Head Over Feels

by Scott, S. L.

  Most importantly, why do I care?

  And do I have a right to care?

  I look at his free hand hanging by his side through the corners of my eyes. The heat of his fingertips was still scorching through my satin shirt. What is happening? He barely touched me, but my skin is on fire, wanting to feel the burn one more time.

  I think I need to check out a dating app and get myself back out there. Craving human touch, his to be precise, isn’t appropriate. Rad’s my friend, my roomie—

  “It’s just around the corner,” he says.

  “What is?”

  He chuckles. “The restaurant. What did you think I was talking about?”

  Rolling my hand next to my head, I reply, “Sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”

  “It’s okay. Want to talk about it?”

  “No. Definitely not.” I hate that I snap, but what am I going to say? I’m thinking about you touching me in completely inappropriate and non-platonic ways? Yeah, I don’t think that’d go over well.

  “Okay. Noted.” I stop walking. When he stops a few steps ahead of me and looks back, he asks, “What is it?”

  “I don’t want you to not ask me questions. I want you to ask, and I want to tell you, but sometimes. . .” I look at my shoes and fidget with the seams of my jeans.

  “Sometimes what, Tealey? You can tell me anything.”

  Looking up, I sigh heavily. “I know you say that, and I know you mean it, but I don’t know.” I start walking to catch up. “I think I need to talk to Marlow.”

  “All right.” He pops out his elbow. “Let’s go, and you can talk to Marlow.”

  Why does he always have to be so understanding? If he’d pushed me a little more, I would have confessed everything. But now is clearly not the time, so I slip my arm around his and settle for the physical closeness instead.

  * * *

  “We’re only missing Cammie and Cade,” Jackson says, rubbing his stomach as he rests back in his chair.

  Marlow tips her glass back and finishes the last few drops of wine. “I’m starting to think this is how it will be from now on.”

  Since it’s something I’ve thought a lot about as well, I say, “I hope not.”

  Rad reaches for his glass. “Things are changing. We’re changing. It’s not a bad thing. It’s life evolving.”

  With an exhaustive exhale, Marlow’s patience has worn thin. “Why does life always have to change? If it’s not your father divorcing, it’s Mother’s botched fillers or praising an artist’s work while stroking their ego when you hate the art they make. Or your friends getting married and losing them for the better part of a year while your other friends are too busy for you.”

  Rad, Jackson, and I stare at her. I think my personal problems need to be put on the back burner. Reaching over, I take her hand and hold it. “We’d never forget about you. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that way. There’s been so much going on—”

  “Tealey, I know. It’s just been stressful, but I’ll be fine. I always am.”

  Marlow’s gaze lengthens to the front of the restaurant. When she looks at me, she smiles. “I’m lucky to have you guys in my life.”

  Jackson says, “We’re the final four.”

  I say, “We’ll always have each other.” I find comfort in the exchange of knowing looks. Whatever happens, we will always be there for each other. The restaurant comes back to life around us, invading the moment bonding us together.

  The back of my hand grazes the side of Rad’s unwittingly, but I let my own desire to be touched again overwhelm my common senses and leave it just a beat or two longer. I can place the blame squarely on Rad’s shoulders, his biceps, those sexy forearms, and strong hands. But he hasn’t crossed any boundaries despite what my body would love to beg him to do.

  He’s made me believe that I don’t need to settle for some guy who doesn’t cherish me when I can have a man willing to do anything for me. Not saying that’s Rad. Just saying that he’s given me back my self-confidence.

  Looking at my beautiful friend, I’ve learned that even the strongest need reassurance. “I’m only a phone call away, Marlow.”

  She nods. “I’m just missing how it used to be.”

  It’s probably the first time in adulthood that I’m looking forward to the future more than I enjoy living in the memories. I’m loving the new direction in my life. I take her hand and give it a squeeze since I can’t share the same sentiment.

  The night has written its last chapter, and we say our goodbyes. In the back of the taxi, the lights from outside flash across Rad’s face in a myriad of colors when he rolls his head in my direction. “Did you have a good time?”

