Leave Me Breathless: The Black Rose Collection

by Dakota Willink

  “Geesh, okay. Cynthia is a prosecutor and she might have more pull than even Ethan did. She pressed charges—her lawyers are saying it was attempted murder. He was suspended from his job while an investigation took place. They had a warrant to search the house for some kind of club—or whatever it was he supposedly used to beat her. When they got there, they discovered a safe full of coke and about a half a million in cash. Ethan bolted. Now there’s a warrant out for his arrest.”

  Memories came in quick snapshots in my mind—the safe I didn’t know the combination for, the duffle bags Ethan came home with, his ability to afford the expensive house in the upscale neighborhood, the expensive cars he always drove…

  “Have they found him?” I asked.

  “Not yet. Police are still looking for him. They’re also looking for you.”

  “Me? Why me?”

  “They want to question you about Ethan. They came to my house late last night. It was just after eleven. They were hoping to find you.”

  My stomach sank, not knowing which cops Ethan might still have on his payroll.

  “You didn’t tell them where I was, did you?”

  “No, of course not. I don’t trust them as far as I can throw them. They weren’t forthcoming with any information other than wanting to find you. But one of the officers said something that made me pause. He asked if I’d seen the local news. When I said I hadn’t, he told me I should because they were worried for your safety. After they left, I turned on the TV and saw Ethan’s picture plastered all over the place on the late-night news. That’s how I found out the details about the woman and the warrant.”

  If Ethan lost his badge, there was no telling what his state of mind would be. That badge was his entire identity. Without it, I was sure he’d be more volatile than ever before. I truly believed it was the only thing that kept him from killing me, Teddy, Ben, and Natalia the night I escaped. Then there was that fact he didn’t have me or his mistress anymore. There was no way to predict what he might do. A shiver of cold goosebumps raced down my spine.

  “Alright. Thanks, Nat. I’ve got to go.”

  “You don’t think he’d be trying to find you, do you?”

  “I think he might have already. I really have to go. I’ll call you later.”

  “Wait—what do you mean?”

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I ended the call and began to run through the apartment, opening up every closet door and looking for other potential hiding places. If Ethan was here…if he was watching Derek and me…the thought of him seeing me naked in Derek’s arms this morning made me want to vomit.

  The apartment wasn’t big so it only took me a minute or so to realize Ethan wasn’t there. Derek had been close on my heels during my search. Now that I was fairly certain Ethan wasn’t here, I turned to him.

  “You need to leave—we both need to leave. It’s not safe here.”

  Going to my bedroom closet, I pulled out a large canvas bag and began throwing clothes into it. My mind raced through all the hiding places I’d mapped out when I first arrived in the city. My focus was singular, only able to see through the tunnel that would lead me to safety. I didn’t even realize Derek was peppering me with questions until I felt his hand touch my shoulder.

  “Gianna, what is going on? What are you doing?”

  “Packing,” I replied automatically. “Every bone in my body is saying Ethan was here recently. I need to get out.”

  “What do you mean he was here? How do you know?”

  “The toothpaste. He was fucking neurotic about it. Now please, Derek…you need to leave and I need to…” I hesitated, not sure what it was that I needed at that moment. I only knew I had to run. “I need to get someplace safe.”

  “You’re running,” Derek asserted. “Look, I know you’re afraid, but let’s be rational about this.”

  “Rational? Derek, you don’t understand. It’s not about fear. I won’t shy away from being afraid. I can’t. Fear is what kept me alive all of those years and it never failed me. I trust my instincts and they are telling me to run.”

  “No. I’m not letting you run.”

  “You’re not letting me? After all you know about me, you have to know I’ll never wait for a man to let me do anything ever again. I’m telling you that I need to go—I have to take care of this but I need a plan first. You asked me to trust you last night, now I’m asking you to trust me. Just give me a day and I’ll be in touch.”

  25

  Part 6: Taking It Back

  The support I’d received from my group therapy sessions was the reason I found myself on the doorstep of Stone’s Hope twenty-five minutes later. It wasn’t just a place where a woman could receive counseling, but also a shelter for battered women. My only hope was that they had room for me. If not, I didn’t know where I would go.

  When I first started to come here for the group therapy sessions, I wasn’t an active participant. I’d sit quietly, sipping on tea or some homemade dessert that always seemed to be present, while other women spoke their truths. They taught me how invisible abuse could be and how many of us were living with secrets. It was staggering to learn that one in three women were victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States alone.

  The group of women who met each week was small and eventually I began to open up to them. There were only six of us plus the leader, Krystina Stone. We all knew each other intimately but I still kept my true identity hidden. Seeing Krystina’s familiar face when I walked through the door today was a relief. Of all the women in the group, I related to her the most. While she hadn’t been married to the person who abused her, he had been her longtime boyfriend. It wasn’t until she met and married her very own prince charming, who just so happened to be the founder of Stone’s Hope, did she finally open up about what happened to her.

  “Val! Fancy seeing you here today!”

  “Krystina!” I greeted with some surprise. Just like I had with Derek, the women in my counseling sessions were given my fake name. Until this mess with Ethan was sorted out, I would need to keep up the façade. “I didn’t expect to see you here today either. I thought you only came in on group therapy nights.”

