The Kingdom Journals Complete Series Box Set

by Tricia Copeland

  “Well, it won’t happen.” Alena clasped Hunter’s hands.

  “Taking Ivy serves two purposes. They get her, and she becomes bait for us.”

  “Maybe. But we’re not going to let him get her or either of us.”

  “I could live with him getting me, just not you.” Hunter kissed Alena again.

  “I can handle myself.” She whipped around him, grabbing his arm and pinning him to the wall.

  He smiled. “I know you can. You don’t need to prove anything to me.”

  Alena stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his.

  “Alena.” Orm’s voice rang through the hall.

  She spun to face her mentor. “Sorry.” Her face blushed. “I was showing him some moves.”

  “I see that. Now off to sleep.”

  Hunter and Alena waved at each other and entered their separate rooms.

  Heart racing, I went to the bathroom to get some water. Could I be in jeopardy? Or was I just in danger of becoming psychotic. Theron was coming for me? It seemed Hunter and Alena thought they could protect me. Why would I ever want them to find me anyway? It was obvious Hunter and Alena were a couple. Where would Ivy fit into that picture? I snuggled into my sleeping bag, telling myself I was making up for my lackluster life.

  The next day I recommitted to ignoring the plot in my head, but by the evening I sat tapping away on my keyboard, recording the new data from the previous night. During the following three nights, Alena and Hunter’s evening planning sessions stretched longer and longer as they discussed strategies for reaching Ivy. So far, the medical search hadn’t turned up any records, but they weren’t giving up hope and had widened the search to include a larger area of California.

  Even though I’d vowed to tell my psychiatrist, something kept me from divulging the information. My lack of sleep had me needing toothpicks to pry my eyes open, and I got more than a couple of scoldings from teachers.

  “What’s up with you? You’re just not yourself.” Eva noted at lunch Wednesday.

  “I’m having these dreams. I don’t know, an over-active limbic system I guess.”

  “Anything hot? Like that guy you were talking to this weekend?”

  “No, nothing like that. Witches, vampires, that type of stuff.”

  She grabbed my arm. “You should write them down. You know that’s how Stephanie Meyer created Twilight.”

  “Check that off the list.”

  “Cool.”

  Rounding out my day, I ran with my cross-country team and made my way home. I retired to my room after dinner to start homework. Not half an hour in, the ringing in my ears nearly deafened me then went quiet.

  “We’re going to hold short sessions so none of us tire out.” The scene in my head started with Chalondra taking Hunter’s and Alena’s hands. “Focus on Ivy’s image and thoughts of your time together.”

  As they closed their eyes, a gentle hum started in my head. Holding my hands to my temples, I lay down on my bed. I was making this up. It couldn’t be happening again. It was too coincidental that the hum started as they thought of me though. Physiological symptoms of hallucinations were documented, and sufferers often experienced effects of their delusions. It was how the limbic system convinced the frontal cortex they were real.

  The sound grew. Cradling my head in my hands, I barely heard Chalondra’s next words.

  “She’s getting stronger. Can you see anything?”

  “She’s in a room lying on a bed,” Hunter said.

  “She’s holding her head. Why is she in pain?” Alena asked, her voice just a whisper above the drone between my ears.

  “She doesn’t know how to let the magic flow through her,” Chalondra replied.

  “We should stop.” Alena tugged at her arm.

  “I’m almost there.”

  I screamed in agony as a wave of sound pulsed through my head. I ran to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet.

  “Camille, what’s wrong?” Mother appeared behind me.

  “My head. It won’t stop.”

  “What do you mean? Is the buzzing back?”

  “Yes, please make it stop.” Tears flowed from my eyes as I collapsed in her arms.

  “Tyler, run and get my vet bag,” Mom yelled.

  Chalondra’s image danced in front of my eyes. “We’re losing her. Don’t go, Ivy. Hang on just a few more minutes. We need to know where you are.”