  “I did. You?”

  “Yes, but you were too far.”

  “Too far from what?”

  “Me,” he states.

  My breath stops hard in my chest as his words send my thoughts spinning. What does he mean I’m too far? I try to riddle through any reasoning but still can’t land on anything that makes sense, so I say, “I was next to you, not more than two feet.”

  Reaching over, he takes my hand and holds it on the seat between us. “Like I said, too far.”

  This is confusing, him holding my hand like he’s my boyfriend while my pulse races us home. Pushing the boundaries of our friendship in a new direction? Or me reading too much into it?

  Tired of fighting the pull I feel toward him, I squeeze Rad’s hand, and whisper, “Too far.” I scoot across the vinyl seat and lean my head on his shoulder. “This is better.”

  Moving our joined hands to his leg, he taps his lap twice, making me wonder if he’s as nervous as I am. His skin is a bit rough, and his grasp firm. The heat between us is causing a chemical change in my body’s makeup. That’s all I can come up with to explain this deep-seated desire to kiss him.

  But I don’t.

  I can’t.

  Not with Rad, though his words from dinner come back around. “It’s life evolving.”

  By how close the two of us have become, we’re evolving with it. Only one question remains. Are we evolving as friends or into something more?

  19

  Tealey

  Rad has a morning routine, and apparently, a low-hanging towel wrapped precariously around his middle while getting coffee is a part of it.

  I’m not complaining. But seeing the most eligible bachelor in Manhattan walking around shirtless and fresh from the shower is toying with my emotions . . . and my libido.

  What the heck has gotten into me.

  Rad . . . well, not into me specifically.

  That towel is really the gift that keeps giving, at least Monday through Friday, and the best way to start a day. Me sipping my coffee, sitting on the windowsill. Him with that towel he catches when it begins to slip . . . unfortunately, he’s good with his hands.

  Wait, maybe that’s not so unfortunate.

  Clearly, I need a day off. Glad my Friday was approved and that Marlow, Jackson, Cammie, and Cade are busy doing their own thing in this SUV. This three-day weekend to the Hamptons couldn’t have come soon enough. His mother and the others will surely help douse the fire burning inside me.

  Although it would be easy to blame that charcoal-gray terry cloth that refuses to stay tucked at his hip for confusing the matter, and when I say matter, I mean awakening my sexual desires, it’s not the only culprit.

  I flat out blame Rad himself. Despite the pretty women I side-eye when Rad and I are out and about together, I have the privilege of drinking in his full devotion like a deserted woman in need of water. Wait, that’s not right. A woman in the desert in need of a drink? A fish out of water?

  Ugh! He muddles my thoughts.

  Not to mention how he snuggled me into his side on the way home from dinner that night last week. What was with that? And then in the elevator to his apartment, nothing. What is a girl supposed to think? That it’s just the way Rad shows his friendship?

  Maybe, since those are the only times he’s sho
wn that kind of affection toward me. The pressure is mounting, and I haven’t been brave enough to use my vibrator at the apartment in fear that he’ll hear the buzzing again.

  I should have taken advantage last night since he left to help his mom get the house ready for guests. Now it’s too late.

  Yet because of the damn towels and more than two hours stuck in a car traveling, I’ve spent most of today thinking about how hot he is. This is what he does to me. Mounting pressure . . . Muddled. I can’t even think straight because of those damn towels, the deep V that I saw water droplets trailing down last Tuesday, and a minimum of six abs. There might be more. It would be rude to stare longer than I already had.

  So there’s only one thing I can do. I must now dedicate my life to the pursuit of confirming just how many muscles he has on that washboard stomach of his.

  Yes, now would be a good time to remember he’s not mine—not to claim, not to flirt with, not to think about beyond our temporary arrangement.

  I’ve seen at least fifteen apartments in the past three weeks, and any that Rad saw, he refused to even consider. So temporary is already longer than I expected. He’s been a great sport about me staying and even told me not to rush into a rash decision.

