by Brenda Ford
Tara is stunned, I can tell it, but she plays it down. I wonder if I will be watched slightly less tonight, if people see me having fun and integrating myself, then maybe they will relax a bit and back off. I could use that. Having hawk eyes checking me out and demanding to know where I am at all times is making life very challenging for me. It isn’t straight forward to put my plan in to action when the world is breathing down my neck. Tara might not know it yet, but she might be the one to help me put this life behind me forever.
“I finish here at about six, so would you like to hang out then? You don’t need me to get changed, right?”
“Nah, I like you all sweaty and oily,” she laughs with relief, glad that she is actually getting her own way at long last. “I will see you at the bar at six. I will get a drink in for you ready.”
I grin at Tara as she walks away, silently thanking her for being so persistent. Since these guys won’t let me leave the gang with ease, I am going to have to take them down from the inside out. Tonight, that begins…
The police wire digs in to my skin and I have to really resist the urge to dart my eyes downwards to check that it isn’t showing. I really don’t want to be obvious with my actions because it’s so fucking risky to have anything to do with the cops in a place like this. If the wire gets seen, then I will die for sure. No doubt about it.
But I’m doing it for Rose and our love. That’s what I need to remember. This is all for her.
“Shall I get you another drink, lover boy?” Tara asks, almost at the stage of being sloppy drunk. Not that she is the only one. People are getting wasted around me, happy that I’m here, and I’m sure that soon enough something will be said. Enough for the cops to break in here and search the place because I’m sure then they will find evidence. I would love to find it myself to be sure, but I can’t be caught rifling around. “Another shot?”
“Perfect.” I grin. “We should get drinks for everyone. We are celebrating today, right?”
The drinks flow some more, and I do my best to relax. I’m drinking a bit but not as much as everyone else because much as I want to be a part of the party, I need to keep my head intact. I am just spilling a lot and pouring my drinks in to other people’s glasses to make sure that they get more drunk than me. It works as well. The conversation is flowing like crazy, it’s good. Even if I am a little nervous about my plan…
“Good to see you here.” All of a sudden, Butch slings his arm around my shoulder which makes me shift uncomfortably. If he feels the wire, I am more fucked than if anyone else does. “It’s nice to see you getting back in to the swing of things. Do you think that me and you could go for a chat?”
“Now?” Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don’t know how he knows but he does. “Erm, sure.”
Tara calls after us as Butch takes me across the bar in to another room, but her brother totally ignores her. His jaw is set in a grim line which lets me know this is going to go badly. Very soon, I am going to lose everything. I can’t even run, there is no way of me getting out of here alive, which means it’s done. Rose will never hear from me again. I wanted to get back to her, to let her know that I have fought for her, but it isn’t ever going to happen. She won’t even know what happened to me which is heart breaking.
“What’s going on?” I ask a little too early, before we are even in Butch’s office because I can’t stand the tension. It’s far too much for me. It’s making me feel sick. “Is everything okay, Butch?”
He turns to look at me with a furrow in his eyebrows. “I have a job for you. It’s time for you to prove yourself.”
“Huh?” Much as I have been expecting this to happen, it’s shocking to hear it now because I assumed that this meeting was about something else. “You have a job for me? Really?”
“I have been having some trouble with the McDonough brothers. You know how they have been trying to take over some of my drug territory, I must have old you about that?” I nod even though I have no idea what he’s talking about. That is clearly information that I haven’t been privy to during the last few weeks. “Right, so I took out some of their men using various threatening methods, but it hasn’t worked…”
“Took out?” I probably sound like an idiot, but I need the full information here.
