Leave Me Breathless: The Black Rose Collection

by Dakota Willink

  “I remember,” I murmured. I thought about how, even then, I was able to see the sharp contrasts between the stranger and my husband—Derek and his vulnerabilities versus Ethan and all of his arrogance.

  “I understand the struggles of everyday people and I want to help them see their potential. That was my focus when I started The Mill. I didn’t want it to be all about bulking up or body building, although some clients are into that. I wanted The Mill to zero in on what it means to be healthy at all ages. We have programs for men, women, and children. We even have family programs where families can exercise together. I hired a nutritionist to consult with clients on diets that work for them. We began offering instructional classes, such as the self-defense class you took. I also brought on full staff of personal trainers. When everything fell in line, I began considering expansion. Two years later, I opened my second location. Three months ago, I opened the third.”

  “That amount of success is impressive for someone so young,” I told him.

  “How old do you think I am?” he asked with a laugh.

  I flushed, hoping I wouldn’t be too far off. I wasn’t a very good judge of age.

  “I don’t know. Thirty maybe?”

  “Close. I’m thirty-two. You? How old are you?”

  “A woman never tells her age,” I teased.

  “Is that how it’s going to be?”

  “You betcha, mister. My lips are sealed,” I said, emphasizing my words by pulling an imaginary zipper across my lips.

  We talked for a close to an hour, and by the time our coffee was finished, I didn’t want to leave. It seemed as though he didn’t either because we stayed long after that. I felt comfortable in his presence—at ease in a way I found difficult to grasp. Eventually, I shifted to signal I should get going. It was going on two in the afternoon and I was scheduled to work at four. If I wanted time to shower and change, I needed to get moving.

  “I’m going to head back,” I began. “I need to shower and get ready for work.”

  Glancing at his watch, Derek nodded his agreement.

  “Yeah. Those supplements were ready to go well over an hour ago. I need to grab them and get them back to the gym. I’ll walk you home first though.”

  “You don’t need to do that. No sense in going all the way back only to have to return this way for your order.”

  I stood and Derek followed suit. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his gym shorts and rocked back on his heels.

  “This was nice.”

  “Yeah, actually. It was,” I agreed.

  “Do it again? Maybe over dinner next time?”

  If I wasn’t mistaken, he seemed nervous. I realized then that I’d backed myself into a corner. The walls were closing in—his good looks, his warmth, the caring understanding, and thoughtfulness made a perfect square that was pressing in on me from all sides. He affected me in ways I never knew a man could. He always had—from the very first day we met. It was strange. By all normal standards, I barely knew him. Yet, my heart was singing a different tune and I couldn’t quite place it. Until I could find the words that were on the tip of my tongue, I wasn’t ready to act—far from it actually.

  I was broken—healing, but still broken.

  Just under two months had passed since I’d left Ethan and I didn’t know how to navigate the new terrain I was on. I needed time to sort out this new me before thinking about anything or anyone else. As much as I wanted to say yes to Derek, I needed to be my sole priority for a while.

  Still, I couldn’t help but wonder how different my life would have been had I met Derek before Ethan. Would I have been the woman Derek was searching for—the one he told me he wanted to cherish? I didn’t know, but I didn’t want to believe our window of opportunity had closed. I only knew I couldn’t step over that line right now. Not yet. I needed more time.

  Looking into those gorgeous hazel eyes, I focused on the flecks of green that sparkled in anticipation. Reaching out, I touched his forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. The air began to fill with an affection neither of us dared to acknowledge.

  “Ask me again in six months, Derek.”

  When I turned to walk away, I began to feel hopeful for the future. With every step I took toward home, my smile grew bigger—bigger than it had been in a long, long time.

  16

  Part 5: Born Again

  Six Months Later

  With my eyes wide and mouth in the shape of an O, I leaned closer to the bathroom mirror and slowly applied black mascara from root to tip. When I was finished, I stood up straight, blinked a few times, then sighed.

  “Oh my god, Nat! What am I doing? I must be crazy—I am so not ready for this.”

  Exasperated, I tossed the mascara back into my makeup bag.

  “You told Derek to ask you again in six months. I think it’s romantic that he remembered,” Natalia said through the speaker of the phone that was propped up on the bathroom counter.

  “I don’t need romance. I thought I had that once and look where it got me.”

  “That was a long time ago. Besides, you already said yes. You can’t bail on the guy now. You even bought a new outfit for the occasion. You’ve got this, girl.”

  “I know. And honestly, I don’t want to bail. I’m just nervous, you know? What if I’m not ready? I mean, if he tries to kiss me or…” I trailed off, not wanting to let on how worried I was about freezing up during a moment of intimacy. Just the mere thought of taking that sort of plunge again made me anxious.

  “Derek is not Ethan. You know that.”

  “I know, but…”

  “No but’s!” Natalia scolded. “Let’s go through this again. Tell me the reasons for finally saying yes to a dinner with Derek.”

  I thought about all the tiny, yet significant, things Derek did. I smiled and bit my lower lip.