  I appreciate how he’s looking out for me. He’s been such a gentleman, and here, I’ve been acting like a dog in heat. Not very nice of me.

  Yes, this weekend is needed. Hopefully, it will offer a nice distraction, taking my mind off everything it shouldn’t be on, and I can relax.

  As soon as the car pulls onto the driveway, I see Rad walking out of the house to greet us. Dammit. Why does he have to look like he just stepped out of GQ?

  Every. Dang. Time.

  His mom hurries from the house right behind him, waving from the porch. Amanda Allison is pure joy. When the car comes to a stop, Marlow swings open the passenger’s door and groans, “Why do the Hamptons have to be so far from the city?” She’s already stretching her arms in the air when my back-seat door opens.

  Rad smiles at me, trying to kill me dead on this seat. “Hi,” he says, offering me a hand. “It’s a big drop.”

  Freaking gentleman.

  “Hi.” I slip my hand in his and hop out. He moves to the back, too fast for my liking, to start unloading. Stepping onto the lawn, I smile, closing my eyes, stealing only a second to take it all in. “Listen. Not a siren or horn to be heard.”

  Marlow laughs. “Those sirens lull me to sleep each night.”

  “You can hear them in your palace in the sky?”

  Coming around to this side of the SUV, she taps my arm. “I bought a noise machine that plays the recorded version. Too much quiet leaves room for my mind to wander, and I don’t want that interfering with my beauty sleep.”

  Cammie and Cade are already on the porch hugging Amanda, so I drag my large bag from the floorboard and hike it onto my shoulder. Before I have a chance to start walking, Rad’s taking the handles from me. “Let me.” I peek up to find the gold in his eyes brighter in the sunshine. “How was the ride?”

  It takes me a second to get my bearings. “Noisy. Marlow snored with her headphones on. Jackson was watching a movie on his phone but forgot his earbuds. Cammie was dealing with the wedding planner. Cade tapped the steering wheel to a beat in his head for at least two hours.”

  Chuckling, he asks, “And what about you? What did you do to pass the time?”

  “Daydreamed.” The confession makes me giggle, and I’m grateful he can’t read my thoughts . . . or know what I was daydreaming about.

  “Must have been a good daydream.”

  I nod. “It most definitely was.”

  Marlow calls out, “Rad, do you mind taking my bags upstairs?” She goes inside the house without taking them with her, including the small Vuitton train case she was holding.

  “I can help,” I add.

  “It’s okay. You should go inside and join her. It was a long drive. By the time I get the luggage to the rooms, you’ll probably be ready to freshen up.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  He chuckles. “I insist. I missed my workout this morning anyway, and Jackson can help. Go on up and enjoy.” He winks. Calling out to Jackson, he says, “St. James, get your ass over here and help me with the luggage.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

  Amanda comes down the steps with her arms open wide. “It’s so good to see you again, Tealey.”

  Wrapping my arms around her, I say, “It’s been too long.” There’s comfort in her arms and such kindness felt in the hug. She leans back and looks at me like a doting stage mom. “You’re more beautiful every time I see you. How are you?”

  We exchange smiles, and I notice a silver streak running through her hair that wasn’t there the last time I saw her. It only adds to her sophistication. “I’m doing well. How are you?”

  “Wonderful. I’m so glad everyone could come this weekend.” She wraps her arm around my shoulders, and we walk toward the porch together. The gray shingle home with white trim and white columns leaves me in awe every time I see it. It doesn’t matter that I’ve visited a handful of times over the years. This house is beautiful down to the smallest detail and so inviting.

  “I am too. I needed a break from the city.” Maybe from your son and those towels, but I think it’s wise to keep that last part to myself. “I love coming here.”

  “The cottage needs life breathed into it and nothing like the young to fill it with excitement.” She refers to her home as a cottage, but at six thousand square feet, I’m thinking the quaint term isn’t quite fitting.

  When we reach the porch, she turns back, and says, “Good to see you, Jackson,” making sure she’s greeted every guest.

  He waves. “You too, Ms. Allison.”

