A Last Kiss Goodbye

by Kate Ashton

  Yes.

  Wish I could be there, sis. Love U.

  Love U 2.

  She slips her phone into her pocket and just sits. Andrew was the golden boy, good at supports, good at school, and good looking. He was her parent’s pride and joy. They miss him terribly. When he left, the spotlight turned onto her, and she felt like she could never live up to her brother.

  Drained and weakened from the vision, Lucy stumbles out of the dressing room. She places the dress on the rack and heads out to the parking lot.

  Guess the shopping day is over.

  Chapter 4

  It is a silent drive home, the tension thick and palpable as if Lucy could cut through it with a knife. Her mother doesn’t say a word but focuses on the road, the line of cars ahead of them.

  Lucy feels the familiar disappointment, that she failed her mom, her hopes and expectations, that somehow with this engagement and coming wedding her mother hoped to have a normal daughter. Like there is some sort of signed agreement, a trade off. The visions would cease. Lucy knows, has always sensed, her mother’s wish for a different daughter. It has always been hard to swallow.

  At home, Lucy says nothing but heads to her room. She stays there until she can’t take it anymore. She needs to move, to breathe, to live. To feel the caress of fresh air and of belonging, even if it’s that she is only part of a crowd of strangers.

  She lets Jacques know she’s heading out to shop and slips out the back door.

  Downtown, she drifts from store to store, peering through windows, sifting through items she doesn’t plan on purchasing. Her thoughts return to the man in her visions. His sadness, his pain. Oh how she wishes she could ask her family and friends if they know this man, somehow warn him of coming danger...or death. That’s what bothers her the most. Someone’s life could be on the line. Her visions are rarely wrong. And her mother pushes them down, hoping that they’ll fade and die without fuel to add to the fire.

  About the fifth store, she feels the uncomfortable prick of being watched. The tiny hairs rise on the back of her neck. She doesn’t need to be psychic with visions to sense she’s being followed.

  Yet, she doesn’t sense danger.

  Maybe her mother sent someone on staff to watch out for her. Or maybe, it’s Jacques. That is something he would do. She decides to lay a trap. At the next store, after casually strolling, she darts through the door as someone is leaving. Then she stands directly to the side and waits. Staring at the empty spot in front of the entrance. It has to be Jacques. She will surprise him; they will have a good laugh, and then she’ll buy him a late lunch.

  The door opens. The scent of the outdoors and people and exhaust wafts through. She holds her breath, ready to jump at him.

  A beautiful blonde walks through, cautiously, her gaze flickering through the store as if looking for someone. Lucy’s stomach flip-flops. She recognizes the gorgeous curls, the perfectly curvy body.

  She steps forward. “Hi, Madison.”

  Alexander’s close friend startles, then quickly recovers and masks any guilt with a smile. “Your mother said I might find you here. Glad I found you,” she gushes. “Alex is busy with something or other and I hoped for a chance to get to know you better. Before we know it the engagement party will be here and gone, and Alex and I will be back on the plane, and I will have barely had a chance to chat with you. He hasn’t been sharing very well.”

  Lucy observes her shortness of breath, like she can’t quite get enough air. The way someone sounds when giving an oral report or presentation...or when lying. All lies.

  Before answering, Lucy thinks back on last night. He knew something was different, that something happened. She has never stiffened up during a make-out session. Then she covered with an obvious lie, not ready to reveal the truth. Now she realizes how wrong she was not to pull him aside and tell him everything. He’s doubting. He’s suspicious. Enough to send his friend to spy on her.

  Carefully, she says, “Why don’t we grab a cold drink?” She laughs. “I’m not finding much of anything anyway.”

  “That would be great.” Madison smiles and they exit the store and head to the nearest café.

  Madison smiles, so big, so happy, because she’s relieved that Lucy believed her lies, that she didn’t get caught. That maybe she’ll even get a chance to ask questions.

