Lies & Devotion (Blood and Iron Warriors Book 3)

by Kat Kenyon

  A slow roll up, heel pressing into the hardwood, gives the impression of a heartbeat powering up my body. It doesn’t feel like I’m revealing my weaknesses or lack of practice; it feels like I’m unwrapping myself from a stifling cloak of sadness.

  Each beat closer to who I was.

  Each beat closer to myself.

  It’s far more emotional than I thought it would be. Once again dance allows me to free my mind and heart when they can’t find their way. When Marcus calls us together to walk through the formations with me in them, I’m ready to get to it.

  Formations are by nature a group expression, so we walk through four times, allowing me to get the feel of how I’ll move around the others and cover the stage. While I’ll need more practice, I have the basic timing down, allowing me to leave practice happy.

  The buzz stays with me, and I smile at Tyler when we climb in the SUV, where he looks as well worked over as I am. His mood is better because Brian is improving and his granddad lands tomorrow morning.

  The idea of meeting Erol Bassie makes me nervous. Anyone who pays attention in California, knows who the Bassies are. They’re like old East Coast money, with new West Coast flavor, and the idea of meeting the man who made them that way is intimidating, no matter how many times Tyler tries to tell me it’ll be fine.

  I haven’t had much luck with family. Mine or his. But I don’t know where I would’ve been without Tyler, and Tyler couldn’t have done all this without his grandfather. I owe them both more than I can ever repay, and I don’t know how to say thank you. I hope the words are enough.

  Chapter Thirty

  Tyler Blackman

  She’s not where she’s supposed to be and my heart stops. Fingers flying, I text Neil.

  Me: Where is she?

  When my phone rings, the lump in my throat won’t let me speak. Two frozen beats, and Neil says, “She’s okay.”

  The lump in my throat doesn’t move.

  “Tyler.”

  I cough, choking down my terror. “What happened?”

  “We had to take her home.”

  “Why?”

  He pauses, and I know he’s trying to figure out how to manage me.

  “What. Happened?”

  “She panicked.”

  “Don’t make me ask again. What the fuck happened?”

  “It was the rain. At least that’s what I think it was. She did okay this morning, but the rain was sheeting on her way to class. She hyperventilated. It was bad.”

  I can see it happening as he speaks. She did fine until we had to walk out of Dixon. Gray days don’t have an impact, but rain leaves her trembling. The ashen look on her face earlier worried me.

  Why is it when she needs California to be dry, we finally get the rain it needs?

  “When?”

  There’s a quiet sigh on the line. “Twenty minutes ago.”

  She wants to get back to normal, but she’s not ready.

  “She made it to her first two classes, right?” I ask as I pack my stuff.

  “She did.” There’s a long pause before he says, “Tyler, she didn’t want you to know. She was already pissed and rattled. If you come home, she’ll feel like even more of a failure.”

  “I can’t just leave her alone,” I glare at my phone like he can see me through it.

  “She’s not alone.” His calm makes me want to break my phone.

  “You guys don’t count.”

  “Listen, if you go running after her, you’ll take away her chance to prove to herself she can do this on her own. No one’s going to hurt her at the apartment. No one can get to her.”

  That just pisses me off. “Your people aren’t infallible.” I think of the ambush yesterday.

  “I know you are upset about yesterday with the reporters; I am too. I’m on my way to meet with campus security now about getting in our way, when we have an agreement with the school. But don’t undermine her by running home like she’s incapable of dealing.”

  “I’m not undermining her,” I snarl into the phone.

  “You will if you follow her. Go to class, go to practice, then bring her homework back like it’s not a big deal. If you treat her like she’s fragile, she’ll think she’s fragile.”

  My teeth hurt with how hard my jaw locks. “Make sure nothing bothers her.”

  “Tyler, I’ll be there when you’re out. This meeting with the university better not take long.”

  I can’t answer, so I hang up. I fidget through every class and bolt out the door as soon as the day is over, my personal detail trailing behind. As promised, Neil’s waiting in the SUV with a stony face. Without turning to look at me, he says, “I really hate this school.”

