Forbidden Love: Book 1 in the Mackenzie Series (Leave Me Breathless World)

by Elizabeth Knox

  Liam

  She wants me to treat her like she’s my wife. Caprice doesn’t have any idea what she’s asking. She is my wife, however, not in a conventional way most people are used to. Where others have had years to get to know each other before one proposes and then they marry, we’ve only had a couple of weeks to know things about each other.

  Still, she wants me to treat her like she’s my wife. I take in her features, from her almond-colored brunette hair to her amber-tinted brown eyes and soft olive skin. She’s every man's wet dream and I had fought not wanting her in this way.

  For a brief period of time, all I wanted was to use her for my own gain, not to lust after her the way I am right now. Hell, I thought I could do it too. I thought I could marry her to further affirm I’m ready to take over the mob from my father, but he informed me earlier today that just because I’m married, it doesn’t mean I’ll get it any sooner. He’s stated oh so clearly how he’ll step down when he’s ready to hand over the reins.

  I run my tongue over my bottom lip, trying to maintain my composure. Internally. I fight with myself, wanting nothing more than to throw her up against the nearest wall and show her just how good being my wife can be.

  Those innocent eyes of hers stare into mine, revealing a dash of mischief. I know the second we start, I won’t be able to stop myself. It’ll be explosive as all hell. I knew that the first moment my eyes ever landed on her. Instantly, I was able to tell she’s the type of woman you don’t take one shot of. No, Caprice is the type you slowly sip and savor over time.

  I suck in a short breath, grumbling my warning. “I don’t stop once I start, Caprice. I will ravage you like a piece of fresh meat.” Every word I’ve just said should warn us both that this moment isn’t the right time. From what she’s confessed, she’s never had a good sexual experience in her life. I don’t want us to be added to that list because I was too rough with her. While I’ll be slow with what I do, I’m a rough bastard when I have what I want. It’s been two years since the last time I had sex. Two fucking years, because the last woman I gave my heart to ripped it out of my chest.

  Caprice glides her hands up my chest slowly before she wraps them around my neck, keeping her eyes on mine. “If I was afraid, I wouldn’t have said it.”

  The fact she’s practically a mind reader is even more appealing. “I don’t want you to fear me,” I say, laying it all out on the line. I know if I make one mistake, she will.

  “Liam, I trust you. I don’t know why, but my heart keeps convincing me you’re good. You aren’t like anyone I’ve ever met before, and it gives me hope. So, listen to me when I say I trust you. I came here to hide under your family’s nose, hoping the protection Ireland provides would keep my father away. I knew then you all were good. In my heart, I knew.” She places her hand on her chest. “And you’ve proven my heart right. You’re good.”

  I bring my lips a tiny bit closer to hers, where they’re touching but we’re not quite kissing. “Caprice, I appear to be good, but I’m not.”

  “Then show me your darkness, Liam Mackenzie. I’m a tough cookie. I can handle it.”

  “You don’t understand what you’re asking for, Caprice,” I state, closing my eyes.

  “Stop trying to talk me down. I want you, and from the looks of it, you want me too,” Caprice hisses, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth. With that small action, my control starts slipping away. I wrap my arm around her body, holding her firmly against my chest, and wrap my other hand around her neck, inhaling the sweet scent of the vanilla lavender body wash I put in the bathroom this morning. She smells decadent.

  Caprice allows a soft breathy moan to slip through her lips, most likely in anticipation of what I’ll do. I force her to back up, pressing her into the cabinet and counter. Sliding my hands to her hips, I pick her up by her ass and plop her on the cold stone, breathing heavily against her mouth.

  I open my eyes and see the glimmer of heat in hers. It’s everything I need to press the gas on what we’re doing. If she had shown even an ounce of fear, I would’ve held myself back, but here she is, egging me on.

  “Are you sure you want me, Caprice?”

  “Did I stutter?” she hisses, showing her evident annoyance.

