Avenge the Bear

by T. S. Joyce

  It felt important that she know this part of him. Important that he share whatever secrets had made his clan fear him when he was a child. Whatever darkness Muriel still sensed from him. Lifting up on her tiptoes, she brushed her lips against his—just a soft peck to reassure him she wasn’t scared. Not yet.

  The snarl left his mouth and it softened, then molded to hers. With a deliberately gentle touch, he rested his hands on her hips and pulled her slowly closer. And the weight of his bear lessened again.

  Easing back, she rested her cheek against his and wrapped her arms slowly around his waist, held him tight. “Tell me now and have it done with. Tell me what I’m dealing with, Ethan.”

  His chest lifted in a long inhalation, and he rubbed his cheek against hers, the scruff of his two day stubble tickling her sensitive skin.

  “He’s in charge. Bear.”

  Her eyebrows shot up as she stared over his shoulder at the box fan attached to the upper corner near the map desk. Ethan was swaying gently, and she joined him, drawing her boots alongside his and melting against him.

  “You call him Bear?”

  “Everyone here does. He isn’t…he isn’t like the others.”

  “Do you control him when you change?”

  “No. And I don’t control my changes either. He does.”

  She remembered Muriel’s warning. “Do you give him that power on purpose?”

  He shook his head. “I tried to stifle him when I was younger. It only makes it worse to control him. He lets me interact safely with the humans in the campground if I let him have his way. We compromise.”

  “Doesn’t sound like much of a compromise.”

  “Mmm,” he said noncommittally. “This is as good as it gets for me, Reese. This is what you would have to accept. I’m not stable, but I would never hurt you.”

  “Bear approves of me?” she asked rocking in rhythm with him like a slow dance.

  “He’s the reason we bonded.”

  “You knew we would bond if we slept together, didn’t you?”

  “Bear was ready to find a mate. I felt…pulled to you. Your bear was ready too or it wouldn’t have worked.”

  “I asked my friends about the bond. It doesn’t happen to many shifters, so why us?”

  The rasp of his stubbled jaw made a soft sound against her cheek. “I told you,” he murmured in a velvet stroke against her ear. “I want you.”

  “For sex.”

  “No, Reese. I want you for everything.”

  Her heart pounded erratically and fluttering filled her stomach. She’d waited for ten years for Trent to say those words, and Ethan claimed them in under a week. And as much as she didn’t want to be that dopey woman who fell for the first boy who told her sweet things, the honesty in his voice was so alluring, she couldn’t help but bury her head against his chest and give into him a little more.

  “Why me?” she whispered, looking up into his soft brown eyes. It wasn’t a plead for compliments. She really couldn’t understand why a man like Ethan—the powerful alpha of the entire Seven Devils clan—would want her. She didn’t know how she knew, but he hadn’t talked to anyone else about Bear. She understood the gift he’d given her by letting her see into his life where no one else was allowed.

  His eyebrows shot up like he was surprised at her question. “Because from the moment I talked to you in my office, I couldn’t see anyone else. You’ve eclipsed every face, every person, in my life. I want to share things with you. Some sick part of me wants to tell you everything and see if you’re as strong as you seem. I want to tell you all of my dark deeds and see if you’re brave enough to stay. You’re beautiful. God, you’re so beautiful it hurts to look away.” He pulled on the hair band that kept her honey blonde tresses secured at the nape of her neck. When her hair fell free, he ran his fingers through it and kissed her lips softly once. Twice. “I want to know everything about you, Reese. And someday, I want you to know everything about me too.”

  “Then I’ll stay with you.”

  He pulled back and brushed his thumb lightly against her jawline. “You’ll try with me?”

  “I’m not sure I’m ready for all of this yet, but yes.” Her lips tugged up at the corners, mirroring his hopeful smile. “I’ll try.”

  Chapter Eight

  Ethan frowned as he studied her face. “What’s this?” He thumbed her temple and pulled back a black smear. Cautiously, he smelled it, and lurched away. “What is that?” he asked louder. His voice held an edge of panic.

