chaotic jumble inside.

  Molly pulled out the chair. “Sit on down and I’ll get supper going. You can peel.” And with that she handed Kathleen a paring knife and set a ceramic bowl filled with potatoes in front of her.

  The mundane task calmed her some. Lily came back in and set the table, her gaze frequently shifting to her mother.

  “Can we decorate the tree tonight?”

  Molly glanced at Kathleen. “I don’t think so. It’s late. We’ll have an earlier supper tomorrow and get it done. There are still a few days before Christmas.”

  “Can we at least make the popcorn?”

  Kathleen put down the knife and gathered Lily close. She kissed her on the forehead. “Of course we can. And string it, too. That way it will be all ready for the tree.”

  “Maybe Uncle Garrett can come tomorrow.”

  “I think he’s busy,” she hedged.

  “But you’ll ask him?”

  Kathleen didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to lie to Lily.

  Molly bustled over and took the bowl of potatoes. “I’ll just set these to boiling. Lily, why don’t you go play for a while. I’ll call you when the food is ready.”

  With Lily out of the room, Molly turned to Kathleen. “Now, I don’t know what happened, and it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but it seems strange to me and probably even stranger to Lily that you are so close to tears. You’re probably scaring her.”

  “I know. It’s just...” She let out a sigh.

  Molly crossed her arms over her ample chest. “You got a good half hour before we’re ready to eat.”

  “Garrett said something...about the night before Josh died.”

  “Umm. I was busy tending to Beaudry then, but I recollect some of the things happening in town.”

  “Josh was upset. I don’t remember what it was about, but he shouted at me and Garrett overheard. After Josh left, Garrett stopped in to make sure I was all right.”

  Molly raised a brow. Waited.

  “Josh didn’t strike me, if that’s what you are thinking. He wasn’t like that.”

  “A body can strike with things other than their fist. Words hurt, too. It was good of Garrett to check on you.”

  Kathleen nodded slightly. “After that, Garrett followed Josh into town. He found him in the saloon, drinking. They...got into a fight. A bad one, because Josh didn’t come home. It was his last night and he didn’t come home.” Her voice trembled. “I thought it was me—my fault, all these years, but it was...”

  Molly sat down in the chair opposite her. “Did he tell you what the fight was about?”

  “He didn’t like the way Josh had been treating me.”

  “Garrett holds things in...sometimes for a long time before he acts. Something must have been building inside him for quite a while to let it out in a public place like the saloon.”

  “Josh probably had a gigantic headache that next morning. Even though he knew how to handle dynamite, he shouldn’t have been anywhere near it.”

  Molly sat back in her chair. “Garrett sure has been feeling a lot of guilt all these years. I had no idea.”

  Kathleen stood suddenly, unable to be still, unable to make her thoughts even the slightest bit coherent. “Don’t you see? He’s been doing all this—the outhouse, the wood, all the visits to make sure we were okay, even the tree—out of guilt!”

  “Now you’re supposing a lot.”

  “It’s true! Otherwise, why would he take it further? Why would he ask me to marry him?”

  Molly raised her brows. “Well, now. It could be that he loves you.”

  “But how can I believe it?” She squeezed shut her eyes. “I want to. I...I love him...but if that fight hadn’t happened, Josh might still be alive. How can I marry the man who sent Josh to his grave? How can I?”

  “Now, you know that’s not so. It’s no more Garrett’s fault than it is yours.”

  “Somewhere inside I understand that, I just don’t see how we can ever be together. There’s too much between us for it to ever be right.”

  Molly stood, walked over to her and pulled Kathleen into her arms. “You sure have had your share of heartbreak in your young life. Can’t you just take some happiness? If he loves you and you love him...”

  She took a deep breath and swiped the tears from her eyes. As much as she wanted to give in and tell Garrett yes, she had Lily to think about. None of this would be good for her daughter. Lily might come to hate her should she learn her mother married the man who beat up her father—and ultimately had a hand in his death. “I...can’t.”

  * * *

  “You sure about this?” Paul asked, his voice hesitant.

  Garrett stuffed the last wrapped parcel of smoked beef into the large sack, cinched it and threw it over his shoulder. “I’m not staying here. Might as well be useful.”

  Paul followed him. “I really appreciate it, Garrett. Just wasn’t up to the traveling this year.”

  “Works for me, too.” Taking the smoked beef down to the orphanage was an annual pilgrimage for Paul. Garrett had joined him once, a few years back. He remembered the route.

  “You’re coming back?”

  Garrett hesitated. Pressed his lips together. Nodded.

  “Good.” Paul helped hoist the pack over the mule’s back and center it. “She’ll come around.”

  Garrett didn’t hold out any hope. “It’d take a miracle.”

  Together they secured the sack on the mule. Garrett mounted Blue.

  “See you at church services Christmas Eve.” Paul shook his hand and then handed the mule’s lead to him. “Keep your rifle close.”

  Garrett reined Blue toward the main road.

  The journey would take four days—two down at a slow pace, one there and one back up. He welcomed the chance to be by himself. The only thing he’d have to watch out for would be mountain lions tempted by the scent of the meat. Paul had wrapped it well enough, but he’d still have to take care.

  However, mountain lions were the least of his worries right now. Before heading out of town, he’d have to pass the bakery.

  So many things about the other night troubled him, but deep in his soul, he knew he’d done the right thing. It wouldn’t have been r
ight to lead Kathleen into a union without knowing his part in Josh’s death. He loved her too much to take advantage of her like that. She thought he felt guilty—and she was right up to a point. But Josh had made his own choices—to drink too much, to dally with Sadie, to go to work the next morning still half-drunk and angry. He’d been angry at himself more than anything. Garrett understood that now.

  It would take all his willpower not to stop, not to look in the window. He kept his gaze straight ahead, kept his mount at a steady pace and headed out of town.

  Chapter Eleven

  Christmas Eve service was a gathering of most of the townsfolk and many outlying families. The wooden building was decorated with fragrant pine boughs, mistletoe and red bows. Kathleen watched Lily’s face light up in wonder as she passed into the large room lined with pews, and was handed her own small candle. For a moment Kathleen felt a wave of guilt that she hadn’t brought her daughter here sooner, but she hadn’t been ready when she first moved to town. She’d needed time.

  She preferred to take a seat in the rear of the room, however, Molly, on seeing a friend and empty seats halfway to the front, took Lily’s hand and led her that way. Once they were settled and the opening hymn sung, Kathleen dared a look at those seated around her.

  No Garrett.

  It seemed the ranch had swallowed him up. She set her jaw. Well...good. At first she had been so upset and confused that she didn’t know what she would have done if he’d stopped by the bakery. Probably given him the cold shoulder. Probably refused to wait on him. But then he didn’t come in, didn’t even come to town as far as she knew. It had weighed on her. And she went from being angry to worrying. Maybe they should talk, now that the shock of what he’d said had worn off. Although it wouldn’t change her mind. She’d finally asked Lucy, who knew just about everything about anything happening in town, and learned he’d left the area. He was doing just what she’d asked—giving her time.

  She settled back into the pew, feeling a strange sense of loss that he wasn’t here.

  She turned her attention to the service.

  Lily sang the carols in her sweet, high voice. Her eyes became as round as saucers when two boys walked down the aisle with candles and everyone took their turn lighting their own. It was then Kathleen noticed Brent and Barbara Sheridan across the aisle a few pews back. Barbara nodded to her—and smiled. A surprise.