  I slip my suit jacket off, placing it on the counter next to Caprice. Her irises expand in anticipation so I continue slowly unbuttoning my shirt. She saw me shirtless earlier, but she didn’t see my back. I’m sure where she comes from the Italian guys are prim and proper. While I look the part, I’m not.

  Business in the front, party in the back, as they say. There are two halves to me— the good and the bad. If Caprice wants to see both, then I’ll show her who I really am.

  I turn, allowing my shirt to fall down a bit, revealing my back covered with ink representing everything I’ve done for my family and my country. “Are those the trinities?”

  “Yes. They represent many things. Some believe it’s pertaining to God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. However, in my culture, we view the trinity a bit differently. While it’s represented in a religious sense, there’s also another meaning— life, death, and rebirth. Every trinity linked together on my back is symbolic for me. It’s the number of men I’ve issued the second representation to in order to protect what’s important to me.”

  I turn back around to face Caprice, expecting to see fear. Instead, I’m shocked. Her eyes are filled with tears and as I’m about to speak, she cuts me off. “You go to such great lengths to protect the people you love. I’m not used to that. Where I’m from, you pay someone to handle your problems, but you handle them yourself. Liam, I’m not expecting you to be perfect because Lord knows I’m not. I’m not even expecting insta-love or any of that shit. What I do expect is for both of us to respect each other, especially since we are married. It may only be in a legal sense, but one day I do hope I fall for you and we’re a couple in mind, body, and spirit. I will accept the body part now, though.” She giggles at the end, earning a smile from me.

  Bringing my lips to hers, I kiss her with more passion than I’ve ever kissed anyone— including my ex. I show Caprice I can have a soft side as well as a harsh one before I pull away. “Finish this damn cake so I can take you upstairs and show you what it means to be mine.”

  22

  “Her appetite for him was voracious and although the starvation was torture she was certain the feast would be salacious.”

  ~ A. Jade

  Liam

  Caprice took her time allowing the pastry to cool before she put the filling in. I watched her dash powdered sugar on the top and grab a few raspberries from the fridge before we walked alongside each other back over to Luca and Alessandra’s flat.

  We stand at their door, knocking lightly, waiting for it to open, but I’m getting the feeling it won’t. “Who’s there?” Alessandra asks.

  “It’s me. I made your favorite cake for your birthday. You don’t have to eat it with me or anything, but I wanted you to have something, and I hope you enjoy it,” Caprice says. Even though she doesn’t stutter or choke, I can see the emotion written across her face.

  Much to my surprise, Alessandra does open the door and Luca is standing a few feet behind her. Instead of looking to Caprice, he stares at me and mouths, ‘She’s having a rough time.’ I nod, understanding it must be even more difficult for her. She’s barely an adult, and from everything I’ve heard, she wasn’t treated in the same way her sister was.

  “I’m sorry I slapped you. I shouldn’t have done that,” Alessandra tells Caprice.

  “It’s fine. We were both angry,” Caprice replies, handing her the cake. Alessandra opens the top and smiles brightly at the contents, opening her arm to give Caprice a hug. “I’m going to go hang out with Liam for a while, but you and Luca enjoy your cake.”

  “I . . . are you sure you don’t want to come in?”

  Caprice glances up at me with a sinful smile. “Yeah, Liam and I have prior obligations. I’ll come over tomorrow
though.”

  “You two can go out with Shaun and Bishop. They’ll escort both of you into town so you can get some shopping done,” I tell them, looking back to Luca, who nods in agreement. He and I have a meeting with my father which could take the entire day. It’s better we stick to our schedule, and this way the girls are protected and busy.

  “Okay, sounds like a plan,” Caprice says.

  “Cap . . . I mean it, I’m really sorry. I’m having a difficult time adjusting to all this change. I feel like life just screwed me over so bad. Honestly, I saw the way you felt trapped by our father and I thought I’d be free the second I turned eighteen. Only, the universe had other plans for me,” Alessandra tells her sister, adding a half-smile at the end.