  She wiped a hand across her face. “It’s soot.”

  “From where?” He was wiping his hand over and over on his pants, and she wondered if he even realized he was doing it.

  “I helped Samantha look for things she could salvage from Bron’s house. It was his house that burned the other day. What’s wrong?” She took a step toward him with her hands out, but he stumbled backward and knocked into a rolling office chair.

  Baffled, she held her ground. What was she supposed to do with this reaction? His eyes were practically glowing and the smell of animal was so thick, it was waking her own bear. An uncomfortable writhing filled her stomach and made it feel like she’d swallowed hot coals.

  “Do you have a sink?” she asked.

  He straightened and nodded, then pointed to a small bathroom off the main room. Without hesitation, she spun and jogged for the sink, hit the warm tap and doused her face as soon as the water heated up. Bye-bye make-up she’d spent way too much time fussing over for him.

  When she peered through her dripping eyelashes into the small mirror above the sink, she was appalled to realize she now looked like a deranged raccoon, thanks to all of the mascara she’d slathered on earlier. More embarrassing still was that Ethan had stepped into the bathroom behind her and was watching her reflection with the intensity of a cat on a laser beam.

  “Let me,” he said gruffly.

  From his tone, she expected him to be rough with the towel he whipped off the rack, but he surprised her with tender strokes under her eyes. “I shouldn’t have overreacted like that.”

  “Why did you?”

  He shook his head. “I told you about Bear, and that will have to be enough for tonight.” His voice was still too deep, too ragged.

  As she placed her hand over his heart, she half-expected him to angle away from her touch, but he allowed it and dropped the towel to his side. Pressing his forehead against hers and closing his eyes, he whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m ruining this, aren’t I?”

  “No,” she said, cupping his neck where thick cords of muscles felt much too tight. “If you can’t tell me everything at once, that’s okay. As long as you keep trying to let me in, I can be patient.”

  God, what was this feeling? This warmth he caused in her. His touch made her feel safe and it shouldn’t. Not when he smelled more animal than man. She had every reason to fear him just from the way people reacted to him, from the way Bear ruled him, yet she had such an overwhelming feeling of trust around him. It had to be the bond. That was the only explanation for the surge of affection she felt at him allowing her to see his vulnerability.

  He leaned down and pressed his warm lips against hers. His tongue brushed the seam and she opened slightly for him. He didn’t rush or invade her mouth. Instead, he lapped at her, like he couldn’t get enough of her taste. Backing her against the sink, he splayed his hands on either side of her and leaned forward. Angling his head, he nibbled her bottom lip and trailed soft kisses down her jaw to her throat, then worked his way back up to her mouth.

  Minutes, or perhaps hours drifted by. She didn’t know. All she knew was she could be swept up like this forever and be happy.

  The phone rang and threatened the moment. A growl that should’ve chilled her blood rumbled from him, and he eased back enough to cast a narrow-eyed glare at the map table through the open bathroom door. “I have to get this.”

  She stretched her neck and suckled on his bottom lip, and he leaned into her and plunged
his tongue into her mouth one time before he turned and jogged to the desk the phone rested upon. “Yeah,” he answered.

  Usually she was awesome at hearing both sides of the phone conversation, but she was a little too far away and the droning of the box fan camouflaged the other end. She washed her hands and turned off the bathroom light, then meandered over to a full-sized fridge in the corner. To her surprise, it was stocked along with the pantry beside it, and up top, the freezer held countless brown paper wrapped cuts of meat.

  “Did you have a clear shot at him?” Ethan murmured, watching her. “Mmm hmm.” He motioned for her to look in the right side of the fridge, then nodded as her hand landed on a bag of Tupperware.

  When she pulled it free and set it on the small counter beside the pantry, her mouth just about watered as she opened the first bowl to discover fragrant beef and vegetable stew. Homemade as far as she could tell, with oversized chunks of carrots and potatoes.