“Killed,” he replies with ease. “Just the younger lads lower down in the ranks, the ones out on the streets.” Oh God, this is awful. Those poor boys who have probably been conned in to the gang life style with promises of money and power, and they are too naïve to see where it will lead them… just like I was. “But the brothers aren’t seeing sense. They are determined to continue pushing their luck. Their boys are clearly cannon fodder to them, they don’t care at all.” It’s almost laughable the way that Butch says this as if he isn’t the murderer here. “So, we are going to have to go to them instead.” He takes a gun out of his desk as he says this. “And this is where you come in. I want you to kill one of the brothers. I don’t care which one. I know that I don’t normally ask you to do the murders, I have other guys for that, or I do it myself, but this time, I need you. You need to do it as well, don’t you? You need to prove yourself to me. I need you to stay and this is the way that you can do this.”
I gulp thickly, forgetting about everything else in the world aside from the gun sitting on the desk staring at me, my next mission circling through my mind. I wanted to be out before this, I wanted it done, but it seems like I have left it too late. I am utterly screwed.
Bang!
That is until someone slams the door and I spin around quickly to find myself looking at the armed police. With relief, I recall the wire around my body. Of course, I haven’t left it too late. This is over now…
I hope.
Chapter 18 – Rose
“Are you sure that you are okay?” Nikki asks me for what feels like the hundredth time. I know that she cares about me more than anything else, but I don’t know how to keep lying and saying that I am. “Can I do anything?”
“I’m good.” I smile thinly, trying my hardest to reassure her. “Just trying to get back in to work.”
I have been back for over two weeks now. I only took a couple of days off to recover from my injuries, but it’s still hard for me to slot back in to everything properly. Especially since I haven’t been out on the road at all. I have been sitting at my desk, doing paper work, which isn’t normal for me. But I haven’t been confident enough to go traveling either, not alone which is normal. I’m scared to be by myself and vulnerable for these gang members to get me. I guess I’m not quite convinced ye that they are going to leave me alone.
“Okay, well let me know if you need a hand.” Nikki looks at me wistfully, wanting me to open up to her. I want to as well, but I know that I can’t give her all of the details. She will definitely make me go to the police if she knows that I wasn’t just hurt but kidnapped as well. “I am just at my desk if you want me.”
I nod and turn back to my computer screen, but it is honestly hard to recall what I’m even supposed to be doing. I can hardly think of anything other than Artie’s face. I wonder what he’s doing now, how his life has been over the last three weeks, if he is even alive. I can’t imagine the thought of him dying, being killed by those assholes, but every so often I have to remind myself that he could be. Just in case I never see him again, just as a push for me to move on… not that it’s really possible for me to move on from love like that.
“Hey, Rose.” Nikki grabs my attention again. “Did you want to go out this weekend? You know, a girl’s night out, like we planned all that time ago? I understand if it’s a bit much for you…”
“Sounds good,” I immediately interject. Of course, it is too much for me, but I don’t want to let Nikki down again. I am well aware that it’s a lot for her to forgive me after lying. She understands, I really think that she does, but I hate that I was a shitty friend. “I would like that a lot, Nikki. Thank you.”
She grins from ear to ear. I think that this is a sign t
o her that I am on the right path, I am recovering from my ordeal at long last. I want to give that impression; I want her to think that I am okay. That has to be the first step towards actually being alright, doesn’t it? Other people seeing that I’m doing good…
“I might go and get a coffee.” I leap up from my seat, knowing that I need a moment to get my head back in order. “Do you want one while I am at the coffee machine? Or a cup of tea?”
“Tea, milk, one sugar, please.” Nikki nods, satisfied. “Thank you, Rose.”