  I could feel the block in my head. All I had to do was release it. The moment had come for me to choose. Did I believe in the voices in my head? You’ll never know unless you let them in, I told myself. I felt a prick in my thigh and opened my eyes to see Mom holding a syringe.

  “No!” I yelled at her as the room dimmed.

  “No!” Chalondra, Alena, and Hunter echoed my cry.

  I woke to a dark hospital room. Trying to sit up, I realized my wrists were tied to the side rails. Panic surged through me as my eyes adjusted to the black. Seeing Mom and Tyler in chairs, I called out to them.

  “What time is it? Hey, what time is it? I’ve got to get up. I need to pee.”

  Mom roused from her sleep.

  “Why am I tied to my bed?”

  “We couldn’t risk you hurting yourself or running off.”

  “I don’t want to hurt myself.”

  “Honey.” Mom sat beside me. “I talked to your teachers and counselor. They said you’d been nodding off in class for two weeks. I found the document on your computer. How long has the buzzing been going on? Why wouldn’t you tell me the hallucinations were back?”

  “I have to pee.” I pulled against the restraints.

  “Let me wake Tyler. Then you can use the restroom.”

  “Fine.” I rested my back against the pillow.

  She woke Tyler, and weary-eyed, he approached the bed. “No shenanigans, pipsqueak.”

  “I’ve got to pee. I’m not suicidal, and I’m not running anywhere after that horse tranquilizer Mom gave me.”

  “Don’t be dramatic. I only gave you enough for a large dog.”

  “How long have I been out?” I turned my neck to view the clock. “Six hours! I think you overdid it.”

  “The hospital started you on some anti-schizophrenia meds too.”

  “What?” I twisted my arm out of the bindings as they loosened them. “Don’t I get a say in this? Shouldn’t the psychiatrist at least assess me first?”

  “They had all the proof they needed.”

  “Fine.” I spun my legs to the floor and padded to the bathroom. At least I still had my clothes on. “Do you have an elastic for my hair?” I asked Mom when I’d finished in the bathroom.

  “See, she’s fine. She still cares about her hair.” Tyler motioned to me.

  “On the meds.” Mom dug in her purse.

  “I cared about my hair yesterday before you gave me meds.”

  “You’re under eighteen.”

  “I want to talk to Dad.”

  “Young lady.” She put her hand to her hip. “I read the whole document. Your dad doesn’t have any rights where you’re concerned. He won’t be able to weigh in on this.”

  “Well could I at least hear his opinion? Can you call him for me? I want to see him.” In my mind the words were flung in violent yells at her, but they came out as weak requests. The familiar haze of the medication lurked in my brain once again.

  “We’ll call in the morning. We all need our rest. Get back in bed.”

  “You’re not locking me to the bed again, are you? It’s not like I can get out of the building anyway.”

  “Okay, I guess not.” Mom tucked the covers around me.

  When I woke at nine the next morning, Mom and Tyler were gone. A breakfast tray sat on the table beside my bed. I lifted the lid to see a stack of pancakes. I pulled it to me. When I finished breakfast, I found my bag on the chair and changed to some clean clothes in the bathroom. Re-entering my room, I realized there was absolutely nothing to do: no television, no books, nothing. Searching my bag
, I pulled out Mom’s copy of Little Women. Of course, she’d include Little Women instead of my favorite vampire series. God, I hated invaders of privacy.

  “Camille, you’re awake!” My psychiatrist’s voice came from the door.

  “Don’t look so surprised. There’s a camera mounted in the corner.” I tossed the book on the bed and sat down.

  “You’re very observant.” He pulled a chair towards the bed and sat down.

  “Unlike last night.”

  “I have your meds for you. It’s a twice-a-day regimen.”

  “I know the drill, but I’m not convinced this is the right thing.”

  “Your own words don’t lie. From the document on the computer, it’s obvious.”