  “Okay, have Tarran go with you. I want him dropped on the other side of The Goblin. We’ll see if he stays there. He has one shot, and if he returns, we’ll put him down.” He paused. “Okay, keep me in the loop.”

  Fruit salad and slabs of buttered cornbread and stew that looked and smelled delicious, and Reese was feeling downright giddy over the prospect of a home cooked meal. She’d been grabbing burgers at work lately and had only cooked twice last week.

  “Did you make this?” she asked as he hung up the phone. She was in the middle of microwaving the first bowl when he slid behind her and brushed his lips to her neck. With a soft groan, she leaned against him until she could feel his erection on her back. He rocked his hips forward suggestively, and when he spoke, there was a smile in his voice. “Does me knowing how to cook make me more attractive?”

  “Hell yes it does.”

  “Mmm, what else do you like about me?”

  She liked him like this. The insecurity of sharing too much was gone and in its place was the confident man who’d talked as if he wasn’t basically a bear in human skin on the phone to Unger. Now he was using his power to lure her in. Did he even realize he was doing that?

  “I like that our first date consists of making out in the bathroom and eating leftovers in between your work calls,” she teased. The microwave beeped, but she turned and raked her nails against his chest. “I find that super sexy.”

  “Oh, yeah?” he asked, eyebrows high and a devastating smile crooking his sensual lips. “Then you’ll love what I have in mind for our next date.”

  “Does it involve cleaning the campground bathrooms while Rieland yells at me?”

  He laughed, tossing his head back. The noise filled her with satisfaction and awe as she watched the thick cords of muscle that traveled up his neck stretch and flex with his amusement.

  “She yells at everyone. Did you have a run-in with her on the way here?”

  “Jesse challenged her to help me get away,” she murmured, staring openly at his mischievous smile.

  This was the man she’d met the first day. Confident, secure with his place in the clan. She didn’t know whether to be happy that he had his game face back on, or sad that he seemed to be hiding the tiny darkness he’d let her see earlier. This is how he’d been with the humans. Charming and talkative. Considerate of their needs. She wanted more though, and a little piece of her ached that he had two incredibly different sides. One for the masses so he could appear normal, and one he hid from the world.

  “Well,” he said, scratching his temple with the back of his thumb. “I owe Jesse for that one. He’s an Andean bear and not a dominant one at that. Rieland probably kicked his ass.”

  Huh. She liked Jesse even more now. “My friend, Samantha, is an Andean bear.”

  “Oh yeah? Go on and sit down on the couch while I fix our food.”

  She gave a private smile at the big bad alpha offering to serve her, and sank onto the thin mattress of a cot against the wall.

  “She’s the one Muriel turned, right?” he asked, his back to her.

  “Yeah. I know that pissed you guys off, but I was there. And I was there when Samantha and Bron went through being separated six years ago and were threatened to be separated again last year. It had to happen. They’re ridiculously happy. They’re even trying for a cub now.”

  He was quiet for a few moments as he shoved the next bowl in the microwave to heat up. His question came quiet as a breeze when he finally asked, “What about you? Do you want cubs?”

  “Someday,” she answered honestly. “With the right person.” Her cheeks flushed with heat and she pressed her cold palms against them to soothe the warmth. Thank goodness he wasn’t looking at her. “Do you?”

  “I don’t think I would be any good as a father.” His tone was stern and dead sounding.

  “Because of Bear?”

  He slid her a quick glance over his shoulder and nodded. “Because of Bear.”

  “But bears are good parents in the wild.”

  “Sows make great parents. Boars don’t. They’ll kill a cub without much thought. I’ve seen it happen.” His words sounded hollow, haunted, and she swallowed hard. “Not much differentiates what I am when I change from a wild bear. Shockingly little, actually.”

  What a sad and lonely life he must’ve led. Always having to hide—always feeling the need to run from anyone who got too close. Her chest hurt just thinking about what he’d gone through to conjure the mask of normalcy he wore in front of others.

  “Where were your parents when you were growing up?”

  “Dead, and no,” he clipped out as she opened her mouth to ask what happened.