  “What did they do now?” I ask, stretching out as much as I can, my long legs still fairly cramped in the spacious back seat.

  “I just spent an hour with the head of security, who doesn’t want to acknowledge how shit he is at his job.”

  Rolling my eyes, I stretch out my sore hand. “Is that supposed to surprise me?”

  Gripping the steering wheel, he gets us out on the street before he says, “If they argue with me, they’ll find out I do my job whether they like it or not.”

  I’d laugh at how irritated he is if this wasn’t about Rayne. “Don’t do anything that’ll keep you off campus.”

  Neil grunts, but doesn’t say anything else as he turns the radio on low, keeping his eyes on the road.

  When we get to the apartment, Neil lets me know he’ll be around until Sam comes on and to let him know if I need anything.

  “Will do,” I say.

  For a split second, I send up a prayer to whoever’s in charge of the universe that she’s okay. Turning the handle, the lights are on when I step inside, making sure to close and lock the door before I say anything. “Baby?” The micro ticks of the clock make it feel like forever, each fraction of a lifetime making my heart beat harder. “Rayne?”

  “I’m here.” The sound of her voice coming from the bedroom is better than any song or sound should be. “Give me a second,” she calls.

  I shouldn’t, but I smile, because I know that tone. She’s frustrated with herself, and I know she doesn’t want to talk about it. So, dropping my stuff on the table, I wait for her. When she walks out, she’s wearing a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, and a bulky sweater that hangs almost to her knees. Padding by me barefoot, she gives me an annoyed look, then slides into a dining room chair in front of a stack of books and her laptop.

  “You decided what you want to eat tonight?” I ask. The suspicion that flares in her eyes makes me laugh. “What? I’m hungry.”

  She squints. “That all you have to say?”

  “Yep.”

  “Really?”

  A small chuckle breaks out. “Yeah, really.”

  Her fingernails a slow tap on the table. “Why don’t I believe you?”

  A couple steps has me rounding her chair and wrapping my arms around her shoulders to give her a kiss on the head. “If there’s something you wanna talk about, I’m all ears. If you don’t, I want to know what you want for dinner.”

  Her nails dig into my forearms, biting into my skin, letting me know there’s a pool of emotion as deep as the Pacific and just as dangerous.

  “Indian,” she says, dragging it out.

  “What?” My lip rises in disgust.

  “You want to know what I wanna eat? Indian.”

  There’s a look of wry humor on her face when I pull her chin back to look at me. “Looking for something spicy?” I give her a dirty grin. “Because if you looking for something spicy, I’m sure I can give it to you.”

  The corners of her mouth tip up, and she slides her hand around my thigh before she wrinkles her nose. “You’ve always got something to feed me, but I’m pretty sure you said you were hungry.”

  “Oh, I am.” A full wolfish smile breaks out right before I bite her chin.

  Every nerve in my body lights up when she chuckles. “Dirty baller.”
>
  Biting her again, I whisper against her skin, “Where have I heard that before?”

  “Maybe in your dorm room?” She turns around farther and gives my lip a nip.

  A flash of her hands in my hair, pulling on the strands, has me smiling. “Oh yeah, I remember. You made me so hard, even jacking off two times didn’t help.”

  Her eyes light up, and she bites her lip. “Two times. Really?”

  Brushing my cheek past hers, my lips graze the delicate curve of her ear. “Hmm. Yeah, two. You left me so hard I almost went blind coming right before I went to bed, then I fucked you so hard in my dreams I had to come again as soon as I woke up.”

  Her breath picks up and I don’t know whether it’s nervous energy, excitement, or fear. “But,” I say, pulling back to look at her. “I was really glad to see you the next day.” Hoping I keep us out of any dark spaces in her mind.

  “Is that what you were really thinking,” she asks, giving me a quirky grin, “or did you really want to jump me?”

  “Oh, I wanted to jump you, but I was glad to just see you, too. Although I was pissy Bay was always around. Every time I wanted to spend time with you, that bitch ended up being there.”

