The Effing List

by Cherise Sinclair

  Beth frowned. “Why do you seem worried?”

  Jessica raised her eyebrows, her green eyes bright with interest.

  “Because I plan to tell the kids I’m dating.” Merely the thought made Valerie tense, and she took a sip of her drink.

  “Dating? Is that what it’s called?” Jessica sputtered a laugh. “You’re not going to say you’re living with a kinky sadist called the Colonel—and having hot sex every time you turn around?”

  Valerie choked on her iced tea.

  “Jessica, you went through something like this with Z’s boys. I bet he didn’t tell them what he was doing with you,” Beth chided as Valerie tried to clear her airway.

  “He better not ever mention the stuff we do,” Jessica muttered.

  Beth grinned at her, then asked Valerie, “How long have you been divorced?”

  “Since January. The proceedings were quick since the kids are grown.” Valerie swallowed down the bitter memory. “And Barry had spent our savings on his slaves. I didn’t want to argue over anything else; I just wanted out.”

  “And you’ve been dating”—Beth shot a grin at Jessica—“Ghost since near the beginning of March, right?”

  “About then, yes.”

  “So it’s not like you jumped into living with him after a week or two. But they won’t know that. Did they take sides in the divorce?”

  Valerie stretched her legs out. “I think they’re trying not to, but Barry…” She blew out a breath. “I never realized how cleverly he makes himself seem like the good guy. Back when the kids were young and we’d make rules for them, he’d act as if the rules were my idea and would give in if they begged. It always seemed like I was the hardass. I bought all their presents—because he didn’t want to—but he always acted like he’d chosen them.”

  “Owww.” Setting her tea down with a thump, Jessica suffered through a contraction. Finished, she glared. “You should bring your ex here. I’d love to smack someone around right about now.”

  Valerie laughed. “Don’t tempt me.”

  Beth grinned. “I think I understand. Your children are trying to be reasonable about the divorce, but your ex is playing to their sympathies. I bet you haven’t told them about his slaves.”

  “Whyever not?” Jessica snapped. “Sorry. But wouldn’t hearing about the other women make them see the light?”

  It appeared everyone knew about Barry’s slaves. Valerie almost laughed. Linda had warned her that what one Shadowkitten knew, the rest soon learned. “Barry asked me not to tell them, and honestly, I didn’t think the slaves would live with him very much longer. It’s not like there’s any love between them. It’s more of a support-us-and-we’ll-give-you-sex deal.”

  “All the more reason to tell the children,” Jessica said.

  “I get why you don’t. Bringing up the topic would be embarrassing—and humiliating.” Beth’s eyes were full of sympathy. “But…just saying…if your ex is twisting the children’s emotions so cleverly, he’s probably really good at manipulating you, too. Making you feel as if his needing other women is all your fault.”

  Beth totally got it. Valerie’s throat clogged for a moment, so she nodded.

  “I didn’t even think of him messing you up, too. Your ex really is a bastard.” Jessica grimaced and held her stomach. The contractions were finally getting more frequent. “Is that why you held off on moving in with Ghost?”

  Valerie laughed. “Everyone talks about how snoopy Master Z is. I think you might be worse.”

  Beth grinned. “She has you nailed, Jessica.”

  “But you’re here to keep me diverted,” Jessica whined. “Talking about relationships is the best distraction.”

  “She has a point,” Beth said. “And I kinda want to know, too.”

  The two of them were something. Valerie shook her head.

  But she didn’t really mind sharing. In the Shadowlands, they’d seen her at her most vulnerable. “After I was away from Barry, I could see all the ways he’d made me insecure. Everything I was proud of—like writing a book or getting my doctorate—was accomplished in spite of the obstacles he’d put up. With Ghost…I didn’t want to end up with that happening again.”

  “Makes sense.” Jessica tapped her fingers on her chin as she thought. “But I can’t see the Colonel being anything like your ex.”

  “No, I don’t think he is.” Although, admittedly, every now and then, she worried.

  Bending slightly, Jessica whined and went through another contraction. This one was a bit longer. Sweat beaded on her upper lip.