  “So, I’m schizophrenic, damned to live in two worlds unless I take medication.”

  “Two worlds or more. Schizophrenics usually accumulate multiple hallucination scenarios as they grow older.”

  “Wonderful.” I rolled my eyes and held out my palm. “I’ll take the meds for now. But I’m doing research on this. I want an alternative. I only feel like half of myself when I’m on them, like walking through soup instead of clear air.”

  “What about the buzzing you felt in your head? Any more of that?”

  “No, Mom took care of that, and the meds are doing the rest.” I lifted the small meds cup as if to toast him and turned it up, dropping the pill in my mouth. I wanted to talk to Chalondra, but I couldn’t endure the pain in my head again. I’d decided to wait for Dad and more research before I full out rebelled.

  “So, tell me about your friends and Ivy.”

  “I’m not really sure.” I shrugged. “I had these imaginary friends when I was three. I don’t remember, remember. I just know about them from my psychological history and the hallucinations.”

  “That’s fine, go on.”

  “Anyway, I guess the two other friends found each again, supposedly in real life.” I proceeded to tell him exactly what the document he’d already read described. How Hunter and Alena reunited and Hunter discovered he was a witch, and how his half-brother stole a spear that Hunter, Alena, and Ivy needed for some unknown prophecy.

  “And you didn’t tell me you were having these visions for six weeks because…?”

  “At first, they were just pictures, dreams in my head.”

  “But you saw them when you were awake?”

  “Yes, but I rationalized I was daydreaming. I don’t remember this from when I was three.”

  “Okay, go on.”

  “Then I really needed to know if I was Ivy.”

  “It sounds like you are, but it’s just your mind creating this alter ego.”

  “Okay, I get it.” I slouched back on the bed, defeated.

  “Where do you want to go from here?”

  “Home.”

  “We’ll monitor you for a day and release you to your mother. You can decide on a path forward from there.”

  Mom and Tyler were outside waiting when we finished. For as obstinate as I’d been before, shame descended like a cloak on my psyche. Tears formed in my eyes as Mom laid my backpack on my bed.

  “I brought you some more clothes and your school books.”

  “Thanks. I’m so sorry.” I blotted the water from my cheeks.

  “Shh, shh.” She wrapped her arms around me, stroking my head. “This isn’t your fault.”

  “I thought I had it under control. It seemed so real. I just had to know. I guess the hallucinations cause migraines. Did I have those headaches when I was younger?”

  “No. Just the hallucinations. You would run around the house for hours playing with your imaginary friends. It wasn’t until we moved that the buzzing started.”

  “Did Dad think they were hallucinations?”

  “He wanted to take a more holistic, non-medication approach. We tried that for a while, but it didn’t work. I was worried you would just slip into your alternate reality and never return, never learn to read, write, socialize with anyone but Violet and Chase.”

  “I told you about them?”

  “You talked about them all the time, like they were real people.”

  “What did I say about them?”

  “The girl Violet was very private. She wouldn’t let you touch her. Except I think you said Chase did one time. Why are we even talking about this? It’s not going to help you. You need to focus on the people who are right in front of you.”

  “So, is that why Dad left, because you couldn’t agree?”

  “No, we’ve been over this before. Your dad gets engrossed in his work. He’s like a gypsy following his next trinket.”

  “A gypsy?”

  “Let’s not get hung up on terms. He is obsessed with his work.”

  “I’m already deep into a state of dialed-down emotion.”

  “Remember, it takes a while to regulate your dosage.”

  “I hate this.” I reclined back on my pillow.

  Mom squeezed my hand. “You need to try. How are you going to function living in two worlds?”

  “I don’t know. It just seemed so real.” I gazed out the window at the mid-morning sun. “But you guys should go. I’ll be fine here. Don’t miss work on my account.”

  “What will you do all day?”

  “Honestly I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. I’m just going to sleep and read.” I held up the copy of Little Women she’d left me.