I put my head down and walk to the canteen with my eyes on the floor as I go. I know how office spaces work, especially if you are in it all the time. There is a big level of gossip, a lot of politics that are hard to manage, and right now since nothing else of intrigue has happened, I am the focus of that. I waited until the scar on my cheek had healed enough not to be too noticeable, but it seems that no amount of make-up could be enough. Everyone is obsessed with trying to find out what happened to me and the fact that I won’t tell them anything makes it worse. But I can’t tell them what happened, or it will only get worse. So, instead I have to accept the gossip. I’m sure the theories can’t be as bad as what really happened, which is crazy. The truth of my life is crazier than gossip. I never thought that was going to happen, I always assumed that I was a very normal person…
I block my ears to the whispers and keep walking forwards, my heart thumping sadly as I do. I want to scream, to burst out and erupt like a fucking volcano, but I can’t. I have to keep my cool for as long as I can. I have to act like I am slotting back in to life easily, that everything isn’t a mess and I’m not still obsessed with Artie.
“Hey, Rose.” The quiet voice makes me jump. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you from your thoughts…”
“Oh, Mark.” The new hire smiles at me, his dimples popping. “Good to see you. How are you?”
He makes himself a coffee using the machine and turns to face me while I do the same thing for me and Nikki. “I’m good. Starting to get used to this place now. Not that I’m here a lot. I’m out on the road.”
“Yes, I know how it goes.” This kinda makes me happy because if he hasn’t been in the office then he might not have heard all of the rumors about me. “I am usually out a lot as well. I only haven’t been recently because I let my paper work build up.” That’s a fair and reasonable excuse. “But I’m looking forward to getting back out there and selling. I much prefer that to be sitting in here all the time.”
Mark nods, understanding me completely. I can see that he really does get it as well. This man is a lot like me, we share a lot in common. It’s nice to know that I am not completely alone here, even if I don’t know Mark well yet. There is plenty of time for me and him to become friends. I could use more friends here.
“So, since you have been stuck here a lot, I was wondering…” All of a sudden, a slight redness stains his cheeks. “If you would like to come out with me some time. Like, for drinks or dinner or something.”
I almost instantly agree thinking that this man wants to be my friend just as much as I do him, but luckily before I can say anything solid, I realize that Mark is asking me out on a date. He wants to get to know me in a romantic sense. That’s flattering, of course. I’m sure that anyone would feel the same way. And this is the sort of man that I probably should date as well. We clearly have a lot in common, we could get along well, and he is handsome in a good guy kind of way. I’m sure that me and him could have a perfectly nice relationship if I wanted it. No danger, no gangs, no chance of me being harmed… so why don’t I like the idea at all?
“I erm… just got out of something serious,” I tell him awkwardly. I don’t want to let him down cruelly because I don’t want our potential friendship ruined, but I can’t lead him on at all either. Knowing what heart break feels like, I wouldn’t wish even ten percent of it on another person. No way. “I can’t even think about dating or anything like that at the moment. Sorry, Mark. I don’t want to come across as a dick…”
“No, not at all.” He immediately takes a step back from me, awkward as all hell which isn’t what I wanted at all. “Thank you for being honest. I just thought… well, I have seen you around the office a lot and thought that you were cute, but if it isn’t the right time then so be it. That’s no trouble at all.”
He makes his escape quickly and I can’t blame him. it must be hard to put yourself out on the line like that just to get shot down, but I can’t help the way that I feel. Perhaps it would be nice with him, simple and straight forward, but he isn’t Artie. I can’t make him be the only person who I will ever love. Not that I can have him either. It doesn’t matter how hopelessly in love with Artie I am, we are done. I mean, he hasn’t contacted me, and I can’t contact him, which means we aren’t ever going to be together again. It hurts, but it’s over.
“I am hopeless,” I mutter to myself. “I am a complete an utter idiot. Honestly…”
“Are you okay?” Uh oh, here is Nikki again. “I was wondering why you were taking so long.”
I spin around and smile, pleased to have something to tell her that isn’t related to Artie. “Mark just asked me out on a date, that’s why I have been here for so long. Can you believe that?”
Her eyes light up with glee. “Oh my God, the new guy? But he is so hot. You said yes, right?”
“Er, not exactly,” I admit. “But I didn’t say no either. I just kinda told him that it wasn’t the right time.”