  “Looks like you’re going to have your baby today.” Valerie reached out to hold her hand. “Soon, you’ll have a lap for Sophia to sit in again.”

  Jessica’s eyes filled with tears. “I’ve missed having her in my lap.” Across the room, her cell phone dinged with a message. She tried to stand but didn’t make it out of the chair.

  Laughing, Beth rose and handed it to her.

  Jessica glanced at the display. “Speaking of children…”

  Seeing Valerie’s confusion, Beth said, “Z’s boys are grown, and they’re worried and texting every hour or so to check on Jessica.”

  Jessica rolled her eyes. “They went from hating me for daring to be with their father to liking me, and now they’re as overprotective of me as Z is.”

  “See?” Beth said. “The same thing will eventually happen with your children, Valerie. I can’t imagine them not liking Ghost.”

  Valerie nodded. She could hope, right?

  It must be around midnight, Zachary thought, as he wiped Jessica’s face with a cool cloth. Despite the air conditioning, he felt as if he was in a sauna. As if he’d been in a firefight for hours.

  Except…in this battle, his Jessica had been doing all the work. Labor didn’t come close to describing the trauma of birthing a baby.

  At the foot of the bed, Fay, the midwife, was humming along with the soft music of Clannad.

  Although their friends were outside, he couldn’t hear them—he’d had excellent soundproofing installed before moving in—and he’d been able to reassure Jessica they couldn’t hear her when the pain grew too much for her.

  Sophia would be in bed by now. She was going to be so excited to have a baby brother or sister. Every day, she’d been patting Jessica’s stomach and asking if her baby was ready to come out and play.

  Jessica’s hand clamped down on his as she went through another contraction.

  He waited for what seemed like an eternity before she relaxed. She was exhausted, dammit.

  He kept his voice low, trying for encouraging rather than strained. “Almost there, kitten.”

  Her green eyes flashed at him, and he tensed, but then she laughed. “I know. I’m so ready to push.”

  “Are you now?” It seemed the swearing portion of labor was over. Sophia’s birth had given him occasional nightmares about the hellish period called transition. He’d undoubtedly have new ones after tonight.

  “Agreed. You’ve made your ten centimeters.” At the foot of the bed, Fay smiled. “Push now, Jessica.”

  Jessica’s hand tightened around his in an unbreakable grip. Her head lifted, and her neck muscles stood out with the strain as she groaned and bore down.

  “Perfect. This child is going to have dark hair.” Fay looked up. “Want to catch your baby, Zachary?”

  Torn, he turned to Jessica. “I can stay here, or I can play catcher. Which do you want?”

  Her lips tipped up. “I’d like to tell our son or daughter you were there from the first moment. Go.”

  Heart overflowing, he kissed her and went to help their child into the world.

  A few minutes later, he held a baby girl, white-patched and pink, and he could feel her already wrapping herself around his heart. How had he forgotten how tiny a newborn was? How much of a miracle?

  When Fay nodded, he laid the baby on Jessica’s now flaccid belly, letting the bond between them begin.

  Sitting on the edge of th
e bed, he kept one hand on the newborn, needing to feel the reassurance of her chest moving.

  Still pale but content, Jessica turned her head. “We did good, huh?”

  “We did.” He touched his forehead against hers. “Thank you for our daughter. She’s perfect.”

  “Zachary.” Interesting. She rarely used his given name.

  He could feel the surge of determination from her and tilted his head in inquiry. “Tell me.”

  “Did you want… Are you disappointed this baby is a girl?”

  She would worry, wouldn’t she? “Jessica, I’m pleased,” he murmured. “I’d hoped for another girl. How about you?”

  The crease between her eyebrows disappeared and she relaxed, then kissed him. “Me, too. Now we have two sons and two daughters. We’re balanced.”

  It’d taken a while for his grown sons to accept Jessica, but now they adored her and treated her somewhere between a mother and a beloved big sister.

  Being Jessica, she simply thought of them as hers.

  “I love you, kitten. More than I can say.”

