…what?
I considered calling her, but then an idea occurred to me. She hadn’t… had she?
I went into the bedroom she shared with Ally, and froze.
All of the drawers were empty. A lot of Ally’s stuffed animals were gone. The closet door stood open, with barely any clothes left. The furniture was obviously still all here, but it seemed that whatever Emma could fit into suitcases and take with her, she’d taken.
Fuck.
I wasn’t sure I could blame Emma for up and leaving without a word when I’d done the same thing to her all those years ago—but at the same time, fuck, this was different. Was she really ready to give up on us so easily?
Maybe I should give up. Emma had been fighting me tooth and nail this whole time. She was obviously unsure about what she wanted from me. If she wanted to be with me, or if she wanted to hate me. I wasn’t going to put the both of us through more heartbreak. Maybe it was time to let her go.
Surveying the room, I marveled at how quickly people could move in and out of your life. Just a couple months ago I’d had no idea that Ally existed. And now staring at her empty bed, most of the stuffed animals missing, it made my heart ache like someone had reached in and ripped off a chunk of it.
Ally.
Okay. Emma could decide that we were through. She could up and leave me like I’d left her. That was fine. She was an adult and I wasn’t going to emotionally kill the both of us fighting for a woman who had made it clear she didn’t want me. But Ally? Ally wanted me in her life, and goddammit, I wanted her in mine. I wanted to be a part of her world. I wanted to actually get the chance to be her father.
I would fight for Ally, if nothing else.
My phone buzzed, and I yanked it out of my pocket so fast I nearly dropped it. Was it Emma?
No, it was Ash.
“Hey, man!” I tried to put a smile in my voice, but I was pretty sure that Ash could tell it was faked. “How’s it going?”
“I should be asking you that question, man, how are things?” Yeah, he could definitely tell that I was putting on a front.
That was the problem with best friends. They could read you like a fucking illustrated children’s novel.
I explained the situation, and if Ash had been the type to sigh in frustration, I was sure he would’ve been.
“Sounds to me like you need to prove to Emma that you’re willing to fight for her,” Ash said when I finished.
“You sure? I want to be in Ally’s life no matter what but… I don’t want to invade. I don’t want to try and yank open a door that’s closed, y’know?”
“If the door was closed, she wouldn’t have been sleeping with you this whole time,” Ash pointed out. “I think she wants you but she wants you to prove that you’re not going to leave again. Sounds like she’s got abandonment issues. And is she taking them out in the best way? No, definitely not. But we’re not always at our best when it comes to our emotions.
“And you never know until you try, right? What if you don’t fight for her, you’re never going to know if you could’ve had something. At least this way you’re showing her how much you care and if she still turns you down after that, you know that you did everything you could.” Ash paused. “That is, if you still want Emma, and not just to be Ally’s father.”
“I do.” Emma drove me nuts but I also felt a connection with her that I had never felt with anyone else. I’d been thinking about her all of these years, and being with her again hadn’t given me closure. It had just made me want her more. The playful, wonderful sides of her that I’d seen when she let me in were addicting. I wanted to make things work with her.
“Then go and get her,” Ash said. I could hear the grin in his voice.
Y’know what? Ash was right. I would.
32
Emma
Lucas was making coffee when I got downstairs the next morning. “Oh thank God.”
He looked up at me, one eyebrow raised. “Want to explain what you’re doing crashing at my place? And why Ally’s so upset?”
Ally had been inconsolable all night. It had been miserable for the both of us.
I explained to Lucas what happened. Admitting my own behavior made me feel like someone had stuck a thorn into my neck, but I kept going. Lucas made me a cup of coffee, his expression neutral the entire time, passing it over to me while staring out the window thoughtfully.
When I wrapped it all up, Lucas nodded. “I can see why Parker’s so upset.”
That brought me up short. “You’re not taking my side?”
Lucas turned to face me. “I’m not on anybody’s side, here, because you both messed up. Parker left without a word and that hurt you and broke your heart. Hurt me, too, as his friend. And we can understand and sympathize with his reasons while also demanding an apology because it wasn’t okay.
“But you messed up too, Emma. You lied to him. He’s got a right to be upset about that. I think that everything he said about how you handled this was right, and I agree. You need to apologize to him, too. Even if you don’t want to move forward with him, I’d suggest apologizing.”
“Move forward?” I hadn’t even thought about that.
Lucas raised an eyebrow at me again. “Isn’t that what you want? Emma, I know you don’t want to admit it, but you’re in love with the guy. You always have been. Sure the apartment was great but you would’ve found something else if you really wanted to, you’re the most determined person I know. You chose to come up with these excuses because whether you want to admit it or not, you still have feelings for him.”
“Just like you didn’t really want this job. You could’ve dealt with your boss and stuck it out if you really wanted to, but you let it mess you up in the head. I think that you really want to stay here, with us, but you had worked so hard and going to the big city was your high school dream, so you didn’t know how to give that dream up without feeling like you’d failed yourself.” Lucas paused, and then in a quieter voice added, “Or failed our parents.”
