It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

by Kylie Scott

  Meanwhile, he of course stepped up, doing the good-guy responsible thing. Once I’d decided that I was returning up north with him, he took charge of the worst of packing up my room and assorted shit. Heavy things were lifted, high items were reached, and jars were opened. All of the manly stuff covered. But it was a strange sort of friendship now.

  Another round of pee on a stick and a test at the doctor’s the following day confirmed I was indeed carrying our child. My stomach a riot, I nearly threw up on the poor doctor’s desk from nerves. Pete packed and kept busy while I worked my two weeks’ notice. Well, week and a half. Given the circumstances, my boss was kind enough to let me off a few days early.

  “What’s this?” I asked, standing outside the apartment building the following Friday afternoon. This time, holding a bag of Chinese food. If the fetus wanted fortune cookies for our very small going-away party, who was I to deny her/him/they?

  “Hey, how’d your last day of work go?” Pete grinned.

  “Good. Thanks.” I cocked my head, taking in the shiny new Subaru Forester parked in the street. The one he was standing proudly beside, swinging a set of keys. “You bought a new car?”

  “You know how we were talking about how your car isn’t exactly suitable for a baby seat and everything?”

  “When you called it a small unsafe piece of shit that you were tempted to run into a ditch on the drive down?” I asked. “Yes. I recall that conversation.”

  “I might have been a bit harsh, I’ll admit.”

  He patted the side of the SUV. “But this car, on the other hand, has excellent safety standards and a good amount of space.”

  “Okay.”

  “And all of the stuff from your room fits in, just fine.”

  “Great,” I said. “Thank you for taking care of the moving and happy new car.”

  “It’s not mine.” He pressed the keys into my hand with a smile. “It’s yours.”

  “I have a car.”

  “No, you have a small unsafe piece of shit that Maddie’s willing to buy due to its fuel economy,” he said. “Sorry to be harsh. Again.”

  “You bought me a car?” I asked, tone less than delighted.

  “Blue is your favorite color, right?”

  “You can’t just buy me a car, Pete.”

  “Already did.” He kissed my cheek. “You’re welcome.”

  “No, I—”

  “Adele, you need something suitable for you and the baby,” he said. “This is a really good vehicle. Not too big that it’ll be a hassle to park, but it’s got all the features you’d want. Here, let me take that bag. It looks heavy.”

  “Thanks.” Face tight, I looked at the key-fob thing. “I’m not comfortable with you spending this amount of money on me.”

  “It’s not a big deal.”

  “It is and we didn’t even talk about it,” I said. “You can’t just make decisions for both of us.”

  “I wanted it to be a surprise. Think of it as an accumulation of all the birthday presents you missed from me over the last seven years.”

  “Don’t bullshit me,” I said, frustration mounting. “You knew I’d have a problem with this, so you just went ahead and did it instead of talking to me about it so we could reach a decision together.”

  He gave me a pained, somewhat irritated look. “I want to look after you.”

  “And I want you to love me—we don’t always get what we want.” Then I stopped, thought about what the hell I’d just let out of my mouth. Dammit. “Pretend I didn’t say that.”

  “Beautiful . . .”

  Jesus. I hung my head. “It was just hormones. I know we’re not there. I know that’s not . . .”

  He said nothing.

  It was just like the Stones said. You really can’t always get what you want. Also, I needed to get better at locking down my emotions for everyone’s sake. Ever since he’d found out about the pregnancy, Pete had been doing everything he could, doting on me. Although the baby meant we’d always have this connection, it felt more like an ending instead of a beginning. I knew he’d love our child and by default, maybe me. Just not in the way I wanted. As he’d said, he’d come to Sydney willing to settle for friendship. To make amends for scaring me off from moving north to take the job. Yes, he’d missed me. It wasn’t enough, however. Not really. We were right on track to wind up like my own parents, bound together by a child instead of mutual love and affection. And their marriage had been a slow-motion explosion, excruciating to be a part of.

