Wild and Precious

by CJane Elliott

  “Did I?” Cody didn’t remember knowing anything of the sort. It had all been fun and games at the beginning: initiating the straight boy into the world of gay sex.

  “Well, you can’t say we didn’t warn you once we saw you were getting involved.”

  “True. You guys tried to tell me in Cape Charles.”

  “Right. I don’t know, hon, maybe he’s just a bi-curious straight boy. Maybe it doesn’t go deep enough for him to overturn his life.” She hastened to add, “I don’t mean you. I know he cares about you. I mean him being gay or bi or whatever he is.”

  Cody heaved a sigh. “Now I remember why I stay away from straight boys. But I think Brent’s gay. He practically said so.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He told me everything finally makes sense about his sexuality.”

  “Wow. Well, okay, that sounds promising.”

  “Yeah. But coming out is hard. I don’t have a problem with him doing it on his own terms. It’s just—wait, he’s home. Thanks, sweetie, love you. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Love you too, baby. Hang in there.”

  Cody sat up and prepared to have it out with Brent.

  Brent heard Cody talking as he unlocked the door. It took him two tries, given all the alcohol he’d imbibed at the party. He’d had a great time, though—singing, drinking, and even dancing when Graham had pulled him onto the floor with a bunch of them, Brent unable to take his eyes off Graham’s fabulous dance moves. Yep, a great time. Such a great time that he’d been shocked when he’d checked his phone and realized he’d been at the party for three hours, rather than the hour he’d planned on. Thank God the Metro ran late on Friday nights.

  Pushing open the door, he stumbled in. Cody sat on the couch, his guitar next to him, and Brent eyed him, trying to figure out whether or not Cody was angry. He certainly wasn’t saying anything.

  “Hey there. Sorry I’m late.” Brent wove his way to the couch. “Oh, man, I’m drunk.” Pushing the guitar aside, he plopped down next to Cody and took his hand.

  “Have fun?” Cody’s face was a polite mask, his hand unresponsive in Brent’s.

  Brent gave a noncommittal grunt, a picture coming unbidden into his mind of him and Graham leaning shoulder to shoulder, belting “We Are the Champions” with the karaoke machine.

  “You had a visitor.”

  Brent didn’t miss the ice in Cody’s voice this time, and tried to focus. “Huh?”

  “Your brother came by. To remind you about the tux? And the rehearsal dinner? For his wedding? That you somehow failed to tell me about?”

  “Oh.” Shit, he was too out of it to deal with this right now. “Sorry, I, yeah… we should talk about that, but I’m wasted. Cody!”

  Cody had risen without a word, grabbed his jacket and his keys, and headed for the door. “I’ll be at my place.” The door slammed shut behind him.

  Brent keeled over on the couch and watched the room spin. After a few dizzy-making revolutions he closed his eyes, deciding to think about it in the morning, and plunged into a drunken slumber.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Brent, honey, what’s the matter?” His mom stood over him as he slumped on the bench in the restaurant lobby. “You’ve been lower than an angleworm’s belly all evening.”

  Brent’s lips twitched at his mom’s colorful analogy, spoken in her Kentucky drawl, but a sharp wave of guilt went through him. This wasn’t fair. He hadn’t seen his parents in a year, they were all together again for a happy occasion, and Brent was being an ass. He’d been an ass to Cody, who hadn’t talked to him all week, and now he was being an ass to his family. Way to be an all-around loser.

  He straightened his back. “I…. Mom, sit down.” His heart started beating so hard he felt light-headed. This was it. He was about to come out to his mother in the lobby of a restaurant at his brother’s rehearsal dinner.

  She sat, careful to smooth out the skirt on her expensive outfit, which made him feel even worse. It was hard enough for her and Dad to have to hobnob with the upper-crust East Coast Sorensons without Brent messing things up. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  Brent almost caved. She didn’t need more crap added to her pile right now. Then he thought about Cody, and Graham, and damn Mary Oliver and her damn question about his damn wild and precious life. Ugh. Here goes. “You know when you asked whether there was anyone I wanted to bring to this dinner tonight?”

  “Yes?”