  Caprice gives her sister another hug. “It’s fine. We’ll talk about everything tomorrow while we’re having our girls' day.”

  “Okay, see you tomorrow,” Alessandra states, shutting the door.

  Caprice and I get out of the security house and are on our way back to the main house when she stops all of a sudden and looks at me. “I heard what Luca said to Bishop earlier. What was all of that about?”

  “It’s not my gossip to tell,” I say, not wanting to bring up old shite.

  “If you don’t tell me, I’ll just go to the sources myself.”

  “Fine. Luca’s fiancé died a little over a year ago. She was pregnant with Luca’s baby, but she was Bishop’s ex. She had a one-night stand with Bishop. They met at Maeve’s, actually. She found out she was pregnant. Her and Bishop dated for six months but it didn’t work, so they broke up before Aoife was born. Obviously, Roisin spent time around all of us. She and Luca connected that way but had known one another since they were kids. Luca had gone to Bishop to make sure he wasn’t breaking bro code and Bishop gave the all-clear, stating all they had in common was their daughter. Long story short, everything was great for Luca and Roisin but they drifted apart during her pregnancy and were on a break. Roisin had told him they might be better as friends and they were on a break when they died, but she wore that ring every day, and she was pregnant with Luca’s kid . . . when she started fucking Bishop again.”

  “Whoa.”

  “I know, it’s a lot.”

  “So he never went after Bishop because of Aoife,” Caprice says and I nod.

  “Yes, Aoife was already down one parent. Luca would never be able to live with himself if he made that sweet little girl an orphan. He loved Roisin, so fucking much. Her death broke him, and the drama crippled him too.”

  “And here I thought my life was dramatic,” Caprice teases.

  “Oh no, not nearly as bad,” I say, adding a wink at the end. Caprice breaks into laughter, tossing her head back in a carefree way. It’s refreshing to see her like this, so jovial.

  The two of us continue walking and go into the main house. I stop at the bottom of the stairs, turn to her, and brush her hair behind her shoulder with my hand. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I ask, needing to verify she truly wants what's about to unfold.

  Caprice rolls her eyes, doesn’t answer me, and walks upstairs. I’m going to take that as a ‘yes’ and head up myself, following her to the bedroom we now share. I shut the door behind me when I get inside, locking it like she did the night before. “Afraid someone’s going to break in,” she teases, mocking me from the previous night.

  “Oh, look at you being a smart ass. No, quite the contrary. I don’t want you trying to escape after I’ve made you come for the tenth time. You’re mine, Caprice. I’m going to make sure you never remember anyone before me,” I promise her. Snaking my hand around the back of her neck, I tug her to me and crash my lips down onto hers. Slipping my tongue into her mouth, I kiss her roughly, ferociously, showing her how hungry I am. Caprice’s hands go to the front of my shirt, unbuttoning it again..

  Swiftly, I move my hands to her flannel shirt, unbuttoning it as quickly as I can. I slide her shirt off her, revealing that peach-colored bra thing I bought her this morning. Her tits are soft and perky, calling my mouth to them. Much to my surprise, Caprice goes straight to my trousers after she’s taken my shirt off. I step out of my pants as they hit the floor, revealing my cock. I didn’t bother putting boxers on this morning.

  “Whoa,” she gasps out, taking in a deep breath and that’s when I see it. The one thing I was worried about.

  Fear.

  23

  “She tried so hard to make everyone happy, but she realized she was forgetting someone. Herself.”

  ~ Unknown

  Caprice

  Liam shut it down quickly last night, so fast that I didn’t even get the chance to protest. He put his pants back on, kissed me on the cheek, and said we needed to slow it down, leaving me in our bedroom alone.

  I don’t know why he left so abruptly. In all honesty, I thought I held myself together pretty well. So much so that all my demons were hiding under the bed, not coming out to show him their faces. While I might have looked composed, I was terrified. All I could think about was every other traumatic experience I’ve had related to sex.