  I had to put aside my own wants and put the baby first. It was the smart thing to do.

  “The car is great, thank you,” I said. “In the future, though, please talk to me about any large purchases first.”

  “I’ll do that.” His arm slipped around my shoulders and he kissed me on the forehead. “You’re doing great. I know you’re tired and you haven’t been feeling so good. I think you’re amazing, okay?”

  My eyes felt itchy, my throat tight. Hormones were the worst.

  “It’s been a long time since I had someone I wanted to look after,” he said. “When you were young, you just needed to be entertained, fed, and watered. It was easy. Things are more complicated now.”

  “Fed and watered. You make me sound like cattle.”

  He laughed. “No more surprises, I promise.”

  “Thank you. I’ve also been thinking about moving into the guest room at your place,” I said. “It was good of you to offer, but I’m going to have to decline. I need to get my own place, have a space of my own. I’ve made up my mind.”

  His face creased, unhappy.

  “Let’s go eat,” I said. “The food will be getting cold.”

  And that was my last night living in Sydney.

  We’d called Shanti and told her about the baby. It was easier that way. She then told Dad. Dad yelled for a while. Shanti talked him down. And once he’d had time to get used to the news, everyone was officially delighted.

  When Pete and I had taken my mother out to dinner, she was also thrilled. She then told Pete he had a striking physique and asked if he’d model for her beginner life drawing class. He declined upon finding out that he’d be expected to pose nude. Perhaps I got the touch of crazy from Mom’s side.

  Hazel and Maddie were ready to have the apartment to themselves, I think. At the very least, they were ready to hand over the management of my hormonal mood swings to someone else. Though we’d all miss hanging out together and having wine and takeout nights. Pete and I made the twelve-hour drive north the next day in my new car.

  While Pete might have gotten his way about the car, he didn’t get his way about where I’d be living. I wasn’t changing my mind about that.

  “I wish you’d rethink this,” he said as we pulled into Dad and Shanti’s driveway.

  I pushed open the car door. “We’ve talked about it already.”

  “Yeah, but I think you’re wrong.”

  “So you mentioned. Multiple times, even. Hi, Dad. Hi, Shanti.”

  Dad hugged me gently, a somewhat judgey look in his eyes. “Pregnant?”

  “I know, right? Who knew that could happen?” I grinned. “Boy, did you not explain some things.”

  “Your mother had that talk with you when you were twelve,” he said. “I checked with her at the time.”

  “Huh. Guess I zoned out.”

  “Should I just call you Dad now?” asked Pete with a wry smile.

  “I don’t know,” said Dad. “Should I just hit you now?”

  “There will be no violence,” scolded Shanti. “Andrew, be nice. Peter, don’t poke the bear when you just knocked up his daughter. That’s not wise. Now, how was the drive, darling?”

  “Long.” I accepted my hug and kiss on the cheek. “Good to see you again, Shanti.”

  “Come and have a nice cold drink. What’s this about you living here for a while?” she said as she ushered me up the stairs. “Not that you’re not welcome, of course. I was just surprised. I thought for sure y
ou’d be over at Peter’s.”

  This was going to be a very long night. And I couldn’t even have alcohol. “We’re taking things slowly, concentrating on the baby.”

  “Isn’t that closing the gate long after the horse has bolted?”

  “Being with someone just because you’re having a child has a bad history of not working out in this family,” I said. “As I’m sure Dad has mentioned. I think it’s best if I get my own place.”

  “Hmm.” Shanti looked back over her shoulder. “Careful, Peter, it looks like you might be losing your touch.”

  Yeah, no. “And I for one am really looking forward to us all being overinvolved in one another’s lives and having such open and honest opinions about each other’s relationships.”

  “That’s her way of saying butt out,” said Dad.

  “Thank you,” I said. “Pete and I are just friends who happen to be unexpectedly having a baby together.”