  “Well, there’s someone I should’ve brought. And they aren’t speaking to me, ’cause they think I’m ashamed of them. But I’m not. I’m ashamed of myself and the way I’ve been acting.”

  She put her hand on his shoulder. “Oh, honey. I had no idea. I haven’t heard you talk of anyone lately but your friend Cody—oh.”

  His mom was quicker than he gave her credit for. She turned so she was fully facing him and took his hand. “I want you to tell me the truth.”

  Brent’s eyes stung. “I…. Cody is more than a friend to me.”

  Her face got pale. “What are you saying?”

  “You know what I’m saying. I’m gay.”

  There. He’d said it out loud, and as he did, the truth of it filled him. He exhaled, feeling something let go inside, something he hadn’t even known was clenched and tight.

  His mother was staring off into space. “Mom?”

  “I’ll pray for you, son,” she said, still not looking at him.

  “I don’t want—”

  “It’s a sin, according to the Bible.”

  “Do you really believe that?” He tried to remove his hand from hers, but she held on tightly and turned her gaze back to his.

  “I don’t know. I used to. Your dad’s always been more easygoing on that stuff. I… shoot.” It seemed like she was struggling not to cry, but her eyes filled.

  “It’s not…. Mom, don’t cry.” Brent watched her helplessly, as visions of being forever estranged from his family loomed over his head.

  “Wait.” She released his hand and wiped under each eye, muttering, “Damn eyeliner. Okay, just let me… let me say this.” She took a breath. “You’re my son, and I love you. I’ve always wanted the best for you, and for life to give you what you want. If… if this is what you want, then I support you.”

  Brent blinked back his own tears. “It’s not what I want. It’s who I am.”

  She pulled him into a hug, crying freely, and whispered, “Okay, honey, okay.”

  They stayed that way for a long time, holding on.

  When they broke apart, Brent wiped his eyes. “Thanks, Momma. I’ve gotta go make a call.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Brent stood on the small stage in the hotel ballroom, warm in his tuxedo, reading a poem out loud. A few hours before, at a candlelit ceremony in the Washington Cathedral, Darrell and Melinda had delivered their vows to each other in front of the Episcopal priest and several hundred guests. Brent had surprised himself by getting teary eyed at the loving wonder on his brother’s face as he’d gazed at his bride. They’d all repaired to a swanky hotel for the reception. After the multicourse dinner came champagne and toasts. This time, Brent had prepared for his toast by writing a poem for Darrell and Melinda. A hush fell over the room as Brent read words that spoke of love, and hope, and healing.

  When he finished, there was a silence, followed by much applause. Melinda ran to him and hugged him, tears in her eyes, while Darrell threw his arm around him. Brent finally broke away, scanning the room until he found Cody leaning against a wall in his borrowed suit, smiling at him. Brent brightened. His invitation to Cody last night had been so last minute, Cody had needed to rearrange his schedule, and Brent hadn’t been sure he’d be able to make it. Brent waded through the crowd, being stopped every few feet by someone else who exclaimed about his poem, until he reached him. He took Cody’s hand, relishing the surprise that crossed his face.

  “Come on,” Brent said. “There’s some people I want you to meet.”

/>   They walked through the room hand in hand, Brent feeling his heart beating fast and his cheeks flush. When a few people stared Brent told himself to get used to it—there’d be a lot more where that came from. He saw his parents and the newlyweds standing in a group that included Mr. and Mrs. Sorenson and Ari and Lexie, and steered Cody over to them. Everyone stopped talking as they approached, but Brent felt better when he noted Ari’s huge grin.

  “Hey, Brent. Hi, Cody.” Ari practically danced a jig, he looked so pleased.

  “Hey. Um, everyone, I wanted to introduce you to Cody Bellstrom, my… um, my boyfriend.”

  Lexie smiled warmly and came over to give them both hugs. “Nice to see you again, Cody. We need to all get together soon.”

  Brent caught his father’s eye and… was he smirking? He raised his eyebrow and nodded at Brent, then walked over and offered Cody his hand. “Bert Granger, Brent’s dad. Nice to meet you.”

  “Thanks,” Cody said, appearing flustered. “You too.”

