“I also spoke to ADA Rolfe.” Yang makes a show of opening up a folder laid out on his desk. “He assures me there is ample evidence to convict the pompous prick.”
I continue to play dumb. “What kind of evidence?”
“Enough to identify at least one of the killers. I’ll know more once I read it, but I was under the impression—from you—that the witness didn’t remember anything.”
I shrug. “Minds change, I guess.”
Yang’s eyes narrow. “You guess.”
“Yes.”
Yang studies me for a while longer. “Either way, if any inkling of the witness’s identity leaks from his office, I’ve been assured there will be consequences. So, you’re here to assure me you will stay closed-mouthed and tight-lipped about this entire matter. Since you know the witness, I can’t give you the tirade I gave Mike and Miss Maddox, but you can pretend that I did. Are you ready?”
I sit straighter. “I’m sorry?”
Yang cuts a glance through the glass wall, toward the line of cubicles housing me, Mike and Taryn, among others, and out of fucking nowhere—
“HOW DARE YOU!”
My butt literally leaves my chair.
“You would think, being top of your class, you’d have the wherewithal to triple-check the fucking database a few times to ensure the accurate tracing of these alleged inheritance funds. You unintelligent but apparently educated twit.”
My mouth falls open.
“You got it wrong, Miss Hayes,” he roars. “The trail does not lead to one Benjamin Donahue. The funds were entirely withdrawn five years ago. The source is unknown. At least to us.”
“Um…”
“You had me confront a high-profile man on something that had nothing to do with him. And could have brutally affected his reputation. Not to mention mine.”
My mouth works for a moment, about as fast as my brain. “I’m sorry?”
“I thought you were more thorough than this, Miss Hayes. You’ll be lucky if you ever get near a case of mine again. Now get out.”
I blurt, before my brain can stop me, “Does this mean—?”
“Out, Miss Hayes,” Yang says.
I’m more than happy to oblige. Rising, I smooth out my dress and turn to the door. When my hand’s on the handle, Yang speaks once more.
“Delete everything you have on that man,” he says in a lower tone.
“I already have.”
Yang’s expression doesn’t waver. “Donahue never confirmed his identity at the gym. You ensured that, and also spoke about a ‘mistake.’ Consider your mistake public at this point.”
“I understand—”
“OUT!”
I pull open the glass door and fly out of there.
31
Ben
He’s smaller than I would’ve figured.
The man who orchestrated my parents’ deaths sits across a reception lobby from me, and all I can think is how scrawny he is.
Short. Thin. A weird, handlebar mustache. Bald head. Plain brown suit.
This is the guy who tortures, kills, ships drugs and people around the world like it’s his kingdom filled with pawns he moves around at will.
And it’s the only time I’ve ever wanted a gun. So I could pull it out of my coat pocket and shoot him between the eyes.
I have good aim.
“Mister Chavez?”
The mafia boss looks to the perky, red-headed receptionist at his name.
“We have a conference room available for you where you’ll be more comfortable, with some canapés laid out. If you’d like to come with me?”
The fuck’s a canapé? I bet Ash would know. It’d be nice to have my guys beside me in this room, flanking my left and right, ready to pummel at my get-go.
This Chavez stands and smirks at the woman. “Now, that is more in line with how I like to be treated.”
He turns his back to me at an opportune time. I want to kick him between the shoulder blades. Scream at him while he’s down for taking away the people who were meant to raise me.
Chavez follows the receptionist out, and my stare doesn’t leave his exposed, gnome-like back.
What can I kill him for?
My parents are long dead. Their torture was over decades ago, and they’re hopefully at peace now. I was raised well, on a full belly and a whole heart. My friends are safely ignorant, as are my adoptive parents. I gave testimony, I remembered enough, to help bring justice for Rose and Tim Delaney.
I have a good—no, great—thing going with Astor, and my best friend, her brother, will have to come to terms with that.
I remembered.
Enough of a killer’s face formed in Ryan’s mind, and he gave that image to me at a time when I needed it most.