  Dad pulled a face. “Friends, huh? I’d rather see a ring on your finger, but whatever you say, sweetheart. I told you after the tree incident, I’m staying out of it. You two can sort yourselves out.”

  Pete just scratched his head, giving me a vague smile.

  “Alright, I’ll stop prying. I’m sure you know what you’re doing.” Shanti gave me a squeeze. “What do you think, Adele? A boy or a girl?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “Not a problem. I’ll just shop for both,” she said. “I’m very excited about becoming a grandmother. Are you excited about your impending motherhood?”

  “Um, I’m getting there.”

  “Everything will be wonderful, darling. Just wait and see.”

  “Hey, what’s up? Are you alright?”

  “Talk about déjà vu, huh?” I stood on Pete’s doorstep at around midnight the same night.

  Yes to the sexy pajama bottoms but no to the bare chest this time, however. He was wearing a plain gray T-shirt. So sad. At least my sleep-shorts-and-tank-top combo were slightly different from last time. With the pregnancy-enhanced boobs, I’d taken to wearing a top with a shelf bra. Much more comfortable than having mammaries all over the place.

  “Come in here,” he said, closing the door behind me with a frown. “You didn’t climb that fucking tree again, did you?”

  “The branch is broken; I couldn’t if I wanted to. And in my current condition, I don’t.”

  “Thank God for that.”

  “I’m sorry to wake you, but I’m so tired,” I whined, shoulders slumping. “And I can’t sleep because Dad and Shanti’s room is next to mine and they keep having loud sex.”

  At this, he laughed his very fine ass off.

  “Pete, it’s not funny.”

  “Saturday night.” He shrugged. “They’re newlyweds.”

  “But he’s my father,” I said. “That makes it officially eww. I’m dying of sleep deprivation and their bed is banging against the wall like they’re filming a porno. It’s not okay.”

  “Come on.” He took my hand, leading me toward his bedroom.

  Whoa. Warning signs, red lights. “I was just going to crash in the guest room.”

  “Bed’s not made up and it’s the middle of the night,” he said, flicking off lights as we went. “We’re both dead on our feet. This is faster and easier.”

  “I’ll just take the couch.”

  “You’re not sleeping on the couch.” He shot me a smile. “Relax. We’re sleeping together, not sleeping together.”

  And it was tempting, but no. I pulled to a halt. “Pete, stop. I’m not going into your bedroom with you. That’s . . .” I shook my head at the thought. “Let’s just stick with being respectful friends who don’t share a bed, okay?”

  “Alright.” His lips firmed. “Let me grab some sheets for the spare room.”

  “Thank you.”

  He stuck his head in a hallway cupboard, rustling up some linen. The air of discontent around him was thick indeed. Much awkward. Previously, I would have been more than happy to jump into bed with him and seen where things went. New baby, new rules.

  And anyway, that prior policy of drifting into sex hadn’t really delivered results for me. Apart from the type of results you get from peeing on a stick.

  “Sorry to be such a bother,” I said.

  “You’re not a bother, Adele. I want you to come to me if you need something.”

  “Dinner went well.”

  He headed into the guest room and I followed. “Andrew was pretty calm, I thought. Come on, I’ll help you make the bed.”

  “Thanks. Have you told your father about the baby?” I asked, changing the topic neatly from my dad to his.

  “No,” he said, dumping the sheets on a chair before picking out the fitted sheet and sending it flying across the bed. I tucked in one side and he did the other. “Not yet. I will, though.”

  “I think you’re really supposed to wait until the first trimester is finished to go announcing things anyway.” I lifted one shoulder. “Miscarriage is pretty common in the first three months.”

  “Hey, don’t worry about that. Everything will be fine.”

  Next came the top sheet, followed by a light blanket. We each wrestled with a pillow and cover. Silence was interspersed with the humming of bugs and the occasional scurrying and chittering of a possum. It was peaceful. At least, it should have been.

  “I’m all set,” I said, climbing onto the bed, sitting with my back against the headboard.