  Lucy plays along, more than willing to answer superficial questions about her and Alexander. As Lucy expects, the questions go from easy and casual, like how her and Alex met, their first date, their first kiss to questions like is he your first boyfriend, have you had any other serious boyfriends, to finally, do you still keep in touch with any of them. Madison ices the cake by relaying a story of her own emotional attachments to past boyfriends and how they always remain in her heart.

  Lies. Lucy sees right through them.

  “Gosh, I’m not feeling so well. I think I’ll head home.”

  Madison’s eyes gleam. Unwittingly, just trying to escape the interrogation, Lucy has evaded questions that now make her look guilty.

  “Of course. The past few days have been a lot.” Madison yawns, revealing rows of perfect pearly whites. “I could use a nap too.”

  They say their goodbyes and go separate ways.

  Lucy doesn’t head home right away but continues to drift through the crowds. If she were cheating, if she did have a boyfriend on the side, she surely wouldn’t meet him downtown. It saddens her that Alexander thinks that, but at the same time, she doesn’t blame him. She has to talk to him. If she can just explain it the right way, maybe he’ll understand, even appreciate her gift.

  Right.

  She calls and leaves a message. Funny. He always picks up her calls on the first ring or answers within seconds of her texts.

  Chapter 5

  The next couple days fly by. Her mother scheduled lunches, teas, time to create a wedding registry. She’s in the company of Alexander and Madison, yet there is a gap, a disconnection. No chance for a private conversation or intimacy.

  Or maybe her mother hopes to keep her so distracted that the visions stay away. Lucy knows it’s only a matter of time.

  It’s the day before the party. An overwhelming frustration falls over Lucy. Alexander has been sporadic in replying to her texts. She misses him. Their naughty texts right before bed. Their private jokes and whispers, the envy of anyone in their presence who can clearly see they are in love. But was it all sham? This thought prickles Lucy’s conscience. She must talk with him. Feel him out. Surely he’ll understand. Big deal. She has visions.

  “Lucy?” Her mother appears at the door. She looks down at Lucy, the familiar doubt and disapproval evident in the way she stands and in her tone of voice. “Alexander is downstairs waiting.” She perks. “He has flowers.” She glances at Lucy’s clothes. “You might want to change.”

  Lucy slips into a casual dress, yellow. Alexander loves that color on her. Downstairs, she smiles, a genuine one, full of hope and expectation. This afternoon. She’ll tell him everything.

  He greets her with a soft kiss. That’s when Lucy notices Madison standing behind him.

  “Hi, Lucy. Ready for the big party tomorrow?” Madison asks, full of charm and grace. Everything Lucy’s mother wants in a daughter.

  “What’s up?” Lucy tries to sound friendly and carefree, but the slight frown on her mother’s face tells her she’s messed up somehow.

  Madison laughs. “Don’t worry. I’m not here to chaperone you two on whatever Alex has planned. I’ll just hang here if you don’t mind. Only so much I can do in a hotel room.”

  “Why, of course.” Her mother extends the invitation for Madison to stay. “I’ll have the kitchen whip you up a snack and you can sit in the gardens.”

  “That would be lovely.” Madison playfully shoves Alexander. “Okay, you two lovebirds. Go on. Get out of here.”

  In the car, Lucy asks, “What’s our big secret plans?”

  Alexander smiles, a secret one. “
You don’t have to worry about that. Just sit back and relax.”

  Lucy tries. She leans back into the leather seat of the rental car. She gazes at the passing scenery. But nothing helps. Her secret is larger than Alexander’s plans. Her secret is a wall, thick and impenetrable, that separates them. She can’t figure out how to climb it, how to get over on the other side, with him.

  They arrive at the local park. A beautifully landscaped place of escape that everyone in the town frequents. Joggers. Young families. Couples. Even businessmen needing a break from their frantic work pace. Lucy has often snuck away here, to think, to dream.

  “What is this?” she asks, her tone flirty and playful. Something she doesn’t feel on the inside.

  He leans over and kisses her, his fingers tangling in her hair. For a moment, she forgets. The tension eases. The desire erupts quickly and she deepens the kiss, trying to tell him how much she loves him.