  When Mom joined them, Brent was the one getting flustered, but she was the epitome of graciousness as she held out her hand. “Cody, hello. I’m Carrie, Brent’s mom. That’s an interesting name, Bellstrom. What’s the origin?”

  Dad laughed. “Carrie’s not giving you some strange third degree. She’s a genealogy nut. Consider yourself forewarned.”

  While his parents grilled Cody, Brent looked around for Darrell, because he was the one Brent was most worried about. He saw him talking with Melinda, their heads bent close. Then Melinda straightened up and approached Brent with a big smile. She was holding Darrell’s hand and seemed to be dragging him with her.

  “You big sneak!” Melinda bopped Brent on the arm. “How long has this been going on?”

  “A… while. Since summer.” Brent ventured a glance at Darrell, who still looked like he’d seen a ghost.

  “And to think I’ve been wasting my time finding women for you to date.” She turned to Darrell. “Well, hon? Don’t you have anything to say to your brother?”

  “Um, yeah. You’re a jerk for hiding this from us. As far as the gay thing—whatever floats your boat, man. I’m still better at Halo 3, lameass.”

  “Are you kidding? I beat your ass so bad the last time.”

  “Language, boys.” Mom waved a disapproving finger.

  Darrell and Brent smiled guiltily at each other and Brent felt everything return to normal, except for the fact that he was standing next to his boyfriend, who was slipping his hand into Brent’s. So, okay—the new normal.

  Chapter Sixteen

  After introducing Cody to his family and living to tell the tale, Brent left Cody talking to Mrs. Sorenson, who was asking him all about his music, and went out on the enclosed veranda to enjoy a moment to himself. He gazed at the monuments that framed the DC skyline, still high from being acknowledged by so many people for his poetry. And being acknowledged as a gay man. Brent laughed, thinking of Darrell’s shock, his dad’s knowing look, and the nonchalance of the Sorensons when he’d said Cody was his boyfriend.

  “Brent Granger, as I live and breathe.”

  The familiar voice behind him gave him a start. He turned his head and Graham stood there with a smile on his face, elegant and impossibly handsome in a dashing tuxedo.

  Brent broke into a grin. “Graham! I didn’t see you earlier. Wow, you look… um.” He stopped, reminding himself Graham was still his boss. His boss, who knew nothing of his newly declared sexuality.

  Graham gave Brent the once-over and whistled, ogling him openly. “You, too. Turn around, I want to see the full effect of this tux.”

  Amused, Brent did a 360. So much for appropriateness with the boss.

  “Nice,” Graham said when Brent faced him again. “I had a meeting I

  couldn’t get out of, so I got here late. I was in time for your poem, though.”

  He cleared his throat, then said in a lower voice, “You’re a fucking incredible poet. I had no idea. Writing is so the right path for you.”

  Warmed by the way Graham was staring at him, Brent stepped forward without thinking. And then Graham took his hand. An electric charge coursed through Brent’s body, knocking the breath out of him. He froze, mesmerized by the heat of Graham’s touch and the emotion in his eyes.

  Graham leaned closer. Their connection was so strong, Brent couldn’t break away, didn’t even think of it. Then Graham looked down at their joined hands, gave a start, and let go with a pained expression.

  “I’m sorry, Brent. That was inappropriate. I just want you to know… well, I think you’re special. In a lot of ways.” He cleared his throat again. “Some woman is going to be lucky to have you.”

  Brent’s face grew hot, and it wasn’t even about the “some woman” reference, although he was past due at letting Graham in on his sexual orientation. No, it was the admiration he saw in Graham’s eyes, and the warmth he could still feel from Graham taking his hand.

  “I… no. You’re the one who’s special. You’re like the most amazing person I know.”

  Seeing surprise and a hint of vulnerability cross Graham’s face, Brent suddenly got on a roll.

  “I mean it, man. You rock so much in how you run the magazine. You’re a great manager, you’re great with people. And you’re so freaking talented. And you’re hilarious, too—it’s like a party being around you.”

  “Wow.”