I’m happy.
That has to be enough.
Chavez’s back disappears, and he passed me without any once-over, zero fucks given, as he went to go find his canapés.
Chavez changed my life, but I’m making it better as best I can. I hear Astor’s voice in my head, leveling me out. Outing yourself to a guy like him, with fifty others waiting to take his place, would serve no purpose. Worse, it could get you killed. And I don’t think the Delaneys would ever want that.
Is it enough? I want to ask her. Will it ever feel like enough, to keep this secret of mine, to remember my parents in silence, to never tell a soul who I am? To let that man walk away from the boy he wants dead?
Maybe I will ask Astor, because I can. She’s here, she’s mine, and she’s coming down the hallway, whatever meeting she had with Yang at an end.
That was quick and can’t be good for us. Frowning, I stand to meet her.
She comes down the hallway, and she’s … pissed.
32
Astor
When I leave Yang’s office, I expect to go straight to Ben, blubber the great news, then have fantastic sex somewhere semi-public—since we seem to like doing that—before breaking the news to our friends that we’re an item.
A busy day, but nothing we can’t handle. At least for now, the danger meter pointing toward Ben is at an orange. Which, he’s the first to admit, has been his constant state of alert since his Ryan counterpart was given a voice.
As such, great news should be celebrated with great sex.
We’re okay, Ben. Holy shit, we’re okay.
Too bad for me, I forgot in order to get to Ben, I’d have to pass Mike.
He shoots up from his cubicle like a tailored weed, and it’s all I can do to keep my heart from ramming against my ribcage a second time.
“Jesus, Mike.”
“Enjoyed that, did you?” he says. Despite the chest-high fabric wall of the cubicle between us, he leans in close.
I sigh. “Enjoy what, Mike? Didn’t you hear the reaming out I got from Yang?”
“You set me up,” he spits. So violently, I take a step back.
“I didn’t do any such thing.”
“Leaving that kind of paper trail on Taryn’s computer, pointing it straight at your fuckboy. That was your last ditch effort at humiliating me, huh? So I’d bring it to Yang and what? Look like a retard? You fucking bitch. It was never him in the first place.”
Next door, Taryn turns, but I hold a hand up. I got this.
“Listen, you dickless prick. I’ve been done with you the minute I kicked you out of our apartment. The last thing I’d do is expend any effort on making you look bad.” I pause to look him up and down. “I worked hard for that information, which was further than you ever got. And yeah, I was wrong. And rather than make it out as a set-up, how about you just admit the fact that even while making mistakes, I’m still smarter than you?”
The sound of Taryn’s applause makes Mike go red in the face. “I am so glad I—”
“Oh, I know, Mike. You’re so glad you realized your ways and didn’t marry a dried-up hag of a woman who, even with a cold vagina, could still make you come hard. And fast.”
He peels back his lips.<
br />
“Looks like we both come out winners,” I say. “Goodbye, Mike.”
It’s hard to believe I settled for him, believing I couldn’t do better. That he’s what I deserved, perfect on paper and nothing else. It feels good to face him down one final time.
Taryn lets out a little whoop! But I’m already striding away, so she can’t see my smile.
“At least I don’t run back to a dude who could only fuck me on a dare!” Mike shouts.
I hitch my stride. Don’t turn around. Don’t give him the pleasure—
“What do you think he’s getting out of it now, huh? Gotta be something, to have a stiff like you wrapped around his finger. If it’s not to protect his identity, then what?”
The prickle of anger spreads at the corner of my eyes. Don’t turn around.
“Have a nice, empty life in last place, Astor.”
His voice fades, but not his words. They sink into my conscious as a stark reminder that yes, Ben could be using me to keep himself safe.
Could I blame him? It’s his life, after all. His family.
I scrunch my eyes shut and breathe out before I hit the lobby. Despite the painful, possible truth, I won’t give Mike any clue of just how close he’s coming to a spiteful reveal of Ben’s secret past, even now.