  “That’s normally the case. I just had to stop by to drop off a check. We had a fundraising event last night and wanted to get the proceeds on the books as soon as possible. What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “I… I need a room,” I said hesitantly. When her eyebrows raised in surprise, I quickly explained. “It’s not what you might be thinking. I didn’t go back to my husband but he found me. Until I know I’m safe, I can’t go back home.”

  “Val, I don’t know if you know how the shelter works at Stone’s Hope. Without having small kids, you can’t get your own room. You’d be placed in the communal room with several other women. I’ll check to see if there’s a bed available, but if there is, the longest you can stay is only few days.”

  “That’s it?” I asked incredulously

  “Well, yes. There are extenuating circumstances but—”

  “I think that might be me,” I rushed in, desperate for more time. I quickly gave her the abbreviated story about Ethan. “So you see, it’s only a matter of time before the police pick him up. Once they do, I can leave and go back home. A few days stay might not be long enough depending on how quickly the police can flush him out.”

  “I see. Let me see what I can do about getting you an extended stay. You’ll be required to help out here though—such as light dusting, vacuuming, etcetera.”

  “I don’t mind that at all.”

  While Krystina spoke with someone at the registration desk, my mind raced. I didn’t know the shelter had a restriction on the number of nights you could stay. When I thought about it, it made sense. They had to enact some sort of policy to ensure people didn’t take advantage. However, even if Krystina was able to get me more time, I didn’t know how much would be enough. What if Ethan was still a fugitive a month from
now? I couldn’t live this way forever. I would have to go back to my apartment eventually.

  Then there was the possibility of him getting off free and clear. It crazy how I suddenly felt like a one-woman cheering squad for the mistress I used to hate. If Cynthia’s lawyers couldn’t get him convicted, he’d be back to get me eventually. There would be no stopping him. Sure, my self-defense classes might help, but I needed more assurances than that. I needed to be rid of Ethan forever.

  A cold realization of what I might have to do began to creep in.

  No.

  Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I came to see that I might not have any other option.

  26

  Three days later, I stood over Derek after having taken him down for the second time that day. I was beyond frustrated. Hana was an excellent trainer—small but mighty. She taught me a lot but it wasn’t enough. Taking out someone like her was a lot different than taking out a full-grown man who had the police academy and ground fighting training under his belt. I needed someone with brute strength—someone like Derek—to push me to the limit. He couldn’t hold back at a time when I needed to be pushed more than anything.

  The problem was, it seemed like Derek was afraid he was going to hurt me.

  “Dammit!” I cursed, my chest heaving from the exertion. “Stop going easy on me! That’s not going to help me.”

  “I don’t know what it is you want me to help you with! You won’t tell me anything! I don’t know where you’ve been for the past three days. All I know is that you call your friend and she tells you that your ex-husband—or should I say husband—is wanted for attempted murder and now you think he’s coming for you. You don’t know if he is for sure, yet you ran off without telling me where you were going!” he paused and raked a frustrated hand through his hair. “Then you show up here yesterday hell bent on aggressive training. You’ve been practically begging me to kick your ass but I can’t do that.”

  “If you want to help me, then that’s exactly what you need to do.”

  “She’s right, Derek,” Hana chimed in. “You are going easy on her. If she’s correct and her ex-husband is lurking around, you won’t be able to help her if he attacks. She needs to be confident in her abilities to protect herself. What do you think about calling Xi?”

  “No fucking way!”

  “Who’s Xi?” I asked.

  “He’s a fighter, not a trainer. And we are not calling him,” Derek reiterated.

  “Then I’ll go to another gym. I hear The Cage is pretty good at teaching people how to fight.”

  Derek threw me an exasperated look.

  “That shit hole over in the Bronx! That place is a meat market—a prime place for jug heads hyped up on roids to come at girls who look just like you. You want a real-life self-defense lesson? You’ll get one in the dingy parking lot behind their building. You won’t even have to go looking.”

  I had heard the stories about The Cage and had no intention of going to the seedy gym, but Derek didn’t know that. My goal was to convince him to train me—properly train me.

  “Well, if that’s what it takes,” I taunted.

  Hana looked back and forth between the two of us and shook her head.

  “I’m calling Xi,” she announced, then proceeded to pull her cell phone out of her gym bag. I tossed her an appreciative smile.

  “Thanks.”

  “Oh, for fuck sake—fine!” Derek yelled and threw up his hands.

  I listened to Hana speak in Japanese to, presumably, the man named Xi. I had no idea what she was saying but when she hung up, she was smiling.

  “I didn’t know you spoke Japanese so fluently,” I said.

  “I was born here, but my parents are from Yokohama. I can speak the language, but only use it on occasion—like when I’m trying to keep secrets from Derek,” she teased and looked pointedly at him. “Anyway, Xi is free now. He said he can meet us over at the boxing ring in five minutes and we can get started.”

  Derek scowled at her before turning to point a finger at me.

