A Beast Among Gods (The Mac Tire Chronicles)

by Garnet Davenport

  I finally gave up on myself and waited for my own death. One I deserved. But when night came, my hallucinations started. My angel came to me that night, wearing robes of white and a heavenly glow lighting her.

  “Get up,” she said.

  “I can’t.”

  “You can. Your fight is not over. Get up.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can. You just don’t want to.”

  “Why would I want to? You’re gone. Our baby girl is gone. I have nothing left.” I growled.

  “You have everything left. Take that anger and sadness and fight. The gods have told me you have a bigger purpose. They need you to fight. To keep fighting. There is a girl that needs you. She can’t make it through this without you, and your destiny is to find her and love her as you love Taylor.”

  “I can’t,” I said, shaking my head.

  “You will. You will because that is the kind of person you are.”

  “I’m not that person. I never even told you what kind of person I am. I’m not even a person; I’m a beast. I never told you.”

  “You are the person I fell in love with, and I knew your secret. I hoped one day you would tell me, but you had so much pain in your past. I never wanted to force it out of you.”

  “How could you have known?”

  “We all knew. Jefferies and Jean are of mac tire blood. They knew the day you came to them.”

  “I never… they don’t smell like it.”

  “No, they don’t. It was to keep you safe. To give you love. I was sent to you for that same reason.”

  “Then why were you taken away from me?”

  “It was my time. Fate was meant to be this way. And I’m here with Taylor. Your mother and grandmother. John and Diane. And Jamie.”

  I looked up at her, and she nodded.

  “They need you to keep going. To fight. Go find yourself. Grieve us. And move forward.”

  “How do you know I can?”

  “Because you are stronger than you think you are, and I believe in you.”

  “I don’t want you to leave me.”

  “You won’t ever be without me. We will always be looking over you.”

  I felt a warm touch on my cheek, and then she was gone. I was alone in the desert and missing all of them more than any other time in my life. I laid there and eventually fell asleep, wondering if what I had seen really happened or if I was going crazy.

  The next morning when I woke, the sun was beating down on me, and my throat was so dry that it felt like I was dying. At first, I had thought that I had. I deserved it, and I knew I wouldn’t be in whatever heaven Lucy was in. I would be in hell. I was a beast. A half-breed. And destined for something I had no control over.

  I stood, stumbled to my bike, and rode it until I found the nearest town. I picked up a payphone and called home. Jean picked up. I let her say hello a couple of times before I said anything just to hear her voice.

  “Hello?”

  “Jean.”

  “Oh my God, Jefferies, it’s Striker. Come quick.”

  I heard footsteps in the background and then Jefferies’ old, familiar voice said, “Striker? Where are you? I will come get you.”

  “I don’t know exactly where I am, but I need to do this. For Lucy. And Taylor. And everyone else that has died because of me.”

  “We understand, but can’t you do this close to home?” Jean said.

  “Do you guys know what I am?” I asked.

  It was silent on the other end of the line.

  “We wanted to give you time when you first came to us. But after some time, it just wasn’t important anymore. Twisted Belly has always been a safe haven for anyone with mac tire blood. No questions asked. We just wanted you to feel safe for once. And then Lucy came around. You were meant to be.”

  I felt that pain in my chest as if it was happening all over again, and I was losing her.

  “I need some time. I’ll check in with you guys when I can, but I’ve got to get what I’m feeling under control.”

  “Striker, be safe and remember we love you,” Jean said.

  “That’s right, you’ll always have a place here waiting for when you get back,” Jefferies added.

  “I know,” I replied.

  “We love you,” Jean said.

  I couldn’t say it back. I couldn’t say anything. I was choked up and couldn’t say anything else to them.

  “All right,” Jean sighed, “we’re here if you need us.”

  I swallowed hard and said, “Okay.”

  I hung up before they could say anything else. I needed the time to figure out myself. I needed to get away to control the beast inside of me. I wasn’t any good to anyone in the state I was in. I got on my bike and found the first motel in my path. I’d spend the night and get some food into me then go find what could control the anger that brings the beast.

  ➣Chapter 20

  Lost But Wanting To Be Found

  I slept for nearly twenty-four hours, showered, drank some water from the faucet in the bathroom, and rinsed and dried my shirt over the shower rod while I slept. When I woke, I looked at the laminated card of all the close by food joints to grab a bite to eat. I found a diner about four miles out from the motel. I got on my bike and rode down the road.

  It was a small place, your typical diner, complete with a long bar and little booths across from it. I nodded on my way in through the front door to the waitress behind the counter.

  “Have a seat anywhere,” she called out and went back to pouring a mug of coffee.

  I walked over to the bar and sat at the furthest seat away from everyone. I wasn’t in any mood to speak with anyone, and I knew my first impression with people isn’t always welcoming.

  The waitress came down to me, order pad in hand, and asked, “What can I get you started?”

  “Coffee, please. And an ice water. Can I just get like fifteen slices of bacon?”