I have Yang to thank for that. Never thought he would be my savior of the day.
Ben’s form comes into view as I round the last corner, and as he stands, it’s obvious I’m not doing enough to disguise my emotions. Damn it, he’s already cracking through my exterior.
“What’s up?” he says as I step up to him. “You don’t look—”
“Come with me.”
I grab his arm and take him to a second, private conference room just off the lobby, the one room not in line with this firm’s penchant for a fish bowl. It’s for VIPs, confidential clients, and confronting Ben.
“The dare,” I say when I shut the solid, wooden door and spin to face him. “It’s time to tell me the truth.”
“Astor, we’ve been through this.”
“No. Not really. Not since I’ve known who you really are.”
Ben rubs his index finger and thumb against his eyes. “You need to tell me where this is coming from.”
“I went into this office today willing to do anything in my power to keep you safe,” I say. “I would lie, cheat, and steal to keep your secret under wraps. I was willing to tell Yang I got the wrong Ben Donahue, to forge documents pointing to the death of another Ben Donahue—the real Ryan Delaney. I’d already had a person lined up who could give me those documents, so desperate was I to get you out of this terrifying spotlight.”
Ben’s hand drops from his face. “Holy shit. Seriously?”
“Yes, Ben.” God, I want to scream. Punch some clarity into him. “Everything in my power was yours. I am yours.”
“Honey, I know.” He takes a step forward.
“Don’t.”
“Astor, I—”
“I had to get a handle on my boss, on Taryn, on Mike, who God knows what he’d do with this information. I was scared out of my wits and didn’t care what would happen to me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
“Because I didn’t want to scare you, too,” I admit with a shaking voice. “More than you already were. I wanted to fix this pandora’s box I opened.”
“How many times do I have to tell you this isn’t your fault?”
“You can tell me now,” I say. “Now that it’s fixed. Yang’s deleted everything about you. He’s made up some story, at the extreme behest of the DOJ, that’s convinced Mike and Taryn that this was a wild goose chase. That I screwed up my research and it was never you in the first place. Mike, of course, thinks it’s a set-up to humiliate him, which I’ll let him believe since that’s a happy accident arising out of this clusterfuck.”
“Good. This is all good, right?”
“Yes. It’s amazing.” I pause to swallow. “Even better for you if it means I played right into your hands.”
“E-Excuse me?”
I decide to bite the hard, bitter bullet. “Did you use me this whole time?”
“Did I—? Astor, no.”
“Because all I have are my memories. And you used me back then.”
“No. I—okay.” Ben inhales. Nods. “I see where this is going now. Thank God. Not—I don’t mean I’m thankful this is happening, but I sure as fuck am relieved I finally understand this conversation.”
I cross my arms, a physical shield to the aching organ behind them.
“Do you remember a guy named Dodge?” Ben asks.
My brows come together. “What does he have to do with anything?”
“Just hear me out. He’s a former teammate in college. Was kicked off for a positive drug test and went downhill from there. Crack, cocaine, heroin, he was like a gradient going from bad drugs to worse.”
I nod. “Yes, I remember him. I especially remember when he burst into my dorm room the morning you were sneaking out of my bed.”
Ben clenches his jaw. “A guy that beat-up on drugs, that addicted, tends to lurk in dark corners. Literally. I had a meet set-up with Aiden—the U.S. Marshal you met—one night. It was at a diner, way offroad, in a neighborhood rarely frequented by college kids, if you get my meaning.”
“So you met in a poorer suburb.”
“Yes. It never occurred to me that Dodge would be there, too. But he’s short on cash, desperate, down on his luck. Of course he’d be prowling the outskirts. And he saw me through the window, in one of the booths, talking to Aiden.”
“He knew who Aiden was?”
“No. He knew who I was, and that made me and my guest an ample target. Better to stick with what you know is harmless and safe than try to mug a stranger who might have a gun. There was a moment Aiden went to the bathroom and I got up to pay—it wasn’t a place where the waitresses fetched your bill. I guess Aiden’s wallet slipped out onto the booth when he stood. Dodge went over, found the wallet, scraped it for cash, and saw the shield.”