  When he pulls away, they are both breathless, cheeks flushed, pulses throbbing.

  He finally answers her. “This is time for you and me. No one else.” He traces a hand down her cheek, to her mouth. “The past few days have been busy.”

  She agrees.

  They walk the paths of the park, hand in hand. Lucy bites her lip, wanting to tell him, but not wanting to break the mood. He leads her into the grass under the shade of a tree. A blanket is spread out and a cooler awaits. They sit down.

  “For you.” He opens the cooler and pulls out chilled champagne and a fluted glass.

  “Wow. Thank you. This is lovely.” She accepts the glass and takes a sip. The tart taste feels good. Maybe this is a sign. That once she tells him everything will work out.

  Then he pulls out chocolate-covered strawberries. He starts in on easy conversation, drawing from their past year of dating. They met here in town and their romance blossomed quickly. It was a couple months ago that he was hired in his father’s company. The only downfall being that it was ten hours away. Too far to drive. Lucy was upset at first, but then realized that eventually it was a good thing. They’d start their married life away from her mother. That’s when he reconnected with old friends. Madison being one of them. A childhood friend with lots of history.

  Lucy joins in the conversation. Even though she knows she should tell him now, the thought of interrupting the nice, easy time together makes it too easy to procrastinate.

  With a sigh, that immediately puts Lucy on edge as she senses a change in conversation, he says, “I guess now is the time to reveal all our secrets. Right?”

  He’s joking. Lucy senses this. Yet, as she studies his face, she sees the lingering doubts. This is it. Right now. She can tell him about the first time it happened as a young girl. She can tell him about her mother’s friend who died as Lucy predicted. She can tell him her fears, her pressed-down disgust with herself.

  “You go first,” he says.

  What does he expect? What does he fear she’s keeping from him?

  “Fine.” She sips more liquid courage. “I’ll tell you about something that happened to me as a young girl. I was still in elementary school.”

  Then she looks into his eyes, at the love and flood of relief, because surely something that happened years ago couldn’t be that bad. She falters, not wanting to see that relief flicker to disdain.

  She chickens out even as the disgust at her own cowardice fills her.

  He listens to her trivial story to the end. Then he asks softly, “What happened the other night? Something was wrong.”

  And she knows that this is what this afternoon was about. Soften her up, build an atmosphere of trust, so she’d tell him.

  That makes her clam up. If he doesn’t trust her, how can she trust him with her biggest secret?

  Chapter 6

  Lucy twirls her fingers in her hair. A sign of her nerves, which Alexander seems to recognize by the slight frown. This afternoon was meant for truth and intimacy, but suddenly, she sees the stranger in front of her. A man she hasn’t known her whole life but for less than two years.

  “Please. Talk to me,” he whispers.

  “You know my mother.” Lucy grasps, reaching blindly for something that will make sense and ease his fears. She laughs, knowing it sounds forced and fake. “Just knowing she was on the porch freaked me out.” Her voice turns breathless. She covers by tracing her finger across his. “You know what you do to me.”

  His eyes darken. With the memory of their desire or his growing doubt she’s not sure.

  “Anything else?” he asks.

  For one moment, Lucy closes her eyes and thinks back on the past two years. It might not be a life time of memories, but they have spent time together. A lot of time. Dinners. Movies. Card games. Hanging out with friends. Weekends away. Chaperoned, of course. She remembers clearly their first kiss, the soft touch of his lips on hers. The way he gathered her into his arms as if he never wanted to let go. She told him everything about her family, her parents, her fears at her brother on secret missions with the military. Alexander told her everything too.

  Relief swells and surges through her. Why has she been doubting? This is Alexander, her fiancé. They’re getting married in six months. She opens her eyes, confident, the fear gone.

  “Well, there is one more thing. I would’ve told you much earlier but to be honest I didn’t think about it often.”

  He tenses, and his breath catches.

  She nudges him. “Sure you want to know about my dark side?”

  He nods. “Just tell me.”

  “I have visions.” There she said it. The honest, ugly truth laid bare. Her darkest secret cracked open for him to see.

