As his genuine concern for me grew, so did my regret for having to lie to him. “No. I’m fine. I just felt weird admitting to you that I skipped out on work.”
His brows drew together. “Well, I find that kind of troubling, to be honest.”
“I’m sorry, Nathan. Okay?”
Jace walked in at that moment. “What’s going on here?”
“My sister thinks it’s okay to lie to me. That’s what’s going on.”
Jace’s face turned practically white.
I spoke before he could freak out too much. “Nathan ran into one of my co-workers at the drugstore. She asked him about me, since I called in sick today. I told Nathan I went to work, because I felt funny about playing hooky. I shouldn’t have lied.”
Jace’s eyes moved between Nathan and me. He looked as guilty as I felt.
“Yeah. I agree. It was dumb to lie,” he finally said.
Nathan turned to me. “It’s not the fact that you stayed home from work. I could give a shit about that. It’s that you thought it was okay to look me in the face and lie. It makes me wonder what the hell else you’re lying to me about.”
Jace swallowed. “Alright, man. Go easy on her. Everyone tells white lies from time to time.”
I knew he felt the need to defend me because he felt bad for not taking some of this wrath. I smiled, but paranoia started to seep in. If my lie about work got my brother this upset, I could only imagine how badly he would lose it if he knew the real reason I’d stayed home today.
Nathan suddenly stormed out of the living room. “I’m going to get a beer.”
As he left, Jace and I just looked at each other. There were no words necessary. We both knew we were fucked.
Chapter 16
* * *
Jace
Fifteen days.
For fifteen days I’d been sneaking around behind my best friend’s back, sleeping with his sister and afraid to say I was loving every minute of it.
It had also been fifteen days since I’d given up my morals to be with a girl I wanted with every inch of my being, even though I knew I was wrong for her.
And it only took fifteen days for me to wonder if I was actually falling in love with Farrah. What I’d once assumed was infatuation felt stronger than ever. Would you die for someone you were infatuated with? There was no doubt in my mind that I’d die for Farrah. Infatuation didn’t seem like the right word to describe what we had anymore.
She was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and the last thing I thought about at night. I also found myself depressed whenever I thought about my self-imposed one-month time limit, at which time I was supposed to just forget about everything that had happened between us and move out. How was I supposed to give up these feelings and pretend they’d never existed? Yes, I wanted to protect Nathan. But at what cost?
Meanwhile, Farrah and I had been meticulous about not getting caught. No more skipping out of work or doing anything out of the ordinary that might tip Nathan off. We went to our respective jobs each day, but at night, she’d say she was hanging out with Kellianne. Her friend was the only one who knew about us, so she acted as our alibi. Farrah would even park her car at Kellianne’s house in the event Nathan happened to drive by. I’d meet her there and scoop her up in my truck. Then we’d drive at least an hour away—somewhere we wouldn’t be recognized—and go to a hotel. At some point close to midnight, I’d drive her back to her car at Kellianne’s, and she’d head home. Then I’d go back to the hotel and spend the night there, or return to the house later, depending on the night, to change things up. We’d repeated this pattern every day for over two weeks.
Tonight was a little different, though. Nathan had scheduled family movie night. I would have preferred to be alone with Farrah and not under Nathan’s microscope, but we couldn’t exactly cancel. Nathan had invited Crystal, so that would serve as an extra distraction from any inappropriate looks or vibes Farrah and I might emit toward each other.
Crystal had cooked pasta for all of us, and after dinner, we hung out by the pool before we were set to watch the movie. Farrah and I were careful to stay at opposite ends of the patio, but I couldn’t stop looking at her. When she’d emerge from the pool, I’d marvel at her beauty and wonder how I’d been able to have my way with her every night. Then I’d catch her staring at me from afar, and I’d smirk. She’d blush, and it would take everything in me not to race over to her and kiss her senseless. I felt like a teenager again, without a care in the world. I didn’t want this feeling to end.
How was it fair that Nathan got to be openly affectionate with his girl, and I couldn’t be with mine? The realization that I’d internally referred to her as my girl didn’t even surprise me. She was my girl, wasn’t she? Even if I couldn’t announce it to the world.
At one point, while Nathan and Crystal were sucking face on one of the loungers, Farrah got up to go to the kitchen. She gave me a come-hither look before escaping into the house. I knew what she was trying to pull. I normally wouldn’t have taken the risk right under Nathan’s nose, but I was dying to kiss her.
I waited several minutes after she went inside to follow. Taking one last look at Nathan and Crystal immersed in each other, I finally got up and headed toward the house.
My dick was hard as I went to find Farrah. Like a game of hide-and-go-seek, I searched each room until I finally found her in my bedroom, which was at the far corner of the house. She leaned against the bureau. Her eyes were heavy, filled with lust as her chest rose.
My erection was already bursting through my swim trunks. I pressed my body into hers so she could feel how hard I was, wanting her to know what her behavior out there had done to me. Then I kissed her so hard I thought I might bruise her lips.
When the sound of the sliding door registered in the distance, Farrah ripped herself away and ran out of the room. There was no way I could reemerge sporting this stiffy, so I decided to walk across the hall to the shower.