  “Good, good. I should let you sleep.” But he didn’t leave.

  “I’m kind of awake again now. You probably are too. Sorry.”

  “Mind if I sit for a minute?” he asked, pointing at the other side of the bed.

  “It’s your house.”

  He settled in, in the same position as me, only one of his feet stayed on the floor. “I never really expected to settle down with anyone. So I’m probably going to suck at this at times. And I know we’ve got a lot going on right now with the baby and everything. But there’s got to be a little room in there for you and me to work on things too, don’t you think?”

  Way to lay it on me. I said nothing.

  “You’ve been putting off talking about it since we found out about the baby,” he continued.

  “I know.”

  He just waited.

  “If you really wanted, we could date, I guess.” That didn’t sound too dangerous. Surely no one’s heart could be mortally wounded yet again over dinner. Not without some concerted effort at least. “Casually.”

  “Or you could move in with me,” he said. “You know, just while you’re looking for a place of your own.”

  “Actually, I checked out some real estate sites earlier. Seems I’m in luck. There’s a couple of places available close by.” I smiled. “Shouldn’t be hard to find something reasonably quickly.”

  “It’s got to take a week or two at least, right? It’d just be practical if you were here.”

  I made a humming noise. “I should be fine at Dad and Shanti’s.”

  “I’ll repeat, newlyweds.”

  I grimaced.

  “You’re pregnant,” he said. “You need a decent full night’s sleep. Not to be walking over here at midnight all the time.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You didn’t even last one night over there. What if you walk in on them doing something on the dining room table?” he asked. “Because, as history shows, that obviously happens.”

  “Oh, God. I’d probably have to gouge my eyes out.”

  “Exactly. It’d be such a shame. You have beautiful brown eyes.”

  I exhaled. “I hope the baby has eyes like yours. A little boy with blue-gray eyes and dark hair.”

  He fell silent. Talk of the baby as an actual eventual living-and-breathing being still had the capability to freak him out at times. Which was kind of my point. The man was all sorts of temperamental. No wonder I had trust issues.

  “And we’ll call him Neville,” I continued.

  A
grunt. “You’re not naming my child Neville. Not a chance. And don’t think I don’t realize you’re just doing this to change the subject.”

  “I mean, sure, Harry and Ron kept stealing the show,” I said, on a roll now, and not all just changing the subject. “But Neville was always the true hero, right?”

  “Adele . . .”

  “Plus he grew up to be smoking hot. A total bonus.”

  “Fuck’s sake.”

  “If she’s a girl, we’ll call her Minerva,” I said. “I always loved Professor McGonagall. She could turn into a cat—how cool is that?”

  “You’re not naming our child after Harry Potter characters.”

  “You know, Pete, talk like that will get you thrown straight out of Pottermore.”

  “What the hell is that?”

  “You’re not a Harry Potter Fan Club member?” I gasped. “I can’t believe I had sex with a nonbeliever. I feel so dirty.”

  Oh, his sly grin. “I could make you feel dirtier.”

  “Forget it. Neville and I need our sleep.”

  “Neville.” He laughed. “Jesus. You know, this is why you should just move in with me. Who else would happily listen to you babble this insane stuff?”

  “You’re happily listening?” I scoffed. “I’d hate to imagine what grumpy listening would look like.”

  And all of a sudden he turned serious, very much so. “Adele, I’m sorry. I know I hurt you and let you down before.”

  “You change your mind, Pete. A lot.”

  “I know.” He exhaled, gaze sober. “But I also now know that I’m a pitiful useless sack of shit without you.”

  I frowned. “That sounds oddly specific.”

  “Your father may have called me that a time or two over the last couple of months.”

  “Huh.” I smiled grimly. “So Dad calls you names when you’re getting with me, and also when you’re not with me. Seems harsh.”

  “Doesn’t mean he’s not right both times.” He sighed. “If dating is all you’re willing to give me right now, then I’ll take it. Thank you.”