  “He brought me vanilla lattes from La Biga because he just so happened to have walked by there—almost every single day,” I added with a laugh. “It’s too bad they aren’t a publicly traded company. I would have bought stock—his purchases alone would have made me rich!”

  “Okay, what else?”

  “He sends motivational text messages on the mornings I’m scheduled to train with him.”

  “And?” she pushed.

  I recalled the many times I caught him staring at me in appreciation when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. It always made me smile, but I didn’t need to tell Natalia all of that. I knew where she was going with this.

  “Look, Nat. I get what you’re trying to do here. You have to understand the way I see things. Yes, I’m stronger and more confident now—more so than I’ve ever been before in my life. But I can’t help but wonder—is the coffee Derek bought for me all that different than the daisies Ethan bought me? I allowed myself to be wooed once before and it turned out to be a disaster. I know Derek is nothing like Ethan, but I’m allowed to be worried about the possibility of things going terribly wrong.”

  “And it might. Who knows? Life happens. But at least you’re going into the evening knowing you weren’t pressured by some crazy, possessive guy. Derek respected your boundaries and honored your wishes about taking things slow. Don’t forget that.”

  “What if he asks questions about my past?”

  “Just tell him. What happened isn’t your fault.”

  “It’s more than that and you know it. For crying out loud—I can just hear myself now. Hi, my name is really Gia. Not Val. And by the way, I’m legally married to a—”

  “Stop over analyzing this. If he’s worth it, he’ll understand everything when you’re ready to tell him. For tonight, go have fun. You deserve this, Gia.” She paused and giggled. “Or should I say Val?”

  “Not funny, Nat. Not funny at all. I’m going to hang up now. He should be here any minute.”

  “Call me tomorrow. I want all the deets.”

  “I can’t call tomorrow. I’m almost out of pre-paid minutes this month. It will have to wait until ne
xt week.”

  Now it was her turn to sigh.

  “I’m so tired of this. I miss you. I wish I could come see you.”

  “Me too, Nat. Me too. I just…I just don’t think it’s safe yet.”

  “I know,” she agreed sadly. “I love you. Have a good time tonight.”

  “Love you too.”

  I gave myself one last look before leaving the bathroom. Having finally spent money on a proper haircut and color, I fashioned the short style with soft beach waves and pinned it up loosely on the sides with two tiny clips. It was still dyed a dark brown, but I’d asked the stylist to add a few lowlights to break up the solid. The overall look had grown on me and I didn’t think I’d ever go back to blonde again.

  I adjusted the straps of the burgundy silk tank top I’d purchased the day before. It showed off strong, toned arms from months of training with Derek and Hana. Skinny black ankle pants followed a long line down my legs to a pair of nude pumps that completed the outfit. I was satisfied with my appearance, and after spritzing a small amount of body spray over my neck and shoulders, I felt extremely female for the first time in a very long time. My reflection seemed to radiate confidence—and I didn’t think it was the least bit arrogant to say I looked sexy as hell too.

  I smiled to myself.

  “I’m ready for this.”

  I tossed my lipstick into my clutch purse and snapped it closed just as a knock sounded at the door. I headed out to the family room and peered through the peep hole. Derek stood on the other side. Instantly, the bravado I had in the mirror just moments ago was gone and my palms began to sweat. As I unbolted the door and lifted the wooden plank, I questioned why I was so nervous. I’d been training with Derek for months. Hardly a day went by where I didn’t see him. Now, it felt like I didn’t know him at all.

  Wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans, I opened the door and was greeted by Derek’s huge smile. He wore dark blue jeans and a white button up shirt that seemed tailormade for him. The way it was cut, there was no disguising the slopes and valleys of the muscle underneath. One finger held a black sport coat that was slung over his right shoulder, while the opposite hand rested half inside his pants pocket. Trying not to gawk at that perfectly tapered waist, I brought my gaze up to his hard jaw and full lips, before moving to meet the bright hazel eyes staring down at me.

  Instantly, my apprehension faded away. Nat was right. I deserved this. We had been dancing around this moment for months. I was more than ready.

  “Hey, Sparky,” he greeted.

  Just those two little words sent my heart fluttering.

  “I’m used to seeing you in gym gear. You clean up nice, Derek.”

  “I could say the same about you but you do it better…much better.” He removed his hand from his pocket and reached for mine. Raising it to his lips, his smile broadened even more. “You look beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” I appreciated with a nervous laugh. My face warmed until it felt like it was on fire—but not from embarrassment. It was from the heat of his gaze. I tucked a loose hair behind my ear just to have something to do.

  “You ready to go?” he asked and extended his arm to me.

  “Yeah, let’s go.” I smiled and looped my hand around the crook of his elbow. After we stepped through the front doors and hit the city streets, I glanced up at Derek curiously. “Where are we going?”

  “Oh you’re going to be one of those types,” he teased and rolled his eyes.

  “Those types? What’s that supposed to mean?” I gaped. He laughed and shook his head, then surprised me by poking me lightly in the ribs.

  “It means you’re the type of person who can’t just go with the flow.”