Nikki pauses thoughtfully for a couple of seconds before she nods. “Yeah, that’s probably fair. It isn’t the best idea to rush in to things, is it? Smart. But good that you left the door open because I’m sure that the day will come when you do want to go out with him. He is hot and apparently very sweet as well. Plus, judging by the numbers, he kicks ass at his job almost as much as you do. You have a lot to talk about.”
“I don’t want to live work after work,” I laugh. “But yeah, I know what you mean. It could be good.”
But of course, I am only saying all of this in an attempt to reassure her that everything is fine. The idea of even dating anyone else, never mind anything more, is sickening. I can’t even begin to picture it. I will never like anyone as much as I do Artie, it just can’t happen. I wish I could, but I can’t.
“Anyway.” I hand Nikki her drink. “Let’s get through the rest of this day, shall we?”
The rest of the day passes surprisingly fast. I even manage to be quite productive which is really something, but I’m still glad when the time to leave comes around and everyone starts packing up their stuff. Keeping on this mask all day long is exhausting. It’s nice when I can be at home and let it slip, when I can just feel how I want to feel. I don’t want to drag anyone else down with me, but I do still feel like shit.
With my jacket on and my hand bag over my shoulder, me and Nikki leave the office together. She is already planning our girl’s night out and I am doing what I can to feign enthusiasm for it. I’m so busy intently listening to her that I don’t even see a familiar face outside of my office. I don’t even notice that everything is about to tilt and shift all over again soon enough. Not until I feel a prickle creeping up my spine to the back of my neck. Then I dart my eyes everywhere, needing to know exactly what has caused it, whether or not I need to fear for my life again. I have been dreading something like this coming my way and now it might be here…
“Oh my God.” I clap my hands to my mouth, stunned to the core. “Artie.”
Chapter 19 – Artie
Rose might look happy to see me, but her friend definitely doesn’t. “Artie?” she screams in angry shock. “He’s here? What the hell is he doing here? I thought that he had to leave you alone these days.”
I would worry that’s what Rose wants from me, that she’s glad to be away from me, but she has such love in her eyes I know that isn’t the truth. Rose is looking at me like she never thought that she would see me again, but she’s over the moon she is. Thank God becau
se I never wanted her to hate me at all.
“Rose,” I half whisper as I take a step closer to her. “Can I just have a moment of your time?”
She nods, but her friend disagrees. She links her arm through Rose’s and stares at me defiantly. “No way. You aren’t going to disrupt Rose again. You don’t know how much you have affected her already. You and your… your bad ways.” She waves her free hand dismissively. “You need to get out of here and leave her alone.”
“No, it’s okay, Nikki.” Much to my relief, she smiles reassuringly at her friend. “I want to talk to Artie. I want to know what’s going on. I know that you are worried for me and I appreciate that, but like I already told you it isn’t Artie who is a bad person, just the people that he surrounds himself with.”
“But what if this is a trap? What if he wants to get you hurt? I’m scared for you, Rose.”
“Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t talk to him if I was worried.” I think that Rose can see just as much as me that Nikki isn’t going anywhere. She isn’t comfortable with me. Not that I can blame her. Rose probably came home from her last meeting with me in a real state. “Just wait there. Give me five minutes. Okay?”
Nikki finally nods and lets Rose come to me. This is okay, I don’t expect her to simply fall back in to my arms after everything that we have been through. Nor do I want her to. This is just a five-minute conversation for me to let Rose know that I am almost back for her. But there are some more things that I need to do first.
“So, what the hell are you doing here?” Now that we are alone, Rose shows her first signs of being freaked out. “Weren’t you told that the both of us would die if we talked again? Or was that just me?”
“I was told that too, which is why it took me so long to come and talk to you…” I want to reach out and take her hands, but it doesn’t feel like this is the right time. Not yet anyway. “But that was when Butch was in control of my life. That’s something which isn’t a problem anymore. He’s gone. They all are.”