  She pulls back and her brows lift, and I take the opportunity to sit down in the chair next to her. When I don’t say anything else, her nose wrinkles and I shrug.

  “Bay? You were jealous…of Bay?”

  I love that she thinks that’s absurd, but I didn’t think it was funny at the time. I was jealous of him then, and I still don’t like people getting too close to her. I tolerate it now, because it’s important I don’t act like a Neanderthal. She makes me act like enough of a caveman as it is. I’ve got no business making life difficult for her when all I want is for her to be happy.

  “Bay?” she asks again, as if it’s ludicrous.

  Shoving her chair around with my foot, I angle it so I can pluck her out of her seat and wrap her knees around my hips, locking my arms behind her back. There’s a sigh, her soft breath moving across my face, and the smell of spearmint enters my nose. Rubbing my thumbs along her spine, I enjoy how good she feels, before heaving a big breath. “Yes, I was jealous of Bay.” I shake her a little when her mouth drops open. “He lived in your dorm. He started coming with you in the morning, you had your dumb Sunday lunches. So yes, I was jealous. And I’m not apologizing for it.”

  “I would never ask you to,” she whispers, fingers drifting over my face.

  “That’s good, ’cause I’m not sorry. That’s how I knew I was falling for you. Never been jealous of anything in my life…until you.” I huff, shaking her lightly, losing myself in her eyes, almost drowning.

  You’re so fucking beautiful.

  Her hands slip around me, touching my skin like I’ve done to her a hundred times. Like when I’ve tried to memorize the feeling of every inch of her as though she’s going to vanish.

  Her voice stays stable, but her lip quivers. “Even with everything that’s happened?”

  “Yeah baby, even with everything that’s happened, or could happen. I love you. Whatever fucked-up plans fate makes, you’re my future and I’m not sorry.”

  She sucks in air and I press my lips to hers slowly, carefully, making sure she answers before nibbling on the lower one she always punishes. Her hands drift from my upper arms and into my hair. The drag of her nails on my scalp gets me hard, but I don’t want to push her, so I pull back and press my forehead to hers. “There’s nothing that could happen that would change a damn thing for me.”

  “I love you too,” she whispers, her tears never falling, but I can hear them in her voice and in the way her body shudders.

  “I’ll do anything for you.” I give her another quick kiss before pushing a smile onto my face. “Including making sure you get Indian.”

  She gives me an answering grin that lights up her entire face. “Yeah?”

  Rolling my eyes, I act as put out as possible. “What baby wants, baby gets.”

  Throwing her arms around me, she presses hard against my chest. “Baby wants.”

  Squeezing her close, I grin at the happy note in her voice. “Then baby gets.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Rayne Mathews

  I missed class yesterday, so I’m looking through the notes Tyler brought me. He didn’t ask me about my flipping out at school last night, but I know he was worried. I just couldn’t talk about it. Not last night.

  It’s just rain.

  I didn’t talk about it while I was at the hospital, but I really need to get over this. The court ordered me to therapy and even if I’m pissed off about the way things happened, that’ll be the first thing I work on.

  Taking the rain back.

  Taking showers back.

  Taking me back.

  I physically try to shake the triggers out of my head and get back to the math in front of me. I’ve largely kept up while I’ve been out of school, but it hasn’t been easy. I’m good at math, but I’m no prodigy, and I need that class time to stay on the pre-pharmacy track. So, no more missed classes.

  While I work, Tyler’s downstairs working out with Sam, beating on a bag and getting beat on. I don’t know how I feel about that, but when he wrapped up his hands, his mood improved, so I don’t say anything about not needing any more help knocking someone out. I just hate that he’s so angry. Especially, after the fight with his dad, because no matter what he says, I was the trigger that released a lifetime worth of anger.

  Not that Richard isn’t horrible. I’m still hurt about what he said on television, but what hurts more is that he’s willing to hurt his son so publicly. He put his son on blast and had to know it wouldn’t bring Tyler back or save his marriage. He did it to be cruel. Of course, any man that can break his son’s bones over a date, doesn’t really care. The whole thing makes me sick.