  “That’s not my style. I like to know what’s coming. That’s all,” I murmured. We stopped at a crosswalk and I felt him looking down at me.

  “I can tell. Trust me. I’ve waited a long time to take you out. Do you honestly think I’d screw it up?”

  “Well, no. It’s just that—”

  “You’ll like where I’m taking you. In my opinion, McNuggets are completely underrated.”

  I immediately began to laugh, the sound coming straight from my belly, full and throaty.

  “McNuggets! You are not taking me to McDonalds!” When his face remained impassive, my eyes widened and I sobered. “Or are you?”

  “That depends.”

  “On what?”

  “If taking you to McDonalds means you’ll laugh like that again, I’ll call and cancel the dinner cruise reservations. I like hearing you laugh, Sparky. You should do it more often.”

  Not sure what to say about his compliment, I chose to back up and zero in on one point. “A dinner cruise?”

  “If that’s okay with you. I mean, you did once tell me you thought going on a boat would be fun.”

  “I did. But that was six months ago. I didn’t expect you to remember.”

  He took my hand, brought it up to press against his heart, and leaned in close to my ear.

  “There’s not much, if anything, that I’d forget about you,” he whispered. He ran his nose along my cheek and my breath hitched from the skin to skin contact.

  I turned my head until there was barely an inch between our mouths. He cupped my face and used one finger to trace my lower lip. I don’t know how it happened, but our relationship went from moving at a snail’s pace to sprinting a marathon in two second flat. I needed to put the brakes on.

  “Derek…” I began.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going to kiss you—yet. When I finally get to taste that pretty little mouth of yours, we won’t be standing on a street corner.” My mouth dropped open but no words came out. I was rendered completely speechless. Derek laughed and tugged at my hand. “Our Uber just pulled up. Climb in, Sparky. I’ve got a whole night planned.”

  17

  Pressing my palms down on the side rail of the boat, I closed my eyes and breathed deep. The smell of the shore mingled with the mouthwatering aromas from dinner and the perfumed scents worn by the other guests on the dinner cruise. A pianist was there for entertainment, his notes intertwining with the content chatter of those wandering the main deck. Twinkling lights were crisscrossed overhead like electric spaghetti. They illuminated the moonless night with the city skyline sparkling in the distance.

  To describe the evening as perfect would be an understatement. Enjoying Derek’s company in such a tranquil setting was more than I could have asked for in a first date. Our conversation over dinner was an equal exchange. Neither one of us dominated the discussion, but simply shared pieces of ourselves in balanced harmony. It was like he knew exactly what to do and say to put me at ease.

  In his unassuming, patient way, Derek had gradually shown me what life could be like after Ethan. While we hadn’t officially been dating over the past six months, I had seen him nearly every single day. He had shown me around the city, exploring all the touristy and not-so-touristy spots. We perused flea markets in China Town and watched the fireworks over Coney Island. Never once did he cross a line—a perfect boy scout through and through. Instead, he allowed a bond of friendship and trust to slowly develop. And through it all, I had more fun than I’d ever had before in my life.

  Derek stood next to me taking in the sights and sounds of the night. He was close and his heat stroked my skin. I didn’t know where things were going with us—if there was even an us yet. I couldn’t see past tonight but that was perfectly okay. I didn’t want to look ahead. It was the simple idea of knowing I could live again would make me forever grateful to the man standing beside me. He made me feel safe.

  “It’s such a nice night. This view is beautiful,” I commented. Glancing up, I found him staring at me with an unreadable expression. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

  His hand cupped my jaw and lifted my chin. I blinked disconcertedly at him. Coming into tonight, I hadn’t prepared myself for how the simplest of touches would make me feel. I didn’t know I would crave more o
f it from him. I wanted to lean into the warmth and allow it to dispel all the cold.

  “Because you’re more beautiful than the view.”

  The proverbial butterflies danced in my stomach again and I couldn’t prevent a flush from blossoming over my cheeks. Thank God it was dark and he couldn’t see.

  “I’m sure you say that to all the girls who flock to your doorstep,” I teased and looked away. The thought of him dating women before me caused an unexpected pang of jealousy.

  “No, I don’t actually.”

  “Oh, come on! Looking like you do, I find that hard to believe.”

  “No. I mean, I don’t have a revolving door for women, Sparky. I’m not a fling sort of guy. I was serious about all the women I dated—even if they weren’t serious about me. And yes, I’ve told women they were beautiful before but…” He trailed off. I looked back up at him, waiting for him to continue.

  “But what?” I prompted.

  “My answer is going to sound cliché.”

  “Try me.”

  “I’ve never told a woman they were beautiful and meant it like I do with you.”

  I raised a brow.

  “You’re right. Very cliché.”

  He raked a frustrated hand through his hair and looked out over the water.

  “I’ve watched you around the gym. If a male gets too close to you, I see how you visibly spook. You’re good at covering it up, but it’s there. You’re very cautious—even with me. It’s why I’ve kept Hana involved in our self-defense classes.”

  I frowned, feeling completely perplexed over what this had to do with telling me—or any other woman—that they were beautiful.