  The time I lost my virginity is the one I remember the most vividly. I can’t even remember the man’s name, but he was an accountant for one of the mafia families. He came into my room, ripped down my pants, and shoved himself inside me. I remember the burning sensation, how it tore through me and I felt like I was being cut in half. I cried, begged and pleaded for him to stop, but he laughed from behind me with his grip firmly in my hair as he shoved my face up against the wall. When he was finished, he threw a container of pills at me and told me to take one so I wouldn’t get pregnant.

  Thinking back, I ran out of them before Rafael came.

  I know Liam isn’t like any of the men I’ve had a sexual encounter with before. He’s caring, sweet, and nurturing, although he also has a dark side to him. Is that why I was so afraid last night? Because he’s told me he has an evil side. It’s nothing like what I’ve witnessed before. I’m almost certain he isn’t what I’ve experienced before. I think that’s the sole reason I’m even open to anything igniting between the two of us— the hope I feel.

  I roll over in bed and glance at the old-fashioned clock on the bedside table. It reads just past three in the morning. Screw this. I refuse to just lay up here in bed and not talk to him. Liam hasn’t come back since he left the room last night either.

  After he left, I went through the bag and put on a pair of pajamas, needing the feeling of being covered up to ease me. I rise and head toward the door, open it, and go down the stairs. I don’t know where he’ll be, but I’ll be sure to check every room I can. I walk straight into the living room, figuring he might be sleeping on a couch. It’s the first place I’d go if I needed space, but I don’t see him as I scan the area.

  I decide to go into the dining room next, remembering there’s a small bar against the east wall, and that’s where I see him. He has a glass of scotch next to him, halfway full.

  “Liam?” I say, causing him to look back at me as I approach.

  “You should go back upstairs, Caprice,” he mutters in a low tone, almost sounding sad.

  “I’d rather not be alone,” I confess, taking the seat next to him. “The silence is deafening.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “Mhm, so . . . why didn’t you come back to our room?”

  Liam picks up the scotch and takes a sip, setting it back down on the bar before he answers me. “I needed to not only give you space but come down here and think. There shouldn’t be a doubt in your mind I want you. You’re not only breathtakingly gorgeous but intelligent as well. You might not know it, but you’re a rare combination. However, I need to be more aware of the experiences you’ve had in your past. You might’ve been telling me one thing last night, Caprice, but your body language was telling me you weren’t ready. You were scared, but instead of telling me, you kept assuring me you were fine. I need you to trust me, to tell me when you’re scared, happy, afraid, etc
etera.”

  “I . . . ” I grow silent for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say to him, but there’s no way I can think this through right now. I don’t have the damn time. So, I speak from the heart. “I don’t want to remember the things I’ve been through, but as we were getting undressed, all I could think about was the first time I ever had sex. I felt like I was watching a movie and suddenly every gruesome detail came to the forefront of my mind and scared me half to death. Liam, I know you’re not him. Hell, you’re not them . . . I want you, but I can’t forget everything I know.”

  “You only know fear,” Liam states. I nod at his assessment.

  I smile. “I do, but I want to learn about other things. Like lust, love, and compassion. I want the sensual moments I know we can experience together. All I need is for you to be patient with me.”

  Liam picks up his alcohol again and takes another sip. “I’ll go as slow as you need me to. I apologize, I shouldn’t have been so abrasive with you last night in my needs.”

  “It’s alright. We’re learning. This is new for both of us.” I place my hand on his arm, giving him a squeeze of reassurance.

  I still don’t know why I’m so hopeful when it comes to Liam, but there’s this feeling deep inside me screaming about how I can trust him. I sure hope this feeling is right because I want to experience everything I’ve just said to him. I crave it more than he knows, and if he’s the first man I ever love . . . it will make our relationship so much more special.

  I don’t want Liam and I to be a charade.

  I want us to be real.

  24

  “We try to hide our feelings, but we forgot our eyes speak.”

  ~ Unknown