The water rained down on me as I jerked my swollen cock, imagining everything I’d wanted to do to her. My eyes shut tightly as I came hard, shooting all over the tile wall.
I washed my hair and body, plotting how I was going to escape with Farrah later.
After I got dressed in my room, I found Farrah in the kitchen, still wearing her bikini. I got hard again at the sight of her. Our eyes locked, and she flashed me a wry smile. I was sure she knew why I’d taken so damn long in the bathroom.
Nathan and Crystal were already in the living room setting up the movie, leaving Farrah and me alone in the kitchen.
“How was your shower?” she asked.
“Very…imaginative.”
“I bet.”
“You were there in spirit.” I smiled.
She looked down at herself. “I’d better change into some clothes before the movie.”
My eyes fell to her mouth. “Do you have to? I kind of like it just the way you are.”
“I’d better—for your sake.”
I looked out toward the living room to make sure Nathan was still engrossed in conversation and whispered, “I’m gonna fuck you so hard later.”
She licked her lips. “I don’t expect it any other way.”
I loved how fast she got turned on, how wet she always was for me the second I touched her. And there I was, hard as a rock again. So much for that shower.
When Farrah left to go change, I opened the refrigerator to try to cool myself down—literally stuck my head inside.
I eventually went to the living room and offered to make popcorn for everyone—you know, to try to make up for the fact that I was fucking Nathan’s sister behind his back. Popcorn ought to atone for that kind of betrayal, right?
Back in the kitchen, I got to work popping and placed it into four individual bowls.
Farrah was already curled into one corner of the couch when I returned to the living room. I handed out the bowls and sat at the opposite corner of the sofa. It would have seemed too obvi
ous if I planted myself right next to her. I tried to focus on my popcorn and not on the fact that I wanted to feel her body next to mine.
Throughout the movie, inch by inch, Farrah moved closer to me. As much as it pained me, each time I moved a little farther away. Then she’d move a little closer again. It was like a game. In Nathan’s eyes, there would be no reason why I’d need to sit right up against her if there wasn’t a third person on this couch. There was plenty of room for us to stretch out. Farrah smiled over at me, her eyes glinting.
Finally, she stopped, and we paid attention to the movie for a while. It was almost the end when my eyes veered in her direction. Farrah watched the final scene intently, but all I could focus on was her beautiful innocence and delicate profile. As risky as the past couple of weeks had been, these days had been the best of my life. It wasn’t just the phenomenal sex; it was the fact that I felt like I could tell her anything. We could relate to each other. We wanted the same things out of life. We just wanted peace. We wanted to be happy. And we wanted to be together.
Having lots of sex.
My stare must have lingered on her a few seconds too long, because when my gaze moved over to Nathan, his eyes met mine.
• • •
That night, Farrah took off a half hour before I did to head to Kellianne’s.
Later, I met up with her in the parking lot outside her friend’s apartment.
As soon as she stepped into my truck, I confessed what had been weighing on me the entire ride over.
“Your brother caught me staring at you tonight.”
She closed the door and put on her seatbelt. “What do you mean?”
“I was looking at you toward the end of the movie, just thinking about how beautiful you are, how happy you make me…and I got lost in thought. I looked over at Nathan, and he was glaring at me. He’d been watching me, watching you. God knows how long I’d been doing it. He gave me a look. It was obvious. He knows something, Farrah. He probably thinks I just have a crush. I don’t think he suspects anything more. But still. I felt like he was on to me. And you know the most surprising thing?”
“What?”
“How little I cared.” I grabbed her hand. “I’m starting to feel resentful. There he was today, enjoying his life with a woman he cares about, and I can’t be with the one I care about because it might…what? Hurt his feelings? Meanwhile, he’s happy, and I’m miserable.”
Farrah squeezed my hand tightly. “What are you saying?”
I looked down at our joined fingers. “I’m saying…maybe we need to tell him.”
Her eyes went wide. “Really?”
“I don’t know. What do you think?”
“I think…the past two weeks have changed things. I feel closer to you than I ever imagined, and can’t see myself walking away from this. I don’t want to hurt my brother. But…I don’t want to lose you more.”
I nodded. “There’s no way I can give you up, Farrah. No way. Nice try on my part, attempting to convince myself of that long enough to bite the bullet with you, but it was all bullshit.”
Her eyes filled with hope. “Never thought I’d hear you say that. I feel the same way.”
I finally started the truck and took off down the road. Still lost in my head over how to handle what felt like an impossible situation, I hadn’t been paying attention to where I was going and ended up driving down the road where Farrah’s parents had been killed.
She shocked me when she said, “Can you stop here?”
It had been a long day, and all I wanted was to get to the hotel. But I couldn’t deny her request.
I slowed down. “Are you sure?”
She nodded.
The road was adjacent to an empty field. I pulled over onto the grass, and we both got out.
“Show me the exact spot where it happened,” she said.
Every muscle in my body clenched. Reliving the most traumatic moment of my life wasn’t something I’d expected to have to do tonight. But I’d do anything for her, even if it meant having to suffer through it.
She held my hand as I led her to where I remembered her father’s truck being parked that day.