  “Amanda.”

  “Got it. Amanda.”

  She laughs, turning back to me. “He can be such an Eddie Haskell sometimes.”

  “Who?”

  She waves her hand. “Never mind. Are you hungry? I set out snacks, and since it’s reached cocktail hour, let’s have a drink. I’d also love to hear more about your apartment search this weekend. Rad said you haven’t found anything suitable yet.”

  That’s interesting since I’ve found probably five options, but it was him who wasn’t on board with them. I glance back over my shoulder, catching Rad’s eyes on me as he drags the luggage across the lawn. He grins, and I return a smile.

  “Absolutely.”

  As Rad’s apartment is warm with original brown brick walls, black-framed windows, and darkish wood floors, Amanda’s home is bright and airy with whites and soft colors. I can only dream of owning a home like this one day.

  The house is bustling with laughter as champagne is being popped, and various conversations are overheard as we enter the great room. The gang has arrived and already made themselves at home.

  The table for eight has been transformed into a buffet of snacks, and a full bar is set up at the far end. “You’ve gone to too much trouble, Amanda.”

  “No trouble. I love having all of you here.” Patting my back, she says, “Go on in. I want to check on a few last-minute details.”

  “I’m starved,” I say, joining Marlow at the buffet. We round the table filling our plates, and at the end, she offers me a glass of white wine, then she goes outside on the back deck to join the others.

  My hand clashes with another just as I reach over for the last frosted sugar cookie. My eyes dart to the culprit. Those golden centers still shine without the sun when Rad sports a playful grin. “I don’t think so, Welly.” We’re both quick to grab for the cookie, but I win and take a victory bite. “I’m sure the snickerdoodles are just as delicious.”

  He growls. “You’re lucky you’re cute, Bell.” He snatches a snickerdoodle, tearing into it as he walks outside.

  With my mouth too full to talk, I stare at the back of him.

  Rad Wellington thinks I’m, me—Tealey Bell, is cute.

  Feeling gidd
y inside, I go outside to join the others. I just wish I could stop staring at Rad like we suddenly have a secret.

  * * *

  “I’m thinking alcohol and swimming in the ocean at night isn’t our best idea.”

  Cammie tipsily skips across the lawn. “Probably not, but it sure is fun.”

  Jackson, Rad, and Cade are already at the beach because we’re women who took ‘too long to figure out which suit to wear,’ as Jackson put it.

  He’s right. It’s not like there’s a beach full of single, hot guys waiting for us.

  “What took you so long?” Rad calls to us.

  I take that back.

  Cammie runs and jumps into Cade’s arms, sending him to his ass under fits of her giggles.

  I tighten my sweater around me. The bonfire surrounded by red Adirondack chairs nestled in the sand is a welcoming sight to behold. Next to me, Marlow holds two bottles of champagne.

  “I brought reinforcements,” she says, her sleek black suit and sweeper sweater hanging open.

  Jackson holds up two bottles of bourbon. “So did I.”

  “Great minds.” She smiles at Jackson as she sits next to him.

  After tossing another log on the fire, Rad finds me. His smile is set just like his gaze. “Where’s your suit?”

  “In Manhattan.” I shrug. “I knew I forgot something.”

  Marlow pops the champagne. “I offered her one of mine, but she refused.”

  “There was no way in Hades I was going to wear that . . . body floss. Nope, no way. I didn’t want to scare the sharks.”

  Rad furrows his brow, giving me a look like I’m crazy. Before I can read too much into it, Marlow shoves a red cup of champagne in my hand, and says, “Maybe you’ll change your mind if we get you drunk, and you can show off that great body of yours.”

  “It will take more than a cup of champagne to get me naked.”

  “Shots?” Jackson asks, already filling a line of cups.

  “I’m good,” I reply, holding up my cup.

  He hands Rad and Marlow a glass. “Here’s to spending time with my best friends on a Friday night,” Jackson says, holding his shot in the air. Liquid sloshes out the side. “Time with you is almost as good as a random swipe right.”