  “I’m warning you. Xi isn’t a teacher. He’s an MMA fighter. He doesn’t understand boundaries or limits. If something goes wrong, don’t say—”

  “I get it, Derek. This is on me.”

  27

  The next morning, I learned the reason behind Derek’s warning. I felt it in the fibers of every single muscle in my body. Halfway through the session, Derek had stormed out in protest over what he thought was unnecessary roughness. It was true—Xi was no joke. He took me to task in the traditional boxing ring, but he was what I needed. I reminded myself of that as I stretched my calves for lesson number two.

  “Back for more,” joked Hana when she walked into the room. After dumping her bag in the corner, she joined me on the mat next to the ring. I just smiled weakly at her, trying not to look at the posters of the MMA fighters on the walls. Her grin turned into a frown. “Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know, Hana. I honestly don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if I’m only fooling myself.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the police just in case? I mean, if your ex really is here, he doesn’t have the pull here like he does—”

  “No, Hana. No police. It won’t make any bit of difference. There are good cops and bad cops. If there was a way to know who the bad cops were, they wouldn’t be bad. I don’t know who Ethan has paid off so I can’t trust any of them. Besides, even if the NYPD did help me, that wouldn’t stop Ethan from coming for me. You and I both know that.”

  She sighed and shook her head.

  “The shit women have to go through just isn’t fair.”

  “I’m scared,” I whispered, more to myself than to her.

  Before she could respond, Derek came into the room with Xi following behind him. He nodded curtly, then walked over to the stereo system.

  “Are you stretched?” he asked me.

  “All set to go.”

  “Good. Go gear up. Xi is going to…well, he’s going to try to kick your ass again today. But the keyword there is try.” Looking pointedly at me, his face turned hard. “You aren’t going to let him win today. Do you understand me?”

  My eyes widened in surprise. Derek had never once taken an authoritative tone with me before—ever. As I tried to decide whether that had been the missing link to all of this or not, I went to put on the protective gear.

  Derek turned on the stereo. Angry, growling lyrics from Three Days Grace blasted through the speakers. Derek nodded his head at Hana and pointed to the door. Reacting to his silent message, she went and closed it.

  With the music loud in my ears, I climbed up into the ring. Xi began by taking me through a series of drills, none of which were like the self-defense moves I had learned. He taught me how to respond to a first hit and how to initiate one. All were grueling once we got into it and I hit the deck more times than I could count. After an hour of this, Xi took a step back.

  “Are you ready to go at this for real now?” he asked, his Japanese accent thick in between pants from exertion.

  “Yeah, let me just grab a quick drink.”

  Walking over to the corner of the ring, I took the water bottle Derek held out to me.

  “I don’t know what you’re trying to prove here, Sparky. This is a bad idea,” he warned. “Xi went easy on you yesterday. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  I ignored the sinking feeling in my stomach at his words. I was still sore from yesterday and my muscles were already wrought with exhaustion from today. But Derek didn’t understand why I had to do this—why I had to be prepared. He was a man and I was a woman. As much as I cared for him and appreciated his many self-defense lessons, he would never truly comprehend how different our worlds were. Instead of showing any sort of concern, I just nodded and handed the bottle back to him.

  “I’m ready.”

  Turning around to face Xi once more, I moved to the center of the ring. Without warning, he attacked. I was on my back in a mat
ter of seconds with his body towering over me.

  “This is bullshit!” Derek roared. “Enough of this!”

  He crossed the ring and placed a hand under my arm to help me up.

  “No,” I hissed and shrugged him off. Getting back on my feet on my own, I rounded on him. “You don’t understand, Derek!”

  “I don’t understand what? I mean, come on! You expect me to sit back and just watch you get your ass kicked?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Tell me one reason why I should allow this to continue.”

  “Because I need to be ready, damn you!” I shouted. “If Ethan comes for me again—and I know he will—I need to be ready. So, are you going to help me or not?”

  Derek and I stared at each other, a battle of wills neither one of us were willing to surrender to. After a few moments, resignation settled into his shoulders.

  “Fine,” he spat out and moved back to the corner of the ring. “Xi, go again.”

  Once again, Xi came at me without warning. When I turned to face him, he was already there, ready to clothesline me. However, I anticipated him. Using my shorter height to my advantage, I easily ducked out of the way. However, my triumph was short lived. Before I could get my feet planted firmly once again, Xi turned and landed a blow to the side of my head. I had protective head gear on, but that didn’t stop the ringing in my ears. The force of the blow sent me sideways and I went down hard.

  “That was a fucking cheap shot, Xi,” I cursed.

  “Not good enough, Gia!” Derek yelled. “This isn’t like class lessons. Your attacker will always take the cheap shot. You need to anticipate and react accordingly. Get up and do it again!”

  I scowled at Xi as I got to my feet. I was pissed at his tactics to catch me unaware. In class, maneuvers were taught and we’d practice accordingly. Sneak attacks hadn’t been practiced at all. But Derek was right—real life wouldn’t be anything like self-defense class.

  I moved toward the center of the ring. I saw Hana moving along the far wall out of the corner of my eye and glanced her way. In that split-second, Xi was on me like white on rice. With one swift kick, he swept my legs out from under me and I went down again.