  I could never do what either of our parents have done. If I ever have kids, I’ll gut anyone who tries to hurt them. Of course, I’ll never have a child if I can never have sex again.

  We had such a good night last night, even after I had such a crappy day, and I wanted so badly to strip us both down and show it, but I hesitated like I have every night, scared of what I’ll see and feel in my head. Yet another thing to work out with a therapist. I want to touch him again, be touched. I don’t want this fear to rule my life. I don’t care how long it’s been, it’s too long.

  Buzz.

  The noise from my phone makes my jump in my seat, and I slap a hand over it for a moment almost afraid of what I’ll see. When I look, it’s a message from Detective Gillete.

  Before I was taken to the hospital, he tried to keep me in the loop on the search for Gabe, but he’s been slow to return to the habit. Now, he only contacts me if there’s something really important or if he has a question. It makes an ant of nervousness crawl across my extremities when I read that he wants to see me, so I message him back that I’ll be home all day. He responds immediately, letting me know he’ll be here soon, which means whatever he wants to say must be important.

  Minutes later, Tyler comes through the door, kicking it closed behind him.

  “Hey,” he says, dropping one wrap on the table and starting on the next. “I just got a message from Granddad. He wants to stop by.”

  “Today?”

  Screwing up his face, he drops into the chair beside me and gives me a hug, rubbing his sweaty body all over me.

  “Eww. You’re sticky,” I complain.

  “Not sticky enough that you’re trying to pull away,” he snickers.

  “Get off me, gross boy!” I snort, shoving him, my fingers slipping on his skin. He keeps hold of me while he chuckles into my hair, making my shirt soak up the moisture gathered on his skin.

  “You don’t think I’m gross.” He laughs, burying his hot face into my neck and giving me a zerbert. “You think I’m sexy when I’m sweaty.” He tackles me, pushing me softly off my chair and sliding across it, his thighs resting across the seat I w
as just in, his arms and core keeping me from slamming to the floor.

  “So nasty,” I heave, looking into his face.

  “Want something nasty now?”

  “I’ll think about it,” I quip, a giggle breaking out as his unshaved face tickles me.

  “Think about it?” He mocks offense. “I’ll give you something nasty.”

  “You’re already giving me something nasty; you’re making me slimy!” I say, shoving my fingers into his pits as he hovers over me.

  “Not yet, I haven’t!” Sliding all the way across the chair dropping on top of me, his fingers dig into my sides, making me shriek with laughter.

  “Yes! You’re so nasty right now.”

  He laughs as his body presses me to the floor, capturing his weight on his elbows to keep from smothering me. “I want to feed you something nasty.” A devilish grin crosses his face.

  I can hardly breathe with how hard I’m laughing from his tickling fingers. “I thought you fed me something you thought was nasty last night.”

  “Nah, that was gross,” he says, remembering dinner. “I want to feed you something dirty.”

  “I said I’ll think about it,” I smart off at him.

  He rolls me so that I’m lying on top of him, smiling big. “Difficult woman!” His fingers dig in again, making me buck. Warm air brushes my earlobe as his lips nip my ear before he spanks my ass and lets me slip away. “I think you’re nasty enough for now.” He gives me a lopsided grin and sits up, the ripples in his abs still prominent, lines cut so deep, they provide trails for moisture to follow from his shoulders to his hips.

  There isn’t a part of his body that isn’t beautiful, isn’t built to perform, and I admire every square inch of him. Not that it prevents me from poking him, laughing and grossed out by his purposeful sliming of my clothes and hair. Rocking back on his hands, legs stretched out, his cheesy grin never fading. “You know life is better when you add a little nasty.”

  “That’s always what boys say when they wanna stick something long and gross in your mouth.”

  “Never said I didn’t.” He gives me a flirty smile and kicks my feet. “Besides, you didn’t think it was gross before.”