Ouch. That hurt, but it was true. My parents had always talked with pride about how smart and ambitious I was.
It looked like there was a lot that I had been denying myself.
“I’m not sure Parker’s interested in moving forward. I told you what he said.”
“We all say things in anger that we don’t mean,” Lucas replied. “And if I know Parker, then I know he cares about you and Ally. He’s not the type to just give up, either.”
As if summoned by Lucas’s words, the doorbell rang.
Shit, I was still in my bathrobe. Far from looking my best. It couldn’t be a customer or neighbor looking for Lucas, it was too early in the morning, and Van would just stride right in and demand Lucas do something to fix his stupid coffeemaker. So that left…
Lucas got up and went to the front door. I could hear two male voices talking quietly, and then Parker strode into the kitchen.
I could feel my face heating up as Lucas followed. “Want a cup of coffee?”
“Um. Sure.” Parker couldn’t stop looking at me. I felt pinned by his gaze.
Ally dashed in. “Uncle Lucas—Parker!”
She changed directions and launched herself at Parker, who caught her neatly. “Well, well, well, looks like an alley cat wandered in here! Whatever are we gonna do with her?”
Ally meowed and Parker kissed the top of her head.
Watching them made my heart do somersaults. They were already do bonded to one another. Parker’s face was completely lit up looking at Ally. If nothing else, he seemed to still love her—maybe even more so—now that he knew she was his daughter.
“Hey, Ally, why don’t you and I go on a donut run to celebrate, hmm?” Lucas said.
Thank God for my brother, honestly. I didn’t know what I’d do if I had to have this conversation in front of my daughter.
Ally cheered, and Parker let her go so that she could run off and get her shoes. Lucas winked at the both of us—and then it was jus
t Parker and me. Alone.
“I didn’t think I’d see you here,” I admitted.
“That… doesn’t surprise me.” Parker sighed. “I’m sorry for how things went the other night. I was upset at you for lying, and upset at myself, too. I left you both. Even if I didn’t know about Ally—you still had to raise her on your own. I missed out on so much of her life, and I stuck you with the work.”
Wow. I hadn’t expected such an apology. I could feel my chest warming, softening. “I’m sorry too—I shouldn’t have lied to you. This whole time I… I’ve hated myself for still having feelings for you. For still being in love with you even after you had left me. And so I made a bunch of stupid decisions, and I hurt you. And I am so, so sorry that happened. You were right to be angry with me.”
“I’m not angry anymore, though,” Parker admitted. He walked up to me, cupping my cheeks, and my heart started to race. “I wish I’d been there for you. I wish I’d called or written. I can’t change that. But I can be here now, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. “You…”
Parker smiled at me, his eyes crinkling up in the corners. Those gorgeous green eyes that I’d fallen for all those years ago. “I love you, Em.”
He pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
I was suddenly grateful that I was just in my bathrobe as Parker undid the tie, his hands sliding up over my body. “We’re still in the kitchen,” I reminded him.
“Oh dear.” Parker kissed down my neck. “I’ll have to fix that.”
He tugged me away from my coffee and towards the stairs, kissing me the entire time. I melted into it, for once not resisting the emotion he was pouring into his touch. His hands and lips skimmed over me like he was worshipping me, like I was a present he couldn’t wait to unwrap.
We stumbled up the stairs to the room where I was staying—the room that had been mine before I’d moved in with Parker—and fell onto the bed, almost like the ungraceful teenagers we no longer were.
Parker kissed me once, twice, three times, and then moved down between my legs. “I love you,” he repeated, as if now that he could say it he didn’t know how to stop, and then he was licking up my thighs and pulling down my underwear.
I had nothing on but my underwear and my lacy nightgown, and I was sure I was a sight as I moaned and arched under Parker’s clever tongue. He was moving slowly, carefully, like I was an ice cream he wanted to savor, and I wasn’t sure if it was his actual touch or the emotion behind it that was driving me so wild.
My eyes slid closed, my hand finding his hair, my only anchor as I coasted on a sea of pleasure. He knew my body so well, even after all this time, and it was a good thing Ally wasn’t around because there was no way to stop the noises I was making.
Parker’s hands petted my thighs, cradled my hips, held me, made me feel… precious. Was this how he’d wanted to make love to me this whole time? And I’d been keeping him at bay with my anger and my refusal to move forward?
I could’ve had this forever, and now that I did have it, I didn’t want to go without it again.
My orgasm washed over me like a summer breeze, like the warm sun while lying out on the grass, and I melted into the bed, Parker’s name on my lips.
He crawled up to me, his hands gliding over my nightgown, kissing along my neck. “You look ravishing,” he murmured.
“You should see yourself.” I pulled him up the rest of the way to kiss him—and realized I’d forgotten something. “Parker?”
“Yes?”
I smiled at him. “I love you, too.”
33
Parker
Hearing Emma say that—it caused a wave of such adoration to break through me that I couldn’t even begin to hold myself back.