  She chuckled. “I can do that for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  She walked away and put my ticket up on a metal spinning contraption I’d only seen in movies. She grabbed a plastic glass and scooped some cubed ice into it then filled it with water. She grabbed a mug and a coffee pot and made her way back to me. She set down the glass and then the mug and poured hot coffee into the mug.

  “There’s some half and half in that bowl,” she said, nodding to my left near the wall.

  “Thank you.”

  “So, you’re new in town. We get a lot of strangers, and they’re either looking for something or running from something. So which are you?”

  Her tone was friendly, but there was something about the way she had asked that made me think she already knew. I tapped the top of my finger on the counter.

  “Both.”

  “Well, I tell everyone who’s looking to get lost that they need to go see the shaman.”

  “Who?”

  “The shaman. He lives out off Highway 15 just outside of Jean.”

  I stopped stirring my coffee and looked up.

  “Did you say Jean?”

  “I sure did, honey. It’s about fifty miles south.”

  “Do you have an address?”

  “Uh… well no, but when you get on the fifteen and head south, something out there will pull you toward what you’re looking for.”

  I looked her straight in the eyes, thinking she was joking around, but then when I looked at the other diner guests, they looked just as serious.

  “Really?” I asked with a scoff.

  “Striker, he’s waiting for you,” the waitress said.

  My eyes went straight back to hers.

  “Did I tell you my name?” I asked.

  She didn’t answer. I looked at the other diners, and then the bell atop the stainless steel waiting section for plates dinged, and she turned away from me as if I hadn’t just asked her anything. She grabbed my plate and came back over, setting it down in front of me.

  “Here you go.”


  “How did you know my name?” I asked.

  “Sugar, I don’t know your name. Maybe you should get yourself checked out.”

  “But you just told me to go see the shaman down fifteen and called me by my name,” I replied.

  “No, I just took your order and that was all. Are you sure you didn’t hit your head or something?” she said, eyeing me as if I was crazy.

  “Never mind. I must still be trying to wake up or something.”

  “All right, sugar. Eat up before all that bacon gets cold,” she said and walked off, looking at me once more over her shoulder.

  Thinking about what I had heard from the waitress, even if she didn’t remember saying it, I knew I had to go out in search of this shaman. I needed to know why I was being led to this point. Why my wife and baby girl had to die and why everyone I’ve ever loved somehow gets hurt by me or because of me.

  I tossed some cash on the counter to take care of the bill and to leave her a pretty decent tip and then got back on my bike. When I checked out of the motel, the man handed me a business card for a holistic healer from a native tribe in the area.

  “He’s really good at healing abnormal oddities.” He motioned for me to lean close so he could tell me a secret and he said, “It will take care of that gangrene you’ve got going on. He helped with my elephantiasis.” He pulled up his pant leg and showed me an engorged calf and foot. “It was twice this size a month ago.”

  “That’s good, but I don’t have gangrene.”

  “Oh, well I just figured with the green on your hand that’s what you had. Whelp, he should be able to help with whatever that is either way.”

  “Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.”

  I took the business card and put it into my pocket. I was put on the path to find the shaman outside of Jean, Nevada.

  ➣ Chapter 21

  Sweat Lodge

  I felt an odd pull as I drove through Jean. As soon as I was on the other side of the city, I pulled off at a mercantile and got off my bike. I had looked around to see if I could see anything that could point me into the direction of the shaman, but there wasn’t anything.

  I went inside and looked around at the jewelry, homemade ointments, and moonshine. Even though the moonshine wouldn’t cure what ails me, it wouldn’t hurt me more than I was already hurting.

  “That’s not going to help you, Striker,” a gruff old man said, coming up behind me.

  I hadn’t heard him even take one step in my direction. He had been quieter than even the most quietest I’ve had try to sneak up on me. I turned around quickly.

  “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” He chuckled. “But I saw you contemplating one of the biggest questions of life.”

  I lifted my brow in question.

  “How much moonshine you should buy.” He patted me on the shoulder and laughed.

  I chuckled back at his joke.

  “Did you call me by my name?” I asked.

  Had I been wearing a name tag or something?

  “Yes, Striker, I got a phone call this morning from one of my good friends, and they told me you might be stopping by.”

  “Oh.” I chuckled. “I thought… never mind.”

  He chuckled. “I don’t have that kind of magic. But I can help you find what you’re looking for… if you’re willing, that is.”

  “What would I have to do?”

  “Well, perhaps a little soul searching and forgiveness for yourself and others.”

  “I don’t deserve forgiveness,” I mumbled.

  “Everyone deserves forgiveness. It’s a matter of if you’re ready.”

  I shook my head.

  “How about we get you set up out back with a place to stay, and we’ll take it one day at a time. Your path is here… at least for the time being.”

  He showed me to where I would be sleeping. It was a leather-bound trapped tent in a row of tents all alike. Smelled similar to the barn on the Dewills’ farm.

  As he started to the back of the tent, he turned around and said, “You know, tonight we’re going to get into the sweat lodge. It might be worth your while if you want to join us.”

  “Yeah, I might check it out.”