  Another mystery for another day because Bear obviously didn’t like being pushed. Already, he was snarling softly over the food.

  “If we changed together, would Bear be easier around me?”

  “No,” he rushed. He spun and his eyes looked so worried. “Never change when he has me. Promise me.”

  “Okay,” she said low.

  And that right there told her how scared of Bear’s actions Ethan really was. He’d hurt other shifters when he was changed. She remembered the black-furred bruin who had ripped out of him the first time she’d met him. The way his fur shook with every powerful step and the way his lips curled over impossibly long canines as he watched Muriel’s jeep crest the hill.

  She was a fighter, but wouldn’t stand a chance against a bear his size, especially one with no impulse control and deep aggression issues as Ethan seemed to suggest he harbored. No wonder Muriel had been against her bonding with him. Muriel hadn’t been trying to be mean. She’d been cautious and worried about her well-being.

  “I like to touch you,” he said after he’d carried their food to the small table near the cot.

  “I like to touch you too,” she admitted, then blew on a spoonful of hot broth.

  “No. I mean, I really like it. When I’m near you, it’s easier for me. It’s not such a fight with Bear. He settles around you.”

  If this was settled for Bear, he really did have less control than she could even imagine. What had happened to Ethan to break the bond between him and his animal? It wasn’t supposed to be a war. They were supposed to work together.

  She draped her legs over his lap as he lifted his bowl of soup and leaned against the wall behind the cot. “Better?” she asked with a coy smile.

  He gifted her a hungry glance and relaxed under her. “Much.” His voice was still too low and growly, but his eyes were the color of dark chocolate, and that was good enough for her.

  Dinner was a comfortable affair, highlighted with a few phone calls from campers who’d been locked out of the gates past closing time and needed the code to get back in to their campsites. Ethan insisted on rinsing the dishes, but it didn’t sit well with her to just sit around while he worked, so she helped. She stood so close to him, their arms touched. If he liked feeling her, she didn’t mind soothing Bear.

  “What are you thinking now?” she asked as he turned off the water. As
strange as the earlier glimpse into a moment in his mind was, she could become addicted to his open way of saying anything he thought about her without embarrassment.

  “I want to take you to bed.” He nodded his head and tossed the hand towel he’d draped over his shoulder onto the counter. “Or more specifically, I want to take you to that cot over there.”

  “Won’t that make the bond stronger?”

  “I honestly don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe we’re already in it as deep as it goes.”

  “I can’t stop thinking about you,” she admitted, dropping her gaze to the gray colored carpet at her feet. “It scares me that being intimate with you will make that even worse.”

  She dared a glance at his face and he nodded slowly. “It’s the same for me.”

  Scrubbing his hand down his face, he conceded, “I’m not ready for you to leave yet.”

  His words brought a smile to her lips and shyness crept over her again. “Can I tell you something?”

  “Anything,” he murmured as he led her back toward the cot. When she was settled, he pulled her legs over his lap again and played with the cleverly placed and fashionable hole in the knee of her jeans. He tickled her skin there. Without knowing it, he was bringing her insides to a slow boil just by that simple brush of his fingers against her bare skin. From here, she could see his erection pressing against his pants, growing thicker and longer the more he caressed her.

  “I have only been with Trent, and it…wasn’t good at the end. We weren’t good for each other.” God, it was such a relief to finally admit that out loud. She’d fought with guilt for months over thinking anything unkind about their relationship after his death. Inhaling a shaky breath, she tried to smile. “I loved him, but I don’t think he felt the same about me in the end. Not for a long time. I think he cared about me deeply, but he was just staying with me because we’d been together so long, he didn’t know any other way to be.”

  Ethan stared thoughtfully at her jeans and worried an unraveled thread. “When I was sixteen, I tried to date one of the girls here. Tarran, you met her. I tried to imitate what everyone else who was matched up did, but she could see right through me. I didn’t feel emotions like other people did. She called me soulless after we slept together for the first time, and she told the other shifters our age how mechanical I was. Not just in the bedroom either. She told them how empty I was.”