  Undeterred by Graham’s interruption, Brent continued, “And the other thing is how you live your life. Like you’re not afraid to be you, you don’t care what people think, and that’s so cool. I think… um, I think I’m finally getting more that way, and it’s because of you.” Brent clapped his hand over his mouth, then he laughed. “Oh, jeez, sorry. I’ll stop now.”

  “No.” Graham wore a soft expression, softer than Brent had ever seen on him. “I really appreciate you saying all of that. I—”

  Someone opened the door to the veranda and poked their head out. It was Cody.

  “There you are.” Cody beamed at Brent and came to join them. “Your mom is looking for you.”

  “Um, okay,” Brent managed, confused by how much he resented Cody’s interruption at that precise moment. Well, hell. He hadn’t envisioned coming out to Graham like this, especially not after what had just happened between them, but he couldn’t change it now.

  He squared his shoulders and took Cody’s hand. “Graham, this is my boyfriend, Cody. Cody, this is my boss, Graham.”

  Graham stared at their hands, then at Brent, shock crossing his face, along with another emotion Brent couldn’t quite interpret, but it left him feeling awful. They’d been so connected a moment ago and now…. Brent averted his eyes.

  Cody, oblivious, nodded to Graham. “Nice to meet you. I love Washington/Arts, and from what Brent tells me, you’re the main reason for it being as good as it is.”

  Graham smoothed his features into his most sociable mask and smiled charmingly at Cody while putting his hand on Brent’s shoulder, digging his fingers in. “No, it’s my great staff who make the magazine what it is. I’m lucky to have people as brilliant as Brent.” He let go of Brent and dropped his hand to his side.

  Brent gave a weak nod, sure his face was a permanent shade of red. “Um, thanks. Well, I’ve gotta go see what Mom needs.”

  “Fine,” Graham said, mask firmly in place. “See you Monday. Cody, good to meet you.”

  “You, too.”

  As Brent walked into the ballroom with Cody, he ventured a glance back at the veranda, where Graham remained, all alone, a dark silhouette against the lit-up monuments.

  Chapter Seventeen

  One frigid Friday night in late January, Ari stood, pulled on his jacket, and gave Brent a wave. “Later, guy. Don’t work too late.”

  “Hey, wait,” Brent called. “I’m coming with you.”

  Ari turned, face full of disbelief. “You? Brent Granger? Coming to office karaoke night?”

  “Yeah, what of it?” Brent shut down his laptop and put on
his coat.

  “Oh, maybe the fact you’ve never come to one karaoke night in the two years you’ve worked here.”

  Brent shrugged as he fell in beside Ari and they walked to the elevator. “Cody’s a singer and when he heard about it, he wanted to come.”

  “Oh I seeee.” Ari’s eyes twinkled. “This guy is already changing you for the better. Wait ’til Graham finds out you’re coming. He’ll be jazzed.”

  “Graham?” Brent didn’t like the way his heart skipped a beat. “Does he go?”

  “Duh, bro.” Ari punched the elevator button. “He’s the one who started office karaoke. You’ve heard him sing. No one wants to get up there after he’s done, but he makes us.”

  “Oh, yeah. Right,” Brent said, remembering Graham singing in his amazing tenor voice at the Christmas party, and Brent singing right along with him. He must have been pretty drunk not to have been intimidated by Graham’s talent.

  Brent followed Ari out of the elevator and through the lobby with mixed feelings. He was glad to be no longer hiding his relationship with Cody. They’d had fun last weekend going to the Thai restaurant with Ari and Lexie, and Darrell and Melinda had insisted they come over for dinner every week. Bette and Aurora had also made much of them and dragged them out to gay clubs, and Brent had enjoyed the hell out of the drag shows. After much persuading by Aurora, he’d even gotten out on the dance floor. Overall, Brent felt good about owning who he was: a gay man.

  Graham was another story. Brent couldn’t put a finger on it, but things had been different since the wedding and their talk on the hotel veranda. Although Graham treated him the same as always at work, he’d stopped inviting Brent to hang out on the weekend. That might not have been intentional since it’d only been a month. Graham may have been busy. But Brent couldn’t stop thinking about that charged moment between them, interrupted by Cody, and couldn’t forget the flash of shock in Graham’s eyes. He wondered if Graham was avoiding him.