  * * *

  On Z’s patio, Ghost waited on a carved wooden bench with Valerie beside him. Word had gone around the Shadowlands community that Jessica was in labor. Couple by couple, they’d gathered to lend silent support.

  “How much longer?” Cullen muttered. “This can’t be good for a woman.”

  Anne chuckled and smiled at Ben before blowing a raspberry on her son’s bare belly. “Having a baby too quickly isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Trust me.”

  Ghost shook his head. After Wyatt’s birth, Ben had told him about how fast the labor had gone. How terrified he’d been.

  “Yeah, but Z said she started this morning, for fuck’s sake.” Cullen scowled. Which was why Valerie, as well as the other Shadowkittens, had been in and out of Z’s house all day.

  The Doms had been here off and on, too, although they’d stayed outside…and worried. The thought of petite Jessica being in pain was unsettling, especially for those who’d known her the longest.

  As one of her first friends in the Shadowlands, Cullen was taking it especially hard.

  Finally, Z emerged from the house, and his expression promised happy news. “The midwife won’t let me do a show-and-tell—she’s very strict.” His smile flashed. “We have a daughter, Aubrielle.”

  A cheer ran around the group.

  “Jessica wants me to thank you all for being here—and especially for the diversions over the course of the day.” He chuckled. “She would have told you herself, but she’s already asleep with a well-earned rest.”

  Cullen’s big laugh boomed out. “You’re not in much better shape.” He poured Z a shot of Glenlivet and handed it over.

  Ghost agreed with Cullen. Z looked as if he’d spent the day humping a heavy pack over rough terrain.

  “I fully intend to join her shortly.” Z took a sip of the drink. “Honestly, it’s terrifying to see her in so much pain and not be able to help.”

  Ben grunted. “I hear you.”

  “It doesn’t get better with practice. Leah’s birth was actually more stressful.” Stretched out on a lounge chair, Dan patted the diapered butt of his second child—his six-month-old daughter—who’d fallen asleep on his chest.

  “That’s not reassuring.”

  Ghost considered Ben’s reaction and bent to whisper in Valerie’s ear, “Check Ben’s face. What do you want to bet Anne wants a second baby?”

  Valerie’s muffled laugh sounded like a kitten’s sneeze, and Ghost grinned.

  Z held up his glass. “Thank you again for the good wishes and support. Now, I want you slackers to get to work and provide playmates for our girls. Benjamin, you and Anne are not off the hook.”

  Laughter broke out as people took the opportunity to slap Z on the back, shake his hand, or give him a hug.

  Seated in a patio chair, Linda grinned at Valerie. “I’m so glad I’m past childbearing and rearing, aren’t you?”

  “It’s such a relief to have them all grown up. And even better when they present you with a grandbaby.” Valerie pulled out her phone to show off her latest picture of Luca.

  Ghost was anticipating meeting the fabled grandson—as well as Valerie’s son and daughter. It was time.

  Hopefully, it would go well. Since Hailey and Dillon still had a father, they might well be displeased Ghost had replaced the bastard in Valerie’s life.

  Anne clapped her hands together to get everyone’s attention. “Since we now have a date and sex for the betting pool, I’ll check the entries and pay out tomorrow.”

  Ghost exchanged disgruntled looks with Sam. Neither of them had come close.

  “You mean today, Anne. Would you believe it’s after midnight?” Cullen pulled Andrea to her feet. “Time to clear out so the Graysons can get some sleep.”

  “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m still revved up,” Saxon announced. “There’s a bar on the highway back if anyone wants to continue celebrating.”

  From the hum of interest, Saxon wasn’t the only one still wide awake.

  Ghost considered. Today and Friday were free of classes since exams would begin on Monday. He tugged on a lock of his woman’s gorgeous hair. “Since we can sleep in tomorrow, want to go?”

  “You’re as wide awake as Saxon, aren’t you?” Valerie grinned. “Sure, let’s go.”

  Yeah, he really did love her.

  “It wasn’t fun.” The small neighborhood bar was almost empty. The sounds of men playing pool in the adjoining room wasn’t enough to drown out Josie’s husky voice. The others around the table were quiet. “I was all alone, in labor, no one to hold my hand. And so scared.”