  He stares at her, his gaze unreadable. Then the hint of a smile that broadens. His shoulders relax. “Visions? Like seeing the future and all that stuff?”

  “Yup.” Should she tell him all of it? That she sees dead people? That her visions usually come before someone dies? “It’s not exactly like the fortune tellers you see in books.”

  He laughs and holds out his palm for her to read it. That’s when she realizes how complicated her visions are. Not something she can easily sum up in a sentence or two, especially to someone who has no experience with it.

  “I don’t read palms.” Her voice tightens. “It’s not like that.”

  “Oh, babe.” He kisses her cheek. “You had me scared. I knew something was bothering you.” He whispers into her skin. “I have visions too. All the time. Of me and you, in bed, naked. No mother or chaperone in sight.”

  She laughs and jokes back, but inside, she crumbles. He didn’t understand, not well enough to take it seriously. The day is ruined for her. She’ll have to try again, but not right now. There’s only one way. That’s to bring him to her mother’s friend’s grave and tell him what happened. Then maybe he’ll understand.

  ***

  The ride home is quiet. A headache pulses behind her eyes. She wants a glass of iced tea in the shade behind her house.

  “Everything okay?” he asks as they pull into her driveway, through the iron gates and down the long, winding pavement that is more like a road.

  “Just tired from the busy week.” She lies.

  He smiles. “I get it. I’ll collect Madison and let you nap. I have some last minute shopping to do.” He winks. “For you.”

  They walk inside. Madison and her mother are chatting it up like old friends. Her mother is in her prime, playing the part of hostess. Madison’s cheeks are flushed, and she won’t look at Lucy. Something happened while they were gone.

  “How was the surprise date?” her mother asks.

  “Wonderful,” Alexander answers. He pulls Lucy to him and kisses her head. “This beautiful lady needs to rest though. I’ve tired her out.”

  Madison disengages from her conversation quickly and meets them at the door. Ready to leave. Is that relief Lucy sees?

  She kisses him goodbye, not quite able to shake the foreboding feeling that has settled on her shoulders. She watches t
hem leave until his car disappears around a turn in the driveway.

  “Not now, Mother.” She holds up her hand, palm out, in anticipation of questions or a lecture. “I really do need to rest.”

  Her mother hesitates but then nods. “I’ll wake you in time for dinner. Remember, we’re all going out tonight for Mexican.”

  Lucy escapes up to her room, ready to crash on her bed for a couple hours. As soon as she enters her private space though, she can tell something is amiss. She thinks about Madison and Alexander and their surprise date. She thinks about his questions and his obvious doubts. She remembers his relief at her silly visions, even though he never said that in words.

  What had he thought was wrong with her? She walks through her room, studying, looking. It’s nothing obvious, but she knows her room well. The signs are small but there. The drawer left slightly open. Her sheets slightly disturbed. She sniffs the air. A slight floral smell still lingers.

  Madison went through her stuff.

  She hunted for secrets. Or lies.

  She places a hand on her laptop. Still warm. It comes together. Alexander’s doubts. He must’ve sent his friend on a stealth mission, in case Lucy didn’t spill her secrets on their picnic. He thought she was cheating. What else could it be?

  Question is was Madison behind this? How much did Alexander know about the extent of her snooping?

  Lucy isn’t sure she wants to know.

  Chapter 7

  On her hands and knees, she tears at the weeds daring to sprout between the rocks in the rock garden she’d made when she was in high school. Anything to distract her from her frustration and confusion and doubts.

  Jacques kneels next to her, not saying a word, not judging. For the next half hour they work hard, eliminating almost all the unwanted growth.

  “You are not happy?” he asks.

  Happy? That seems like such a relative term, a distant concept, one that she can’t grasp. The engagement party is tomorrow night. Most girls would be ecstatic, soaking in the honeymoon phase of a romance. Lucy knows that doesn’t last. She’s watched her parents, over the years, grow apart. Still talking. Still married. That’s not what she wants for her marriage.