My lips part. “Oh.”
“Yeah. He figured I was talking to a cop but didn’t know for what. But I’m sure you’ve figured out, it didn’t matter for what. The fact he saw me with a cop was enough to compromise me. If he blabbered it to Locke, to anyone, and it got around I’m associated with law enforcement … it would bring up questions I couldn’t answer.”
“But, couldn’t you have made up some story? He’s a family friend, or something?”
Ben smiles sadly at me, like he thinks it’s cute I’m trying to solve something that toppled over the dominos long ago.
“Aiden saw him before I did,” Ben says. “Launched himself at Dodge and tackled him. Got back his shield. But Dodge had been creeping up to us for a while. Heard enough of a conversation to get him suspicious. The gist of which would prove Aiden wasn’t a family friend.”
“You were exposed,” I surmise.
“Enough to cause great concern. Especially when Dodge felt opportunistic about the whole thing. He knew he’d been listening in on something he wasn’t supposed to. Did he know I was in WITSEC? No, probably not. But I’d been careful ever since discovering my history at sixteen. I didn’t want anything hurting my parents.”
“So … Dodge blackmailed you? Said you had to what? Fuck me or he’d tell? That doesn’t make sense.”
“Dodge wanted back on the team. To be part of something again. Have friends. Me, Locke, East, Ash, we were the closest he had, before he fucked it all up. And he was pissed at me for not going to bat for him when he tested positive for weed. Those were the good ol’ days, before he got into the meth.”
“So … blackmail and revenge?”
Ben shakes his head. “Dodge died soon after. You didn’t hear about it?”
I shake my head. I was too deep in my own mortification to hear about Dodge’s demise.
“An overdose. His last words, according to the other druggie he was with, were, I a
in’t got friends. I got enemies of my own making.”
“That’s terrible,” I say, and I mean it. “But what does this have to do—”
“I can’t give you answers on Dodge’s motivations. I’m telling you this to explain why Dodge came into your room that morning, laughing. Talking about a dare.”
“Because you did as he asked. You did it to protect your identity until you and Aiden could figure out how to appease Dodge.”
“No. What happened with you and I was real. It was just very, very bad timing. I wasn’t thinking, when you answered that door, Astor. You looked … fuck, you were so sexy and innocent at the same time. I nearly exploded in my pants.”
I try not to feel warm at the compliment, such that it is. “You couldn’t have let me in on Dodge’s sick dare?”
“How? Without compromising what happened with him and Aiden? I stopped thinking, Astor, and that’s my fault. I saw you and my brain shut off. You were all-consuming, and it was the best night I’d had in a very long time. Because for once, I didn’t feel weight on my shoulders. All I could feel was you.”
“Ben.”
“I didn’t know Dodge followed me, especially after I knocked him out. Had no idea he’d burst through your door, blabbering about a fake dare. And Jesus, I did not know your RA would come in soon after and take a pic of it.”
“I can believe this. I can, because of what’s happened recently, and the very real threat to your life. But I can’t reconcile what you did after, when you just … left me.”
“I was leaving that morning for good,” Ben says quietly. “I was making plans with Aiden to leave.”
“Leave?” I echo. “You mean, leave as Ben, right? Figure out how to handle Dodge and come back as Ben.”
“No. I was prepared to become someone else. To keep my family out of whatever Dodge might figure out. But he died, and that’s the only reason I stayed.”
“Did … was Dodge’s death…”
“Orchestrated by Aiden? Fuck, no. He hates paperwork, especially the secret government kind. It was a wakeup call, Astor. A lucky one. How shaky my life is, and how quickly it can be taken away. I don’t even have to die. I'd rather have left that night, give up my life as Ben Donahue, than sleep with you for the sole purpose of hurting you. By taking that dare.”
Players to Lovers (4 Book Collection) Page 55