  Valerie’s eyes prickled with tears.

  Josie had only been a teen when her son was born—and she had been kicked out of her home. That must have been simply horrible.

  Valerie shook her head. Maybe Barry had turned out to be a jerk, but he’d held her hand for both their children’s births. “You ended up with a wonderful child, though.”

  Josie’s smile was tender. Proud. “Carson is amazing, yes. It was worth every bit of misery to end up with such a great kid.”

  Valerie knew how she felt. Hailey and Dillon were amazing too. And no matter how much time passed, she’d never forget the joyful moment of holding Dillon for the first time. Of hearing Hailey’s tiny cry and the wonder of touching those tiny fingers and toes. Or the unsettling, unexpected grief that she and the baby were no longer sharing a body.

  And how love had shaken her like a leaf.

  Oh dear, now she was missing her children so badly. She turned. “Ghost, we need to go visit—”

  The chair beside her was empty.

  Hmm. It appeared all the Masters had disappeared from the two tables they’d pushed together. Only the women—Josie, Andrea, Kim, Gabi, and Sally—remained.

  A quick glance around the small bar revealed a slouched-over man at the bar, an older couple at a table in the center of the room, and a serious lack of Dominants.

  “What’s so funny, Valerie?” Andrea asked.

  “When we started talking about labor and delivery, our squeamish Masters staged a retreat.”

  As everyone laughed, Josie grinned. “I saw them sneak out, probably to admire Holt’s new bike.”

  “What new bike?” Kim’s expression held worry. “Did he break his Harley?”

  “Did he ever.” Josie made a face. “Some aggressive New Englander was tailgating him—in a downpour, no less. Holt drove onto the shoulder, but the flooding hid a huge pothole. He was going slow enough he only ended up bruised, but his bike got twisted up.”

  “Poor Holt.” Sally shook her head. “Other states get daffodils in spring; we get potholes.”

  “I’m glad he’s all right,” Gabi said. “Did he mourn his bike?”

  Valerie grinned. Of course, the social worker would worry about Holt’s feelings.

  “Not for long—because Carson really wanted to h
elp him shop for a new bike.” Josie snorted. “And now all I hear are biker terms: displacement and flickability and farkles. My nerdy boy wants to be a biker.”

  Everyone grinned. Valerie had heard Josie’s twelve-year-old was brilliant.

  “Speaking of sons, are any of you going to obey Master Z and give his children playmates?” Valerie asked.

  “Us.” Kim raised her hand. “I tossed my birth control last week, actually. Although we’ve only been married a year, he’s been my Master for over three years now. We’re ready.”

  Sally rolled her eyes. “You’re the only one I know who would think a Master/slave relationship is less stressful than getting married. Would you believe my Demon Doms and I have been married for two years now?”

  The brunette was positively glowing. Valerie also noticed the glass in front of her. Water. “Aaand, is there something you want to share?”

  Sally burst into giggles and pointed at Valerie. “Ghost is going to have trouble with you; you’re too smart.”

  Gabi stared. “Wait…wait…wait. You—you’re pregnant?”

  When Sally’s huge grin confirmed it, there were squeals of joy, and she was smothered with hugs.

  Resurfacing, she said, “I know y’all are dying to ask, but we don’t know or care if the father is Galen or Vance. However, when the time comes to make a second baby, the first baby-daddy will be celibate during those days of the month.”

  Gabi snickered. “Won’t that just go over well.”

  “By the way.” Sally held up her hand in a gesture for silence. “My Doms and I aren’t the only ones making like rabbits.” She cleared her throat. “Andrea?”

  Andrea turned red, then beamed. “Me, too! We’re now past the three-month mark and were going to tell you next week.”

  Her smile was huge as she collected hugs from everyone.

  “I bet Master Cullen is all pumped up,” Gabi said as she sat back down.

  “He really is.” Andrea was flushed with happiness. “And he keeps patting my belly.”

  Valerie couldn’t hide her snort. “No wonder he almost panicked with how long Jessica was in labor.”

  They all laughed.