  “Good. I think it will really open you up.”

  I nodded.

  “And grab you some rice and beans for supper.”

  “Thank you.”

  I sat down on the cot and put my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

  “What the hell am I doing?”

  I forced myself to get up and walked from the tent. I found a few others as I looked around, pacing back and forth, some sitting and looking as if they were just sleeping, and some staring up at the sky, but their eyes were closed. I looked up. The sun was shining down so bright I squinted and closed one eye while I put my hand up to shade myself. A halo of light exposure from the sun cascaded, directly pointing out a raven sitting on a fence post.

  It was one of the strangest things I’d ever seen. I hadn’t heard of one raven all by itself, let alone sitting on a fence post in the middle of the day. It’s not scavenging for prey or circling over roadkill or something else. It eyed me as I walked around and away, occasionally turning back around to see if it was still watching me as I walked around the property.

  I’d never seen dirt that felt like sand or cactus or this kind of dry heat. But I spent the next few hours walking around their property just watching the goats and chickens wander about. I found a boulder to sit on away from everyone and everything. I stayed there until the sun started to go down. I made myself get up to join everyone else.

  The rice and beans were flavorful. I hadn’t thought they’d be that good, but as it turns out, they were and filled me up while I tried to avoid the small talk of some of the others that were staying in other tents.

  “Anyone feeling ready for the sweat lodge, we will be starting in about an hour,” one man said.

  Some of the others started to leave and go back to their tents or go inside the mercantile to shop. I was going to go back out to that boulder and have a seat and see if I would change my mind about going to the sweat lodge.

  “Hey, Striker, how about you give me a hand getting set up?” the man said.

  “Sure,” I responded and followed him over.

  “Grab some of that wood. We will have three separate lodges. Each will need a hefty pile of wood.”

  I started to take wood to each of the stone huts. There seemed to be dried mud caked in between the stones, and then at the top of the structure, there was a small opening for smoke to exit. When I ducked my head to enter through the doorway, I found a circular stone pile in the center of the hut. I stacked the wood near the center where it would be easy to grab and went to get more.

  “What all happens in one of these sweat lodge things?” I asked.

  “People experience many things. I’ve had some experience anything from pain relief to a complete spiritual experience. One woman who had lost her husband said that she got to say goodbye. One of the more touching stories I’ve heard. But for the most part, it is about thanks, kindness, healing, seeking wisdom, and purifying your mind, body, and soul.”

  I remained silent, thinking about Lucy. How it would feel if I had one last opportunity to say goodbye. I straightened up and got back to work. One of the reasons I was here was because I think I was meant to be here. Somewhere along the way, I had lost myself, the real me, hiding it from everyone, and it was time to fix it.

  “You know, for someone with your kinds of abilities, it can be quite overwhelming.”

  “My abilities?”

  “Yes, you are of the mystic world. Just like us, you have a deeper connection with Mother Earth.”

  “I’ve never felt a deeper connection,” I replied.

  “That’s because you’re blocked,” he said, pointing at the center of my chest. “If you’ll let me, I can help you clear out that old pain and trauma and bring the light and joy back in.”

  “There’s no joy for me.
I don’t deserve it,” I murmured to myself.

  “Oh no, everyone deserves joy. Just because you’ve had a lot of sadness in your life doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy. You just have to find the happiness you are willing to let in.”

  I continued to remain silent.

  “It’s all right. We will work on it. I can feel your pain seeping into the earth. She’s ready to take it from you and let you be at peace.”

  “There’s no peace for me. I’ve lost the only light in my life.”

  “Don’t be afraid of the darkness. There is a balance between the light and the dark. A give and take. When darkness takes, there will be light that is left. It’s our own job to find that light and hold onto it.”

  I nodded.

  “Let’s get the rest of the wood gathered, and then you can help me make the tea.”

  “Tea?”

  “Yes, we will use all the traditional tobacco and herbs in the lodge, but I find that some people searching for purity and understanding will do the best with a mixture of rose hips, elderberry, rooibos tea, and psilocybe mushrooms.”

  “Magic mushrooms?” I asked.

  He chuckled. “Yes, it gives those without an open mind an opportunity to be open.”

  I could see how that would work. I’d stayed away from recreational drugs my whole life. I wasn’t about to try them now just to give myself the opportunity to feel better about Lucy and Taylor’s death.

  “It will be all right. There’s not much in the tea. Not enough for you even to notice a difference. But if you’re concerned then you can see the others tonight and make your decision another night. I recommend coming to the sweat lodge at least three or four times this week.”

  ➣ Chapter 22

  Sweat Lodge Part Two

  “My name is Ray. This is Jo, and this is Melina. We are here to be your guides. We will be bringing the temperature up to over one hundred degrees. If at any time you feel lightheaded, dizzy, or faint, it is perfectly acceptable to leave. If you feel like you can return, please do, but if not, you can always come in. You are not here to overwhelm your body but to communicate with your mind, body, and soul. When you go into your lodge, find a space around the stones and relax.”