  “Are you sure, sweetie?” Mom got up and kissed my head.

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay, well they have our numbers if you need anything.”

  “You mean besides out of here?”

  “You know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Bye, pipsqueak, try not to get crazier in this place.” Tyler scanned the gray walls.

  “I’m not crazy.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

  I spent the day in my half haze, reading and sleeping. My psychiatrist checked in on me in the late afternoon.

  “I’m going to leave you on this dosage until I see you tomorrow afternoon in my office. We’ll schedule a session for Friday to check in before the weekend.” He finished after asking a litany of questions about my mental state.

  Thinking about returning home and to school, I kicked Little Women to the floor. I consoled myself that although I’d missed a day, no one knew why. But I’d been through the drill before. My teachers and counselor would be watching me like a hawk. Maybe I could convince Mom to let me finish out the year online. I’d tried that route at least a half-dozen times. She’d never let me out of traditional schooling. Maybe if I convinced her I was really damaged by the hallucinations, it would be different.

  Mom arrived as I finished the dinner they’d given me. “The psychiatrist says you’re free to go. You will follow up with him tomorrow and Friday to check in.”

  “I know.” I pushed the dinner tray away and started stuffing my things into my backpack.

  “I’m sorry that you don’t think I did the right thing.”

  “I get it, Mom. I know you’re just worried about me. I don’t like that buzzing feeling in my head either. Will you at least keep an open mind if I do some research and find an alternative treatment? I’m almost eighteen. I’m going to graduate and go to college. You’re not going to be there every day.”

  “I would be receptive to options that have proven results. I just haven’t seen any others.”

  “Can I call Dad tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  I slung my bags over my shoulders. “Okay, I’m ready.”

  When I returned home, Tyler welcomed me by rubbing his hand atop my head.

  “Hey.” I swatted his arm away. “The hair.”

  “Yeah, it needs a lot of help.”

  “I know. I’m going to take a real shower.”

  I made my way to my room and shed my clothes and started the water. Toweling off, I dressed and scanned my room for my laptop.

  “Mom, do you have my computer?” I c
alled down the hall.

  “I want you to use it in the family room. No secret searching.”

  “Fine.” I snatched it from her and plopped down on the couch. Bringing up the video chat application, I pushed the button for Dad’s number.

  “Hey there, girlie. Heard there was some action over your way.” His voice came through the speaker, and his face appeared on the screen.

  “Mother called you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well.” I rolled my eyes. “I guess I don’t need to catch you up. Do you know of any natural remedies?”

  “None that would please your mother. If you want something different, search for it and find the info to back it up.”

  My conversation with Dad yielded no alternatives to the medication, so I opened a web browser and started to research in earnest. Mom sat down beside me on the couch.

  “I don’t have to go to school tomorrow, right?” I asked.

  “You most certainly do.”

  “Fine.”

  I tapped away on the keys, wondering if I should act a little more dramatic. I had the will, but the emotions weren’t behind it. Damn medication, I ranted in my head. Typing in holistic treatment of schizophrenia, my eyes searched for something new. I’d tried the natural herbs for the buzzing, but they didn’t work. The last hit on the page caught my attention. The caption read: Dr. Antos uses lodestone to treat a variety of psychological disorders including depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and schizophrenia.

  The website loaded, and a headshot of a dark-haired man with a mustache and beard appeared. His picture invoked an image of Thanatos, and I shivered. Rolling my eyes at my own paranoia, I navigated through the website, viewing images of young adults hiking and camping. The pages on the site described Dr. Antos’s research on psychological disorders and his focus on helping young adults find an alternative to traditional prescription medications.

  “Look at this.” I spun the screen to Mom. “This is fairly new, but it looks like he has good recommendations.”

  “It does.” She scrolled through the pages and followed links to his bio and published research. “Well, I don’t see any negatives except that he’s probably not in Iceland.”