Feeling nauseous, I stopped. “It was right about here.”
We stood together at the side of the road as a few cars whizzed by. I watched Farrah close her eyes and fall into an almost meditative state. So many emotions swirled through me. Most of all: guilt. She didn’t know the full story of what had happened. In fact, if she did, she likely wouldn’t want to be with me. Being here was a reminder of why the right thing to do would have been to let her go. It was too late for that, unfortunately.
“I can feel them here,” she said. “I can feel their presence. It’s amazing.” She opened her eyes and looked at me. “I feel like they can see us, too.”
My stomach churned. I knew in my heart that Farrah’s parents wouldn’t want us together if they were able to see us right now. I could only hope they were somehow able to forgive me. And I hoped I could garner the courage one day to tell Farrah exactly what had happened.
She reached for me, pulling me close before placing her head on my racing heart.
“I want you to let go of the pain, Jace.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding since practically the moment we stopped here. “I don’t know if I can do that.”
“I know you live with survivor’s guilt. It’s time to work on letting it go. I want to help. I think we need to come here often, spend time and habituate to the pain. We can get each other through it. My therapist actually recommended this very thing, but I don’t think I can do it alone. I want you with me.”
Coming here repeatedly sounded like torture, but maybe her suggestion made some sense. Maybe I could get through it if I had her by my side.
It started to rain, so we walked back to where my truck was parked and got in.
I was about to start the ignition when Farrah placed her hand on my arm. “Let’s just sit here for a while and listen to the rain.”
Looking at the time, I tried to convince her otherwise. “It’s past midnight. You sure you don’t want to just get to the hotel? Maybe we can do this another day.”
“Just for a little bit? I’m not ready to leave.”
I nodded. If this was what she needed right now, I wasn’t going to argue with her.
Over the next several minutes, I settled into a relaxed state while listening to the rain pelt my truck. Farrah leaned against my chest as I kissed the top of her head.
“I’ve never been this content in my life,” she said. “I know I should feel the opposite, considering we have to sneak around with each other, and that’s sort of dangerous, but I feel very safe when I’m with you.”
“Why do you like me so much?”
Her answer was immediate. “I don’t.”
“You don’t?” I chuckled.
She turned around. “I don’t like you…I love you.”
My heart felt like it was in a choke hold.
She repeated in a whisper, “I love you, Jace.”
I should’ve told her I loved her back, but I froze. I didn’t want her to think I was only saying it because she had.
Farrah straightened up to look me in the eyes. “Don’t feel like you have to say anything back, okay? I just wanted you to know how I feel.”
“I don’t feel like I deserve your love,” I said. “Even years ago, after I found out you had feelings for me, I always noticed the way you looked at me and felt undeserving of that admiration. When I came back here after all these years and found that you still looked at me that way, I felt even less deserving.” Placing my hands around her face, I tried my best to tell her exactly how I felt. “You said I make you feel safe… Well, you make me feel the same. When I’m with you, I don’t want anything or anyone else. I’ve never felt this way in my life. I—”
The sound of banging interrupted me. Then came a flash of light that hit me in the eyes. At first, it was hard to see through the raindrops.
I thought it was a cop. But when I got a look at his face after lowering the window, I immediately wished to God that it had been the police. I turned to her. Regardless of how freaked out I was, there was nothing worse than having to witness the fear in Farrah’s eyes.
She trembled. “Oh no.”
How could this be happening?
How the hell did he know we were here?
“It’s gonna be okay,” I said, hoping that was true.
Vowing to be strong, I opened the door and got out. Farrah did the same.
“What the fuck is going on?” Nathan shouted in my face.
Trying my best to remain calm, I asked, “Why are you here?”
Nathan looked almost possessed, his eyes bugging out of his head and filled with rage in the pouring rain. “Why am I here? That’s a damn good question. How about…I’m not as stupid as you think! Both of you gone every single night from the freaking house? The way you make googly eyes at each other? I didn’t want to believe it for a long time. Then tonight it just hit me, like ‘how stupid can you be, Nathan?’” He turned his attention to Farrah. “I put two and two together, especially after you lied to me about staying home from work that day. I decided to drive by Kellianne’s after I dropped Crystal off tonight. Of course, your car was there, but no one was home. So, fine… I thought maybe by some chance I was wrong. I gave you the benefit of the doubt—figured maybe you were out with her in the middle of the goddamn night. So I decided to go home, and what do I see on my way back but a truck that looks an awful lot like Jace’s parked on the side of the road—in this spot of all places?”
Farrah’s voice was shaky. She wiped rain from her face. “We were going to tell you, Nathan.”
“Oh really? That’s easy to say now that I caught you, right? You’ve spent half your life throwing yourself at him. It finally worked for ya, huh?”
“Don’t talk to her like that.” I put my arm around her protectively.
He nearly spit on me when he said, “I have nothing to say to you. You can have any whore you want in this entire town, and you mess around with my sister? Seriously, how much lower can you get? You move in with us to help me out, and this is how you do it? By banging my sister, when you know damn well you’re not staying in Palm Creek?”
The Crush Page 16