I kissed her deeply, pushing up her nightgown and undoing my pants. God, I wanted her so badly. I always wanted her. Nobody but her.
“Yes,” Emma encouraged, helping guide me inside of her. “Yes, Parker, yes.”
I wanted to hear her sound like that, saying my name like that, for the rest of my life.
It felt like we weren’t moving as two separate people, but like one person. Finally, all of our walls were down and we were able to come together, to love each other as we were meant to. Every stroke inside of her felt like a revelation. If I’d thought that getting to be soft and slow with her the other day had been good, it was nothing compared to now.
Emma moaned my name and I felt her coming around me, clinging to me as she did so, and I felt like my head was up in the stratosphere. I loved her so fucking much, and she loved me back—and after all of our fumbling, we were finally going to be together.
Coming inside of her felt like a revelation. Like it was something natural that I should’ve been doing this whole time and had only forgotten, for a while, where I belonged. But now I knew again and I was never going to make the mistake of leaving a second time.
I curled up with Emma in my arms, fully content. I didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.
Emma turned to face me, smiling. “What are you thinking about?”
“Honestly?”
Emma nodded.
I reached up and brushed some of her hair out of her face. “I was thinking that maybe we should move someplace quieter. A place that I’ve always thought of as home, a place I’ve missed all this time. Someplace that’s away from the hustle and bustle of NYC. Now that I’ve got a wife and daughter, I think it’s time I got out of the big city.”
Emma’s eyes went wide. “Wife?”
I nodded. “If you’ll have me.”
Emma looked overwhelmed, and for a second I thought I’d moved too fast, too soon—but then she kissed me, wrapping her arms around me, and I knew I’d said the right thing after all.
“So we’ll have a dozen kids, right?” I asked her in between kisses.
Emma laughed. “I think you’re going to have to learn the value of compromising.”
“Eh, we’ll talk about it.”
I kissed her again, knowing I had never felt so happy.
Epilogue: Emma
We planned our wedding rather quickly—for some people six months might be too soon—but I didn’t want anything fancy and neither had Parker. We’d lost enough time together, and we didn’t intend on wasting a second more.
Living back in our small town, I had to admit, kept me a lot happier than I had been in New York City. Moving to Manhattan and living the high life had been my dream once, but that was before my daughter. And it was okay, I was realizing, for dreams to change.
In the six months it had taken us to settle back in Rehoboth, I had created my own company. It was slow work, building up clients, but I was happier working for myself than I had been working for someone else. I still got to use everything I had learned in getting my degree. And I could call my own hours, which meant plenty of time for my daughter. And my about-to-be husband.
Parker had purchased an old house and he and Lucas were having the time of their lives fixing it up. We were having the reception there, sort of doubling as a housewarming party, and I couldn’t wait for everyone to see it.
I’d always expected to be nervous on my wedding day, but as I got ready to walk down the aisle, I found that I wasn’t nervous at all. I knew that this was what I wanted. I knew that this was what would make me happy for the rest of my life.
Ally walked down the aisle ahead of me, scattering flowers. We’d had to remind her time and again in rehearsals to walk, not skip, and I could see her working hard to remember that and not bounce her way down. It was adorable.
Van was next, my maid of honor (and only bridesmaid—we’d opted to keep this ceremony small), and then Lucas took my arm.
“You ready?” he asked.
It was sad that our parents couldn’t be here to see this. I knew they would be so happy to get to witness this joyful day for us. But Lu
cas walking me down the aisle was the next best thing. “Yes.”
Lucas took his place next to Parker as his best man after he walked me down the aisle, and then the ceremony could begin. Ally was fidgeting all through it, impatient even as she beamed up at us with happiness. She loved Parker, who adored her, but she was still a five-year-old who wanted to run around and didn’t like having to sit still while grown-ups talked forever.
She had a lot more fun at the reception, eating cake and running around, getting called adorable by everyone. Julie finally got to meet “my man,” Parker, and she made him blush as she complimented me about him. She might not have been my boss anymore, but I had enjoyed keeping in touch with her, and now considered her a good friend.
She was also still aggressive, proven when she and Van both dove for the bouquet like they were the catcher in the seventh game of the World Series. They both caught it at the same time, and the looks on their faces were priceless. I could see Lucas snapping pictures, and grinned. I couldn’t wait to see how they turned out.
“All right,” Parker said, catching me around the waist. “I think it’s time for our first dance, Mrs. Grant.”
I smiled up at him, following his lead as the music started up and he led me into the first steps. “By all means, Mr. Grant.”
Parker chuckled, twirling me around and then catching me again. “You know, I didn’t realize it was possible to be this happy.”
“No?”
He shook his head. “But you make me happy. You and Ally.”
“Well, good, because I have a wedding present for you.”
Parker’s eyebrows shot up. “I thought we agreed no pres…”
“I know.” I smiled at him. “It’s not the usual kind of present.”
I leaned in, my mouth at his ear. “I’m pregnant.”
Parker yanked me in, a wide grin on his face, and kissed me, dipping me. It was like the rest of the world fell away, and it was just the two of us.
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